DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Rugrats in any way (who the hell would want to?)!
This is my first fanfic that I feel proud of (in some way). Please keep all of your bashing comments to a minimum.
It was a perfectly beautiful day in whatever goddamn city I live in. What the hell is up with the creators of this show? They don't even give us a fuckin' location of where the hell we stay. Anyways, my jackass of a dad and my cunt of a mother basically forced me to go over my cousin Tommy's house. Oh joy! Oh rapture! NOT! I'm so fuckin' tired of seeing that bald ass piece of shit, his equally shitty brother and his lame ass trick of a mother. His father looks like a sensible hobo and grandpa...don't get me started on that pair of old dusty balls. I put up the hugest front in front of my parents.
"Oh, sure daddy! I love to go over Tommy's house! Hopefully Chuckie and Kimi will be there and the lovely twins also!"
"Maybe they will be, Angelica." My loser dad chuckles.
Here we go! I'm on the road to go over Tommy's house. Why couldn't we have walked? Are we that fat as Americans that we can't simply walk to our destinations? Yes, I am concerned about national affairs. My stupid ass queef of a mother, who is driving for a change, is so busy chatting on her cell phone with that pussy Jonathan. I wouldn't be surprised if she was having sexual affairs with that man. She's not getting any from my dad, that's for damn sure. All I have to say is "Don't crash the car, bitch!"
The "fun" ride ended and we arrived at the front of the Pickles house. I gave a real quick prayer to Cynthia (who is the ultimate power) and I wished myself luck. I'm 14 years old and I know I shouldn't be praying to dolls, but, who the hell are you to stop me? No one, you asshole. So anyway, Aunt Didi opens up the door and says "hello" and "welcome" to me and talks in some weird adult talk to the loser adults behind me. Their shit doesn't interest me, so I go off to find those stupid, dumb preteens.
God is this place a dump. Who the hell did the interior designing on this house? That blind bitch that lives down the street from here? Ugh.
Where could those kids be? Maybe I should look upstairs...
And I do and the whole Gay Pride Parade (Tommy, Phil and Dil) is here to greet me.
"That's not a nice thing to say, Angelica." Thomas says. Clearly he has no fuckin' sense of humor, so I'll just leave the gay jokes alone.
"How's your virginity, Chuckster? Still clingin' on to it like your hands around your..."
"Aah! Quit Angelica! You know how I don't like talking about that stuff."
"Oh, lighten up you prude with a dick. I'm just joshing ya." God, where are their senses of hyoom-ah??? Maybe they need to jack off or something. "Where's your slut-for-a-sister, Phil?"
"Call her a slut one more time, Angelica, and I swear..."
"You swear what? You swear she'll repent all of her slutty ways and she'll live in some sort of convent striving to be the next Mother Superior? My, are you a dumbass, Mr. DeVille. By the way, has your mom come out of the closet yet?" With this remark, he went batshit insane and Dil had to hold him back. As if he was really going to hit me. Ni99a please! "Calm down, Queenie." I said after that outburst.
I left that gay bathhouse and roamed downstairs where I found the girls stuffing their faces with nutritious snacks in the kitchen. What the hell is it with these girls around this age being orthorexic? Yes, that does say "orthorexic", not "anorexic". Look it up, dumbass. Anyway, they seemed sort of despondent to see me and I could rather care less. I decided to rain on their parade.
"Hey, sluts. What's going on? Eating like an obese Nicole Richie, hmm???"
"Go away, Angelica. No one said anything to you. Me and Kimi are just trying to..."
"Don't care. Anyways..."
"Listen, Angelica. Phil sent me a text message telling me how you called me a slut earlier and I really don't appreciate it."
"Listen, bitch! I don't care! I hate you, your dykey momma, your faggish daddy, your jack-off brother and everyone else you keep in constant contact with!"
"You did not just talk about my family and friends like that!"
"I surely did, bitch and what the fuck are YOU going to do about it? Get that Jap Kimi to help? I'm a racist, a bigot, a non-Christian, I hate gays and I'm pro-life! What the hell are you going to do that makes other people look down upon me even further?!?!?!?"
"Fuck your ass up!"
With this, she lunged at me, claws fucking sheathed and everything. I dodged out the way and she hit the counter behind me. I then kicked her in her shins once she turned around and she kneeled over, writhing in pain. Kimi came up behind me and tried to hold me down. Possibly to let Lil get a cheap shot in my vag? Not likely! I gave Kimi one big blow to the face with the back of my head, sending her across the room (across the universe) and into a corner. Her face is bloody as hell and all I'm thinking is that there better not be any blood in my beautiful gold locks. She soon runs away and there's just me and Lil there.
"God I hate you, you bitch! I wish you'd just fucking burn in hell! You don't deserve to breathe the same air I breathe!" And with this, I promptly strangled her. I don't know what happened, I mean, my arm just went straight for her throat and the next thing I know was that I was strangling her. Call it a miracle, or something, because it surely did shut her ass up. I slid her body under the table and pulled the tablecloth down lower on the side where people came in so they won't see her body when they came in. ZOMG! I just killed a 12 year old! Call me a hero, then! When the whole gang came in they all chastised me and Kimi (now covering her nose up with a towel) pointed directly at me. They all preached to me that I was a bad girl, nothing but trouble insert generic comment here and I just about had it. I had been my true self for the past 14 years and they constantly chided me! I mean, Lil's a well-known whore! She's not getting persecuted...well, she's dead, so she'll never be scolded. Oh, look, Uncle Stu and Aunt Didi decide to join the fun! They are not going to wrap this story up in an 11 minute time frame.You know what...I got an idea.
"Okay, you guys, I know I need counseling. But, I have a very special gift in the garage that I decided to share amongst you to show you the error of my ways." They all gave a "what?" look, but they did seem eager to know what I was talking about. I told them to hang on, and I'll be back.
Okay, where is it? Here it is: gasoline. Luckily, I smoke so I have these leftover matches in my pocket. Just so there's no escape route, I'll block off the front door with this wheelbarrow and I'll use this shovel to kill the survivors. Excellentè!!!
I run in their feverishly and dump as much gasoline I can on everyone. Holy shit, there's a lot in here! Those dumbasses just sit there and complain and say "hey" and "what are you doing". Is it really this easy? I stand back and light a match and throw it upon them and there was a commotion. I think someone yelled "NO!" and they tried to run, but the flame engulfed them all. Some ran towards the patio door and some ran for the front door. The ones who ran for the front door (Stu, Didi, Dil and Chuckie) found themselves hopelessly stuck and they just melted toward the floor. The rest (everyone else except Lil) ran outside. The burning of them slowed them down so I easily killed them with the shovel. Tommy cursed me to hell before I slammed the tool across his face.
Oh well. Looks like I'll be hitting the road under a new identity and a new name. Say goodbye to Angelica Pickles and say hello to Ballena Outie.
That bitch. That stupid bitch. She killed my brother, Kimi and Tommy. She seriously injured Didi, Stu, Chuckie and Dil. How dare she? She will NOT get away with this. As God as my witness, I won't rest until that cunt is killed!
(Oh yeah, I'm alive by the way. She knocked me unconscious, but I'm alive!)