Worse Than Death
By Renegade Raine
"Mfph mff mf fph mphmpfh fffpfh!"
"What Grimmjow? I couldn't understand you!" Nnoitra said with an exaggerated wave of his hand before making a sly grin. "Could you repeat that for me?"
Grimmjow glared back at him hatefully. If he could, he'd strangle the damned man, but his hands and feet were being restrained with a set of restraints that Halibel conveniently took with her wherever she went. The thing that pissed him off the most though was that she also tied a cloth tightly over his mouth. And now, both Nnoitra and Halibel just kept making fun of him as he tried to yell at them to untie him.
However, Halibel was right to restrain him after the stunt he pulled. Hearing her scream from outside the room, he mistakenly thought his wife was under some horrible kind of torture from the medical staff. Busting into the room, he threatened to kill the doctors and nurses in the loudest and most profane way possible, which led to everyone deciding that it would be best if he were to be restrained until the baby could be delivered.
"Nfphff mph phfff nphf!"
"Your words don't make any sense," Halibel said calmly. "Care to repeat that again?"
Grimmjow mentally swore that he was going to kill both of them once he got the damned ties off from his limbs.
In the meantime, Szayel Aporro and Stark walked down the hallway. Surprisingly, Stark looked to be in perfect health. It turned out that after he arrived at the hospital, the car never actually hit him. What actually happened was that Stark fell asleep right before Nnoitra's car crashed into him. The impact of hitting his head against the pavement rendered him unconscious, but his body fell right underneath the car and managed to escape from any serious injury.
"Isn't that usually Nnoitra's position?" Szayel Aporro asked as he looked down at Grimmjow on the floor.
"No, that's just the idiot position, and Nnoitra usually does at least one stupid thing a day," Halibel replied.
"Mphf nmphf nph nphmphmffph!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Grimmjow. I don't understand the speech of morons," Szayel Aporro said with a shrug. "Perhaps you'd like to try again in a more intelligent matter?"
"Mphf nmphnphf phfmnph mphnphf nphf mphf nphf mphff nphfphf!"
"Huh? What was that?" Stark asked as he made an exaggerated confused expression. "I could have sworn I heard something!"
Grimmjow grumbled as the three other men laughed at him. Apparently he had some others he'd have to go after whenever his limbs were free again.
"Oh man, this is too fun," Nnoitra said as he laughed. "I bet if Ulquiorra was here, even he'd get in on the fun!"
Coincidently, the mentioned man just happened to go through the doors of Ryuuken's clinic (since Grimmjow did not want the baby delivered at the Kurosaki Clinic at any cost). Upon hearing his name mentioned, he walked towards the others in the waiting room. However, upon his abnormally disheveled appearance, everyone aside from Stark looked at him strangely.
"Wow, Ulquiorra. You look like hell," Stark commented as he made a wolfish smirk. "But we both know why, don't we?"
"Oh really?" Nnoitra said with a grin. "Care to enlighten the rest of us?"
"I swear, if you tell anyone what happened..." Ulquiorra said in a threatening tone, but Stark only shrugged him off.
"Nah, it's more fun to keep everyone in the dark," he said. Before he continued, he gave Ulquiorra an uncharacteristic look of warning. "I can't believe you'd try to intimidate me though, number four."
Ulquiorra didn't pay much mind to him though as he looked down at Grimmjow's bound form on the ground. Exasperated, Grimmjow sighed and looked away.
"Mph nphf phff…"
The two looked at each other silently for a moment after that. Finally, Ulquiorra closed his eyes before talking. "I'm afraid I could not understand a word that you just said. "
Grimmjow was now glowering as Stark, Nnoitra, and Szayel Aporro broke into laughter again. Eventually though, the laughter died down as Szayel Aporro looked back at Ulquiorra.
"So why is your appearance so…untidy today?" Szayel Aporro asked. "From my observations, I would hypothesize that from your droopy eyes and the smell of your breath, you appear to be intoxicated."
"Yes, your assumptions are correct," Ulquiorra responded, figuring it was best to admit that much, at least.
"Then the stereotypical thing to do, after getting drunk, is to wind up sleeping with someone. Then typically, you wind up regretting it by the morning," Szayel Aporro continued.
It was fortunate for Ulquiorra that his face was naturally emotionless, otherwise the horror would be written all over his face. However, he figured that it would again be best to just go with it. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"Oh! Szayel found something juicy!" Nnoitra said with great glee before patting an arm on Ulquiorra's shoulder. "So…who was it? Was it a fat chick? A butter-face? A tranny?"
"Neither," Ulquiorra answered. However, he figured that now was as good time as any to tell a lie. He didn't like having to resort to it, but if he remained unresponsive, Halibel or Nnoitra was bound to figure out who his real bed partner was the night before. "I don't remember her name, but I do recall that she was supposed to be the vice-captain of the Tenth Division in Soul Society."
"Wait…wait…you mean Rangiku Matsumoto?!" Nnoitra asked him.
"Yes, I believe that's what her name was," Ulquiorra affirmed.
The other men looked back at Ulquiorra with awe. Even Grimmjow looked a little impressed on the floor.
"No shit?!" Nnoitra exclaimed. "Wow, I think we all misjudged you, Ulquiorra! I mean…that chick is HOT. How did you do it?!"
"Well, when one drinks enough alcohol, it greatly skews their perception of things, I suppose," Ulquiorra said, knowing all too well how true that statement was.
Halibel, however, didn't seem to buy it. "Wasn't it you that I saw at the bar last night? And if I remember right, I believe I saw you leaving with Byakuya in the corner of my eye."
"Yes, I was at the bar last night with that uncivilized man," Ulquiorra responded, while quickly trying to dig for a scenario in his head. "But that bar was too low class for even his tastes, so we both left. However, once we got outside, we disagreed on our next location, so we split off from there. All I remember after that was that I entered another location, had a couple of drinks, and woke up next to that woman."
"So why the hell are you so hesitant to talk about it?!" Nnoitra chided him. "I'd be bragging about it all day long!"
"Of course you would," Ulquiorra said dryly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Nnoitra said with a raise of his brow. "But anyways, why are you here anyways?"
"Inoue-san sent me a text message yesterday, saying that she was going to have her child soon," he answered. "Normally, I would not care, but she's treated me fairly well, so I figured that I could come see her at least."
"Oh yeah, that chick was having a kid, wasn't she?" Nnoitra thought out loud. "I almost forgot, since terrorizing Grimmjow has been so goddamned fun."
Everyone looked at Nnoitra dryly, but no one was surprised to hear idiocy spew from his mouth once again.
"And may I inquire as to why the two of you are here?" Ulquiorra asked Szayel Aporro and Stark. "Usually, you two rarely ever leave the house."
"Well, Szayel thought that I got totaled by a car, so he called an ambulance. However, as you can see, I'm perfectly fine! I just wanted to stick around, to see how Nikita would act around the new kid. I am her godfather, you know?" Stark explained. "I'm almost touched that Szayel cared enough to call the ambulance though."
"I only did it because you said that you had something to tell me, you idiot," Szayel Aporro grumbled.
"Oh yeah! That's right! I was gonna tell you…" Stark said excitedly, but then went into deep thought. "…ah shit, I forgot."
"Surely you're joking?" Szayel Aporro suggested, but was answered with a shake of Stark's head. "Then I guess that I have no other alternative."
In a flash of movement, Szayel Aporro promptly took out a tranquilizer gun out of a pocket and shot a dart at the offending man's neck. To everyone's surprise though, Stark didn't seem affected by it at all.
"Ow!" Stark exclaimed as he pulled the dart out of his neck. "What the fuck was that for? You don't have to be an ass about it!"
It was then when Szayel Aporro came to a disturbing conclusion. "Stark…why is it that you haven't fallen asleep since you woke up a few hours ago?"
"Huh…that is kind of strange, isn't it?" Stark said thoughtfully before freaking out in an uncharacteristic matter. "Wait! If I can't fall asleep, I won't be able to make use of my cognitive skills! Even with my ability to break the fourth wall, I'll never get back into Hueco Mundo this way!"
"What the hell is this 'fourth wall' anyways?" Nnoitra asked.
"Heh, even Aizen didn't know, but part of the reason my ranking is so high is because he thought that it sounded powerful," Stark explained before tilting his head at an odd angle. "But you guys at home understand what I mean perfectly, don't you?
"I think that the car crash has messed with his head." Halibel said dryly. "I think he's delusional."
"See? Your guys' minds are incapable of grasping the real meaning of our existence," Stark said with a sigh. "If you guys knew the truth about everything, I guarantee that none of you would be able to handle it!"
"Now the stupid fucker's trying to scare us!" Nnoitra said with a roll of his eye.
"Speak for yourself, dude," Stark said with a shrug.
Needless to say, Nnoitra was not pleased. He started to walk toward the higher ranked man with a scowl on his face, but a nurse came into the waiting room before it could escalate to a physical fight. The nurse gave Grimmjow a weird look upon seeing him on the floor before speaking.
"Congratulations, it's a boy!"
"Mmph nph mff mmf mph nphf mmphf?"
"I'm sorry, could you repeat that again?" the nurse asked with a mischievous look in her eyes.
Exasperated, Grimmjow slumped to the ground as everyone, aside from Ulquiorra and Halibel, laughed at his expense. Apparently he had a whole legion of people to take down on his list. After the laughter died down though, Halibel finally removed the restraints from his body. He had the urge to punch her in the fact, but he had to go and make sure that his wife wasn't being subject to some terrible torture, even if Halibel scolded him, informing Grimmjow that it was normal to scream during the delivery. He'd deal with everyone else later.
In a rush, he busted through the door of the room that Orihime occupied. Startled by his sudden entrance, she blinked a couple of times before giving off a nervous smile. "With the expression on your face, it would seem like you thought that I was under some horrendous kind of torture or something!"
Orihime laughed, but it still scared Grimmjow on how accurate his wife was at reading people sometimes.
"Of course not!" You think that I'm an idiot or something?" Grimmjow replied with a forced laugh. "I…uh…just wanted to see my son!"
She gave him an odd look for a couple of seconds, which made him fear that he didn't buy her story. However, her face quickly brightened up. Luckily, she was very gullible, as well as insightful.
"Oh yeah, silly me!" she said as she lifted her new child. "Look, there's your daddy, Demy-X!"
He had been trying to mentally prepare himself to be a father, but as he stared at his son, the gravity of it all finally hit him. He was a father now, and he didn't have a single clue as to what he was supposed to do now.
"Pick him up!" Orihime suggested to her confused husband.
Both father and son looked at each other curiously before Grimmjow hesitantly reached his arms out. Holding his son out away from him, he continued to inspect the child. However, the bonding moment was soon broken as a voice filled the room.
"Naaaaants igonyaaaaama bagigithi baba!' Zommari sung.
All of the sudden, a group of nurses stuck their heads into the room and provided backup vocals. "Sithi uhm igonyama!"
The nurses then went back into the hallway as Grimmjow donned a dull expression. "Oh god…"
"We know this one!" Orihime said excitedly." It's from the Lion King!"
"Yeah, I know," Grimmjow grumbled.
What she didn't mention was that she had made him watch the movie dozens of times to try to make him feel better about the fact that his released form resembled a cat. However, it only further embarrassed him.
"Naaaaants igonyaaaaaama bagithiiiiii babaaaaaa!" Zommari continued, which caused Demy-X to giggle in delight.
Again, the nurses popped their heads into the room to provide backup. "Sithi uhhmm igonyama! Igonyama!"
"If you exist, please kill me now," Grimmjow muttered as he tilted his head in the air.
Zommari and the nurses continued to sing in the background as Stark and Szayel Aporro came into the room.
"Oh, Lion King today, huh?" Stark commented, as he was used to Zommari's random musical outbursts. He then turned to Grimmjow and Orihime. "So, I thought it would be a cool idea to bring Nikita her to see how well the kids would react to each other. Are you okay with that?"
"That is a good idea!" Orihime said happily. "I say go for it!"
"Get your kid out then, Szayel," Stark said to his companion, but he looked back at him with sour expression #187.
"No, last time I took her out of the baby carrier, the brat bit my finger off!" Szayel Aporro exclaimed. "So you can do it. At least she likes you!"
"Oh fine," Stark said as he walked behind him to retrieve Nikita from the carrier on Szayel Aporro's back. He then held Nikita out in front of Demy-X.
Upon seeing another infant, Demy-X squealed happily. Nikita, however, didn't seem to enjoy the meeting as much as the boy did. She continued to analyze him though, so she could secretly figure out if he was a good potential candidate to be a future lackey of hers. With her advanced intelligence, she figured that she could never be too young to plan her own future.
However, when Demy-X reached out to touch her, she quickly reached a tiny hand out to his face. Instantly, Demy-X started bawling.
Grimmjow only looked more confounded than he already was. "What the hell just happened?"
"I…I think she just baby-bitchslapped him!" Stark answered in a humorous tone.
"It's love already!" Nnoitra proclaimed as he entered the room with Halibel.
"Naturally, you would think that…" Szayel Aporro said with a sigh.
"Uh-uh! No son of mine's gonna be a bitch to anyone else!" Grimmjow protested as he held Demy-X in the air. "You're going to be a real man, just like your dad!"
Everyone laughed about the situation, but Nnoitra watched silently. Halibel had proposed to him the day before, and it was all that ran through his mind since then. He knew that he would always be below her in her eyes, and he'd only commit to that if he chose to go through with the marriage. As he watched Grimmjow interact with Demy-X though, he realized that he wanted to be able to do that as well someday. In fact, it was then that he realized that his biological clock had been ticking like crazy for the last year or so.
"Halibel…" he spoke suddenly. "Let's get married."
"It's about time you decided," Halibel said dully as she pulled out a cellphone and dialed the number of her manager. "Hey, this is Halle Berry. Yeah…I'm going to need the most elaborate and ridiculously expensive wedding planned as soon as possible. What? Are you sure that's the only priest available? Oh, alright…I can deal with it. Oh, and one more thing? I need this all tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?!" Nnoitra shrieked as Halibel put the phone back into her pocket. "Oh hell no! I saw that movie! These two people fall in love and say that they're gonna get married the next day. The next day comes, and the bitch gets thrown into a well. Then basically, the chick falls in love with a douchebag lawyer and the dumbass prince winds up marrying another chick that was just kind of there!"
"Oh! I know that movie too!" Orihime shouted out. "That was Enchanted!"
"YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE ME FOR THAT GODDAMNED LAWYER!" Nnoitra shouted as he pointed an accusing finger at his fiancé.
"I don't think that movie is the best metaphor for this situation though," Orihime muttered under her breath.
Halibel sighed and slapped him across the face. "From now on, you're officially banned from all chick flicks!"
"Well, it's not like I have any reason to watch them anymore," Nnoitra grumbled in a bitter tone.
"Anyways, we're getting married tomorrow," Halibel announced to everyone in the room. "We need seat fillers, so all of you better be there."
She then grabbed a part of Nnoitra's shirt and dragged him out of the room to prepare for the next day.
The next day, Szayel Aporro was concerned to see that Stark was still awake, playing video games when he came up from his room in the basement. He didn't care about the fact that his comrade was suffering from a major case of insomnia. He just knew that there was something that Stark had to tell him, and it was driving him crazy to not know what that something was.
"Have you even tried to go to sleep yet?" Szayel Aporro asked.
"Halibel made me take some of her sleeping pills. Apparently, she carries the bottle around with her to create controversy if she's not in the tabloids enough," Stark answered. "But when it didn't affect me, she made me take the whole bottle. Normally, it would be enough to kill a person, but it barely even caused me to blink!"
"Huh…well, did you try anything else?"
"Uh huh," Stark said with a nod of his head. "I tried tiring myself out, then I tried to render myself unconscious again. Neither of those tactics worked. And then, Nnoitra tried to chloroform me, because he wanted to know if Halibel was going to leave him for some 'douchebag lawyer'."
"None of that worked?"
"Hmph…it would appear that I need to do more experimentation," Szayel Aporro said right before his cellphone went off. Upon hearing "Happiness in Slavery" as the ringtone, he gave a sigh.
"Who's calling? I don't think that I heard that one before…" Stark commented.
"It's Nnoitra," Szayel Aporro groaned. "The last time that idiot wanted something from me, we wound up shrinking Neliel, which in turn led us to go on a life-changing adventure through alternative universes."
"Wait…what?!" Stark exclaimed. "Why did I never hear about this?"
"We both swore to never speak of it again," Szayel Aporro said, trying to block the horrible memories of his past adventure. Deciding that it was best to finish whatever it was that Nnoitra wanted, he finally answered the phone. "What the hell do you want this time?"
Fifteen minutes earlier…
"Why is Tesla not answering his phone?!" Nnoitra shrieked as he threw down his phone. "That fucker was supposed to be my best man!"
"Somehow, I get the feeling that it has something to do with the fact that none of my bitches are answering their phones either, "Halibel muttered.
Elsewhere, in Nnoitra's old room at Hueco Mundo, Tesla sat in a hot tub with Halibel's entire fraccion surrounding him.
Appache heard her cellphone ring and quickly checked the caller ID.
"Guys, it's Halibel-sama! What should we do?" Appache exclaimed as she quickly stood up in the hot tub. "More importantly, how the hell do our phones pick up calls from other dimensions?!"
"Ah, that's because Aizen-sama has gifted us with the best cellphone rates in all of existence," Tesla explained to her. "But don't worry about Halibel-sama, she was exiled from this place, remember? So let's just relax ourselves in Nnoitra-sama's room, since he can't do anything about it anyways."
"You know what? You're right," Mila Rose said. "Don't even bother answering the phone. That bitch can do her own work for once!"
Mila Rose's phone started ringing soon after, but she ignored it. Sun-Sun's phone then rang. She tentatively looked over at it, but then she ignored it as well.
"I have the feeling that we're going to regret this later," Sun-Sun said with a sigh.
"Oh loosen up, Sun-chan!" Tesla said as he put an arm around her. His phone rang, but he didn't bother to even look at it.
"Aren't you going to get that?" Sun-Sun asked.
"One missed phone call is nothing compared to hanging out with you three ladies," he replied with a wink. He then put his arm around the other two women in the hot tub. "So…what sign are you ladies anyways?"
"So who the hell are you going to use as your maid of honor then?" Nnoitra asked.
"Well, there's always Nel, as she was the one who-" Halibel suggested, but was quickly cut off.
"No," he replied flatly.
"Then I guess that leaves me with Orihime," she said with a shrug. "Somehow I get the feeling that she'd probably be overjoyed getting the offer anyways. What are you going to do about finding a best man?"
"Well, Ulquiorra sucks, so that rules him out. Stark's boring, so that rules him out too. And Grimmjow? He's a douchebag," Nnoitra mumbled to himself. "So I guess that leaves me with my ol' pal, Szayel."
"You guys were friends?" Halibel said with a raised brow.
"Yeah, we used to pull all sorts of jackass stunts with each other!" Nnoitra said as he smiled at the nostalgia of it all. However, it didn't last for long as his lips curled down in a deep sneer. "That was until we got stuck in some weird adventure where we traveled through alternate universes."
"…why did I never hear of this?"
"Because after we got stuck in the Tetris realm, we swore to never speak of it again," Nnoitra explained. "That game seems innocent until you're an I-block caught between an O-block and a L-block. It was then when I realized that the game was one big orgy!"
Halibel only gave her fiancé a knowing look. Upon figuring out that he said a little too much, Nnoitra cursed out loud. She only rolled her turquoise eyes in response.
"We've got things we need to plan, so get your ass on the phone, so you can be my bagboy, bitch," Halibel said in her annoyance.
In the meantime, after Szayel Aporro left to attend to the duties of being the selected best man, Stark decided to hang around the house and for the first time in a long time, he actually tried to sleep. However, as soon as he thought he might drift off, the doorbell rang through the house.
Irritated, he picked himself up from the bed and walked to the door. He pushed the door open and saw a woman that seemed vaguely familiar. After giving it some thought though, he immediately recognized her.
"Halle Berry? The REAL Halle Berry?" Stark asked as he looked in confusion.
"Yeah," she affirmed in a curt tone. "You know where that imposter bitch is at?"
"I think she was getting married at that Square Garden thing in town, why?"
"That's all I needed to know," she murmured and started to head away from the door. Before leaving the area though, she regarded Stark with one last look and handed a DVD over to him. "Here, you can have this as a token of my thanks!"
Stark just scratched his head as he looked on with a bemused expression. He didn't know why the real Halle Berry was looking for Halibel, but he finally just shrugged it off. With everything that had happened to him since being exiled to Karakura Town, there really wasn't anything that shocked him too much.
He finally looked down at the DVD and frowned slightly when he looked at the title. Out of all the possible movies she could have given him, why was it that movie? He had never bothered to watch it before, but he had only heard bad things about it.
In reaction, he was tempted to catch up to that presumptuous actress and fling it at her face. However, after thinking about it a little, he wondered if it was a blessing in disguise. He knew that he wasn't going to be able to sleep, but at least he could be cured of his boredom. Even if the movie was as terrible as he heard from everyone else, it had to at least be as entertaining as the Street Fighter movie or any Steven Segal movie, right?
He knew that he would never hear the end of it from anyone else if he got caught watching it, but all the tenants of the house just happened to be busy at the moment. So without feeling any shame, he set up his DVD player and put his newly acquired movie on. Although the knowledge of him being soulless was already common knowledge, the epiphany of it all hit him. He was a grown man, and he was spending a perfectly fine afternoon watching Catwoman.
There was no turning back for him now.
About one hour before the wedding, the sky was a terrible shade of grey and the rain pelted down heavily from above. The weather, however, did not wash away Ulquiorra's determination of stopping the event at all costs. It was true that the Cuatro Espada was starting to get used to Halibel and Nnoitra's antics, but what was terrifying to him was the prospect of the two of them procreating.
Nnoitra was an evil bastard to the core and Halibel was cunningly intelligent and had an impressive ability to take control of any situation she came across. Individually, they were bad enough, but as a team, they were nearly unstoppable. However, if they were to have a child (or god forbid, children) that would inherit all of their dominant traits, it would surely mean that his life would be even more hellacious than it already was in the present.
So even though the rain had him completely soaked as he stood in front of Karakura Square Garden, Ulquiorra disregarded it as he held up a sign, which protested the wedding. The thing that shocked him the most though was not the fact that every bystander seemed to just ignore him, but the fact that Byakuya was not there protesting along side him. Sure, he had told the Shinigami captain to stay away from him, but this wedding signified everything that was wrong in both of their worlds.
However, before Ulquiorra lost all hope, he soon saw his comrade, Itachi, approach from a distance. Upon seeing the pale-faced man in the rain, Itachi gave him a blank look before casting his gaze to the sky.
"The weather is quite unfavorable for holding up paper signs, don't you think?" Itachi commented as he looked at Ulquiorra's dilapidated sign.
"Do you have a better idea to stop this apocalyptic event then?" Ulquiorra asked.
"No," Itachi answered. "In fact, I'm here to tell you that I'm ending my alliance with you, as of today."
"What is the meaning of this?" Ulquiorra asked, without giving the slightest hint of anxiety in his speech, although the emotion surged through his head. "I thought you sympathized with me and Byakuya."
"I only allied with you two until I found my place in this world." Itachi said coldly. "And I believe my place in the food chain of this world is far higher than the likes of you fools."
"So why are you betraying us now?"
"Remember when I classified myself as 'self-sexual'?" Itachi asked. Ulquiorra didn't respond, but he continued anyways. "Well, I had long thought that to be true, but in the brief time of my romantic entanglement with Miss Halibel, I found that I am indeed heterosexual. In other words, I fell for her. However, I made a mistake and there's no way I can get back with her now. Nevertheless, I still fully intend to make it up to her, and the first step is to sever my ties to people I never should have aligned myself with in the first place."
"So you're going to attend the wedding?"
"Yes," Itachi replied simply before turning to Karakura Square Garden. But then he remembered something and tilted his head around. "Oh, and when I told you that you were 'self-sexual' as well? That was a lie to make you feel better. I've always known that you were gay."
"I am not homosexual."
"Oh yes you are," Itachi retorted. "And since I know you're subconsciously wondering about it, my power to see beyond the fourth wall tells me that you'll find the answer to Byakuya's sexuality soon enough. So you might want to admit to truth to your self…and him before it's too late."
With that, Itachi left to go inside the building, leaving behind a very confused Ulquiorra in the worsening storm.
In the meantime, as Orihime was in another room, getting prepared for the wedding, Grimmjow had to wait in another room with his newborn son. The worst part of the situation though was that Demy-X had been crying ever since they got into the building. Oddly, Orihime had been happy about it, as she knew that it was usually a little while babies could wail like he did, but Grimmjow just wanted to bang his head against the wall in frustration.
After an hour of listening to his bawling, Grimmjow could feel his violent urges rising up in his mind. However, he was determined to mold his son into a true man, and killing him wouldn't accomplish anything. He also got the feeling that his wife wouldn't be too happy about it.
Instead, he let out a sigh as he unzipped his electric guitar from its case. After looking around a bit, Grimmjow managed to find a place to plus his amp in, and hooked his guitar up to it. He placed the baby carrier that Demy-X was in on the ground before picking his instrument up to practice playing the main riff of the song he was somehow roped into performing during the wedding.
At first, he was so caught up in his playing that he didn't even notice that his son stopped crying. But once he moved onto playing one of his original riffs, he momentarily paused in amazement as Demy-X cooed in delight. Intrigued by his son's apparent interest in guitars, he began to play heavier songs by bands such as earlier Metallica (because according to Grimmjow, their more recent stuff was for "pussies"), Slayer, Dimmu Borgir, Children of Bodom, and Dethklok. Amazingly, each song only seemed to make the baby even happier. Finally, Grimmjow stopped playing, but Demy-X continued to stare at his father in awe.
"Y'like that, huh?" Grimmjow asked. "Well, I suppose I can teach you how to play. Even if you grow up to be the pansy boy I think you're gonna be, if you learn how to play the guitar, all the bitches will love you."
Demy-X made a sound in approval, which caused his father to grin.
"Atta boy!" he exclaimed. "Now first of all, this is an E string…"
Orihime came into the room a few minutes later, and was happy that her husband was bonding with his son, however, she thought that maybe he getting a little too eager about the whole thing.
"Um…honey…I don't think he can remember all of that yet," Orihime said with a slight laugh.
"Y'gotta start them young," Grimmjow said with a shrug. "But anyways, since you're back, I wanted to talk with you about something."
"Oh? What did you need to talk about?"
"I think we should move," Grimmjow stated.
"Eh? But the SHOGUNS house won't be the SHOGUNS house without us!" Orihime exclaimed in horror.
"Trust me, I'm really worried about that, but we've got other things to worry about," Grimmjow said sarcastically. "Mainly, that if Nnoitra and Halibel are married, they'll probably engage in random acts of sadomasochism even more than usual, and I really don't want my son to get into that kinda shit."
"Even if I wish you wouldn't swear around the baby, I see your point, I guess," Orihime said with a sigh. "So are we going to find another place in town?"
"Hell no, we're getting out of the fuckin' country," Grimmjow replied, while ignoring Orihime scolding him about his language again.
"Another country?! But I have friends here!" Orihime protested.
"They can come visit," Grimmjow countered.
"Fine," Orihime said in defeat. "Where do you suppose we should move to?"
"I thought long and hard about this," Grimmjow smirked. "First of all, the US is full of fatass people, and I don't want any of us to be like those fuckers. The English people have bad teeth, the Netherlands is full of stoners, German people scare me, the French are pussies, Mexico has shitty water, the Caribbean islands are full of more stoners and reggae music, Canada only has maple syrup, moose, and Celine Dion, so that's a big fuck no, Russia has stupid looking fluffy hats, Romania is full of vampires, Antarctica has penguins, which I'm fully convinced are secret minions of Ulquiorra, South America has malaria and cocaine, China has too many fucking people, India has those scary Bollywood movies, and I'm not even gonna start with Africa."
"Wow," Orihime said simply as she took all of his words in. "I think you just managed to insult every country on Earth. Are you proposing that we go to another planet?"
"Nah, I thought about it, but it would be too much work," Grimmjow said with a shrug. "Instead, I propose that we go to Australia, because they just talk weird and have kangaroos and dingos. Plus, it seems like a manly place to raise my son."
"O…kay," Orihime stuttered. "So when are we moving?"
"Right after the wedding."
Around a half an hour later, a massive amount of people sat in their assigned seats as they waited for the wedding to start. The crowd hushed in anticipation as the lights dimmed in the arena. The room then lit up in a variety of colors as a laser light show was displayed on the main stage.
"Many years ago, two arrancar were created in another dimension. These two people grew in power and became two members of the legendary evil force of the Espada. Through there, the egos of the man and the woman collided, which first led to mutual hatred, but eventually led to a lot of hate sex," an ominous voice spoke through the PA system. "Despite their rocky beginning though, Nnoitra, the arrogant warrior, learned to accept the fact that he would always be Halibel's man bitch. And thus, today, the two shall be wed in an unholy matrimony. This…is the wedding…of Halibel and Nnoitra."
Instantly, another one of the stages lit up, and the members of BECK, a band that recently achieved worldwide success, were made visible to the crowd. Normally, BECK would not play for weddings, but the money they were being offered was far too much to refuse. A couple of minutes after they started, two more stages opposite from each other from both sides of the area lit up. On one side, Andrea Bocelli started singing. Shortly afterwards, Sarah Brightman, who was on the other side, started singing along with him in Italian.
No one in the arena (aside from Itachi, who was somehow fluent in all languages) understood what was being sung, but everyone sat in an awed silence, as a rock opera was about the craziest opening for a wedding ever. A few minutes later, the performance came to an end, and the audience continued to sit in a stunned silence before giving a standing ovation.
After the applause died down, a spotlight on the main stage centered on the priest of the event, Don Kanonji. The audience was ecstatic as they roared their cheers. Don made a "cool" pose before signaling for the crowd to be silent.
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I, Don Kanonji, is here today to present to you, the wedding of Halibel and Nnoitra!" he paused to let a few cheers in before continuing. "Without further ado, let's get this ceremony started!"
Another stage lit up above the main stage, which revealed Grimmjow looking rather disgruntled in punk-looking clothes, along with a hired back-up band. Everyone looked up to him, wondering why he was there, but Grimmjow just stood in silence. That was, until someone spoke into his earpiece.
"No, I get enough shit about how I look exactly like the blue haired version of Billy Idol as it is!" Grimmjow grumbled.
"Deal with it, or I'll make sure that the rest of your life is a living hell."
Although he still looked pissed off about it, Grimmjow picked up his guitar and began to play the opening riff to Billy Idol's "White Wedding". Everyone thought it was a very odd song choice at a wedding, but as the main stage was covered in fog, the audience shifted their attention as Szayel Aporro and Orihime rose up from the ground onto the stage. Strobe lighting enhanced the stage as Nnoitra ran onto the stage (wearing a white suit with black lining), riling the crowd up, before taking his place by Don Kanonji.
Finally, Halibel appeared at the other end of the arena, to a loud burst of cheers. Aizen, who was standing next to her, escorted her down the aisle, although he looked rather unhappy about the whole ordeal. The men (and some of the women) ogled over Halibel's appearance, as her very revealing gown was the first ever wedding dress made by Victoria's Secret. What the audience didn't know that because Halibel advertised the gown at her wedding, Victoria's Secret paid a good sum of the cost of the wedding.
After Halibel took her place on the main stage, Grimmjow's performance came to an end, and he immediately left the stage, as his part in the wedding was done. Don waited for the crowd to quiet down again before he began to speak. "Unfortunately, I was told to cut my usual routine for this wedding, so Halibel and Nnoitra shall now exchange vows."
Nnoitra cleared this throat before beginning. "I, Nnoitra, vow to be your bitch until the end of time, because it's not like I have a choice in the matter."
A few laughs went through the crowd as the simple vow was pathetic, but true. Halibel nodded and looked at the list of vows she made. "I, Halibel, shall take thee to be my man wife. Thus, if you complain about being the bitch, anything I might want to include in our intimate encounters, or even try to dominate me, I'm going to cut your testicles off."
Nnoitra looked horrified, but the crowd once again erupted into laughter. Don gave the two a weird look but shrugged his shoulders and continued.
"Alright, if anyone is against the marriage of these two fine individuals, speak now or forever hold your peace!"
Instantly, the doors in the back of the area were kicked open and the actual Halle Berry appeared with a furious expression on her face. Everyone looked on in confusion, as no one realized who it actually was.
"That bitch stole my name!" Halle shouted as she pointed an accusatory finger towards Halibel.
Halibel just merely raised an eyebrow.
"Don't raise your eyebrow at me, bitch!" Halle growled. "Because of you, I can't get any work. I won an Oscar, dammit! I should be more relevant than you!"
"Do you not realize that you stopped being relevant after you did the Catwoman movie?" Halibel pointed out. Halle didn't like that comment too much, but the audience ate it up as they cheered for the two to get in a catfight. Halibel, however, just merely sent Cock Slayer to dispatch the woman.
Don Kanonji regarded the situation with an odd look before speaking. "Anyone else object to the wedding?"
Stark then burst through the doors with an urgent look on his face. He saw Halle Berry lying on the ground, but he only gave an apathetic look in reaction,
"Hey! I remembered what I was supposed to tell ya, Szayel!" Stark exclaimed. "I'm not sure whether I should thank or curse her corpse, but Catwoman was so bad in a not entertaining way, that I finally fell asleep!"
"Oh? Then what are you waiting for, you idiot?" Szayel Aporro yelled back. "What was the important thing you had to tell me?"
"Audition for the next season of Project Runway!" Stark replied.
Szayel Aporro's enthusiastic look immediately dropped from his face. "If I remember right, that's a show where fashion designers compete to be the best designer, right?"
"Yeah," Stark affirmed.
"Uh…I'm a scientist."
"So? You're the person that stopped a fight to go change, and it can't be a coincidence that if you try to do an image search with the word 'Szayel', it asks if you meant to put in 'style'!" Stark retorted. "And besides, I promise that it's the key to getting the power in this world that you need!"
"Really? Hmm…" Szayel Aporro said as he considered it in his head.
Suddenly, Cirucci burst through the door behind Stark, with Nikita in her arms.
"You're going to enter or else I'll make you pay up the ass for child support!" Cirucci screeched. "And I'm going to enter the competition as a model!"
"A model? I thought you had a job as a secretary at some scientific organization!" Szayel Aporro said before giving a snide grin. "Or did they fire you once they figured out that the only talent you have is to screw people?"
"Shut up! You had me more than anyone else, so you would know the best!" Cirucci yelled back before calming down with a frustrated groan. "But I got fired because I tried to steal technology from them."
"So the whore is a thief as well, huh?" Szayel Aporro commented. "So who are you going to screw to get into the model portion of the competition?"
"You know what? Go screw yourself!" Cirucci spat out.
"This is worse than an episode of Jerry Springer," Tatsuki commented in the audience, as she did her best to shield Demy-X (whom she was babysitting) from the horror of it all..
"Uh…this is all great and all, but we're trying to have a motherfuckin' wedding here!" Nnoitra finally growled out.
"Oh right, my bad," Stark said apologetically as he took a seat, which he promptly fell asleep in. Cirucci just scowled and left the building in a huff.
:"Okay…is there anyone else?" Don asked.
Dan the Stalker barged through the window, but Itachi appeared from behind him and knocked the man unconscious with a single movement. He then looked up to the main stage at where Halibel was standing.
"Halibel…there is no woman greater than you," Itachi started, instantly making Nnoitra angry. "And I think you could have married a far better man than that idiot."
"Hey fuckface!" Nnoitra shouted out, but was promptly ignored.
"If the circumstances were different, I think we could have conquered the world and all of its pathetic citizens. However, I know I screwed up that chance, and for that, I'm sorry." Itachi said with a bow of his head. "I know that I should have dealt with your stalker problem directly, but if I get a drop of alcohol in my system, I turn into a lunatic. However, I'm here to say that if any other stalkers should cross your path, they'll get a one-way ticket to my television show. And my guests are well known to die in random acts of violence.
I know my newfound love for you shall go unrequited, but my alliance shall always be with you."
"Shall I go kick his ass?" Nnoitra asked, as the whole speech had him agitated.
Halibel looked over at Itachi, who was now kneeling on the ground before responding. "No."
"Because for one, you'll be obliterated. Also, I think our feud with him should end once and for all." Halibel answered. She then bowed her head back towards Itachi. "Thank you, and I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a woman to satisfy your needs."
"As if another single woman could satisfy my needs…" Itachi scoffed. He snapped his fingers, and a crowd of woman surrounded him, lavishing the man with attention. "I'll see you all later."
He then left with his pack of women, leaving the rest of the people in the building in yet another awed silence.
"Anyone else?" Don asked in an exasperated tone.
Neliel then appeared through the doors.
"Oh hell no," Nnoitra muttered. "She deflowered both of us, and now she's going to rape both of us!"
"…don't look so excited about that, Nnoitra," Halibel commented.
"No, I already had my fun with both of you," Neliel replied. "Since I deflowered you guys, it's kind of like seeing my children get married. So I just wanted to come and say congratulations!"
"That…that's kind of creepy," Orihime said under her breath.
"But anyways, I need to go bust Ichigo out of jail," Neliel said as she turned to Orihime. "Oh, and sorry about making your friend look like a pedophile. I thought it would be funny to mess with all of your heads."
Neliel then left the room with a slight wave, leaving Orihime with a quizzical look upon her face.
"Should I even ask?" Don mused to himself.
He gave a sigh as the doors to the arena exploded in a puff of smoke. As the fog cleared, Nnoitra flinched in terror as Kenpachi appeared. He hid behind Halibel and scowled at his rival.
"YOU STAY AWAY!" Nnoitra hissed.
"Oh, Nnoitra, you claim to be so tough, but you're hiding behind a woman," Szayel Aporro said with an exaggerated sigh.
"You shut up!" Nnoitra grumbled.
"Sorry, but I got bored," Kenpachi said with a grin. "Wanna see my bankai?"
Kenpachi gripped his zanpakutou, but paused when Unohana grabbed his shoulder from behind.
"Now, now, Zaraki-san, we both know that the world will implode if you do that," Unohana said calmly. "And if you do that, then I'll have to deal with you, won't I?"
Kenpachi looked over at Unohana, and was instantly terrified by her smiling expression. He immediately turned around to leave the building.
"C'mon, Yachiru, let's go beat up a random hobo instead," he muttered.
"Yay! That sounds like fun!"
Yachiru hopped on Kenpachi's back as he left the building. Unohana quickly apologized for the interruption before leaving as well. Don Kanonji, in the meantime, had a sour expression on his face, because he wasn't getting that much attention.
"Are we done yet?"
"I'm afraid not," a voice spoke out. Shortly afterwards, Mayuri came through the hole in the door with Nemu at his side. "I've been looking for you everywhere, but now I've found you, Szayel Aporro Granz!"
Mayuri pointed towards the pink-haired man, but as he followed the path of his finger, he found that he had already hidden himself. Nnoitra glanced behind Orihime and rolled his eye.
"Who's hiding behind women now?" he said dryly.
"Stop being a coward and reveal yourself!" Mayuri shouted. "Because my daughter and I have dealt with this long enough! It's time for you to start taking a role in your son's life!"
"Say what?!" Szayel Aporro exclaimed as he peeked from behind Orihime's shoulder.
"Remember that time when you impregnated my daughter with your clone?" Mayuri asked.
"…ohhhhhhhh," Szayel Aporro said after some thought.
"Yeah, she raised your son while you were recuperating at Hueco Mundo. Reluctantly, I also became a grandfather-like figure to the kid," Mayuri explained. "But your son is a total brat! I should have expected it, as he is the clone of a lower form, such as yourself, but I'm not dealing with him anymore!"
All of the sudden, a man that looked exactly like Szayel Aporro appeared through the broken doorway.
"So you're my real father? I hate you!" he complained. "Because of you, I have pink hair, and everyone thinks I'm gay!"
"Right, I'll make sure that you never have to watch over my clone ever again," Szayel said with a sigh.
"Good," Mayuri replied.
In a swift movement, Szayel Aporro pulled a device out of his pocket and pressed the button. Immediately, his clone blew up, splattering blood all over Mayuri, Nemu, a sleeping Stark, and a few other audience members in the general area. Oddly, nobody seemed too bothered by it.
"Need anything else?" Szayel Aporro asked.
"Uh…no. We'll leave now," Mayuri responded. As promised, he and his daughter then left the arena.
"Jesus fuckin' Christ, Szayel!" Nnoitra yelled. "Is this my wedding or is it the Szayel Aporro special on the Maury Show today?!"
"It's not my fault that I attract so much drama!" Szayel Aporro exclaimed with his #672 exasperated expression. "Anyways, feel free to continue on with the wedding."
Don Kanonji didn't ever bother to ask if anyone else had any objections to the wedding, because he predicted that the chaos was not over yet. He was right as Hiruma (along with the rest of his Deimon Devilbats team) invaded the wedding briefly, followed by Chuck Norris (who apparently showed up to roundhouse kick Nnoitra in the face for no reason before leaving), Zommari showed up to do a musical number to Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" (whether or not he intentionally rickrolled the wedding was unknown), and even David Bowie made a random appearance during the wedding.
Just when everyone thought that the appearances would stop though, the TARDIS appeared in the middle of the stage. The Doctor then stepped out and looked around cautiously. He realized what was going on as his expression brightened. "Oh, a wedding!"
Rose stepped out as well and took a look for herself before turning to whisper to the doctor, "I don't think we should be here."
"There's probably aliens, so let's stick around!" he assured her. "Besides, weddings usually have buffets, so let's help ourselves!"
Halibel and Nnoitra didn't look too pleased about it, but they didn't say anything as the two left the stage. Fed up with all the interruptions, Halibel took the microphone.
"I swear that if anyone else comes through to interrupt this wedding, I'll send Cock Slayer to claim their kidneys!" she yelled. "Now does anyone else want to try their luck?!"
After a few minutes, when no one else bothered to show up, Halibel signaled Don to continue the wedding.
"Well, with all the power invested in me, I now pronounce you two woman and man-wife! May love always be with you!"
Instead of the usual kissing tradition, Halibel simply dragged Nnoitra to another room to do things to him that the rest of the audience didn't really want to think about. In a row of the seats, Aizen sat with Tousen and Gin at his sides and gave a groan.
"Gin?" he spoke.
"What'cha want, Aizen?"
"When we get back, make sure you bring me my happy pills and a bottle of tequila," Aizen demanded. "A self-induced state of unconsciousness is sounding very appealing right now."
Later at the wedding reception, Grimmjow was again roped into playing a musical set, much to his chagrin. Even if David Bowie randomly showed up again to sing "Let's Dance" with the blue-haired man, he cursed Halibel the entire time in his head.
In the meantime, Ulquiorra had long given up on protesting the wedding, and entered the room for the reception. He scanned the area for a while before he spotting and advancing toward the person he was looking for. Thinking about what Itachi said to him earlier, Ulquiorra used the rest of the day to sort out his thoughts, trying to figure out how he actually felt about Byakuya. However, he had come to a decision and knew that he had to make his feelings known tonight.
Eventually, the two stoic men faced each other. Byakuya had the slightest hint of confusion on his face, while Ulquiorra had the same dull look on his.
"Why are you here?" Byakuya asked.
"I might ask you the same," Ulquiorra responded.
"We swore to never even look at each other again, did we not?"
"Yes, but I find it odd that even you would lower yourself to appearing at this horrendous event,"
"Speak for yourself," Byakuya said.
"Touché," Ulquiorra finally said in defeat. "But I came here to tell you that I think that we should not have to fear Halibel and Nnoitra anymore. Or anyone else, for that matter. In fact, I think that we should continue to be allies."
Byakuya gave Ulquiorra an odd look, trying to decipher his cryptic statement. He then closed his eyes and gave a curt nod.
"Very well," he responded. At that point, Yoruichi made her way between the two men before putting her arm around Byakuya in a casual matter. "Then as your ally, I suppose I can tell you that Miss Yoruichi and I have been engaged to be married. The ceremony is next month."
"That's right!" Yoruichi added. "Then afterwards, Byakuya-bo and I are gonna move to Rwanda to go do that whole humanitarian thing that's popular right now!"
Shell-shocked, Ulquiorra could only look on in silence before Byakuya spoke up again. "I suppose as allies, I should invite you to the wedding."
"That won't be necessary," Ulquiorra responded as he quickly tried to find a way to get out of the situation. "In fact, I'm planning on moving to the other side of the world…in South America."
"South America?" Byakuya asked.
"Yes, I found…a good business opportunity," Ulquiorra lied. Byakuya didn't look too convinced, but before he could ask any more questions, Ulquiorra was, for once, relieved to see Halibel approach him. That was, until he saw another woman beside her.
"It was him?!" she exclaimed.
"Yes, Rangiku," Halibel answered. "According to him, he was the one that participated along with you in your drunken tryst the night before."
"Oh, thank god!" she said as she gave a relieved laugh. "I thought I might have slept with a real loser! But you're really cute!"
Instantly, Rangiku took Ulquiorra in a tight hug and promptly stuffed his face into her ample-sized bosoms. It was annoying at first, but then it got downright torturous as he attempted to pull away from her. She would only squeeze him tighter, to the point where he was nearly strangled to death.
At a table nearby, Gin, along with a drugged-up Aizen, watched the events transpire.
"Weren't you the one that was mysteriously missing last night?" Aizen asked with a bit of a slur. "You said you had to visit an old friend."
"And visit I did," Gin said with his ever-present grin. "But this is too amusing to break up, don'tcha think?"
Aizen only rolled his eyes as he took another swig from his tequila bottle. Unfortunately, he was somewhat of a lightweight and passed out at the table.
All of the sudden, the door to the room burst open with a loud bang, and everyone turned to see what the cause of the commotion was. Upon setting their eyes upon the grotesque appearance of the late visitor, most people sneered in disgust. However, there were a few people that reacted in an entirely surprised matter.
"Holy shit, it's Aaroniero!" Nnoitra exclaimed. "How the fuck are you still alive?!"
Before he could explain anything, Urahara appeared from behind with a jolly expression on his face and waved.
"How do you guys like my wedding present?" he asked. "I found this guy lying on the ground shortly after all of you rented that house from me, and I got bored. I couldn't restore his human form, but I think that as long as you put a really long paper bag over his head, he should be fine!"
"You guys let me get killed by a fucking cat!" Aaroniero growled in his dual voices.
"You let yourself get killed by a fucking cat!" Grimmjow yelled as he finished his last song for the night.
"Didn't you also nearly get killed by the cat?" Szayel Aporro countered.
All of the Espada (aside from Stark, who was inconveniently passed out on the dance floor) continued to argue with one another until Halibel stepped forward with her cat on her shoulder. Aaroniero looked over at her and shriveled in fear as he glanced over at the feline.
"What? You guys still have the fucking cat?!"
"It's not a 'fucking cat', this…is Cock Slayer," Halibel said calmly before shifting her eyes over to her cat. "You know what to do."
At first, Cock Slayer was about to do its usual thing and go for the man's most sensitive area, but upon seeing the two little heads floating in the tank of water, its interest was immediately piqued. In a nanosecond, the cat sprung from Halibel's shoulder and landed on the top of Aaroniero's tank head. In another swift movement, it jabbed its paw through the glass and fished one of the heads out. As Cock Slayer began to bat the head with its paws, Aaroniero screamed in agony before collapsing backwards onto the ground. The rest of the glass shattered upon impact, leaving the other head totally exposed. By then, Cock Slayer already had one of the heads in its mouth, so it just simply used the other head to play around with.
Urahara watched the entire scene unfold before his eyes with a bewildered expression, but as he looked down, his face brightened again.
"Oh well!" he said with an exaggerated shrug. He then bent down and stole Aaroniero's coat. "I always wanted this coat with the pimp ruffles anyways! See ya guys later!"
Everyone stood in place as Urahara left the place with a gleeful laugh, but went back to what they were doing after he was gone. But then, Grimmjow took the microphone, cleared his throat, and spoke as he got everyone's attention.
"Just thought I should let all of you fuckers know that the wife, baby, and I are moving to Australia," Grimmjow announced. "So the rest of you in the house are gonna have to pay more for the rent."
Stark finally woke up and as he listened to Grimmjow, his face twisted in distress. "Oh no! That means that I'm going to have to rename it to the…um…SHUNS house!"
Szayel Aporro then stepped on the stage and declared that he would temporary move to America to participate in Project Runway.
"Um…I guess that makes it the SHUN house?" Stark said after some thought.
Halibel then dragged Nnoitra onto the staged and proclaimed that since she was starting to get less modeling contracts in Japan, she would be moving to France with her husband to pursue a modeling career there.
"Well…shit…I guess that makes it the US house?"
Finally, Ulquiorra went on the stage and told everyone that he would be moving to Colombia, but failed to give any explanation as to why he was moving there. Enraged. Stark went on the stage with the rest of his housemates.
"Wait…does that means that I'm going to be at the house alone to pay for all of the rent?!" Stark yelled at them. "What the fuck? We're the SHOGUNS house, not the S house!"
Stark waited for someone to give in and admit that they would stay in Karakura Town, but no such thing happened. For nearly two minutes, everyone on the stage remained silent. But then, Halibel looked at her watch and widened her eyes slightly.
"Alright, as a sort of parting gift, I suppose I should tell you all that I lined up Dethklok to play here next. And I should warn you that people have a tendency to die at their concerts," Halibel said as she dragged Nnoitra out of the building.
Hearing a helicopter fly above them, the rest of the SHOGUNS gang fled from the premises immediately before the band landed on the building.
The next day, at the airport, the SHOGUNS were gathered in the waiting area. Although Stark was staying in town, he came along to see everyone off. An announcement was made for a flight taking off to Los Angeles and everyone turned to Szayel Aporro.
"Nope, I'm going to New York," he replied.
But then, the group was surprised to see Itachi walking toward the airport gate, with a legion of women carrying his luggage behind him. Ulquiorra glanced at him oddly, but it was Halibel that stepped forward and spoke.
"You're going to America?" she asked.
"Normally I would not lower myself to visiting that place, but since my show has gotten so popular here, of course, FOX wants to make a remake of it in America," Itachi explained. "Of course, like any American remake of anything, it's probably going to be a watered down version of my show."
"You're going to allow your show to be manipulated by Americans?" Halibel asked.
"Of course not," Itachi replied. "I'll play to their rules for a little while, but then slowly conquer the country for myself."
"I see," Halibel nodded. "In that case, I wish you good luck."
"And I wish you luck in conquering France as well," Itachi responded as he left to get on his plane.
A few minutes later, the flight to Colombia was announced and Ulquiorra stood up, carrying only one briefcase behind him. Nearly everyone looked happy to see him leaving, but Orihime stood up to hug him (although after the run-in with Rangiku the night before, Ulquiorra did his best to avert from the embrace). Stark stood up and put a hand on one of his shoulders.
"You'll become very powerful, but make sure it doesn't come to bite you in the ass, okay?" Stark warned him.
Ulquiorra blinked, but had no other reaction to his statement. Silently, he dragged his suitcase behind him and boarded the plane. Next, the flight for Paris, France was called, and Halibel rose, carrying a small bag, which Cock Slayer was stuffed in. Behind her, Nnoitra carried dozens of bags with a sour expression. Stark thought a little big, before facing them.
"You should get Tesla to move in with you guys," Stark suggested.
"Huh? Why would I invite that back-stabber to stay with us?!" Nnoitra exclaimed.
"Because he'll make the perfect nanny for your child in a couple of years," Stark replied.
"…please tell me that I didn't hear what I thought I just heard," Halibel muttered.
"We're going to have a CHILD?!" Nnoitra exclaimed happily. "C'mon, Halibel! Let's go and raise our kid to be as smooth as I am!"
Nnoitra raced ahead of Halibel joyfully, leaving her looking very frustrated. Under her breath, Halibel let out a curse and threw a cellphone at Nnoitra's head to slow him down. Orihime then looked over at Grimmjow with a grimace.
"Let's hope their kid doesn't turn out to be as 'smooth' as Nnoitra," she said with a sigh.
Grimmjow rolled his eyes before looking at his own son. He got lost in thought before a woman over the PA system announced that the flight for Sydney, Australia was boarding. Orihime picked up Demy-X and headed toward the gate. Grimmjow got up to follow her, but Stark stopped him to give his advice.
"Get a big house. You'll need it, trust me," Stark said.
Grimmjow glanced at him oddly but he just simply shrugged and gave a short jog to catch up to his wife. While waiting for Szayel Aporro's plane to arrive, Stark picked up Nikita and played around with her. Cirucci tried to put the moves on her "baby daddy", but he didn't seem to pay her any attention. Shortly afterwards, the flight for New York City, New York was announced and she snatched Nikita out of Stark's arms.
Unhappy with being separated from her second favorite person, next to Nnoitra, she gave a wail before biting her mom in the arm. Cirucci cursed, but before she could drop her child, Stark picked her up one last time and held her above his head.
"I'm gonna miss you. I mean, all those times you caused trouble for your daddy? Those were classic!" Stark said with a little laugh. Szayel Aporro scowled behind him, but Stark ignored him and handed a bag to Cirucci. "I gave your mom a whole bag full of zombie movies, so you should never get bored, alright? But don't feel sad! Uncle Stark will come visit you sometime, okay?"
Nikita still looked a little sad, but when Stark handed her over to Cirucci again, she didn't react as violently as she did before. Stark then went over to Szayel Aporro, the guy that was probably his best friend in the house, and patted him on the shoulder.
"I don't even need to give you any advice, man," Stark said with a smile. "Just make it work, okay?"
Szayel Aporro gave a cocky smirk and shrugged as he walked away. Stark just stood as he watched the last of his housemates walk away to board the plane. Although his former comrades in the Espada really just annoyed him in Hueco Mundo, he actually felt a little sad to be separated from them all. However, his loneliness was short-lived as Urahara seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"So I hear you're all alone now, right?" Urahara asked.
"Yeah man," Stark replied.
"Feel like starting a fortune-telling business to scam people out of millions of dollars?!" Urahara asked.
"Hell yeah!" Stark responded. "Let's go get some drinks to celebrate our awesome idea!"
"Now you're talking!" Urahara said as he walked toward the door of the building. With a grin, Stark followed his best friend out the door, thus ending the legacy of the SHOGUNS.
But was it truly over? Only time would tell.
ZOMG, it's FINALLY DONE!
Sorry about taking so long, but basically, real life was taking my time. And as you see, this was a REALLY long chapter. I'm not sure how long it will be until I get to the next chapter, but I think I'll take a little hiatus from this story, just so I can get other stuff out.
I'm sure that I'll confuse people with all the references I put in this chapter, but oh well!
Really, I guess I don't have much to say this time. But I must say, Aaroniero's coat IS the pimpest thing I've ever seen in the Bleach manga. The friggin' RUFFLES are AWESOME. Too bad that was the only awesome thing about Aaroniero (even if it was pretty lulzy in the anime when it looked like he was forcing Rukia to give him a BJ).
Question Time, with Renegade Raine
Hum... please can you teach me the recipe of your crack?...or maybe it's a mushroom infusion... well whatever... What just go through your head ?
My recipe is one dose of autism, an additional helping from my also cracked-out sister, having way too much time on my hands, aaaaand ceiling badgers. We have a don't ask, don't tell thing going on, so that's as much information as I can tell you, I'm afraid.
And then, you take those ingredients
Mix them together