Pairings: Tezuka x Fuji, Atobe x Fuji
Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis does not belong to me.
A.N. I admit my new OTP is Tezuka x Fuji x Atobe at the moment for some very good reasons and as always R & R will be most appreciated. I am also thinking about writing a companion fiction for this one but it all depends on the feedback.
Beta by Daisy
In this perfect city I learned to start over. In this perfect paradise I learned to live my life without the both of you. Everything is so perfect that it aches. Everything is so perfect that it took me hours to just get out of bed and make it to the door.
I was perfect.
Kunimitsu was perfect.
Together we were the perfect couple. Yet, there was something missing. The connection that we used to have was gone. The passion that we once shared was missing. The sparkle that was in Kunimitsu's eyes when he looked at me dimmed.
But it wasn't his fault. I was as much to blame as Kunimitsu. I could see the destruction from miles away but I never stopped the gap from widening between us. I never closed the gap when it was still within my reach. Rather I waited and waited till it was too late. Maybe in a way I wanted to self-destruct this perfect relationship. Almost like a sign, you chose to enter our life at that exact moment again. You chose to disturb our perfect relationship when it was on the verge of self-destruction. Maybe that is why I felt so guilty about finding happiness after Kunimitsu had passed away.
Guilty that I had moved on so quickly after Kunimitsu's accident; and so every night I went to sleep with a bleeding heart. Every night I went to bed knowing that I had replaced the love of my life before his mourning period had ended. Every night I went to bed feeling torn between two great men.
Yet, I could still smile honestly and say that I was blessed. I was blessed with being loved by not one, but two perfect men. I know very few people who could say that they had found the love of their life, but I could.
I had fallen hard for Tezuka Kunimitsu the moment that I first laid my eyes on him and I couldn't stop thinking about you, Atobe Keigo, ever since the first time I saw your challenging glances towards me.
Your eyes were challenging me to open up my heart and it excited me. It excited me and it scared me because I was with Kunimitsu at that time. Nonetheless, I took your bait and soon I was torn between two great men and it was killing all three of us. The night that Kunimitsu passed away was the night that I had finally made up my mind. I was on my way to his house to tell him my decision when I saw the ambulance outside of his house.
There was a car crashed and in the middle of the street was Kunimitsu covered in blood. My hands felt icy cold and even to this day I still couldn't remember what had happened next. The next morning, you told me that while Kunimitsu was crossing the road, he saw a little girl in the middle of the street picking up a ball. The driver didn't see the girl bending down, but Kunimitsu did and stop a tragedy from happening.
I wanted to laugh at the irony but there was no voice in my throat. I couldn't move and I couldn't function. The only thing that I did was feel the tears coming down from my eyes. The only thing that I could have felt at that moment was you holding me and telling me that it wasn't my fault. It was just like Kunimitsu to think about everyone before him ... even a complete stranger. It was just like him to put everyone's well being before his own. Sometimes I wish he could be more selfish, more selfish like me. If he had, maybe he would still be here and maybe he would still look at me in the eyes and gave me one of his rare smiles.
After I lost Kunimitsu, I became scared and you immediately noticed. You noticed the vulnerability in me that no one had ever seen. The great tensai Fuji Shusuke was scared. For the first time I let someone see the fragile side of me because I didn't know what to do. I was acting brave in front of the public. I was acting brave in front of my teammates. I was trying to become the pillar that Kunimitsu had always been, but I know that I was failing miserably because each night I would cry. Each night I would cry myself to sleep because I had become so scared of losing.
I was scared of losing. I was scared of losing what was left of my broken heart. As for my final decision, I was going to tell Kunimitsu that it was you, Atobe Keigo that I loved. But in the end, I never told anyone my decision, not you and not Kunimitsu. The one night that I spent in your arms was the safest I ever felt; and also the guiltiest that I had ever felt. Our chance of being together vanished the second Kunimitsu died. I just couldn't take it anymore because I know that I don't deserve another great man.
So I did the only thing I could have. I left the place that contained all our memories, yours, mines and Kunimitsu's. I left the place where I found and lost my heart again and again. I left the place that I found love. I left the place that broke my heart as well.
In the end, I couldn't stand the guilt and as so, I created a most fitting punishment for myself. I vowed to never love again. I vowed to never feel again. Yes, a most fitting ending for a selfish person like me.
To be alone…
Never has a single word sound so cold and yet, so fitting.