You Could Be Happy
You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go
Sirius looked around the flat that he and his love had shared and shivered. The room no longer held the warmth it once had, but a coldness that seemed to move inside of his body and chill him to the very core.
He looked around at the pictures of the two of them. The wizarding photos waved happily at him, while the Muggle photos capture one moment in time, a happier time.
And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played in loops 'til it's madness in my head
Sirius looked around at the floor of their flat, or rather his flat. The broken shards from vases and picture frames glittered on the floor dangerously. The angry and sharp shards reminded him of the angry words that had been exchanged.
He couldn't understand what had possessed him to say such cruel things to the one he loved, words so angry that it forced her to walk out on him. She had looked so hurt when she left. He often wondered if she was happier now without him, but he would never know.
Sirius looked around the room, knowing it was time to clean the mess that had been made one week ago. But he couldn't bring himself to move one thing because he didn't want to forget one thing about her, and moving something from their last moments together could make him forget. He didn't want to take the chance of forgetting a thing about her.
Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur
She hadn't returned any of his letters, letters that he had been sending everyday for the past week. He needed to remind her of the love they had once shared, a love that had meant everything to him. Sirius knew that if she could just remember all of the happier times, and not the screaming matches and silent treatments that she would return to him. He needed her to return to him.
Most of what I remember makes me sure You could be happy, I hope you are
I should have stopped you from walking out the door
You made me happier than I'd been by far
You could be happy, I hope you are
Sirius' gaze moved once again to the moving and stationary photographs sitting around their…his flat. And they all burned holes through his heart. Each photo showed proof of why he should have stopped her from packing her suitcase and stopped her from walking through the front door. Each photo told him how much of a prat he was and each photo broke his heart even more.
He wondered once more if she was happier without him. He hoped she was happy, but Merlin did he wish she'd come home. She had made him the happiest he had ever been. He couldn't stop thinking of her face, of her kisses. He missed and needed her.
Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true
Sirius moved into their bedroom, trying to get away from the many photos that littered his living room. But it seemed that was a bad idea. Once he walked into their…his bedroom he was bombarded with her smell.
Sirius closed his eyes and inhaled deeply taking all of her in. And in that moment he believed she was standing right in front of him. He reached out his hand and tried to caress her cheek, thinking the past week had been an awful dream.
But his hand grasped nothing but air. His eyes popped open and he knew it was true, he knew she was gone. And it seemed that in her rush to leave him she had forgotten her favorite perfume. The one he always got her for her birthday.
The pink liquid danced inside of the bottle as he moved it from her dresser. The label read Coco Mademoiselle Chanel, but he didn't look at it because it was already burned into his memory.
Sirius carried the bottle with him to their…his bed. He sprayed some of the mist onto his pillow before diving onto it and inhaling deeply.
Do the things that you always wanted to More than anything I want to see you go
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
More than anything I want to see you go
Sirius lay on his perfumed pillow thinking of all the wonderful places his love had probably traveled. He knew she had probably gone to all the places he had held her back from going. He had always held her back, he knew, but he had never wanted her to forget him.
But he had always wanted her to go, and he was happy she was there now. Now the world would get to see how wonderful and beautiful she was. It would get to see what he once held in his arms. And maybe the world would forgive him for being so selfish and keeping her to himself all these years.
But Lord did he want her back.
Sirius was so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he never realized the tiny owl tapping at his arm. It wasn't until the small bird nipped his arm harshly that he realized.
"Bloody hell," he said angrily.
The owl hooted at him indignantly when he snatched the letter from him roughly.
The words that Sirius read made his head spin and his heart soar.
I miss you.
Sirius rushed to his desk, knocking everything over when he bumped into it. He grabbed a quill, ink, and parchment and scribbled down a quick I miss you too, please hurry home.
Sirius ran back to the bird, "Take this to her immediately and don't stop hassling her until she comes home."
Sirius rushed around his…their flat cleaning as he went. He then took a quick shower and changed into a pair of black slacks and a blue dress shirt.
"Sirius," he heard the sweet voice call out to him in the living room.
"Love," Sirius said dashing into the living room.
She opened her mouth to speak, but Sirius' lips silenced her. He kissed her passionately while leading her to their bedroom. He laid her down on the bed gently.
"I'm so sorry baby. I missed you so much. Promise me you won't ever leave me again," Sirius said as he quickly removed their clothing.
"I'm sorry too and I promise Sirius, I'll never leave you again. I love you so much," she moaned as his hands touched her intimately.
"I love you too," he said losing all words as he made passionate love to the women he almost lost.
Song: "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol
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