(A look at this scene from a different view.
This is one of my favorite scenes in all the books I have read so
far, and as I was re-reading it, I began thinking: What was going
through Nyneave's mind when this happened? All this came of it.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything of The Wheel
Of Time, or even this scene. Yep, that's me: Can't even think up
my own continuation of a story . . . at points I even steal whole
sentences. Oh, well. Enjoy.
Wheel of Time ~~ ~
Book Four, pages 268-271
Love scene, Nyneave's view
"I still cannot believe he would be so . .
. so . . ." Egwene began in an angry mutter. Then the door
crashed open, cutting off her words.
Even though Nyneave could neither see nor feel
it, she knew that the other two women had embraced the source.
She had enough time to feel a pang of guilt--And fear--that she
could not join them until she saw the man behind the door. When
she saw Lan, all rational thought seemed to fly from her mind.
Comprehension came slowly to her mind, her
thoughts clearing ever-so-slightly. What was it about that man
that made her so befuddled? He was angry. That was a great
understatement. His eyes threatened lightning bolts--Towards
her!--that seemed ready to strike, and his massive shoulders
filled the doorway.
Not that she was afraid. She could never be
afraid of him, of course, but . . . he did not have to seem so
threatening. Certainly not. She was suddenly very aware of how
glad she was to have two women who could channel--At will, at
least--in the room with her. Not that she was afraid.
He had eyes only for her. Elayne and Egwene
might as well have not existed. "You let me believe you were
returning to Tar Valon," he rasped.
She hurriedly tried to compose herself--Only to
find that her face already dripped serenity. How had that
happened? Surely, her face, her composure, would reveal the
uncertainty and slight confusion that she felt. Slight. Light!
She felt as though she was swimming in a pond filled with
Head raised calmly, eyes mild, she answered,
"You may have believed it, but I never said it." She
almost would have been angry. The man hadn't been supposed to
"Never said it?" A thunderstorm was
mere compared to his eyes now. "Never said it! You spoke of
leaving today, and always linked your leaving with those
Darkfriends being sent to Tar Valon. Always! What did you mean me
She scrambled through her mind for an answer,
any answer, wondering at the calm in her pose. She wanted to calm
him down, certainly. He was no good like this. But the only words
that sprang to her lips were the same defense: "But I never
"Light, woman!" he roared, cutting
her off abruptly. "Do not bandy words with me!"
Out of the corner of her eye, Nyneave saw
Egwene and Elayne exchange worried looks. She could guess what
they were thinking. Lan was usually the most self-controlled
person around, but he was teetering at the breaking point, now.
Who knew what he might be capable of? Nyneave checked over
herself once more, making sure her face revealed nothing of her
true feelings. Her emotions were tangled together inside, a
writhing knot. There was uncertainty, of course, and anger, but
deeper than that there was a comforting warmth, a great elation
that Lan truly cared for her so. Oh, she had known, at least,
been most sure of it--But this proved her hopes, her dreams,
definitely. Her hands were still on her skirts.
Her love suddenly seemed to realize just how
near that breaking point that he was. With obvious effort, he
took hold of himself, calming slightly. Now his eyes only looked
like an average hail storm. "I'd not have known where you
were off to," He began, perhaps by way of explanation,
perhaps stalling for time to compose himself, "if I had not
heard that you had ordered a carriage. To take you to a ship
bound for Tanchico. I do not know why the Amyrlin allowed you to
leave the Tower in the first place, or why Moiraine involved you
in questioning Black sisters, but you three are Accepted."
Though his face was calmer, now, his voice still held every bit
as much of fury as before. "Accepted, not Aes Sedai.
Tanchico now is no place for anyone except a full Aes Sedai with
a Warder to watch her back. I'll not let you go into that!"
'Not let?' She wondered. She loved the
man right down to her boots, but Burn him, he could be just as
stubborn as any other man, sometimes! Not that she minded, so
much. She liked strong men. Her heart went out to him, and
suddenly everything was clear in her mind, watching his
determined--yet somehow uncertain--face. She knew what she had to
do. She would regret it, but she had done things she had
regretted before. She had to do what was right, now.
"So," Nyneave said lightly, her voice
a stark contrast to her heart. "You question Moiraine's
decisions, and those of the Amyrlin Seat as well. Perhaps I've
misunderstood Warders all along. I thought you swore to accept
and obey, among other things." No, that was too hard, too
fast; He was beginning to look as if a tidal wave could not move
him. She needed to be a bit softer--she wanted to be softer, but
not by too much. "Lan, I do understand your concern, and I
am grateful--" A little admittance wouldn't hurt, at least,
and she paused a moment before adding, "--More than
grateful--" Light, her heart wanted to burst through her
chest! She stilled her feelings, though. She had to have Aes
Sedai calm to the bone. "--but we all have tasks to perform.
We are going; you must resign yourself to the fact."
She caught a faint trace of helplessness in his
eyes. Apparently, he was beginning to understand just how
determined she could be. "Why?" he burst out.
"For the love of the Light, at least tell me why!
Nyneave's lips twitched, that was all. That was
all. "If Moiraine hasn't told you," she murmured
gently, "perhaps she has her reasons. We must do our tasks,
as you must do yours." Then she braced herself.
Lan trembled--actually trembled!--and clamped
his jaw shut angrily, as if unsure what to say next. Or all too
sure on what to say, only hesitant. Lan was never hesitant. Then
he spoke. "You will need someone to help you in Tanchico.
Someone to keep a Taraboner street thief from slipping a knife
into your back for your purse. Tanchico was that sort of city
before the war began, and everything I've ever heard says it is
worse now. I could . . . I could protect you, Nyneave."
That did it. Everyone else, everything
else, faded from her awareness, and she only saw Lan. Inside, she
was torn from indecision, even though she knew what she had to
do--She had half expected this, but now, with the moment upon
her, she wasn't sure if she could continue--and on the outside,
she struggled to keep her face blank.
"Your place is with Moiraine." She
said, hoping with everything she was that the words were simple,
hoping that her eyes didn't reveal any of her true feelings,
hoping that it had seemed that his words hadn't fazed her in the
slightest. Her voice may have seemed light, and calm, but it took
extreme effort to voice those few, simple words. How she loved
him . . .
"Moiraine." Sweat beaded on the man's
forehead, and he, too, struggled with his next words. "I can
. . . I must . . . Nyneave, I . . . I . . ."
Light, this was so hard for her. Burn him! He
had to make this so hard! Burn him for making her do this!
"You will remain with
Moiraine," She said firmly, sharply, her tone booking no
argument, "until she releases you from your bond. You will
do as I say." Before she could think about it too carefully,
before she could think of yet another reason not to, she pulled
that folded paper from her pouch and thrust it into his hands,
keeping her eyes away from his face. She didn't dare meet his
gaze at that point. She could almost feel the new wave of
surprise he got from those words.
What the bearer does is done at
my order and by my authority. Obey, and keep silent, at my
Watcher of the Seals
Flame of Tar Valon
The Amyrlin Seat
The only other like it rested in Egwene's
pouch, though how it would help her where she was going was a
"But . . ." Lan protested, finally
breaking the silence, "this allows you to do anything you
please! You can speak in the Amyrlin's name. Why would she give
this to an Accepted?"
"Ask no questions I cannot answer,"
Nyneave murmured, then wasn't able to stop a small grin as she
said, "Just count yourself lucky I do not ask you to dance
Egwene made a choking sound of swallowed
laughter, obviously remembering what Nyneave had said before. With
this I could make a Warder dance. Obviously they hadn't
missed what Warder she had been referring to.
"Do you not?" Lan asked quietly, his
voice serious. "You dispose of me very neatly. My bond, and
my oaths. This letter." Nyneave made a point of not looking
too deeply into his eyes as she took back the letter and replaced
it in her pouch.
"You are very full of yourself, al'Lan
Mandragoran." She said it almost absently. At least it was
over with. Now he would leave and they could get back to packing.
"We do as we must, as you will." Nyneave could have bit
her tongue when she didn't catch that small bit of reluctance
that escaped in her tone.
Her eyes were focused on her pouch, so of
course she didn't see anything until it was too late.
"Full of myself, Nyneave al'Meara? I am
full of myself?" She barely caught his movement out of the
corner of her eye and looked up in time to gape at him striding
towards her, too shocked for a moment to move. Then he picked her
up and kissed her. Nyneave simply reacted, fighting as best as
she knew how, hammering at him with her fists and kicking at his
shins. She was shocked, mostly, not angry, and she didn't even
think to be embarrassed. Once she realized that her protests
didn't even faze the man, though, she stopped fighting so hard.
It wasn't all that bad, anyway. His lips were very soft, perhaps
not what was expected from so hard a man . . . She stopped
completely and just let herself melt inside, holding onto his
shoulders and letting her worries fade away in his strong
After a while--Nyneave wasn't sure how long, an
eternity, but too short, all the same--Lan set her back on her
feet. She tried to gather some semblance of anger, of outrage,
but wasn't doing very well as she swayed on her feet. She patted
down her hair furiously as if to cover up the sudden flush that
filled her cheeks. "You have no right . . ." She began
breathlessly, then stopped to swallow. She didn't have to sound
as if her head was filled with cotton! A burst of anger and
embarrassment colored her words, made them a bit stronger.
"I will not be manhandled in that fashion for the
whole world to see. I will not!" It wasn't that she minded
the action so much, of course, it was simply that doing
in front of others . . . the very thought brought new
color to her cheeks.
"Not the whole world," He replied
mildly, and he didn't sound as breathless, "But if
they can see, they can hear as well." There was no trace of
anger in his tone. His voice was filled with an emotion that was
much deeper than that. His eyes were even different, as he looked
gently into hers. "You have made a place in my heart where I
thought there was no room for anything else. You have made
flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this,
on this journey you insist on making. If you die, I will not
survive you long." Then he smiled, presenting her with it's
rarity. If it didn't soften his face, it at least made it less
hard. "And remember also, I am not always so easily
commanded, even with letters from the Amyrlin." He bowed
formally, but Nyneave was to dazed to do more then follow him
with her eyes. "As you command," Came the murmur,
"so do I obey." Maybe he meant it to be mocking. Maybe.
It was difficult to tell for certain.
As soon as the door closed behind him, Nyneave
quite literally sunk down onto the bed, her legs giving out from
under her. She stared at the door, deep in thought.
" 'Poke the meekest dog too often,' "
Elayne quoted, "and he will bite." There was a hint of
dryness to her tone. "Not that Lan is very meek," she
added. Nyneave glanced sharply at her and sniffed.
"He is insufferable," Egwene sighed,
"Sometimes he is. Nyneave, why did you do that? He was ready
to go with you. I know you want nothing more than to break him
free of Moiraine. Do not try to deny it."
For a moment, Nyneave was still lost in
thought, and with some effort finally managed to clear her mind
some. She looked at her skirts, fussing with them as she
contemplated an answer for Egwene's question. Egwene couldn't
understand her whole reason, wouldn't be able to until she
herself fell in love. Nyneave settled on saying, "Not like
that. I mean him to be mine. All of him. I will not have him
remembering a broken oath to Moiraine. I will not have that
between us. For him, as well as myself."
"But," Egwene protested, "will
it be any different if you bring him to ask Moiraine to release
him from his bond? Lan is the kind of man who would see it as
much the same thing." She did not have to sound so
matter-of-fact! "All that leaves is to somehow make her let
him go of her own accord. How can you manage that?"
Nyneave winced, managing to hid the expression.
Egwene had cut very close to her problem. "I do not
know." Her voice was firm. "Yet what must be done, can
be done. There is always a way." Dear Light, there just had
to be! She had to get them away from the subject. "That is
for another time. Work to be done, and we sit here fretting over
men. Are you sure you have everything you need for the Waste,
"Aviendha is readying everything,"
Egwene confirmed. "She still seems unhappy, but she says we
can reach Rhuidean in a little more then a month, if we are
lucky. You will be in Tanchico by then . . ."
(Notes: Lan and Nyneave are my favorite
couple. A close second is Rand and Aviendha.
Okay, so it's not the whole scene. That
was pretty much all the parts with Nyneave and Lan, though. Well,
I'm sure you've all read the book, so just go finish it
yourselves if you're so curious! ^_~ So, how'd you all like it?
Did I waste your time? Is everyone going, "sheesh, I could
have just read it in the book and saved time" ? I hope not.
*shrugs* I just felt like doing this, so I did, and you guys get
to see the fruits of my labor. ^_^ Tell me what you think. Yeah,
I know every author says that (We wouldn't be authors if we
didn't!) But come on. Take the time. See that little box? Yeah,
the review box? Right below these very words? Come on. You can do
it. It won't bite.)