Please Read Author Note!
I am slowly going to be re-writing this part of The Postman series as my writing skills have improved somewhat since starting. Chapter one of this story has been updated and I will state at the beginning of the chapter whether it has been rewritten. Keep in mind that the later parts of the series get better hence the reason for the revision.
Anyone new to reading my series will notice that this series is a complete mash-up of all the Zelda games. There is no set time-line and this is assuming that all Links are the same person.
A huge thank you to everyone who reviewed A Postman's Tale thus far, it is very much appreciated. Any suggestions, criticisms or feedback is welcomed and encouraged.
I hope you guys enjoy the chapter.
A Postman's Tale
A Letter for Ganondorf
It is a well-known fact that the gods enjoy a good joke. The proof of this is the little world they created by the name of Rock. In this world, or more specifically, in the continent of Hyrule, they threw together so many different races of creatures, the people were always in disagreement. The Gorons hated the Deku-Scrubs, the Zora hated the Moblins, the humans hated the desert people and no one truly got along. Their cultures and traditions were always clashing, they constantly quarrelled, but there was one thing everyone agreed upon; The world they lived in was a horrible and dangerous place.
The towns were noisy, dirty and poor but everywhere else in the land was much too dangerous to settle in. Only those who were either very powerful or very foolish dared travel out of their villages. Those who were foolish tended not to live very long and those who were powerful tended to either become great heroes or completely deranged. Most of the common people were divided between being generally honest and complete scum-bags.
The three provinces that made up the mainland of Hyrule were at war and the roads were treacherous for those who were unprepared for them. Things had been that way for ten long years and many villagers had become so accustomed to it, they no longer put any thought into it. Warriors defended their country and the villagers stayed well out of their way. That's just the way things were.
At night, dangerous creatures roamed the fields freely, no longer being repressed and quickly growing in number. They served Ganondorf, king of the Gerudos, a fierce and powerful man, who had quickly become the most feared man in the history of Hyrule. He had viciously attacked the mainland in the attempt at a takeover ten years prior and had failed. The boy now known as the Hero of Time had defeated him. Although Ganondorf's initial attempt had been foiled, his forces remained strong and he still vowed to win the war.
There was a man, however, that everyone seemed to overlook. He wasn't a warrior and he wasn't powerful in the least. In fact, he was thin and several inches too short, not even a speck compared to the Hero of Hyrule. Despite the odds against him, the man travelled the roads daily, always rushing and never having time to be afraid. It wasn't just the surrounding fields and villages that the man braved, he climbed the bordering mountains, waded his way through poisonous swamps, ventured into the dangerous Lost Woods, and even occasionally crossed the deserts into Gerudo territory. Wherever his job demanded, the man was sure to go.
Who was this brave man? Was he an adventurer? Was he a fool looking for certain doom? No, he was The Postman.
Nobody ever gave much thought to The Postman, he was always just there and always on time. It had never occurred to them how he crossed the fields or why none of the monsters attacked him. Why would they care as long as their mail was on time?
The monsters in the field would normally attack any traveller, whether man, Goron, Zora, or Kokiri, but they never laid tooth nor claw on The Postman. It wasn't because they respected him or that they even liked him for that matter, it was because he was easily overlooked. He was a slight creature who never stopped moving and never bothered them. After a while, they didn't even notice him anymore. He could move about the land delivering his mail with more freedom than even the Hero of Hyrule. He was fast, efficient, and incredibly proud of his job; no one could deliver a letter faster than he.
Although The Postman wasn't impressive in any way, he had 12 years of service as a postal worker and was completely confident in his abilities to always be on time. He was as stubborn as a mule and just about as serious as a person could be. He came from a very long line of postmen, going back many generations, and was the pride of his family. He delivered any letter given to him no matter who it was for and everyone knew someday he would become the postmaster.
The Postman saw many amazing sights in his travels and had numerous unintentional adventures. This is one of his tales.
The screams of wild animals echoed eerily through the Lost Woods as The Postman ran hurriedly through. Dressed all in white of his uniform, he had his mailbag slung across his back, and his hat pulled down snugly over his pointed ears. It was getting to be the nippy season and already the leaves were beginning to change. The thick, colourful foliage did nothing to slow him down however as he expertly navigated through. He hopped over a fallen log and entered the labyrinth that was the heart of Darkwood without hesitation. Stepping around the sleeping forest Dekus carefully, he kept his eyes ahead, knowing exactly where he was going.
After a moment and a shortcut later, he came to an old crumbling staircase and started up, tipping his hat politely to the Giant Moblin at the top. The Moblin was leaning heavily on his spiked club, a bored expression on his face. Moblins weren't known for their patience and this one was no exception. He had been hoping someone important would wander by so he could crush them but so far it had been a boring day. He paid no attention to The Postman, the thin human not even worth his time.
The Postman came to a large clearing, where a small, green-haired Kokiri could be seen near the forest's temple. The girl looked up in surprise as he approached, then smiled when she saw who it was. Setting down the wooden ocarina she'd been playing, she nodded at him in greeting.
"Hey, I have a letter for you, Miss Saria!"The Postman exclaimed.
The Postman held a letter in front of him as he approached, coming to a stop just inches away.
She accepted the letter and immediately ripped into it eagerly. Kokiri didn't often get mail, but she had a feeling who it was from. As she read through it, her eyes widened in shock. "Link's in Clocktown? Why ever is he all the way there?!"
Link, the Hero of Time, was well-known to be friends with the Kokiri, and frequently sent them letters while on his quests.
Saria looked up. "When did you-" she stopped and looked around the clearing. The Postman was already gone. Sighing, she went back to reading her letter.
The Postman ran back through the Lost Woods quickly, pulling out his next letter as he did so. As he wove through the labyrinth that was the Lost Woods, he looked down at the name.
Ganondorf-King of Gerudos
There wasn't a creature alive who didn't know that name. None of that meant anything to The Postman however, as in his opinion, politics and war were none of his business. The only thing that mattered to him was his job. He had a letter to be delivered and there was no greater priority. He'd been to the outer villages of Desert quite a few times, but never the inner city. He was already planning on heading to the desert anyway, so he could take a detour to deliver it without messing up his daily schedule.
Once he got out onto the fields, he sped up, crossing it in little time at all, heading towards the borders of the desert. His goal set firmly in mind, he passed the Gerudo territorial markers, knowing exactly which direction to go.
The valley on the borders of the desert was a dark and treacherous place. Tall cliffs loomed on either side of the road, shadowing the valley and making it seem even deadlier than it was. There were no plants or animals living in the valley, everything long since perished as the desert expanded. This was the only way to the desert from the mainland, the cliffs much too dangerous to scale.
Years ago, the king of Hyrule Province had attempted to block the valley to keep the desert people out, but all the men he sent had 'mysteriously' disappeared. There was no blood, no armour found, they were simply gone without a trace. Since then, no one dared go near the valley thinking it haunted or cursed.
Easily avoiding the occasional falling stone from the cliffs, The Postman soon passed the last warning marker left for travellers. There was a large pile of rocks ahead of him where the valley had begun being blocked off before the king's soldiers had vanished. That was usually how far people came. Beyond the rock barrier was hostile territory and only the best warriors travelled beyond it.
The Postman crawled up over the rocks, separating the two lands and continued on his way, still dodging falling rocks and debris. He stepped onto the hot sand of the desert, looking far ahead at the Gerudo city. The entire city was built of stone, a five metre wall surrounding it, guards posted at every corner. Ganondorf didn't like surprises and had his city completely prepared for war. The Postman couldn't see all the details from where he stood so he continued on his way confidently. He passed through a couple of the small outer villages, the people poor but well-taken care of by their king.
The city was much farther than it looked and after a time, The Postman paused to catch his breath and take a drink from his canteen. He was actually ahead of schedule for once, so he wasn't in that big of a hurry. He had finished most of his deliveries for the day and he didn't have to move on for a few hours yet.
Resuming his travels, The Postman continued across the desert.
When he came to a steep sand dune, he paused a moment and looked far below at the drop. He was over-looking the city, which appeared anything but friendly. The city had been built on a beautiful oasis, the only fertile land in all of the desert and that was half the reason Ganondorf wanted the mainland. He felt his people had been given the short end of the stick and he was determined to take the plentiful land by force.
The Postman could now clearly see the armed guards on every wall and the barracks surrounding the city. The Postman had never delivered a letter to the main Gerudo city before and considered how to go about it. He had never refused a single delivery in his entire career and his pride wouldn't allow him to start now.
The Postman waited just a moment as he caught his breath, then with a few well-timed jumps, he was at the bottom of the dune, his uniform still spotless. He looked up at the enormous wall of the city, his eyes scanning for a way in.
He quickly saw the city gate was closed with no other entrance to speak of. The Postman was used to difficult deliveries, and slipped off his mailbag, approaching a nearby tree. He tossed it up so the strap landed over a tree branch then grabbed a hold of it and pulled himself up. Now crouched precariously in the tree, The Postman slipped the bag back over his shoulder, making special care he didn't damage the mail within.
He climbed to the highest branches and very carefully walked along one of them to the top of the wall. Being thin as he was, the branch bore his weight, only letting out a slight creak of protest. He hopped onto the wall and began walking carefully along it, noting the guards hadn't noticed anything. They clearly didn't value their job performance such as he did, and even when he passed them by, they did nothing more than give him a curious look. The Postman wasn't threatening in the least, and the fact he wasn't sneaking around made them pointedly ignore him.
The Postman walked along the top of the wall which led straight to the castle and no one paid any attention to him or tried to stop him. Stepping onto the roof of the castle, he wondered how he would get down and explored the roof curiously. He came to a small, conspicuous looking trap door and knelt down next to it. He took the handle and gave it a hard tug, the trapdoor opening with a creak and a large cloud of dust. He peered down at the dusty steps which disappeared down into the darkness.
Shrugging, he went down the stairs, the air stale and full of dust. Feeling his way along the wall, he came to a metal vent in the wall and pushed against it. It popped open and he saw he was in a hallway of some sort with no one in sight. Jumping down, he landed nimbly on his feet and wondered where he was in the castle. In his experience, all villains liked being overly dramatic, so he knew it would be wise to check the tower first. His instincts were rarely wrong, so he wandered along the hallway until he came to a dark and foreboding staircase, spiralling upwards. Knowing this was likely where the throne room would be, The Postman pulled out the letter and hurried up.
Ganondorf was having a bad day. In fact, it seemed like he was having a bad decade. He slouched down in his throne and scowled at nothing in particular. He had been defeated by the Hero of Time once again and now had to come up with a completely different strategy. He was getting really fed up with the hero and wished he could up with a way to get rid of him. Preferably something painful and slow. Running a hand through his red hair thoughtfully, he mentally went through all the particularly nasty spells he knew.
Several large Moblins lined the walls guarding, spears in hand and bored out of their minds. They'd been standing there all day, hoping for new orders but so far there had been nothing. Their master had been in a foul mood since the battle so no one dared voice their complaints or even move for that matter. It was better to not attract attention to one's self in these situations.
Ganondorf tapped his fingers on the arm of his throne, trying to think up a new plan. He had thought through his previous plans, picking out the most obvious mistakes, trying to see if he could rework them. When nothing new came to mind he sighed and slowly stood to his feet. He needed some inspiration. His eyes flicked over to the guards. He needed to hurt something, that always got the creative juices flowing. The only question was, who would it be?
As his eyes scanned over his minions, the doors to the throne-room burst open dramatically and a strange unfamiliar man came running in. When the man's eyes fell on Ganondorf, he sped over at top speed.
"Hey!" he called. "I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!"
Ganondorf drew his sword at the quickly approaching man and pointed it directly at his face, ready for a battle. Unafraid, The Postman gave him a friendly smile and thrust an envelope into Ganondorf's face.
"I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!" he repeated.
Ganondorf faltered, his gaze on the white envelope. He immediately narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "A what?"
"A letter, Mr. Ganondorf, for you!"
"How did you get in here?!" Ganondorf asked, sword pointed at The Postman's throat. "I don't allow outsiders in my city."
"The postal service knows no borders, sir."
The sword was pressed even closer in warning.
Not intimidated, The Postman held out the letter again.
"Your letter, Sir."
"How did you get in here?" Ganondorf demanded again.
"Through the door."
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Ganondorf said, his voice dripping in malice. "There are guards posted everywhere, how did you get into my castle?"
"Through a trapdoor, sir."
Ganondorf could feel his frustration reaching an alarming point. "Where is this 'trapdoor'?" he asked, venom in every word.
"On the roof."
"And how, pray tell, did you get on the roof?" he demanded.
"I climbed a tree outside of the wall."
Ganondorf hesitated a moment. "A tree? You got in here by climbing a tree? Five metres of thick unbreakable stone which I spent two months enchanting and you manage to get in by climbing a tree?"
Ganondorf pursed his lips. He made a mental note to send the minions out to cut down all the trees within a five mile radius. After that he'd punish them for allowing such a thing to happen in the first place.
The Postman held out the letter for the third time. "Your mail, sir." He couldn't leave until he'd successfully delivered the mail to the appropriate person.
Ganondorf was naturally a paranoid person and eyed the envelope distrustfully before snatching it out of The Postman's hands. As he ripped it open, The Postman turned to leave.
"Hold it." Ganondorf ordered. "I didn't say you could leave."
"Do you have a letter you wish to be delivered?" The Postman asked, instantly all business.
"Then I cannot stay, I have to get to Lake Hylia by day's end."
"You will stay there or I will gut you before you take two steps!" Ganondorf threatened, pulling the letter from the envelope.
The Postman crossed his arms against his chest, unimpressed. "You will make me late for my deliveries!" he stated, shifting from foot to foot. "I am never late!"
"You may have won one million rupees-" Ganondorf read aloud. He paused to give The Postman a hard look. "You expect me to believe you came all the way out here just to deliver junk-mail?"
The Postman nodded. "It is your mail, Mr. Ganondorf, and it is my job to deliver it."
Ganondorf crumpled the letter in his fist and threw it to the floor. "What is your real purpose here?" he snarled. "Are you a spy for Hyrule?"
"No, Sir, I am a postman." The Postman answered, shifting about again, anxious to get going.
"What's in that bag?" Ganondorf demanded, pointing at the mailbag suspiciously.
"Give it to me."
The Postman shook his head. "This is not your mail, Mr. Ganondorf. Reading other peoples mail is not allowed."
"I said give it to me!" Ganondorf yelled, causing every minion in the room to flinch.
The Postman adamantly shook his head. "It is against the rules." he fidgeted again and again, knowing he was going to be late if he didn't leave soon.
Ganondorf looked the skinny postman up and down noting the hat, white shorts and sandals, trying to come to a conclusion. The Postman stepped from foot to foot continuously, which was beginning to annoy the Gerudo king.
"Can't you stay still?" he demanded.
"No, sir. I'm going to be late."
"I want you to tell me who you work for."
"I am a postman, I work for everyone."
"Who. Do. You. Work. For!" Ganondorf ground out, certain the man in front of him wasn't just a postman.
The Postman blinked. "I'm a civil servant, sir, I work for everyone."
"TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR!" the walls shook from the sheer volume of the yell but The Postman remained unmoved.
"I am a postman, I work for everyone." he repeated.
"I'll just find out for myself." Ganondorf snapped, reaching for the mailbag.
The Postman stepped away. "Mail is private, sir, you may not open other peoples letters!" he scolded, clutching the bag to his chest.
Ganondorf's eyes narrowed to slits. He made a lunge and grabbed the bag by the strap. Immediately, The Postman wrapped his arms around it, and was picked up with the bag. Ganondorf shook the bag a few times, trying to dislodge him but The Postman determinedly held on, protecting the letters within.
Deciding it wasn't worth it, Ganondorf threw him to the floor in disgust.
"You must think me a fool, spy. Hyrule will not win this war, and you will not be returning to them. I have patience for neither spies nor morons."
"I am not a spy."
'Nor a moron.' The Postman added mentally.
Ignoring him, Ganondorf turned his gaze to the guards.
"Take him to the dungeons!" he ordered.
The Moblins exchanged looks of confusion. Arrest the postman? Why? To them, he didn't look like he was even worth their master's time, let alone worth imprisoning. Shrugging, they approached to do as told. As they grabbed him by the arms and dragged him out of the room, The Postman's only protest was.
"But you're going to make me late!"
The Postman stared at the steel bars of his cell unhappily and let out a deep sigh. Most people would have berated themselves for getting themselves into such a mess, but not The Postman. He saw the whole situation as more of an inconvenience to his job.
The cell he was in was dirty, damp and smelled vaguely of rotten meat, exactly what one would expect from a villain's dungeon. The Postman was an incredibly clean person by nature so he was careful not to touch anything, standing perfectly still in the centre of the room. Looking around himself with a frown, he gave another sigh. He was going to be really late; he'd NEVER been late before! What would the people think of him? They'd lose all confidence in his service! In the future, he would be sure to fill out the paperwork for hazard pay any time he had a letter for Ganondorf and also schedule himself a bit more time.
Nursing a skinned knee, The Postman dabbed at the blood with his handkerchief then gave another glance around the cell. There were no windows, no drainage pipes, and no ventilation shafts. The room didn't even have any cracks in the walls. It was seemingly impenetrable, the only way out the locked door.
He approached the bars and gave them a hard shake. The door was securely locked and with all the strength he possessed, the most he could do was make the bars rattle. Wiping the grime off his hands on his handkerchief, he tried to think of a way to escape. Nothing coming immediately to mind, he tried shaking the bars again. They were just as secure as the first time.
Just when he was about to give up, he noticed something odd about the bars. Turning sideways, The Postman sucked in his stomach and squeezed his way through them.
Obviously they didn't make jail cells for people with no muscle mass to speak of! He was indeed incredibly slim, but also wiry and fast. There was no one guarding him, so he quickly ran down the empty hallway towards the stairs. The Postman crawled out the first window he came across into the courtyard. Unthreatening in every possible way, none of the Gerudos paid him any mind.
The Postman ran up the outer stairs leading to the castle walls, and came face to chest with a patrolling Moblin. With the air of importance, The Postman puffed out his chest and pointed to his postal badge.
"Delivering postman, please step aside!"
Both surprised and confused, the Moblin stepped out of the way. He watched The Postman pass him by and scratched as his head, feeling that something wasn't quite right. His mind moved very slowly however, and he was still staring after The Postman long after he had disappeared out of sight.
The Postman ran along through the busy city streets, heading towards the gate. Many of the Gerudo citizens stared at him as he passed, but none tried to stop him. If he had of been a tall, muscular and armed hero, that would have been a completely different story. A wimpy looking man in a strange uniform was more of a curiosity to them than a threat.
Reaching the gate, he raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun and squinted up at the guards high above on the wall.
"Excuse me!" he yelled up.
Two Moblins looked down at him.
"I need to get out, please open the gate."
Regular citizens never left the safety of the city and although it wasn't breaking any laws, it was still extremely unusual. The two guards stared down at him, completely bewildered.
"Is he one of us?" one Moblin whispered to the other. "I've never seen him before."
"He must be." the other Moblin replied. "He's in here, ain't he?"
The first Moblin stared at The Postman's uniform and hat thoughtfully. "I dunno, he kinda looks like a weirdo to me...and Lord Ganondorf doesn't like men visiting the city."
"Excuse me!" The Postman yelled even louder. "I need to leave or my next delivery is going to be late! Please open the gate!"
"Delivery?" one of the Moblins questioned.
"I am a postman, sir, now please let me out."
The Moblin blinked in surprise. "He called me sir!" he exclaimed. " I never got called 'sir' before!"
His partner frowned. "You are not a sir, Lord Ganondorf is a sir. There must be some sort of law against improper use of titles...I'll have to report this."
"Well, he was the one to call me a sir." the Moblin defended. "You're just jealous."
"EXCUSE ME!" The Postman bellowed. "Let me out, please!"
"You be quiet down there, we're discussing important things."
"You're making me late!" The Postman protested, wondering if he should have just left the way he came. "Do you want to be responsible for making the mail late?"
There was one thing that would get a Moblin moving and that was the thought of getting in trouble. They didn't know who The Postman was, but they also didn't want to chance getting in trouble with their king. If The Postman turned out to be someone of importance, it could mean their jobs (or their lives). The Moblins exchanged looks then decided they didn't especially care what The Postman did. He didn't look dangerous to them so they were inclined to let him go. Cranking the gate open just enough to let The Postman through, they went back to arguing.
Once outside of the city, The Postman ran as fast as he could back into the desert.
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