Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the sole property of Stephenie Meyer. (Yes Bella, she OWNS you. Now, get back to work, SLAVE! Lol, jk.) I only own the stupid ideas, and rediculous situations I place them in.

The Lemon:



"Wow, Edward, it's beautiful." I said, staring at it in awe.
"Isn't it?" he said, sliding his finger along the top of the screen. "And it's all yours."
"What?" I yelled, jumping back. "Edward, that's a five thousand dollar laptop! I can't accept that!"
"Yes, you can." He persisted.
"No, I really can't, Edward." I sighed, looking away from his eyes. "You keep it. I'll use it when I come over, if that makes you happy."
He sighed in defeat. "Okay, fine Bella."

Then he got a little excited. "Ooh! Let's turn it on!"
"Um, okay." I said, after the superfast computer started. "What website do you want to do first?"
"Umm… How about to look for some Jane Austin fanfics!" he said, excited.

He booted up the internet and had it running in no time, then clicked on the book section.

"Hey, what's that?" I said, scrolling down, looking at a purple link titled 'Twilight'. Someone had been there before on this computer. "Edward?" I asked.
"Nope, not me." He said, clicking the link.

I read through some one the fanfic titles, and then clicked one that looked interesting.

"Hey, who's Stephenie?" I asked, "And why does it say she 'owns' us?"
He shrugged, and we began reading the story.

Sixty Seconds Later:

"Ahhh!" I yelled, shielding my eyes. "Look away, Edward, Dammit! Look away!"
He couldn't pry his eyes away from the screen.
"Edward Cullen!" I yelled, in disbelief. "Don't tell me you're reading a lemon about US!"
I would have whacked him upside the head if I'd known it'd do any good. "Doesn't it creep you out that people we'd never even met are writing about our non-existent sex lives?"
He shuddered and looked away from the screen."I wasn't reading it, I swear." He said; his breathed ragged as he clawed at his eyes. "I just went brain-dead for a minute!" I clicked out the box and collapsed on the floor.
"So…much…chat…speak…" I moaned, rubbing at my eyes.
"Bella, promise me something." Edward groaned beside me.
"Anything." I said. Just don't make me read the fan fictions again.

"Never, ever go to that website again." He said. I nodded my head.
"No problem." I said, meaning it.

I got the idea from L.C.Candle… I hope she doesn't mind, lol.

I was bored. I can't sleep (I'm an insomniac.) and I thought that maybe I could do a humorous one-shot… To pass the time, since my alarm clock goes off in three hours, and it doesn't look like sleep is possible.

Only, that took like, 10 minutes, tops. -sigh-

I'd write another one, but I don't feel like editing my other idea, lol. That one won't go up until much later.