"The Truth About Cats and Dogs"

Summary: This fic was inspired by a scene from "The Truth About Cats and Dogs". Most of the dialogue (between Angela and Brennan) is from the movie. Everything after Booth enters the story is purely mine….with the exception of Booth of course.

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own anything remotely associated with BONES nor did I have anything to do with "The Truth About Cats and Dogs".

Author's notes: I finally had an opportunity to catch up on some of the really wonderful fics on this site including those that have been submitted for the March CPB challenge. I just couldn't resist joining in since I'm a major movie buff and I had a little bit of free time. Anyway, it's a short, meaningless little story but hopefully amusing. Enjoy.


The mall was extremely crowded as Angela and Brennan struggled to make it toward the makeup and perfume department. Brennan honestly didn't know how her best friend always managed to talk her into these types of outings. The last time she's made a special trip to the mall was to purchase her rather large handgun. She smiled as she recalled Booth's disapproval of her purchase as well as his surprise at the size of the gun. Sometimes size did matter.

Angela grabbed her hand as they entered the department they had been seeking for the last ten minutes.

"Hey what's this? Your palms are sweaty."

"Malls make me nauseous," Brennan stated in a matter of fact tone. She noted that Angela didn't bother to let go of her hand despite her proclamation of its sweatiness. The artist must have sensed her desire to bolt from the crowd.

"I did that facial reconstruction for you instead of going on my date," Angela reminded her.

"Yes, you did and you did a brilliant job." Perhaps flattery would make her change her mind about this whole makeover idea.

Angela smiled at her knowing full well what her friend was attempting to do. "Bren, you and I combined, we make the perfect woman."

Brennan rolled her eyes and allowed her friend to pull her towards the makeup counter. "No, Ange, you and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve."

Angela chose to ignore her friend's last comment and smiled at the attractive saleswoman behind the counter.

"Hi," she said before turning to stare at Brennan's face for a moment. "Okay, we need the Spring Bride blush and the Absentia pore minimizer."

Brennan rolled her eyes again and turned to face the saleswoman. "I'd actually like a pore maximizer if you have one, because sometimes you just want to put loose change somewhere…or keys." She smiled at her own joke as Angela shook her head.

The saleswoman did not appear amused as she moved to another area to find the items that Angela requested.

"There's an art gallery in Riverside that wants to display a few pieces of my artwork," she said as she stared in a mirror sitting on the counter and smoothed a stray hair. "They've asked me to bring some of my work by the gallery tomorrow for them to see."

"That's so cool." Brennan smiled at her friend, genuinely happy for her. "That's great Ange."

"Would you come over later and help me decide which paintings I should take tomorrow?"

"Yeah, of course I will."

Angela picked up a small jar from the counter and sniffed the contents as the saleswoman approached them again. "This is really nice but it's a little bit smelly."

"We also have this new face cream that neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin," the saleswoman informed them as she held up a rather expensive looking bottle. "Let me ask you," she continued as she stared at Brennan, "what's your skin regime?"

Brennan frowned and stared back at the saleswoman. "My regime?"

"Mmm-hmmm," the saleswoman smirked.

"The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?" she questioned as she glanced at the bottle in the saleswoman's hands. The woman was giving her yet another reason to hate the mall.

The saleswoman continued to be unimpressed with Brennan's sarcasm as she placed a large mirror on the counter in front of the anthropologist. "Let me show you something."

Brennan stared at her reflection and squinted, which was unnecessary since every flaw and every pore on her face had been magnified hundreds of times over.

"Do you see how dry and discolored you are?" the saleswoman continued as Brennan squinted even harder. Of course she was dry and discolored, she silently reasoned. She didn't take the time to use moisturizer while she was uncovering human remains in mass graves. "Do you see the irreversible sun damage? You haven't been taking care of your skin and it's only going to get worse."


Thirty minutes and one failed makeover later, Angela sat next to Brennan in the shoe department and watched helplessly as her friend cried.

"God, I can't believe it," Brennan said as she sat up straight and sniffled. "I can't believe I let her do this to me. I know exactly what she was doing." She couldn't believe she was sitting in the mall crying over a bad makeover and the purchase of several makeup and skin regime products. The saleswoman reminded her of some of the cruel girls she'd endured during her high school years. The woman's sales technique had hit a sore spot with Brennan, making her feel like an awkward teenager all over again. At the moment all she wanted to do was remove the massive amount of gunk from her face.

"Do you have a tissue?" she asked Angela.

"I think she might have put one in the bag with your gift with purchase," Angela said guiltily as she reached for the large shopping bag at Brennan's feet. The day at the mall was supposed to be fun, not cause her best friend to have a breakdown.

Brennan took a deep breath as Angela handed her the tissue. "Men don't go around buying all this expensive crap hoping women will want them you know." She waved the tissue around to emphasize her point. "If I was a guy, women would be lining up to go out with me. I'm smart, have a good sense of humor and I make a great living."

"I'd fuck ya," Angela joked with a smile.

Brennan smiled slightly and tried to wipe some of the makeup from her face. "Thank you honey, I know you would."

"Talk about walking in on a conversation at the wrong time," Booth chuckled as he approached them. His amusement was put on hold when he spied mascara streaked on Brennan's face, indicating that she had been crying.

"Hey Bones, what's wrong?" He took a seat next to his partner, sandwiching her between Angela and himself.

"What are you doing here Booth?" she asked as she sniffled again.

"It's a mall Bones; I'm shopping. Would you like to tell me why you have all that crap on your face?"

"Angela and I were shopping at the makeup counter and the saleswoman…"

"You listened to some saleswoman who works for a commission?" he interrupted. What on earth would possess someone with Brennan's beauty and brains to buy into a sales pitch at a makeup counter? He took the tissue from her hand and gently began to wipe the bright red lipstick from her lips. "Bones, do you remember when I told you that you're well structured?"

Brennan nodded as Angela leaned toward the couple, her interest piqued. It was funny that her best friend had never mentioned that conversation to her.

"Someone as well structured as you doesn't need all of this expensive crap covering her face," he continued as he used the tissue to wipe some of the Spring Bride blush from her cheeks. "Okay?"


Booth leaned down and picked up the shopping bag. "Come on, let's return this and I'll take you both for some ice cream."

He stood and started toward the makeup counter while Brennan composed herself.

"Hey Bren, you know how you said if you were a guy you would have women lining up to date you?"

"Yeah, so?" Brennan frowned at her friend as she stood and wiped more of the blush from her cheeks.

"Sweetie, you don't need a line of men waiting to date you. You've got Booth."

Brennan rolled her eyes, now highlighted by dark eyeliner and grey eye shadow. "Angela, the next time we come to the mall together, it had better be to purchase another gun."

Angela laughed as her friend moved past her to join Booth. "Say what you want Bren, but I'm not the only one who'd…you know." She winked at Brennan and whistled.

Brennan closed her eyes and shook her head at Angela's train of thought. "You're not getting any ice cream."

As I said, meaningless…hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to leave a review and let me know.