A/N: Well, y'all, this is my official spoof of William Shakespeare's famous play, Romeo and Juliet. I hope you enjoy this, as it has been a real pleasure to write. Well, on with the spoof!
Disclaimer: I do not own Romeo and Juliet. If I did... well, I wouldn't be alive right now, would I?
The Parody of Romeo and Juliet
Mercutio's Women: Once upon a time, in fair Verona, there lived two families. Their lineage would give birth to a pair of star-crossed lovers, who would see past each others' faults and flaws to find true love. Now, that's not going to be easy, considering the morals and values of their families…
Show Montague and Capulet with two scantily dressed ladies. Cue "Baby Got Back" as they begin to wave money around.
… This aside, let us now venture into their lives, and experience the tragedy pause and edit the parody of Romeo and Juliet.
Act I Scene i
Enter Barney and Billy, servants of Montague.
Billy: I say where has that rotten Tybalt gotten to? If I ever find that blasted Montague…
Barney: You mean Capulet.
Billy: I said Capulet.
Barney: No, you said Montague.
Billy: Man, whatevs! Mercutio's little lady told us he went this way, so we're going this way!
Barney: I didn't say we weren't…
Billy: What were we talking about?
Barney: --sighs-- Never mind. Hey, didn't Mercutio's lady friend look a little… oh, I dunno…
Billy: There's something I'd say right now but there might be virgin ears listening.
Barney: Humph, at least you have some discretion… oh bother, here comes old Frank again…
Frank the Town Idiot: --holding barrel around naked self while shouting random things-- Death! I see death of young love! Cruel, cruel fate I see!
Barney: --aside, to Billy-- You know, I heard he was never the same since the Super Bowl.
Billy: Tragic, isn't it? --sees Benny and Bruce, servants of Capulet-- Uh-oh, here they come.
Benny: --speaking with thick Chicago accent-- Hey dere, ya stinkin' piles 'a colt poo. What're ya doin' here?
Bruce: --same accent-- Yeah, dis here's Bear country! Clear out!
Barney: Must we argue this again?
Bruce: Sure do, it keeps da plot movin'. --draws sword-- C'mon, bring it.
Benvolio: --appears out of nowhere, seemingly just now leaving the Hippie House-- Hey, dudes, what's goin' on?
Benny, Bruce, Billy, and Barney fight.
Woah, whoa, whoh, dudes! Chill out, make love, not war!
Billy: --sucker-punches Benvolio-- You just spelled 'whoa' three different ways, n00b!
Prince arrives with crowd in a little red Corvette with a bumper sticker with the little sign he changed his name to.
Prince: --feminine "ooo"-- What is… dramatic pause going on around here, citizens of Verona?
Benvolio: --stumbles to feet-- Like, I can tell you everything, dude…
Billy: --sucker-punches Benvolio again-- Look, these guys all just came in here and started going off on us!
Crowd grows restless. Prince raises his hand to silence them.
Prince: For too long has this been plaguing our streets. --feminine "ooo"-- Your families haven't ceased their quarreling since the Patriots won the last Super Bowl…
Barney: --aside-- The Eagles were ripped.
Prince: This is the… --dramatic pause-- third time I've had to stop your street brawls. I'm afraid that's grounds for…
Enter Supernanny, who flies in on an umbrella.
Supernanny: It is grounds for a five minute time-out! To the Naughty Chair in the Bad Boy corner you go, now!
Montague/Capulet: Awww… -do as they're told-
Prince: -whacks Supernanny on head with guitar- Now, for the rest of you, feminine "ooo" leave, on pain of death!
Crowd slowly clears, and Prince drives away, singing "Purple Rain" as he does so.
Frank the Town Idiot: The sky is falling! These shoes rule! Those shoes suck! There's a llama, here's a llama, llama llama llama DUCK!
To Be Continued...
Erilis: xD As you guys can see, this is actually written as a play. I felt it made it more similar to the actual play itself. Well, the story behind this is centered around my Adv. English class, where we had to read The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. I felt it made little to no sense, so I decided...
Diego: To make it make even less sense?
Erilis: Exactly. Plus, I just thought up some stuff and wrote it down. This might not be as well written as Shakespeare, but it may just be slightly entertaining. Read and review, folks!