A/N: Just some random oneshot I came up with while listening to too much angsty music. I've never played KH, so this is kinda practice for writing about the charries. Egh. I'm not sure 'bout this one, but oh well. Reviews are helpful and appreciated. Standard disclaimers.
It's been months since I last picked up the Keyblade with the intention to kill anything besides time and Riku's pride. My life is as normal as it will ever be; I'm back at school, laughing and goofing off, as though nothing ever happened. And to everybody else, nothing really did. Their lives are unaffected. They don't spend hours gazing out over the sea, seeing memories of places that they can hardly dream of. They don't see the faces of people, or things who thought they were people, who lost their lives from my actions. I regret little, though, as what's done is done and for the better.
Sometimes, I'm almost bored. I feel as though I have nothing left to accomplish. I no longer need to search endlessly for the ones I love who were stolen from my side. Except, of course, when Kairi mysteriously disappears for a while, to suddenly show up with bags of clothes and shoes - I've never really understood the impulses of that girl's mind, and never will. I feel like I'm just drifting along in a world that doesn't know what to do with me.
Kairi hasn't had too much of a hard time dealing with her new life. We both have been split into other beings and morphed again. We both know what it is like to lose ourselves, and to be completed. Of course, she was on Destiny Islands for a while, and didn't experience what I did. She is not the innocent girl that I once knew, but she isn't a different person. I admit, I am still a lot of who I used to be, with what I hope is more maturity and knowledge of how life works.
Riku, however, is no longer Riku. Somewhere in our journeys he lost apart of himself. He is humbled, yet distant. He smiles, but only for Kairi and I. His eyes are haunted, dull. I see him breaking, collapsing under the weight of everything he has done, and I know there is nothing we can do. It helps when Kairi hugs him, tells him he is her best friend, soothing the broken parts of him as only love can.
I don't always know how to approach him when he is like that. Kairi is not with us for a majority of the time. She has friends, people who she can laugh with over simple things like nail polish and boys. Riku and I don't. Kairi is the only connection we really have left to the world we knew. We are both lost, but where I can see the sun rising over the horizon, Riku can barely see the stars. I love him - maybe more than I love Kairi - but I don't know if he knows. He can't forgive himself, can't let go.
In more ways than one, Riku is blind. He is blind to the fact that I have forgiven him for his darkness. He is blind to the fact that Kairi and I want him to let the past be. He is blind to the fact that he himself wants to forget his past and move on.
But sometimes, Riku really is blind. I've seen him awake, gasping for breath, his chest slicked with sweat. His eyes, those pools of aquamarine, ducts of sorrow and agony, will be partially obscured by strands of silver. When I can see them, they will be gazing blankly at the bed sheets, pupils dilating enormously so that ebony will engulf the intense colour. Twisting his face in reflexive shame, he will reach one pale hand forward, spidery fingers grasping wildly at the air. I will grab his arm, and he will swing to break away from me, emotionless tears sliding from his orbs. I whisper to him, remind him who is, that he is Riku, my best friend, who is a good person, who is not a being of darkness. He will stare at me, confusion written over his taught features, and I will wonder if this will be the time he doesn't come back. Yet he always has, muttering quietly that he is sorry to have scared me, and will ask if Kairi is making us eggs for breakfast. I will search his face for the signs that this is the dark Riku, but will find none. Kairi will shout something about scrambled or sunny-side-up, and we will forget night for another time.
I think of Kairi, and I think of angels. Her kindness, her beauty, shines and resonates throughout my life. Her wings, ivory feathers softened with tints of pink, are outstretched, and her sweet smile is beckoning love and peace. I think of Riku, and I think again of angels, but Riku is not the same as Kairi. He is an angel with wings that have shattered bones and clipped flight feathers. Whilst Kairi floats on delicate puffs of clouds, Riku clings to the thunderstorms. He can't control the rain or the lightning, no more than he control his memories. Riku has seen too much for someone so young, but angels with broken wings can still fly, they say.
If there is anything I wish for, it is that Riku will open his eyes and stop cheating himself on life. I know one day, he will release his heart, and will be the Riku that Kairi and I dream for. The Riku that will smirk when he has teased me and I can't think of a way to reply. The Riku that will blush when Kairi mentions to him of the girls that stalk him around the school. The Riku that isn't afraid to smile, isn't afraid of the darkness within his soul.
I don't know when that day will come. It could be tomorrow, or it could takes years. He will come around, just as Kairi and I have. Maybe then, life will be just a little easier. Being in a crowd of strangers I once called friends won't be this sickening. Knowing that we've screwed up, that we can't ever be who we once were won't be so terrifying. Because, though we will never admit it, Riku and I have a bond unlike any. Not even Kairi compares.
Till that day, I will wait for him. I don't care how long it takes. Kairi will be there, too, our light and savoir, drawing us on. She will wait for us as I wait for him. After the darkest night, there will always be a dawn. When we get there, I know what I will do.
I will ask Kairi to make us some eggs.