Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi
BECAUSE SOME OF THESE SCRIPTS JUST PLAIN FUCKIN DESERVED IT
Episode Rewrite #1
Darkness In Kag's ticker over Inu and the Chia pet
Formerly known as Darkness in Kagome's Heart
InuYasha: "Oh no, Oh No. (slams fist) I turned my back and now Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooo is dead again for good again, its all my fault, i let her die again."
Kag's " Uh InuYasha, you were a little busy saving me and four others at the time"
InuYasha" Yeah, who gives a shit if I saved YOU from Naraku... Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pout pout pout"
Puppet Monk: Hey dood, im Paul the Puppet and I am here to tell you that your little Chia pet is alive and waiting for you in the land of "Get the hell out of here so we can kidnap the babe"
Inu: Kikyooooooooooooooooooooooooo's alive? Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Kag's : (Rolls eyes) Go ahead Inuyasha
Inu: Really? yu wont get mad?
Kag's: Where you been? Of course ill get mad, but I haven't made my incredible self- sacrifice yet this episode and if I don't people might not feel really bad for me when its revealed that this is another of Naraku's tricks. "
Kag's (dramatic pose): go Inuyasha, this isn't the time to hesitate...and would you pick me up some tylenol on your way home? All your fucking yelling for Kikyo's giving me a mother of a headache.
Guard" Hey doods, were here to kidnap yall"
Miroku " Should we beat em up?"
Sango "No its in InuYasha's contract that only he can beat people up in this episode."
Shippo " This sucks, i better go get InuYasha or we wont get two full episodes out of this"
Kagura: " Heya Kags, fooled ya...na na na na boo boo"
Baby: "Forget sucking her soul, I wanna be BREAST FED"
kags "Slap" thats not in the script"
Baby "okay okay...so, you hate Kikyo eh? InuYasha is a punk who keeps ditching you to go running off looking for his ex who's nothing but a bitchy old chia pet with tits eh?" Voice over
Baby: someone should slap him just for that annoying yelling he does. Okay babe, I got your soul now, so make your eyes look all spacey so we can go to the second part...
Episode Rewrite #2
Change KIKYOOOOO into KAGOMEEEE
Previously known as
Change Heartache into Courage
Sango :" Miroku, my hands are itching to beat someone up, I can't wait for inuyasha anymore."
miroku" me either, besides I'm just dying to see that cute little baby"
BAM BEAT RAM hit slug
Baby :Hey Kag's you still hate InuYasha and Kikyo so, lets live together, mind if I steal your eyes? I cant see through these red contacts. Oh yeah, baby, just nuzzle me a little closer. Kagura, you sure that script says I cant breast feed too?"
Kanna: "Hey lets play watch this black tainted jewel shard bounce of the spacey eyed girls head"
bounce bounce bounce
Kagura: Hey, thats kinda fun, let me try
Bounce Bounce Bounce
Baby: Hey, I wanna turn
Bounce Bounce Bounce
Inu: Shippo, why are you here
Shippo: didn't you read your script fool?
Inu : Oh yeah,(flips through pages) it was a trap. Oh no, I was taken in again, I let them trick me into believing my dear beloved
was still alive and needing me! But I thought Kag;s would be safe with that demented sicko Naraku still out there with a brand new body wanting me and my friends dead, specailly since I know that since
is dead now again for good Kagome is the only one who can see the shards. Oh, how could I have been so stupid. Oh woe is me! I hope Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee doesn't die like my beloved KIkyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Shippo: Uh are we gonna go sometime today?"
Don't you die like Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Kag's : hey, you cant win because I may hate Kikyo and think Inuyasha is a selfish prick but, hey love conquers all and Rumiko Takahashi says I still love InuYasha. Besides, if I don't have my eyes how will I look at Inuyasha with mindless adoration?
Inu: busts through...HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kag's: Inuyasha...you came...after I saved myself of course so you can take all the credit...
InuYasha: If you touch Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again, I'll kick your ass
Baby: Hey, as long as you got a hard on for Chia pets, I got a chance at the babe so, I'll be back, and you can BET I'm gonna have my agent renegotiate my contract so I get to be breast fed
Kagura: Hey kid, you look like shit
Baby: What do you expect? 'I'm fucking hungry and I cant get no tit.
" Kagome ill never leave you again:"
Kag's : you will too,, Rumiko Takahashi says so!
Inu: Can't argue with the boss lady.
Scene Rewrite # 3
Like Kagome Had a Choice
Kagome's Instinctive Choice
Inu Hey Miroku and Sango, let me Dump Kagome off on you okay, bye…"
Kag's "Told u so (flips him off behind his back)"
" hey Hijini Lady your Kikyo aint ya?,"
inu: "Was it something I said?"
Inu " What do you mean Kagome may be in trouble again? How did u let that happen? How can you be so irresponsible? Don't you have a single cell working in that brain?" (conveniently forgets promise and passes the buck)
Shikigami girl 1:If you don't go in that nasty looking water Kikyo will die
Kagome: And this is a problem….why?
Shikigami girl 2: If Kikyo dies then you will lose your tragic self sacrificing good girl angel edge.
Kagome: Well, I would certainly hate to lose that. That's how I counteract the evil bitch me who slams Inu's face into the ground all the time. Okay I'll do it. Gimme that spackle and a putty knife.
Kagome opens Kikyos robes to see wound
Kags: Ouch, look at that gaping wound, that's gotta hurt. Tee hee, my tits are bigger and perkier too. Oh look, movies! Oh, it's a chick flick. Now everyone can feel sorry for me cause I have to watch what Naraku did to InuYasha and Kikyo. BOO HOO DING DING microwave timer
Kag's: Hey Kikyo, your done
Kikyo: yeah well, id thank you the lube and oil change, but I wont since you were just doing what the script told u to.
Kag's: no thanks needed. Really, but hey, don't you want to see Inu...
Hey Kikyo…!! HEY GET YOUR CHIA PET ASS BACK HERE!!! YOUR CREDIT CARD WAS REJECTED!
Inu : Hey Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeee wassup?
Kag's" Don't even start with me you ignorant little pissant. I hate you.
Inu: Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee did you and
have a brawl or something?
Kag's : Sit
Inu: thanks for changing Kikyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo's oil, I'm not going to leave you again Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee