This is a fanfic of everything I hate on JTHM fanfiction. I hate alot. I'm a hater.

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHIIIIING.

A fanfic where Johnny hates the holidays and stays inside all day and acts emo.

(I wrote the opposite of that here because I can't have a fic where Johnny stays inside all day. That's stupid. I need expostion. All the rest of my hatings will be... making fun of it. Not opposite. Don't understand? What, are you stupid? Example: Nny/Devi Under here I write Nny/Devi-ness. Now, behold.)

Nny was staring at the clock. It was a pretty awsome looking clock, by the way. Instead of hands it had bloody knives just ticking away, and someone (wink wink) had roughly carved "PROPETY OF JOHNNY C" into the front of it with something sharp. On the side were paintings of Happy Noodle Boy. It was the sort of clock that fangirls would brutally slaughter little babies for.

Nny was still staring at the clock. He was staring so hard his eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head. He looked as if he was going to explode. TICK... TOCK.. TIIIIICK... TOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCK...

The clock chimed midnight.

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Johnny screamed, doing a ''I have HEAD EXPLODEY!!!'' jump.

"IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!" Johnny shrieked, running outside so fast he stumbled over a rock that magically appeared, just to spite him. "OH SHIT!" Nny screamed, before falling into the dirt. He got right back up, spitting out the mud from inside his mouth. He then promptly began to beat the hell out of the ground. "YOU FUCKING DIRT!! TRYING TO RUIN MY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! OH NO YOU DON'T!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, EH?!" Johnny then started viciously stabbing the ground. The people who were passing the house at that very moment decieded to walk a bit faster. Children far away in China cried. A monkey strangled a grown man. The teletubies escaped their firey prison and started slaghtering innocent bystanders. Crazy fangirls wrote horrible fanfics about Nny having sex with everybody. Oh God, it was horrible.

Now, Nny might seem like a person who didn't like holidays, but... Once upon a time, there was a fanfiction writer named Mrs. Terwilliger who enjoyed writing crap. One day, she decided to write another horrible story where Nny liked Valentine's Day. The End.

SUDDENLY...

Nny was at the 24/7. Getting a brainfreezy. Wow, that was a surprise. He NEVER does THAT. (Imagine the sarcasm...) Nny went up to the counter and gave the cashier this insane grin that only Johnny, me, and Jhonen are capable of doing.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" he said cheerfully. "Here's a Valentine!" Nny handed the cashier guy some dirt.

"...? You aren't paying with that, are you?" the cashier guy asked.

"YOU DARE REFUSE MY VALENTINE?! I MADE IT SPECIAL!! GAAAAH! ASKGFJDKSAFDBYT!!!!!" Johnny then slaughtered him. How festive!

"Johnny is a dirty whore" fic

Johnny walked outside with the bainfreezy in hand.

AND THEN...

He was in bed with Devi, having sex. Why? WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHY?!?!?! OH GOD!! Many horny fangirls ran in and started writing it all down. What they were doing, I mean. It was disgusting. Man, I had to run away and vomit in the middle of this story. Jeez.

JOHNNY IS PALE

"Wow, Johnny!" Devi said, after they had finished doing each other. "You sure are pale!"

"Yup. Forget Jhonen, who repeatedly said that I'm not pale in any way and was instead a yellowy color, I'm sure as hell pale now. Mhmm. Pale."

Marysue of DEATH

Suddenly, some other girl passed by the pair in bed. Because, well, the bed was in the middle of the sidewalk. Weird, huh?

"OH MY GOD, SHE'S HOOOOTT!" Nny screamed, jumping out of bed.

"Hello, random peron that I have never seen before! I kill people, just like you! Isn't that wonderful? I also am suicidal! Oh, help me, sexy person, with my infinate number of problems!" said the marysue.

"Okay!" Nny replied, and they ran off together.

"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I'M ALOOOOOONE NOW!!!" Devi screamed, throwing this ridiculus and annoying tantrum.

Nny/Squee

The happy couple ran off to Nny's house to have sex. Before they were about to enter his crappy gray house, Squee ran up to Nny and cried.

"Oh Nny! You're like, 15 years older than me and I'm only seven, but I love you. I just thought I'd let you know that before I magically turned into an angsty teen and killed myself," Squee said.

Nny turned to the marysue. " Marysue-lady, I'm gay and a child molestor. I'm leaving you."

"Wait, how could you be gay?! You just had sex with some lady and told me I was hot!" the marysue said.

"...I don't know." Nny said. Then he turned to Squee. "Would some wierd ass-sex cheer you up?"

"Yes," Squee replied, and they skipped off to Squee's house, leaving the marysue looking stupid.

Nny/Mmy

As Squee and Nny were... um... Jimmy walked in randomly.

"I thought you were dead," Nny said.

"Yes. But I have magically come back alive to ask you to do me. DOOO MEEEE!" Jimmy pleaded.

"Of course!" Johnny said, hopping out of Squee's bed. "Everybody gets sex today!"

"You didn't have sex with that marysue," Squee said.

"Yes, but... um... LET'S GO HAVE SEX AT MY HOUSE!! LALALALA!!" This time, ugly, pimply-faced Jimmy and Nny skipped off to Nny's house.

Weird voice parings

As Mmy and Nny entered Nny's house, they walked into Psychodoughboy an Mr. Eff making out.

"Okay... that is WRONG!" yelled Nny.

"Do not disturb our gayness!" said D-Boy.

"Yah! Our insane hating of each other was just pretend! We actually LURV each other! So shut up," Eff said, and started putting on lipstick randomly.

An annoying fluffy oneshot where Devi and Nny get together for no reason

Devi suddenly appeared in front of Nny in a puff of purple smoke. "Marry me!" she said.

"Okay!" Nny replied, and they both started violently making out. Violently, because while they were kissing, Nny was stabbing her. He does that sometimes.

"What about me?" Jimmy asked.

"Get out, you ugly... gay-obsessive-thingy-person! I have randomly changed my sexuality again!" Nny said angerly. Then he resumed his Devi kissing-killing.

A fic entirely about Jhonen where Jhonen is extremly OOC

And then Jhonen walked in. In a dress.

"... okay... What the fuck?!" Johnny asked.

"I'm gunna botch slap you, shitbag," Jhonen replied in a valley-girl accent.

And then he walked up to Johnny's shoes and pointed to them. "Shoes," he said.

Jhonen walked up to Devi's shoes and pointed to them. "Shoes," he said.

Jhonen walked up the The Wall. "Shoes," he said.

Jhonen walked up to the doughboys. "Shoes," he said.

"I think you have too many shoes," said Johnny.

"SHUT UP!"

"I think you have too many shoes," said Devi.

"SHUT UP!"

"I think you have too many shoes," said Jimmy.

"SHUT UP!"

"I think you have too many shoes," said the doughtboys.

"SHUT UP!"

Then weird pictures of a girl in a firey hoolahoop repeatedly flash across the screen for no apparent reason.

A fanfic that has nothing to do with anything

Once upon a time there was a cute little hamster who lived in a magical rainbow. But there was a problem. He couldn't find his mommy. He looked and looked but he couldn't find her anywhere. He was very sad. One day, he got ran over by a truck. The End.

Nny doesn't kill and is a lovely humane person

"I no longer wish to kill!" Nny exclaimed suddenly. "I wish to sing and dance and LOVE!" Then he got out a basket of flowers and started sprinking them on Jhonen and Devi. "Lalalalala!" he sung happily. Psycotic fangirls all over the world screamed in horror and commited suicide.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" Devi asked him.

"Oh my God shoes," said Jhonen.

"DOOOOOOO MEEEEEE!!" said Jimmy.

Johnny responed my getting out a squirrel from God knows where and started to pet it, humming some merry tune. "Oochie boochie boo!" he said. "I'm now going to sell all my knives and use the money to buy pretty little paper hearts and pink clothing!"

Oh, the horror.

4-sentence oneshot where Johnny kills himself for no reason and then everybody cries

And then Johnny killed himself.

"WAAAAAAAA!" cried Devi.

"WAAAAAAAA!" cried Jimmy.

"SHOOOOOOOES!" cried Jhonen.

JTHM fanfic rated M just for being a JTHM fanfic

Far, far away, in a land where everyone is stupid, someone was writing a JTHM fanfic. It was about Johnny petting a bunny. She finished it and prepared to enter it to FF. NET, when she suddenly did the unthinable. SHE RATED IT M. Why?! Who the fuck knows why?!?!?!

"I rated it M because it has the word Johnny in it!" said the stupid little bitch.

"AAAAAAARGH!!" I screamed, and beat her to death with a board with a nail in it. The End.

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I hope that didn't hurt you to read as much as it hurt me to write. If so, you would probably be in the hospital having violent spasms of... SPASMNESS. Oh dear God. I'm so stupid.