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Disclaimer: InuYasha is the property of Rumiko Takahashi


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BECAUSE SOME OF THESE SCRIPTS JUST PLAIN FUCKIN DESERVED IT

PART ONE


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Episode Rewrite #1

Darkness In Kag's ticker over Inu and the Chia pet

Formerly known as Darkness in Kagome's Heart


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InuYasha: "Oh no, Oh No. (slams fist) I turned my back and now Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooo is dead again for good again, its all my fault, i let her die again."

Kag's " Uh InuYasha, you were a little busy saving me and four others at the time"

InuYasha" Yeah, who gives a shit if I saved YOU from Naraku... Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pout pout pout"

Puppet Monk: Hey dood, im Paul the Puppet and I am here to tell you that your little Chia pet is alive and waiting for you in the land of "Get the hell out of here so we can kidnap the babe"

Inu: Kikyooooooooooooooooooooooooo's alive? Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kag's : (Rolls eyes) Go ahead Inuyasha

Inu: Really? yu wont get mad?

Kag's: Where you been? Of course ill get mad, but I haven't made my incredible self- sacrifice yet this episode and if I don't people might not feel really bad for me when its revealed that this is another of Naraku's tricks. "

InuYasha: "Kagome"

Kag's (dramatic pose): go Inuyasha, this isn't the time to hesitate...and would you pick me up some tylenol on your way home? All your fucking yelling for Kikyo's giving me a mother of a headache.

inu "Right"

Guard" Hey doods, were here to kidnap yall"

Miroku " Should we beat em up?"

Sango "No its in InuYasha's contract that only he can beat people up in this episode."

Shippo " This sucks, i better go get InuYasha or we wont get two full episodes out of this"

Kagura: " Heya Kags, fooled ya...na na na na boo boo"

Baby: "Forget sucking her soul, I wanna be BREAST FED"

kags "Slap" thats not in the script"

Baby "okay okay...so, you hate Kikyo eh? InuYasha is a punk who keeps ditching you to go running off looking for his ex who's nothing but a bitchy old chia pet with tits eh?" Voice over

inu: Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Baby: someone should slap him just for that annoying yelling he does. Okay babe, I got your soul now, so make your eyes look all spacey so we can go to the second part...


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Episode Rewrite #2

Change KIKYOOOOO into KAGOMEEEE

Previously known as

Change Heartache into Courage


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Sango :" Miroku, my hands are itching to beat someone up, I can't wait for inuyasha anymore."

miroku" me either, besides I'm just dying to see that cute little baby"

BAM BEAT RAM hit slug

Baby :Hey Kag's you still hate InuYasha and Kikyo so, lets live together, mind if I steal your eyes? I cant see through these red contacts. Oh yeah, baby, just nuzzle me a little closer. Kagura, you sure that script says I cant breast feed too?"

Kag's :"slap"

Kanna: "Hey lets play watch this black tainted jewel shard bounce of the spacey eyed girls head"

bounce bounce bounce

Kagura: Hey, thats kinda fun, let me try

Bounce Bounce Bounce

Baby: Hey, I wanna turn

Bounce Bounce Bounce

Inu: Shippo, why are you here

Shippo: didn't you read your script fool?

Inu : Oh yeah,(flips through pages) it was a trap. Oh no, I was taken in again, I let them trick me into believing my dear beloved

Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

was still alive and needing me! But I thought Kag;s would be safe with that demented sicko Naraku still out there with a brand new body wanting me and my friends dead, specailly since I know that since

Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

is dead now again for good Kagome is the only one who can see the shards. Oh, how could I have been so stupid. Oh woe is me! I hope Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee doesn't die like my beloved KIkyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Shippo: Uh are we gonna go sometime today?"

Inu: Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Don't you die like Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Kag's : hey, you cant win because I may hate Kikyo and think Inuyasha is a selfish prick but, hey love conquers all and Rumiko Takahashi says I still love InuYasha. Besides, if I don't have my eyes how will I look at Inuyasha with mindless adoration?

Inu: busts through...HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flexes muscles

Kag's: Inuyasha...you came...after I saved myself of course so you can take all the credit...

InuYasha: If you touch Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee again, I'll kick your ass

Baby: Hey, as long as you got a hard on for Chia pets, I got a chance at the babe so, I'll be back, and you can BET I'm gonna have my agent renegotiate my contract so I get to be breast fed

Kagura: Hey kid, you look like shit

Baby: What do you expect? 'I'm fucking hungry and I cant get no tit.

" Kagome ill never leave you again:"

"Will too"

"Will not"

"Will too"

"Will not"

"Too"

"Not"

"Too"

"not".

Kag's : you will too,, Rumiko Takahashi says so!

Inu: Can't argue with the boss lady.


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Scene Rewrite # 3

Like Kagome Had a Choice

Previously

Kagome's Instinctive Choice


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Inu Hey Miroku and Sango, let me Dump Kagome off on you okay, bye…"

Kag's "Told u so (flips him off behind his back)"

" hey Hijini Lady your Kikyo aint ya?,"

Puppet explodes

inu: "Was it something I said?"

Inu " What do you mean Kagome may be in trouble again? How did u let that happen? How can you be so irresponsible? Don't you have a single cell working in that brain?" (conveniently forgets promise and passes the buck)

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Shikigami girl 1:If you don't go in that nasty looking water Kikyo will die

Kagome: And this is a problem….why?

Shikigami girl 2: If Kikyo dies then you will lose your tragic self sacrificing good girl angel edge.

Kagome: Well, I would certainly hate to lose that. That's how I counteract the evil bitch me who slams Inu's face into the ground all the time. Okay I'll do it. Gimme that spackle and a putty knife.

Kagome opens Kikyos robes to see wound

Kags: Ouch, look at that gaping wound, that's gotta hurt. Tee hee, my tits are bigger and perkier too. Oh look, movies! Oh, it's a chick flick. Now everyone can feel sorry for me cause I have to watch what Naraku did to InuYasha and Kikyo. BOO HOO DING DING microwave timer

Kag's: Hey Kikyo, your done

Kikyo: yeah well, id thank you the lube and oil change, but I wont since you were just doing what the script told u to.

Kag's: no thanks needed. Really, but hey, don't you want to see Inu...

Kikyo: nope

Kag's: Kikyo..!!!..Kikyo.…!!!!

Hey Kikyo…!! HEY GET YOUR CHIA PET ASS BACK HERE!!! YOUR CREDIT CARD WAS REJECTED!

Inu : Hey Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeee wassup?

Kag's" Don't even start with me you ignorant little pissant. I hate you.

Inu: Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee did you and

Kikyoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

have a brawl or something?

Kag's : Sit

Inu: thanks for changing Kikyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo's oil, I'm not going to leave you again Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


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