"Sometimes I don't get you Jeff." Matt mumbled under his breath as he got out of his parked car and headed into the hospital. Easily finding his way to Denise's office.
"Come in." He heard her say after he knocked on the door. Gently he pushed the door open, his eye's falling instantly on the two dent's Jeff had made in the wall.
"He did those?" Matt asked not taking his eye's off of them.
"Yes, Matt." Denise replied. "I don't know what to do at this point. I knew security would be out of the question, so I called you."
Matt finally looked at her and nodded.
"I'm glad you called me." He replied. "Where is he now?"
"Follow me." Denise said getting up from behind the desk and making her way to the door. "He's in her room."
Making sure Matt was following her, she lead the way down the hallway.
"Please understand that I didn't want to hurt him." She said as they walked. "I only wanted him to know, to understand the circumstance's."
"I know." Matt replied.
Second's later they stood at the door to Alexis's room.
"Let me go in." Matt said putting his hand on the door.
"All right, I'll be back in ten minutes."
Nodding to her, Matt waited until she left before he opened the door and walked inside. Jeff's head emerged from his hand's when he heard the sound, surprise and confusion filled his eye's when he saw it was only Matt.
"What are you doing here?" Jeff asked his brother.
"That's just what I'd like to know." Matt replied looking at Jeff.
"You wouldn't understand." Jeff retorted.
"I wouldn't understand? Understand what?" Matt said flinging his arm's into the air. "I wouldn't understand why your acting like a complete nut!? What?! Tell me Jeff! Tell me what I wont understand!"
"You wont understand why I'm acting this way." Jeff mummers softly.
"Why Jeff, for God's sake WHY!"
"Mom." Jeff responded, instantly shutting his older brother's mouth. "I'm doing this for MOM DAMN YOU!"
Matt paused, this was all about their mother? Their mother had passed away many year's ago, after suffering with a long battle of cancer, and now Jeff...
"Geez.. wow.." Matt stammered, now beginning to see why Jeff was acting this was. "Jeff, I.. I'm sorry."
"No, your not." Jeff said confident and stood, his voice raising. "You think I'm nuts just like everyone else in this damn hospital."
Turning his back to Matt, Jeff walked over to the window and looked out. He watched as the day's breeze lifted the leave's and small piece's of litter, caring them off to an unknown destination. He heard Matt sigh, then walk over to him.
"You don't know what it's like Matt." Jeff said, still looking out the window. "I had to watch her. I had to watch her in pain and suffering ... and I couldn't do a damn thing about it!"
Matt remained silent, knowing his brother needed to let it all out finally. The pressure inside was to much for Jeff, he needed a release.
"I had to watch my mother lay there, lay there in pain. All those day's and month's, she was in nothing but pain." Jeff said. "She'd never tell me she was in any though, never. Any time I would ask, she'd say...
"It's okay sweetie, I'm fine"
"But she wasn't fine, was she Matt?" Jeff turned to look at his brother, the forbidden tear's of the built up emotional past finally breaking free from within the young man, now flowing down the side's of his face.
"Jeff..." Matt said rushing forward to take his brother in a huge hug. "I'm sorry man. If I would have known... you felt like this.. Jeff why didn't you tell me?"
Matt mummers those word's into his younger brother's multi colored hair. Jeff shoulder's shook with a response.
"Because it was me! I killed her!!" Jeff screamed pulling away from Matt, who stood shocked at Jeff's change in demeanor.
"No, Matt. I killed my mother! I couldn't do anything. Nothing. NOTHING!" Jeff cried the tear's now blinding his sight, yet in his mind he thought he saw clearly. "I couldn't do anything to help, it's not that I didn't want to... I couldn't. All those wire's and tube's.. Matt it all scared me! I thought if I went near her I'd give her more pain..."
"I know Jeff." Matt said in a soft tone. "Baby boy this wasn't your fault. Mom just got sick, there was nothing either of us could have done to stop it. Nothing Jeffy."
"Jeff she knew how we felt about her, she knew we loved her."
"You think so?" Jeff asked him, his voice childlike.
"No, I know it." Matt said smiling back. "She was proud of you then...and would certainly be proud of you now, just as Dad and I are."
"Yes, Jeff, really." Matt replied hugging his brother once more.
"Matt." Jeff said into his ear. "I have to do something for Alexis... she's just a child."
"What do you want to do?" Matt replied as they broke the hug.
"I don't know, but I just can't abandon her like her own parent's did." Jeff said thoughtfully.
"What do you have in mind?" Matt asked his little brother. Eyeing him carefully, he tried to determine what Jeff was actually up to.
"I don't know Matt." Jeff mumbled as he walked over and slumped down into the chair next to the bed. "Something."
Silence drifted between the two brother's, Jeff sat picking nervously at his black nail polish which stained his fingernail's. Matt stayed close to the window, in his mind an admist of thought's, swirling around the Hardy family. Time drifted on..
"Matt?" Jeff asked, a half hour had come and went still not a word from the nurse or a doctor. "Something's wrong."
"Why do you think that?" Matt replied. The silence between the two now ended.
"They would have come in here and talked to us by now!" Jeff exclaimed getting to his feet and heading towards the door.
"Jeff. Jeff wait!" Matt called out to him, though he to was very concerned about the little girl. When the nurse didn't return, as she said she would, Matt's thought's began to take on lives of there own. A small sigh shot through his body as he followed Jeff's lead out the door.
"Jeff?" Matt said walking over to where Jeff was now standing.
After he left the room, Jeff headed directly to the nurse's station. Once more demanding answers to question's they couldn't answer.
Jeff whirled around at the sound of Matt's voice. "They don't or wont tell me anything Matt!"
Jeff's voice once again ridged with anger and pain. Picking up on it, Matt placed a steady hand on his shoulder.
"Maybe they don't Jeff." He said calmly to him, then turned towards the nurse. "Could you please get Nurse Denise down here?"
Jeff groaned at the mention of her name. "Not her."
"Jeff if anyone knows anything, it's a sure in that she does!" Matt said defending the woman, Jeff nodded in acceptance.
"I will." The nurse said. "As long as you promise to keep that one in line!"
Matt grinned and nodded, taking his little brother by the arm he guided him back into Alexis's room. A few moment's later, Denise joined them.
"How is she?" Jeff said getting to his feet the moment she walked into the room. Denise took a step back from Jeff, the two hole's in her wall still quite fresh in her mind. Sensing this Matt stepped between the two.
"How is she." Matt asked repeating Jeff's question.
"Not good." Denise spoke. "It's progressed faster then we had thought. The doctor's have done everything they could, I...she only has a few hour's..I'm sorry Jeff."
The last word's were spoken through a whisper, Jeff's heart plummeted at the news. Fresh tear's flowed freely down his face. Matt to, begun to cry.
"Can..ca..can I see her?" Jeff asked through the tear's.
"Yes,. Please follow me." Denise said turning to walk out of the room. Both Hardy boy's followed her, the walk seemed to drag on. Adding mile's to just one step.
Time stood still for the youngest Hardy boy, the walk down the mere hall had seem to last forever. Proving each step he had taken to become closer to the child was only to put twenty more in front of him. Now, however Jeff stood at the door giving entrance to her room. He had paused shortly behind Matt and the nurse, allowing them to enter the room letting the door close softly behind them.
Jeff Hardy was not ready. Not ready to face losing someone once more. Thoughts of the late Ms Hardy drifted into his mind.
She truly had been a strong woman, in both the body and soul. His mother had come to the reassurance and closure when her time had come. She had been to the point where she was no longer afraid of death, but welcomed it to ease the pain she felt. Knowing her boys would be well taking care of, and positive they would have a special, unique guardian angel.
But Alexis, she had no one. She was lost within the big world of confusion, only a child without a mother's embrace.
She would not understand the welcome death would bring upon her, the child would be alone, scared and afraid.
"I can't let her hurt alone!" Jeff cried within his head. His heart cried out for the young girl ached to give her the love she so truly deserved.
"Alexis." He whispered and then entered the room.
Jeff had been to hospitals before, he had come to be accustomed to the many patients it held inside. Somehow, however, the young child laying before him on the hospital bed??rightened him.
Alexis lay motionless on the bed; tubes and wires were placed throughout her body. Her eyelids had been taped shut; she looked to be at peace with herself.
A shudder gently rippled through the younger Hardys body, he gasped softly and continued on into the room. Taking in everything about it, gazing softly toward the heart monitor, watching as it carefully beeped steadily.
"Jeff?" Matt asked moving toward his younger brother. He had seen Jeff's face when he entered the room. He wondered if Jeff would be all right once he was inside.
"I'm okay." Jeff whispered moving to Alexis's bed. Taking one of her hands into his own gently, he softly stroked it with his other hand. Praying that a simple touch would bring life back into the sleeping beauty. "Can I have a few minutes?"
The words left his mouth like feathers in the wind. So light, one might be afraid a soft wind would lift them off into the bright blue sky.
Nodding, the nurse left the room. The woman didn't fully understand the closeness between the child and man, yet she respected the look that was held deep within his eyes each time he looked down at her. It was an unconditional love he held, something that isn't given??ut is instantly held deep within.
The older Hardy boy slumped his shoulder, concern reaching his brow.
"Are you sure?" He asked, the question simple enough still it found Jeff a loss for words. A slight nod of the head was to be Matt's answer. A gently sigh hit Matthew Hardy then, now wishing that he could have the power to cease his brothers pain??ven if it ment to give his life for the child to live.
"I'll be outside." Matt said squeezing Jeff's shoulder then leaving the room.
He watched her as Matt left the room, waiting for the soft click of the door closing behind him. Once alone in the room, Jeff closed his eyes and began to hum. When he and Matt were little children, their mother would sing them a soft lullaby before they drifted off to sleep. The lyric's, all but one verse, Jeff had long since forgotten, the musical tone and love behind it??hat was still there.
As he hummed, Jeff stroked the child's cheek gently and every so often brushed a stray strand of hair from her angel-like face.
"Lexie." Jeff said breaking the hum. "I know somewhere in there, your there, listening to everything that's going on around you."
Jeff's voice turned soft and gentle. "Honey you've had something taken from you many, many year's ago. Something I want so desperately to give back to you."
His voice trailed off as more tear's emerged from within his eyes.
"Dear God, please! Please don't take her from me!" He cried, clutching her small hand to his chest and closing his eyes. Jeff prayed then, praying now for a miracle.
"Nero?? A soft whisper broke into his prayer, causing his eyes to flutter open. In front of his stood Alexis, the bed and all of its hospital equipment gone from view. The Hardy boy now sat in a huge field, covered with multiple flowers of all kinds. The sky was a bright shade of blue with small patterns of clouds scattered throughout it.
"Where..am..I?" Jeff managed to say still sitting.
"Nero." She whispered again, a little louder this time.
"Alexis?" He asked, quickly the child nodded a response. "Lexie!"
Getting to his knees, Jeff pulled the child into an embrace then held her arm length. She looked radiant; her skin, which was once a pale white, now was a light tan. Her face and eye's that were once clouded with pain, were not lit full of joy. The fog vanished from the girl's eyes, reveling the impish grin children normally held within.
"How? Where am I? Where are we?" Jeff asked. Confused, he was full of questions.
"Come." She said softly holding out her hand to his. Getting to his feet, Jeff took her hand and allowed himself to be lead to the middle of the field.
"She wants to see you." Alexis whispered, sitting on the ground and motioning for Jeff to do the same.
"Who honey?" He asked her. Following his question a young woman walked out from within the tall grass, looking to be no more then twenty-one. She walked softly; keeping her eye's locked on Jeff Hardy's.
Jeff sat motionless; the woman walking to them was absolutely beautiful. She had long dark hair reaching about the middle of her back, her eye's shown with a mysterious twinkle of green. To Jeff Hardy, she was the perfect woman.
When the woman reached Alexis and Jeff, she held out her hand to the child who immediately stood.
"Who are you?" Jeff asked, getting to his own feet. The woman smiled at him; bringing her hand to his face she gently caressed his cheek.
"My little Jeffie." A voice within his head whispered. "My darling."
"Momma?" He said out loud, his eye's widening.
The woman before him smiled and opened her arms to him, closing them around Jeff when he stepped into her embrace. He held on to her then, shedding the tear's that had been building up inside of him throughout the many year's.
"I'm so sorry Mom." He cried onto her shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to leave!"
"Shhh." She soothed. "I know baby, I didn't want to leave you, your brother and father either. But I had to, my time ended down there."
She pulled slightly away from him, still holding him within her arms.
"My time ended down there, Jeff, but it shall never end up here or here." She told him, touching his heart and then her own. "I'm always with you, always."
Tear's flowed from Jeff; a sudden lift was taken from his body. Leaving him whole once more.
"Alexis?" Jeff asked his mother, searching her eyes for hope.
"She must stay here with me." His mother replied, smiling down at the child. "She loves you a lot Jeff, and thanks you for loving her."
Jeff turned to the child, kneeling down to her level he pulled her into his arms.
"I love you Alexis." Jeff whispered into her ear.
"I love you to Nero." She replied back softly.
"It's time for us to leave and for you to go back Jeffie."
Jeff looked up at his mother, tear's still forming small trails down his cheeks.
"Will I see you again?" He asked her.
"In your dreams I shall always be there." She said smiling. "You are my baby boy, Jeff."
Jeff stood, smiling through his tears at the two before him.
"And you two??re my guardian angels."
"I love you Jeff." They whispered.
"I love you too?? Jeff began to say, but the field began to fade from view.
"Mom? Alexis? MOM!" Jeff screamed.
"Jeff?" He heard someone off in a distance whisper; the person repeated his name over and over, getting louder and louder doing so. Finally things began to come back in focus, finding himself back in the hospital.
"Jeff!" Someone yelled into his ear, the voice full of concern.
Jeff turned toward the direction the voice came from, catching Matt's face staring back at him.
"Jeff?" Matt asked, his voice now lower yet still laced with concern.
"I'm okay, Matt." Jeff said looking around him. He was now back in the waiting room. "How did I get out here?"
"You were carried out." Matt said. "Denise and I were in the hallway when Alexis's heart monitor went off. When we got into the room, you were just sitting there looking at the wall. Jeff, what happened in there?"
"She died, Jeff." Matt said frowning. "I'm sorry."
"Okay." Jeff replied, glancing up towards the ceiling.
"Okay?" Matt remarked confused, he had expected Jeff to have fallen apart.
"She's okay now Matt." Jeff replied. "She's okay now."
Matt continued to look at Jeff, trying to understand the new change that had come over his younger brother.
Jeff closed his eyes; a smile touched his lip's. Alexis was now with his mother, he knew she would be well taken care of. Thoughts of his experience would lay forever deep within his heart, sometime later Jeff would tell Matt about what happened that one morning. That one morning he had gone to heaven.