Title: School and Skirts
Author: ferretgirl1124
Pairing/Characters: eventual SpeedyxAqualad, background BBxRae, and StarxRob
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Kinks: slash, knee rants, crossdressing, strange straw analogies, bad attempts at humor.
Disclaimer: Honestly people, do I even need to say it? They're not mine, I just torture them from time to time.
Beta: The wonderous Bleeding-Arora who fixes my horrible passive voice and does it with kindness. Thank you so much!

A/N: I wrote this at 4 A.M. about six months ago, re-read the next morning, and hid it from the world. Recently I dug it back up and realized that with some betaing and re-writing, it might be salvagable. So...enjoy the horrible humor and the skewed look at High School fics.


The sun shone on the tall, 'T' shaped building, reflecting light towards the city. It was a calm, peaceful scene, and no one would have believed how different that outward appearance was from the internal workings on that beautiful morning. Inside stalked nine super-power teens, holding various implements that would help them capture the tenth, rogue teen and fellow Titan.

One of the teenagers sighed, thinking back to how calm it had been twenty minutes ago. They had been gathered in the main room discussing their latest intelligence, and then this situation had been set off. One word was all it took to send him running for the hills, and he would most likely make it if they didn't find him soon. Another tense ten minutes past uneventfully before a cry of triumph rang through the building.

They rushed to the scene and were greeted with an interesting sight. Speedy stood towering over his captive, one foot planted on his stomach as the other boy struggled with the net that he had recently been caught in. It was a perfect copy of a cliché' hunting picture, but instead of a lion, the prey was one very pissed off Atlantean.

"I'm not doing it!!"

Cyborg grinned and caught the other boy beneath the arms, picking him up easily. "You have to."

"There isn't enough money in the world!" Aqualad continued to struggle; ignoring the exasperated looks the leaders exchanged. So they were pissed. They'd get over it. Right now, his main concern was getting back to Atlantis, where no one expected you to make such distorted sacrifices. There was being a hero, and then there was being a hero, and as far as he was concerned the world could go to hell, because he was not doing it!

Laughing heartily and ignoring the leader's concerns, the joking Titans carried him back towards the control room. By the time they arrived, the Atlantean was positive that he had heard more fish jokes in the past five minutes then he had ever wanted to, and he would have cheerfully choked Beast Boy if he could have gotten his arms loose. Once he was settled on the couch, they jumped into various spiels, hoping to convince him.

"C'mon, fish boy. You're the only one that makes sense. Raven's too anti-social, Star's too Tamaranean, and Bee's wings would still be there even if we cloaked 'em." Speedy grinned down at his captive teammate, the glee in his eyes solidifying Aqualad's theory that the archer was a sadist. "They might recognize Jinx, Argent's busy, Pantha stands out, Melvin's too young, and Kole can't leave Gnnark."

"So disguise Beast Boy!"

Robin held up a hand to stop Speedy's next flow of comments, and looked down at the other boy. "We can't. I need my team here; there was a jailbreak a few days ago, and the city needs all the protection it can get."

Aqualad glared up at them, imagining all the things he would have loved to do to them just for making the suggestion. "Then send Speedy!!"

Now it was all the Titans exchanging that irritated look. They had been over this many times -- all without telling him, of course -- and this was the only situation that would work. Bumblebee finally stepped forward, speaking for all of them. "You have the body for it. The cloaking will be easier and look more natural, and your hair's already long, so that we wouldn't hafta fake it. You need to suck it up and do this for the team, Aqualad!"

That was the final straw. The straw that broke the camels back. Any analogy of annoyance that involved hay in some way. "I'm not cross dressing!!"

The males in the room twitched slightly at the word, much to Raven's amusement. She had no idea why just the concept of wearing makeup horrified boys so much, but during the conversation that had started all of this, none of them had been willing to just say what the Atlantean's mission was. Apparently, he had spent a good part of the discussion under the impression that the girls were doing reconnaissance at the mall, and that he was supposed to be back up. The empath sighed, then spoke up, well aware that it had to be done. "Speedy's right, though. None of us can do it."

Bumblebee nodded, putting one hand on her hip as she eyed her dark haired teammate. "It'll be quick. You wouldn't even need to do it, except for the fact that none of us could pull off the illusion if we're boarding there. It'll be a month at the most, just enough to get in there and find out what Blood's up to."

"You better be right about this! Because I can't see Blood re-starting H.I.V.E. as an all girls boarding school!"

Robin shrugged helplessly, motioning to the charts that were still displayed from the morning's meeting. "Everything we've found says the same thing. And that means you get to spend a few weeks in a skirt."

The boy whimpered softly and closed his eyes, attempting the ocular version of 'lalala I can't hear you!'. However, it did no good, because simply closing his eyes could not block out Speedy's loud, grating voice.

"C'mon, Unitard guy! Any male would kill to spend a month in an all girls school. Imagine what you'll see!"

Aqualad's eyes opened just long enough for him to give his friend a look that clearly said 'what the hell is wrong with you?', before clamping them closed again. "Then you do it!"

"I can't. I'm too manly to pull off being a chick, unlike some people here."

Anyone who didn't know the two would have a hard time believing they were best friends. Hell, the Titans didn't believe it half the time. It was the fact that the Atlantean didn't simply lunge forward and try to bite Speedy's knees off for that comment that proved that there was friendship in there somewhere. Either that, or Aqualad simply disliked knees. Still, the others took it as a good sign when the glare the captive sent the captor lasted only a few seconds, and that it didn't have nearly as much venom in it as usual. "I'm not doing it." He stated simply.

"You have no choice." Robin's voice was authoritative, and there was no room for argument. "We need you to do this. Cyborg's going to hack the school's database tonight, and you're going shopping tomorrow."

Paling, Aqualad paused for a second. "Shopping?"

Starfire spoke up for the first time, an audible giggle in her voice. "Yes friend Aqualad! You will be needing bras!"

He had no idea what he had done to deserve this, but he was beginning to believe it involved slaughtering kittens in his last life. What else would account for the horrible turn his life had taken so quickly? Because it was rather obvious, at least in his opinion, that nothing good could come of this.