Escapades – by Darlin Disclaimer
Disclaimer– Don't own them just hoping to have a little fun. -xox-
"We have to figure out a way to get my powers back, Ororo," Erik said.
Erik, better known as Magneto, was no longer the intimidating man that often made humans quake in fear. He was a young boy, morphed into childhood by the spineless one called Mojo and though Erik was still older than the other X-Men that had also been turned into children he missed his powers the most.
Ororo, best known as Storm of the X-Men, also now a child, had listened to Erik grouse on about this same subject nearly every day now and she still didn't know how they could get his or any of their powers back.
"There has to be some way we can get my powers back," Erik said again.
Ororo reigned in her annoyance and tried her best to patiently listen to him but something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. A very, very short boy was attempting to sneak up on them. The mischievous boy was Logan who, unlike the others, still retained his adamantium claws because Mojo wasn't aware that Wolverine's adamantium wasn't a true part of him.
Magneto's back was to the door so he couldn't see Logan who winked at Ororo as he attempted to tip toe into the room as quietly as he could. He would've made it too except he released his claws as if he were preparing to attack.
Magneto jumped, the slick, sick sound of adamantium sliding against flesh startling him. He turned around and found Logan now leaning against the mantel admiring his claws. The powerless Magneto hated Logan because he still had his claws. Logan never failed to rub it in either like now as he pretended to polish those sharp instruments by rubbing a little of his spit onto his claws with the aid of his uniform sleeve.
"Show off," Magneto huffed.
"It's not his fault he still has his claws, Erik," Ororo said.
"He's still showing off."
"Got no need to," Logan replied.
"Yeah you are!"
"Am not," Logan said with a grin which only egged Magneto on.
"Good grief, Erik you're older than him, please don't encourage him, you know he'll go on all day if you do," Ororo said.
"Are too!" Erik snapped, ignoring Ororo who shrugged and walked away.
Logan grinned and retorted, "Am not" aptly proving Ororo's point.
"Wait, wait, where're you going?" Erik cried.
"Somewhere alone," Ororo said.
"Can I come?" Erik asked.
Ororo turned around; her hands fell onto her hips and she scowled at the boy.
"Do you not understand the definition of alone?" she asked.
"Very funny," Erik said and he turned his back to her with studied indifference.
"I'll come with you," Logan said.
Ororo sighed but she let him walk with her. Erik, who didn't once look at her, fumed silently while plotting Logan 's death. But how? If only he had his powers. If only he wasn't a little boy. If only he hadn't joined up with this bunch of namby pamby goody two shoes he'd be able to rip the adamantium right out of Logan .
"Curse them", he muttered under his breath as delicious thoughts of Logan 's demise danced in his head.
Outside Ororo looked up at the vast sky. They had limited freedom in Mojo's domain just enough to give them some leeway to come up with ideas of escape that when put into motion tended to make for a good show. Lately however their ratings had been slipping. Logan hadn't once threatened Erik. He hadn't tried to get to Mojo so he could kill him and he hadn't started one fight. In fact, he'd been the perfect little boy. His cute factor had gone up considerably and little Wolverine dolls were selling almost as well as the Longshot dolls and the baby Kitty dolls.
Mojo couldn't understand the viewer's. Those who liked blood and gore and had enjoyed his gladiator version of the X-Men liked the baby X-Men only when they were at each others throats, men especially. But then there were the women, an entirely different demographic that liked the cute cuddly little tots and wanted to pinch their cheeks and mother them. Men tuned out when there was too much cuteness but women bought the merchandise. He needed ratings more than profits of that type. Ratings were after all power.
"You think the fat turd's getting tired of us already?" Logan asked Ororo.
Ororo moved a step closer to Logan after looking around as if she thought they would be overheard. She whispered, "If not I'm thinking he soon will."
"Maybe we should pretend to be fighting so he don't get too suspicious."
"Nah, if we give him a good fight the ratings'll go up."
"What if he figures out what we're doing?"
"He's pretty stupid when it comes down to it."
"He's fat and slow."
"It shouldn't matter if he's fat, Logan but that he's the one in charge, the one we need to out smart."
Logan shrugged. He didn't care anything about being nice when they talked about their jailer.
"Remember, Logan we can't fight or be mean 'cause the cuteness factor has to go up. Stick with the plan," Ororo said.
"So whaddaya want me to do start playing with puppies – ooo, can I, 'Ro, can I have one? A Doberman! I'll take care of it an' only slice an' dice the tail a little bit, I promise."
Ororo looked horrified. "No!" she hissed.
"Just one, I wouldn't hurt it much," he said laughing. "Hah ha! I had you going there. Gee, sometimes you're dumb."
Ororo's eyes narrowed into slits.
"Ah, 'Ro I'm just yanking your chain, come here," he pulled her to her and put his arms around her waist.
"What're you doing?"
"You sure smell nice. What kind of soap do you use?"
"It's Mr. Bubbles."
He laughed and sniffed her hair, his face very close to hers.
Ororo was thinking how decidedly weird Logan was acting but as Major Domo came striding by on his long spindly legs it all started to make sense to her.
"Up the cute factor, right," she murmured under her breath and then, "Oh, kiss me, Logan I love you sooooooooooo sooooo sooo much!"
"Ew!" Logan balked despite the game they were playing.
"Kiss me now!" Ororo demanded while trying not to laugh because he looked so appalled. But appalled or not Logan did as he was told.
"Oh my! How utterly, utterly adorable!" Major Domo stopped and smiled while clapping his hands together. He envisioned his master calculating the profits as the audience of little girls dragged their mothers to the store in search of new dolls. He'd call them Lil Lovers he decided as he rubbed his palms together.
"Goody, what fun. The Supreme Spineless One will love it," he squealed before he took off running.
"That was nice," Ororo said when he was gone.
"It wasn't gross," Logan admitted though he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"You can kiss me again . . . if you want."
Logan 's eyes were huge as he stared at her. She sure was pretty but . . . He hesitated. He looked around. No one was watching them but that didn't mean anything you just couldn't see the cameras. Still, at least none of the other X-babies could see them.
"Well, if you don't want to you don't have to," Ororo said, "but we have to be as cute as kittens and puppies remember?" she said, eyes twinkling.
"Oh right, cute factor!" Logan said with a nod and he kissed her again then once more for good measure. It was kind of nice too. Go figure.
"Oooo! You like Ororo! I'm telling! I'm telling!" Rogue shouted in that sing song, nauseating voice that Logan wanted to eradicate every time he heard it only Ororo wouldn't let him rip her vocal chords out so all he could do was grind his teeth and fight back his anger.
It was hard trying to be nice all day long especially with Rogue around. She was always being nosey and annoying but usually she was tagging somewhere after Longshot so he didn't have to put up with her much. Just then she was dancing around in a circle waving her hands in the air and sticking her tongue out at him. Stupid girl was good for nothing but trouble. He'd put a spider – no, a snake in her bed tonight. That would fix her but good.
"Roguie, it's your turn now," Ororo said, grabbing Rogue by the arm. "Longshot, oh Longshot come out, come out wherever you are."
"Oh goodie, goodie!" Rogue gleamed in anticipation.
And of course as luck would have it Longshot suddenly swung by on a convenient vine on a likewise conveniently placed tree by their little prison house.
"Kiss her," Ororo said and Longshot did.
"Why'd you go and make him do that?" Logan wailed.
"Cuteness factor," she reminded him quietly.
"Oooo, Alison's gonna beat her up now," Logan said, grinning for all he was worth. Their plan to be so cute Mojo would sicken of them might be worth it after all.
"Alison's next. It'll be a cute triangle – the women in the audience will eat it up, they love this kind of stuff. *I hear they're addicted to their morning soap operas," Ororo whispered.
Ororo shrugged. "Maybe but they always like it when Erik and you fight over me."
"I don't fight over you! I'm never fightin' over some girl!"
"They seem to think I should be with Erik," Ororo said a little too pleasantly.
Logan 's disgusted look made her chuckle but she saw she'd gone too far. His pride was hurt and she kissed him on the cheek.
"I like you the best," she whispered before she started back to the house.
"Ororo! Ororo!" Erik shrieked. He almost *collided into her he was running so fast. *
"They're selling new dolls! Of us – of you and him!"
His high pitched little voice ended in a deep growl as he pointed at her and Logan who was right behind her. He eyed his rival with all the hatred Erik had stored up over the years for humans.
"Erik, don't!" Ororo cried but it was too late.
Erik charged Logan .
Now they lived in a tiny house which happened to be on Mojo's giant flying ship and Logan seriously thought about stepping aside and flipping Erik overboard but he knew Ororo would be mad if he did so instead he sprung one claw loose and started picking his teeth.
"Don't ignore me you little runt!" Erik cried. He came to a stop in front of Logan , his fists balled tight ready to pummel Logan * at any moment.
"I like you better when you're nice, Erik," Ororo said decidedly.
"Me too," said Rogue who still had her arms around Longshot's neck.
"You – you do?"
"But not as much as she likes me," Logan said.
"You're a liar. Ororo likes me best."
Ororo went over to the boys and took Erik by the hand.
"We're all going to be friends okay? Because if you're not going to be nice to each other I'm not going to like either of you any more."
"I like you, Longshot – a lot!" Rogue sighed, kissing the little happy boy again.
"Better not let Alison see you slobbering all over the twerp," Logan said.
"We're going to share him!" Alison said as she came out of the house.
Longshot, whose luck never failed him, looked a little perplexed but he kept grinning that perfectly sweet, handsome, innocent grin *that made even baby Kitty vulnerable to his charms.
"Lucky little alien boy," Erik said miserably.
"Well we – you guys could share me," Ororo said even *though she felt silly for saying it.
"Hell no!" Logan swore.
" Logan , what did I tell you about using bad words?" Ororo chastised Logan though she winked at him on the sly.
"Oh, you're good," Logan whispered. He took her hand in his and held it out for Erik to take.
"Really?" Erik asked, almost giddily.
"Really," Ororo said.
"You're teasing me, both of you are!" Erik wailed.
"We're all going to share from now on," Ororo said. "We're all going to get along even when Kitty needs to be changed."
"We are?" Logan asked.
"If you like me, yes."
"I like you," Erik said.
"I like you too," Ororo replied.
"I like you more," Logan piped up, taking her other hand though his face was squished up *painfully for having to carry on like he was. She gave him a sweet smile and swung his hand as they started walking.
"She likes me better 'n you," Logan said *then leaning behind Ororo so she couldn't see he stuck his tongue out at Erik.
"We're sharing so she doesn't * so there."
"Ack! Run!" Alison shouted suddenly.
Dogs were racing towards them. Black and brown Doberman pinschers *and they were all foaming at the mouth and howling.
"Eek! Longsie save me!" Rogue cried.
"No! Save me!" Alison cried.
"I'll save you both," Longshot countered. His constant luck held. He reached for the handy vine and with both little girls clinging to his neck he swung them up into the tree.
"I don't have my powers, run!" Erik screeched and dropping Ororo's hand he *sprinted off as if he were in a race.
"Cry baby, *scaredy cat," Logan said with a wicked look in his eye. "Looks like it's up to me to save the day as usual."
Ororo and Logan stood with their backs pressed to each others.
"I'll protect you," he said.
*Ororo took a deep breath. Fighting vicious dogs with fangs wasn't going to be easy but with Logan *beside her she knew they could win. Her instincts proved to be right. Logan kicked one dog, jabbed two others with both sets of claws then spun around to ward off the dog that had circled around to get to Ororo *whom appeared to be the easier target. But Ororo leapt and threw a roundhouse kick at the dog's head. Not expecting that the dog dodged too late and the blow caught him *cleanly on the side of his head. He let out a yelp and backed off growling in anger.
"Save some for me, Ro," Logan laughed.
*They made short work of the dogs. *Four were lying in their own blood and the others were stunned and running off. * Logan was grinning when it was over. *But rest assured they weren't real dogs, kiddies but only very real looking robot constructs made by Mojo.
"So much for cute and cuddly," Ororo muttered.
"No! No! No! Bring Poodles – Spiral, I need Poodles! Cute little, fluffy creatures they can love and cuddle! Bring them now! Now!" Mojo screamed. He was hurrying as fast as he could on his multi legged platform which held his blob like shape upright.
"Cut! Cut! Clean up! Now! Start the reruns but only the cute and cuddly reruns – no blood, no gore, no evil little Magneto! *Oh, fickle, fickle audience! They want blood, they want decapitations, they want claws so I give them all they crave and then they turn on me! Whose idea was it for the Doberman Pinschers? Major Domo! Where is that android when I need him?"
Four little Poodles came tottering out. Logan backed away from them *as if they were diseased. They yipped a little and circled the pools of blood but they were quickly scooped up into Spiral's* six arms as workers dragged off the dead dogs and hurriedly scrubbed the area clean so there was no trace of the* slaughter.
"Here," Spiral said as she handed a dog to Ororo who automatically held her arms out for it. "Here," she said again, handing one to Logan .
Logan backed away again.
"W-what is it?" he asked.
"It's a dog stupid little boy."
"*Spiral. Be niceeeee!" Mojo ordered. *"Next time no Doberman dogs Major Domo."
Major Domo was beside Mojo now muttering about how he hadn't sicced the dogs on the children because the cute factor would surely have been spoiled.
"It was *your Illustrious One's superb idea *to call in blood thirsty dogs, see how the ratings jumped a tenth?"
Major Domo *leapt in front of Mojo and shoved a pair of dolls in his face. "But they love these ol' Masterful One. The phones haven't stopped ringing. Shall we proceed? Profits equal ratings *you know." *he said, quite anxious to speed up the production of the new line of Lil Lovers dolls.
Mojo waved a hand carelessly. "Very well, carry on but bring me the run down of the ratings. Maybe vicious dogs attacking the babies every so often *can help. I'm a genius *of course! The perfect blend of cutesy and savageness!"
"Take it, you grubby little boy!" Spiral snarled, still thrusting the cute little creature at Logan .
"It's a dog?" He hardly believed her. She was a liar, a cheat and ugly to boot.
*"Of course, it's a *dog. You do know what a dog is don't you little boy? *That's d – o – g," Spiral said, spelling the word out.
He glared at her. He *was itching to slice all her arms off.
"If it's a dog then *why does it look like someone's house shoes."
"*Poodles are very popular in your world."
"Well, I don't want one."
"No, little boy you must pet it."
*"That ugly thing?" Logan looked at the little creature. Pet it? All six claws came out.
"All right, give it to me then," he said, his voice as dark as the look on his face.
"No, no, no, no! Spiral do not give the puppy to that psychotic little Wolverine! Now little man you will be cute and you will be sweet or I will rip you apart," Mojo purred.
Logan was thoughtful for a few seconds. He wanted to carve Mojo up into a million itty bitty pieces. He could. He was sure he could. The fat turd was very slow.
But the dogs enticed Longshot, Alison and Rogue from the tree and as they played with them Mojo went off with Major Domo plotting the show of all shows. If the ratings continued dipping due to bad judgment of the proper mix of violence and cuteness he'd have to start all over again with new X-Men of some type. The gladiator ones had done well but they eventually slaughtered each other. Then the last one standing, who couldn't bear to be left alone, took his own life. Why were his slaves always so rebellious?
"Why didn't you just take the stupid dog?" Ororo asked.
He gulped. The tiny, hairy thing was scary but he wasn't telling her that so instead he changed the subject.
"We gotta change our plan," he said.
"You might be right but let's wait a little bit and see. Fighting off those dogs didn't make things better for Mojo at all so you never know maybe after a while they'll get tired of all the cuteness."
"Cool. Actin' all cute's too hard to do."
"Oh, I don't know, cute and cuddly's kind of fun," she said. Logan was really nice when he was agreeable.
If being cute and cuddly didn't bring down the ratings Logan was sure Ororo would think of something else and then when the ratings slumped enough they'd have a rebellion and overthrow the fat spineless dufus. Then he'd be in charge and he'd fix Magneto but good. And maybe he'd even let Ororo be his queen – maybe. She'd like that and he wouldn't really mind. He did like kissing so maybe it wouldn't be all that bad.
"You do like me the best don't you?" he asked.
"Well, I'll tell you if you promise not to tell Erik, okay?"
"You have to promise though."
"Oh, all right I promise."
"And you're too honorable to go back on your word so you can never ever tell him okay?"
"Okay already just tell me."
"Fine," Logan grunted and linked his little finger with hers.
She grinned. "Then yes I do," she giggled before she pecked him on the cheek and dashed off.
"Hey!" Logan said. He looked a little surprised and a little bit disgusted because he was so pleased with what she'd said and that she'd kiss him, after all even though Ororo wasn't as dumb as the other girls she was still a girl. But then he grinned and took off after her.