"What's Behind the Q?"
Disclaimer . . . Paramount owns all Star Trek and related characters. Rated PG13 ©2001
This story is in response to a challenge. Write a story without using the letter R
"Captain, listen to me! I'm not joking, I've had enough."
"Chakotay, stop shouting. I don't have to listen to you, I'm the Captain, you can't tell me what to do."
"Fine, don't listen to me. I don't need to put up with this anyway. I've done it long enough. I quit!"
"Chakotay, that's stupid, you can't just quit."
"I can, and I just did. You'll get along without me just fine, you always do. All I am to you is a matt you can wipe those feet on. Well wipe them on someone else." With that Chakotay just walked away, leaving Janeway speechless. They hadn't noticed a somewhat omnipotent being sticking his head inside the ship. He'd been watching the whole exchange.
Well now, looks like Kathy is in need of a new second in command. Q was laughing to himself. This is going to be fun. Even when I got to play on Jean-Luc's ship, it wasn't this much excitement. Kathy at least looks good in a silk nightly. Q had a plan.
"Chuckles, how's it going?" Q poked his head into the ship, watching Chakotay pace. Chakotay's mind was on someone else. "Hello, Chuckles?" This time Chakotay stopped, and looked at the omnipotent Q. Although, Chakotay thought he was just a pest.
"Q, what do you want? I'm in no mood at the moment." In a flash Q was inside the ship.
"My, my, a bit testy ha? I only want to help." Q smiled. "You need to get away, have some fun."
"I don't feel like having fun, just get out, now!"
"But Chuckles, I've got something you need, something you will love."
"Not a chance, I'll pass. Now get out!" Chakotay was yelling now, but Q wouldn't let that stop him.
"Sunny beaches, blue oceans, a lot of beautiful, sexy women. How could you say no?" Chakotay's eyes lit up, he stopped pacing.
"Food, games, sweet smelling plants, and best of all, no Captain to tell you what to do. What do ya say Chuckles?"
"What do you get? You can't be doing this out of kindness, what's up Q?"
"Nothing's up, you get what you want, I get to play the ship's second in command."
"Is this some kind of sick game? If so, I'm not playing." Chakotay was pacing again.
"Nope, no games, I only want to help. You get to have all the fun, and I'll help Janeway with all the command stuff." Q could tell how tempting this was becoming. "I'll be good, and it's only a seven day change, then you get Janeway back. Maybe, she'll even be nice to you when you come back."
"I doubt it Q, she seems to always be mad at me." Chakotay was way tempted now. "She's a lot to handle Q. Even an omnipotent fool like you, should know you can't handle Captain Janeway when she's like this. The best thing to do, is get the hell out of the way." Chakotay smiled now. Maybe that's just what I'll do, get out of the way. I need the time off anyway, why not. Chakotay thought, as he watched Q's face. He had a smile to match Chakotay's. "It's a deal." A flash of light, and Chakotay was gone, leaving Q standing in Chakotay's command outfit.
Looks good on me. Q smiled to himself, as he walked out to find Janeway. Kathy, it's time to have some fun.
"Janeway to Chakotay, please come to my office." It wasn't long until the chime sounded. "Come in." Thinking it was only Chakotay, she didn't look up. Q, walked in.
"How may I help you Captain?" He was using his best command voice, but the laughing wouldn't stay down. Janeway looked up in shock, at the sound of Q's laughing.
"Q! What the hell do you want now? I'm in no mood." She was livid, and didn't want to hide it.
"I'm on official duty Captain." He just smiled, and stood to attention.
"What? You have no duties on my ship. And what have you done with Chakotay? You seem to be in his clothes." She stood up and was pacing now.
"Calm down Kathy, it's not like you needed him anyway, all you do is yell at the dumb guy."
"He's not dumb." Janeway wanted to kill Q about now. "What have you done to him?"
"Nothing, well at least nothing bad." He winked, although she wasn't about to let up on this. If looks could kill, Q the omnipotent, would be sizzling on the spot. He was almost intimidated . . . almost.
"He's fine Kathy. He's on a sunny beach, with a beautiful woman, who won't make him feel like a puppet. Unlike the high and mighty Captain Janeway does." He ducked, as Janeway tossed a Padd at him. "That's not captain like Kathy."
"You pig! Get off my ship. Besides, Chakotay wouldn't say that." She was pacing again. "And get him back, now!"
"I can't do that Captain, we made a deal. I'm to assist you, and Chuckles is on a seven day vacation."
"And just who gave him that little idea?"
"I did, and he was most willing to take me up on it. It seems, he's not feeling useful these days. I believe he said, he felt like a matt?" Q, was smiling again. "Doesn't sound like he's been having much fun to me."
"Life isn't always fun Q. Do you think it's easy to be the Captain of this ship? Sometimes I wish I could just go on a vacation. Maybe just go home and leave this mess behind." Janeway had such a sad look, Q almost wanted to hug his Kathy, but he didn't want to get in the way of a flying Padd again. He stepped back a bit.
"Kathy, that's why I'm going to help you. I wont get in the way, and I'm a quick study. We can have such fun, and I know good old Chuckles will be safe and happy." Q looked at Janeway with his puppy dog face. "Please! What do ya say Captain?"
"Do I have a choice?" Q just shook his head no. "That's what I thought." She gave him a big scowl. "Fine, I'll let Chakotay have his fun, but you stay out of my way, got it?"
"Kathy, I can't help you if I stay out of the way. You need me, I can make things easy on you. Besides, I made a deal with Chuckles, I can't go back on it, that's just not Q like." Janeway sat at the desk, with a heavy sigh.
Damn you Chakotay, I hope you have fun, because I definitely won't. "Fine Q, the best thing you can do now, is get me a cup of coffee. I have this feeling I'm going to have a seven day headache."
"Anything you ask Captain, but you do ingest way too much of this stuff." Q sniffed it, then made a face. "It's smells disgusting, how can you stand the stuff?" He handed Janeway the cup, then wiped at his nose.
"Don't question my habits Q, it's the only thing that keeps me sane." She took a big gulp of the smelly liquid. "Besides, it might save a contemptuously omnipotent life."
"Who me? I didn't know I was about to lose my life."
"It could well happen Q. Now get out, I need to think."
"Yes Ma'am, I'll just go bug someone else, maybe the Vulcan?" He was laughing as he left. Janeway had to smile at that.
That won't last long. Vulcan's don't like Q's. Come to think of it, I don't like Q, and I'm also not to fond of Chakotay at the moment. This is going to be a good headache. Thank you so much Chakotay. I hope the hot sun cooks that cute butt good. Janeway was still smiling with that last thought, when she was called out of the safe domain, to help save Q's neck. Tom had him pinned up against the helm.
"Kathy, help! Get this big oaf off of me." Janeway just stood watching the whole thing. Maybe I should let Tom choke his stupid little neck. "Captain!"
"Fine Q, Tom let him go."
"Why Captain? He's nothing but a pain in the . . . "
"That's enough Tom, we all know what he is, but he's going to be with us, so deal with it." Tom slowly let go of Q's neck.
"What happened to Chakotay, did he finally jump ship?"
"You could say that Lieutenant, and Q is the new second in command, at least the next seven days anyway."
"Seven days! What did you do Captain, lose a bet?" Tom was smiling now, he just loved to tease.
"No I did not. I don't lose my bets Lieutenant." Tom and Q both had to laugh.
"I can't dispute that Captain. I've lost many times to you, but that still doesn't explain why Chakotay left."
"He needed a vacation, a chance to get some peace." Q spoke, then leaned in to talk softly to Tom. "The old ball and chain is making him nuts." Tom busted out laughing.
"That's enough Q. If you say anything else about me, you'll be spending the next seven days in hell, along with Tom." The smiles had vanished. "Just stay out of my way, both of you little pests."
"Yes Ma'am."Tom and Q said at the same time. Tom sat at the helm, keeping his back to them, as Q sat in the Captain's seat. Janeway just gave him a nasty look, as she headed to the lift.
"Don't call me unless the ship blows up. I'm going to bed." She stomped onto the lift, and was gone.
"I think she's a wee bit mad." Q spoke aloud.
"What gave you that idea Q?" Ensign Kim asked. "Maybe she just doesn't like you."
"That's impossible, she loves me, almost as much as she loves Chuckles. She just won't admit to it, yet."
"What's that suppose to mean? If you do anything to the Captain and Chakotay, we'll all see to it you spend that week in hell." Tom was not kidding, and Q could tell.
"Ok, ok, I won't do anything bad, all I have to do, is let Kathy know how much she misses Chuckles, then I'm gone."
"Just how do you plan on doing that Q? She won't admit anything of the kind. She thinks she's not aloud to have feelings."
"She's got them Tommy my boy, and I'm going to make them come out in the open. Kathy Janeway has unquenchable passion in those old bones, she just needs a little push once in a while."
"This is going to be one exciting week, too bad Chakotay won't get to see it." Tom was laughing again.
"Let the games begin." Was all Q could say.
Captain Janeway had finally fallen asleep, but it didn't last too long. Q slipped into the bed, waking Janeway instantly. She flew out of bed so fast, it made Q's head spin.
"Q!" Janeway flung a boot at him this time. Q fell off the bed to avoid the flying shoe. "Get out!"
"It's no question as to why Chuckles doesn't sleep with you Kathy, you'd kill him with one boot." Janeway was so mad, she could have melted the bulk-heads of the ship, with the look she gave Q.
"Chakotay has his own bed to sleep in, now go find it Q."
"I know that Kathy, but I was lonely. I don't know how to sleep, will you teach me?"
"Not a chance Q. Just go back to the old ball and chain, I'm positive she misses you."
"Na, she's glad I'm gone." Q looked puzzled. "I don't get it though, one minute she wants me, the next she doesn't. Women, can't live with them, can't live without them." By this time Janeway had cooled down enough to assess the situation.
"I don't blame Miss Q. It's amazing she's put up with you this long. She doesn't want you, I don't want you, so get out. If you want to do something good, then vanish."
"Fine, I'll go back to my own bed, but you've lost any chance you had, to be with such an omnipotent being as myself." One snap, and he was gone.
I'm not going to make it seven days. Chakotay, why did you do this to me? Climbing back into bed and closing those blue eyes, Janeway's last thoughts as she fell asleep, involved Chakotay. The smile was only visible to Q. He had poked his head in to watch. He knew what, and who she was thinking about. That made him smile also.
Sleep well Kathy. Q vanished again.
"Neelix, what is this slop? I can't eat this, it stinks." Q was complaining loudly.
"Get used to it Q, it's all we have." Neelix wasn't happy having Q bugging him anyway. "It's not like you have to eat anyhow. I thought the all mighty Q was above this humanoid activity? You don't need the food, so what gives?"
"I'll have you know, fuzzy face, that I'm just doing my job. I intend to act like all of you, and that includes eating this stinking slop." Q picked up his plate and walked to a table.
"I should have poisoned the sniveling idiot while I had the chance." Neelix complained to himself, although a bit to loudly.
"What did you say Neelix?" Captain Janeway was standing behind him.
"Nothing Captain, nothing at all." He handed Janeway a cup of coffee to sidestep the next question. She just smiled as she took the cup, and headed to a table on the opposite side of the mess hall as Q.
"Captain, may we join you?" Tom and B'Elanna came up to Janeway.
"Yes, by all means have a seat. I just don't want Q joining me." The two sat opposite the Captain. "Tom, you have that look, what's up?"
"What look?" He just kept smiling.
"That look that says you have a plan. Am I going to wish I hadn't asked?"
"I think I've got a way to get Q off the ship." Janeway was all smiles now.
"Let's have it."
"Why don't you play Q in a pool match? If you won, which you always do, he'd have to leave the ship and Chakotay would have to come back." Janeway's smile faded slightly.
"His highness would just cheat. Then we'd have to keep putting up with him, and Chakotay might not want to come back anyway." Janeway didn't look happy.
"Captain, what's up between you two?" B'Elanna wanted some insight.
"I don't want to talk about it. Let's just say it's not Chakotay's fault. Sometimes I don't know when to step back. I have been known to put my foot in my mouth." B'Elanna just smiled slightly. They all knew that anyway.
"Captain, Q can't cheat, he has to abide by the Captain's laws. And if he did cheat, he'd lose the game anyway. We can't have a cheating second in command on this ship."
"I see what you mean, follow the laws, if not face the consequences."
"Which would be Captain?" B'Elanna questioned.
"Banishment off the ship." They all smiled now.
"I hope he'll go with it. What if he says no?"
"He can't say no B'Elanna, I'm the Captain. Besides Q loves a challenge, he'll think he can win, but we all know who's the best pool champ in the galaxy."
"I've found that out often enough." Tom smiled at Janeway.
"Ok Tom, when the duty shift ends, make all the plans. We'll hold the match tonight on the holo-deck. I'll let Q know he has a date at the pool table." Janeway stood up to leave. "Tom, if this does what we want, you get two whole days off."
"Hey, it was my idea too." B'Elanna pouted.
"Ok, both of you get two days off. I'm feeling lucky today." Tom and B'Elanna just laughed as Janeway walked up to face Q.
"Do we have a deal Q?" Janeway had told him about the little bet. Q just locked eyes with Janeway, then smiled shyly.
"Is this a joke Kathy? You honestly think you'll win?" Q was acting so egotistical, Janeway wanted to knock the smile off his smug little face. Although, she kept that thought hidden well, and just gave him an innocent smile as she spoke.
"It's no joke Q. If I win, you leave and Chakotay comes back. If you win, and no cheating, you get to stay as long as you want." She gave him the best pleading look she could come up with. "Is it a deal?"
"It's tempting, but let's sweeten the pot a bit. If I lose, and Chuckles comes back, you have to be nice to him. You also have to let him play Captain, until such time as he sees fit to give you back the job. That means you have to do what he tells you, even if you don't like it." He was acting way too smug now.
"And if you win?"
"If I win, I get to be Captain. I get to tell you and this motley bunch how to do things on this ship." Janeway was about to explode, at the thought of him taking command of the ship.
"Have you completely lost what little mind you had Q? No way in hell will I give you command of this ship." She was fuming.
"Kathy, let me see if my little bitty mind gets this. You would be willing to give up Chuckles, just to keep command of this stupid ship? I thought he meant something to you. I thought deep down, that you loved him, although I can't imagine why." Janeway sat back with eyes closed. This isn't going how I'd hoped. How does he know how I feel about Chakotay anyway? She took a big sip of coffee.
"Q, I'd be willing to give up command of the ship to almost anyone but you to get Chakotay back. Hell, I'd let species 8472 have it instead of the almighty Q."
"Kathy, that's hitting below the belt, as they say. Those ugly, stupid bugs don't know squat about being a Captain. They'd just slime the whole ship, then they'd eat what was left." Q was sulking now.
"Oh, and I suppose you know how to captain this ship?"
"I have studied a lot of Captains, in my infinitively long existence. I'm deeply saddened by this Kathy." He put his head in his hands, weeping softly.
"Cut the act Q, we both know it's nothing but a game to you, but this ship is my life." She looked away. "I'd gladly give my life to save any and all of them. Q, you don't have the patience to captain a ship, you can't stand to be tied down to anything long enough. The best thing you know how to be is a pest."
"Kathy, I think you just like to be mean. Maybe I'll just go play with Jean-Luc, and I'll take good old Chuckles with me." Q stood up to leave.
"Q, wait, maybe I was a bit mean, but it's been a long week, and I'm not handling this well."
"I'll say, I'm beginning to think my old ball and chain is a pussy cat. She doesn't show the claws quite as much as you." Janeway just couldn't help the laugh that escaped. Sometimes he can act so human. "What's so funny Captain?" Q was still not happy.
"Q, how can you make me laugh, and at the same time, make me want to kill you?" He was smiling now.
"Because I'm just so lovable."
"Oh, that must be it." Janeway was exhausted with this whole situation. Why does this happen to me? She was still smiling at Q. "Ok Q, I'll take that bet, but I won't have any cheating, got it?"
"Yes Captain, I've got it. I'm not stupid ya know."
"No Q, not stupid, just a pest." Janeway gave him an actual smile this time. "Do you think you can keep out of the way until this evening? I have a lot to catch up on."
"Yes Ma'am, I'll be quiet as a mouse. I'll just stay and help good old Neelix, maybe we can make this slop taste eatable." He was making faces at Neelix.
"Just don't push him too much Q. Neelix doesn't take kindly to someone else messing up his kitchen."
"You have such little faith in me Captain. I'm not going to bug fuzzy face, just make some changes in the food." Janeway got up and tapped the com-badge.
"Janeway to Tuvok, meet me in my office in five minutes."
"Aye Captain." Janeway looked at Q.
"Now be good while I'm gone. And watch out, fuzzy face is the king of the mess hall." She patted Neelix's chest, smiling at him on the way out.
"Tuvok, can I count on you?" Janeway and Tuvok had been discussing the plan to get Q off the ship.
"In most cases, I would say this conduct would be unbecoming of a Captain." Tuvok's eyes shown a small hint of amusement.
"In this case Tuvok?" Janeway knew he was teasing, as only a Vulcan could.
"It is the only option. Q must not be aloud to captain the ship."
"I'll do my best Tuvok."
"Then may I say good luck Captain." Tuvok got up to leave. "I'll let you know when we have communication with the Mintauka."
"Thanks Tuvok, I knew I could count on you." Tuvok nodded, then left Janeway alone. She was massaging at the zealous headache she had. Chakotay, when you come back I'll owe you a big apology. Please don't leave me again. Janeway walked out heading to sick bay. Well Doc, I hope you've got something to help this headache? I wont make it until tonight without something in addition to coffee.
"Kathy, this is going to be such fun." Q was bouncing with excitement when Janeway walked into the holo-deck. "Tommy has been showing me the fine points of the game." Q's smile was devilish. Janeway just nodded to Q, then looked questionably at Tom.
"How much did you teach him?"
"Just the basics. He had to know something about the game."
"Maybe, but that doesn't help my situation much Lieutenant." Janeway picked up a Que, putting some chalk on it. "Ok Q, let the game begin." As many people that would fit, had pushed close to the pool table. This was going to be the match of the galaxy. No one could beat Captain Janeway.
"Move back people, I'm feeling squished." Q complained.
"Get used to it Q, that's what makes the game fun. Now since you claim to be a guest, I'll let you begin."
"How sweet of you Captain." Q was going to make the most of the moment. Some of the gang busted out laughing. "Quiet! I need to think."
"Just take the shot Q." Janeway was getting impatient.
"Hold on, I'm thinking." He leaned down, holding the Que a bit to tightly, but managed to get two balls into the side pockets. He had a smug smile on his face. "Beat that Captain." Janeway was laughing.
"Q, she could beat you with one hand tied behind the back, and blindfolded." Seven of Nine spoke up, as she walked in.
"Shouldn't you be assimilating something about now?"
"Not unless you'd like me to assimilate the Q continuum. That might take a nanosecond of my time. I will not find much to assimilate in that omnipotent head you have."
"Good one Seven."
"Thank you Ensign Kim." Seven just scowled at the almighty Q. She had no intention of backing down, until she caught Janeway's look.
"Seven, back off, that's enough." Janeway meant business.
"Yes Captain." Seven gave Q a deadly sideways glance.
"Q, let's just get on with the game, I believe you need to take the next shot?" Janeway was standing quite close to Q, with that half smile she likes to show off. "Don't hit my balls Q."
"Kathy, just stand back, I know what I'm doing." Janeway didn't move. "Fine Captain, go ahead and bug me, I'm omnipotent, I can't lose." Q took aim, and missed the next shot, badly. Janeway was loving it. She hadn't had this much fun teasing someone in a long time. "That didn't count. You made me miss."
"How did I make the omnipotent Q miss? I thought you said you couldn't miss. I'm just a little human, how could I possibly get in the way?"
"Just laugh it up Captain, cause this will be the only shot you get to take." Q stepped back, slightly. He was going to dish out the same hassling and taunting as Janeway gave him.
"I'm shaking in my boots now Q." Janeway moved into position.
"Wipe the table clean Captain." B'Elanna called out. "Show this pig who's the pool champ." Janeway just smiled slightly as she took aim. The next five balls went in without a hitch. Q was pulling out all the stops to get Janeway to mess up. She didn't even flinch, almost making the game look too easy. She took aim again, but missing the next shot.
"Well, this is one on the books Q. Captain Janeway actually gave you a chance." Tom couldn't help the jibe.
"Shut up Tom, I need to think." Q was scanning the whole table while he came up with a game plan. Janeway was leaning on the table, a bit seductively. "Do you mind Kathy? That butt is in my way." That was it, the whole populace of the holo-deck, busted out laughing. Captain Janeway had a slight pinkish tint now. She moved back somewhat. "Yellow six ball in the side pocket." Q connected, and the ball slid in. He stood up smiling.
"Watch out Q, the Captain's balls look quite close, you don't want to hit one." Tom was having fun.
"Shut up Tom." Janeway and Q said at the same time. Q took aim at his next shot. It went in without a hitch.
"Almost caught up to you Kathy." Q was taking advantage of his new situation. "Do you want to up the stakes a bit Captain?" Janeway was becoming slightly miffed.
"Don't count the chickens yet Q. You still have a ways to go."
"What chickens?" Janeway was laughing. "What the hell is a chicken anyway?"
"It would take too long to explain Q. Just play the game."
"I am, it's you who keeps getting in the way, so be quiet and let me think." Janeway just sat on a stool keeping quiet, but that didn't mean they all would.
"Come on Q, we don't have all night. Think fast man."
Janeway couldn't tell who said it, but she like it. Chakotay, I wish you could see this, you'd get a kick out of it. Janeway's thoughts had been on Chakotay almost constantly since he'd left. I'm going to win this bet Chakotay. I'm not about to let Q, be Captain of my ship, and I'm not going to lose you. Q had taken his next shot. He made it.
"All tied up Kathy, do you want to quit?"
"Not a chance Q. Get on it." The teasing was done with. Q lined up his next shot, studying all the angles.
"Blue ten ball in the end pocket." The ball bounced in, also knocking one of Janeway's balls in with it.
"Thanks Q, looks like it's still tied up." Janeway was standing next to him again.
"Damn this stupid game anyway. All I need is one snap, and I'd win." Q was speaking to himself.
"Q, no cheating, and watch that language on my ship."
"Why, you say it all the time."
"I'm the Captain, I can say what I want."
"Fine, but when this game is finished, you wont be Captain." Q was getting mad. Janeway was about to get even.
"Please Q, continue." He hated that smile about now. His last ball wasn't in a good spot. It would be almost impossible to make it. He wanted to use his omnipotence intensely, but a deal was a deal, and the Q always keep them. The shot missed. Q just gave a sigh as he stepped back.
"To bad Q, you can't win them all." Q had lined up Janeway's ball in a excellent position. She took aim, and the ball was in. "Only the eight ball left Q. I think you lose."
"Don't count the chickens yet Captain." Q was picking now, and she knew it. The eight ball was not in a good spot. Making this shot would be tough, but Captain Janeway was one of the few people who could pull it off. The whole place was dead silent, as she studied the shot. Moving the Que stick into position, she let it fly. The eight ball missed. Q was clapping his hands, and shouting.
"I believe it's my shot now Captain." He was loving it. "May I use the lucky Que Kathy?" He held out his hand.
"By all means, be my guest." Janeway was handling it quite well. Q quickly made his last shot, now the only one was the eight ball, and it was lined up to go in the side pocket. Q winked at Janeway, just as the ball slid home.
"I can't believe this." B'Elanna yelled out. "How could you lose Captain?" Q was all smiles.
"It happens Lieutenant, even to me."
"This is just bull shi . . . "
"Hey, watch the language Lieutenant. I'm the Captain now." Q spoke out. "I won't have it on my ship." Now, Janeway was chocking back some language she knew even B'Elanna would be shocked at.
"Q, get out of my way." Janeway stomped out of the holo-deck. They all stood with shocked faces. How could this have happened. Q was gloating.
Captain Janeway, the time is 0600. One of Janeway's eyes slid open.
"So what, I'm not Captain today." She tossed a pillow at the obnoxious voice.
Captain Janeway the time is . . .
"I know, I know, shut off the damn clock." Janeway slowly climbed out of bed. She hadn't gotten much sleep, which wasn't so unusual, but having Q on the ship made things difficult at best.
"Captain Q to Janeway, come in please." Janeway plopped back down on the bed.
Speak of the devil. "What do you want Q?"
"It's Captain Q, if you would be so kind."
"You've got to be kidding. I am not calling you Captain. You'll be lucky if I speak to you at all."
"Am I sensing a bit of hostility Miss Janeway?"
"Q, don't tic me off yet. I haven't even had my coffee. What do you want anyway?"
"You seem to be late today Kathy. I'm sitting all alone in the big seat, waiting on my second in command."
That's it, he's gone by lunch. "Yes Captain, I'm on my way. Janeway out." She cut the communications quickly, so Q couldn't listen to the explicit language spilling out of Captain Janeway's mouth. Even B'Elanna would be appalled. Chakotay, I needed the vacation. Why did you leave without me? Although, deep down she knew why.
"Hello Kathy, nice of you to join us." Q was still gloating.
"Q, get out of my seat."
"I don't think so Kathy." Q leaned out and patted Chakotay's seat. "I believe this seat will do you quite nicely today." Janeway was holding onto a cup of coffee like a life line. It was tempting to just toss it in Q's face, but wasting good coffee was not the best of ideas. She looked at Tuvok, as she took Chakotay's seat. Tuvok only winked slightly. Not even Ensign Kim noticed the action. "See, that seat looks good on you Kathy."
"Q, don't talk to me. Just find something useful to keep you occupied." At that moment, the klaxon sounded.
"Incoming ships Captain." Tuvok stated. Janeway stood up.
"Let's see them Tuvok." Q was tugging on the sleeve of Janeway's jacket.
"Kathy, sit down. I'm the Captain, I'll tell Tuvok what to do."
"I apologize Captain Q. It won't happen again." Janeway sat back down. Q was smiling as he spoke.
"Tuvok, what do they want?"
"I don't know Captain, but they have weapons online."
"Well open communications Tuvok."
"Aye Captain. I have visual also."
"Unidentified ship, you will leave the space immediately."
"Ugly fellow isn't he?" Q spoke softly to Janeway.
"You should talk to him Q, he doesn't look too happy to see us." Q just looked at the image.
"Why?" Q didn't say anything else. The ship was hit with a jolt.
"Do you want to get us all killed Q? Talk to him, find out what he wants." Janeway couldn't believe it. Q had no idea what to do. The ship was shook again, this time sending some of them to the deck. "Q!"
"Hey, knock it off, you don't want to mess with me. I'm the Captain of this ship, and I can blow you out of the sky." The Mintauka couldn't help but laugh. "You find this funny do you?"
"No, not the fact you invaded Mintauka space, just the fact you can't possibly be a Captain." The ship was hit again with a blast shooting out of the Mintauka ship.
"That's it." Q was mad now. "Tuvok, blast um out of existence." Janeway was holding back the smile as best she could.
"Blast um Q? You can't just do that."
"Why not, I'm the Captain." Q looked back at Tuvok, but the Vulcan didn't obey.
"Alien vessel, leave this space now, this is the last chance you have." The ship took a blast that knocked Q on his butt.
"Oh, that's enough of this." Q yelled as he stood back up. Janeway could tell he was losing his cool. Q lifted his hand.
"Q! Wait." Janeway called out. "Alien vessel, we do not wish to fight you. Can't we negotiate? We just need to pass by this space to get home." Q gave Janeway a filthy look.
"Captain, who is the woman? She seems to have some intelligence that you do not possess."
"That women, is my second in command, you Mintauka fool. You have ten seconds to move that ugly ship out of my way." Q was fuming. The laughing began again.
"You Captain, have made a fatal mistake."
"I think not, snake face." A flash of Q's hand, and the Mintauka ship vanished. They all just watched in shock at the empty spot in space. Finally Janeway spoke in a deadly tone.
"Q! What did you do? Get them back, now!"
"I did what any good Captain would do, saved my ship." Q was beaming with his accomplishment.
"Why you antagonizing scum bag." Tom flew out of his seat attacking Q again. He'd managed to get Q in a choke hold, with one fluid movement. "I ought to . . . "
"Lieutenant, back off, now!" Tuvok was pulling Tom off Q.
"This will only get you an additional 30 days Tom, let go." Janeway was helping pull Tom off.
"Captain, you can't let him get away with this?"
"I don't intend to Tom, now sit down." If Tom only knew how much Janeway wanted to let him deck Q. She inhaled slowly, then faced Q. "I have half a mind to just let Tom finish the job on you Q. Why in hell did you do that?" Q was massaging at his neck, with a look of confusion on his face.
"Kathy, what is the big deal? I was saving the ship."
"Saving the ship? Q, that's not how we do things. We negotiate, we make deals, we don't just wipe an entire ship out of existence." Janeway was pacing now. This is nuts, not at all how I planned. "Q, can you get them back?" He locked eyes with Janeway.
"Why would I want to? Q did not like the way he was being questioned. Janeway shot him a deadly look. He didn't even flinch an eyelash. Janeway just took hold of his jacket sleeve, pulling him behind. "Hey! Stop pulling on me."
"Shut up Q, we need to talk." Q went unwillingly behind, yelling the whole way. Once inside the office, he stopped cold. He could see that Janeway was about to lose it, but he opened his mouth anyway.
"Kathy, what is the big deal? Old snake face is insignificant. We can't all be as sweet and gullible as you Kathy. Sometimes you have to be nasty to get the point to sink in." Janeway was thinking, hoping to say something that would make some sense to Q's small intellect.
If being omnipotent makes one so stupid, I want nothing to do with it. She gave a sigh, then spoke calmly. "Look Q, as humans we want to find out all we can about species unlike us. We gain knowledge, intelligence, a feeling of accomplishment. We hope to live in a galaxy that belongs to all species, not just human, and not just omnipotent beings, who think they posses all intelligence. Q, you don't own the galaxy, and that is a fact you need to accept. We all need to exist as one, especially in this end of the galaxy. We have enough enemies Q, we could have done without having the Mintauka as one." Q was just listening, with a look on his face, that Janeway couldn't pinpoint. He walked to the couch and sat down.
"Kathy, I can get them back if you want, although I still don't see why."
"Q, you don't have to see the point, just get them back please?"
"Fine, you know Kathy, I'm getting sick of this game, it's gotten tedious. Humans will always be a puzzle to me, especially you Captain Janeway. Of all the species in all the galaxy, you will continue to amaze me, and that you should take as a complement my sweet Kathy."Q stood up and took Janeway's hands, kissing them both softly. "Until next time." In a flash Q was gone, leaving Janeway holding onto Chakotay's hands instead of Q's. They both just stood holding hands, not quite knowing what had just happened. Chakotay's smile was a beautiful site to behold, plus the fact his swim suit was all he had on. Janeway's smile was a match to his own.
"Chakotay, this outfit is definitely not of command issue." The twinkle in Janeway's eyes, matched the smile.
"Captain, I assume my vacation has been canceled?"
"Absolutely, you will be on duty with me indefinitely. Next time, I'm going with you. Tuvok can play Captain."
"I take it, Q wasn't too good at the job?"
"Let's just say I had to be inventive in finding a way to get him to leave." Chakotay was laughing.
"I told Q he couldn't handle Captain Janeway."
"I don't know about that, he just about did me in. Chakotay, please don't leave me like that again? I know I had it coming, but I missed you." She locked eyes with his. "I need you by my side. I can't do any of this without you. The Captain is only as good as the people she commands. Those people have become my family and my life, especially you Chakotay. Sometimes I feel so connected to you. You will always be the best half of this Captain." Chakotay smile was contagious, it filled Janeway with a sense of love and peace she hadn't felt in a long time. Damn he looks good, with nothing on, but a smile and a swim suit.
"So Captain, does this mean I get my job back?"
"Some special conditions will apply if you want the job back."
"I see, what would those conditions be exactly?" The smile continued.
"No vacations without me. Spending some much needed time on the holo-deck, with me. Cooking me an exquisite meal tonight. And lastly, put some clothes on."
"Ok, I can live with those conditions, but I have one of my own."
"One kiss." That devilish smile was Janeway's undoing.
"Chakotay, they say one kiss leads to two." she gave him the same devilish smile.
"I'm willing to take my chances Captain."
"I guess we have a deal then." Just as Chakotay was about to collect . . .
"Tuvok to Janeway." The two busted out laughing.
How does he do that? What is it Tuvok?"
"The Mintauka want to talk with you." Chakotay gave Janeway a questioning look.
"Open communications, I coming." She looked back at Chakotay. "Don't ask, and keep quiet if you want to collect."
"Yes Ma'am." He followed the Captain out.
"Open channel Tuvok."
"Captain Janeway, what happened? Is that pest gone?"
"Yes, he decided he didn't like being a Captain. The plan was successful."
"Plan!" Janeway held up a hand to stop Tom in mid-sentence. He was looking puzzled.
"I hope it wasn't too much of an inconvenience on you."
"Captain Janeway, it was not inconvenient at all. You've helped us in the past, it's the least we could do."
"Thank you just the same."
"Anytime, good day Captain." The Mintauka ended communications. Tom couldn't wait to jump in.
"Captain, you cheated and let Q win the pool match? You set the whole thing up, didn't you?" Janeway just smiled at the helmsmen.
"I'm the Captain Tom, I always have a back up plan." Just when Tom went to say something, the flash happened again, and with it came Q.
"Well, well, Kathy. I thought cheating was beneath the mighty Captain Janeway. I'm shocked."
"Don't be Q. I wasn't about to let you have my ship. You just wouldn't let up. I had to show you that it's not easy being a Captain, so I set up a situation I knew you'd mess up." Chakotay was standing behind Janeway laughing.
"Laugh it up Chuckles. She also didn't want you to be Captain. So as I see it, we've both been cheated on." Chakotay looked at Janeway, she just gave him the look, he kept quiet. "As I see it Captain, you have two choices. You can let me be Captain again."
"No way in hell Q."
"Fine, then Chuckles is the new Captain." Q looked at Chakotay. "You might want to put some clothes on. With a flash, Chakotay was back in command outfit. "Kathy, a deal is a deal, you can't go back on it now."
"That's just fine with me Q. I concede defeat. Chakotay is the new Captain." She smiled sweetly at all of them. Chakotay smiled back, as he took the command seat.
"And Kathy." Q had that devilish look again. "You have to do what Chakotay tells you, that was the deal." Janeway sat in Chakotay's seat, giving him a slight nod.
"As you wish Q, now goodbye. I think we can handle it without you now."
"It's about time, and no cheating Kathy, I'll be watching." With a smile and a flash, Q vanished.
"Well, that was fun." Tom spoke aloud. "Any comments on what Q was actually up to?" He looked at Janeway.
"Don't look at me Tom, I'm not the Captain." Janeway just sat back, with a not so innocent smile. Chakotay was totally loving this new game.
"Lieutenant, you have a ship to fly, get on it." Chakotay just couldn't help it. Janeway took Chakotay's hand, giving it a slight squeeze.
"We do make a good team Captain Chakotay."
"Yes we do Captain Janeway, yes we do." They sat holding hands, both knowing exactly what had been behind the Q.