Summary: Padmé reflects on Anakin's fall and her role in it. Songfic of "Dividing Day," from the Broadway Musical, The Light in the Piazza.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I'm just borrowing George Lucas's characters for a bit. I also don't own "Dividing Day," from the Broadway Musical, The Light in the Piazza.
Dashing as the day we met,
Only there is something I don't recognize.
Though I cannot name it yet, I know it.
"Goodbye my love!" I silently called out into the night, fighting back tears as 3PO tried to be helpful. I did not need the help of a droid, what I needed was the man I loved who was now streaking away towards a fiery hell.
At the time I told myself my tears were from the fear that I could lose you. However, if I was being honest with myself I knew you were already lost. The man who had stood on my balcony and had attempted to kiss my anxieties away was not my beloved husband. There was a difference in his tone and in his kiss; it was cold and callous, not warm and tender as it always was. If only I had known that Anakin Skywalker had died in the Chancellor's office, earlier that evening.
Beautiful is what you are, "Thank you, We're done here, Not much to say.
Only somehow wearing a frightening disguise.
I can see the winter in your eyes, love, telling me:
We are together but I have had Dividing Day."
"Thank you, We're done here, Not much to say.
The signs were all there, but I refused to believe them. Even when Obi-Wan brought word of your dark allegiance, I refused to believe it. My Anakin would never take part in the atrocities committed at the Jedi Temple. This belief is still true, but I failed to see that my Ani was gone.
Obi-Wan's visit scared me because I could not let him kill you, my love. I couldn't believe what he was telling me. Anakin Skywalker was the one person who had always rescued me. As a small boy, your actions helped me free myself and my people from the Trade Federation's oppression. Ten years later, you leapt on my bed to divert a bounty hunter's deadly attack. You were my hero and friend every time, but one act of rescuing stands high above these incidents.
The day we were married, I was eternally bound to you. You saved me from a life of solitude for I would always have a companion in you. Even though war would separate us for periods, you always came back to me. I was happiest when you were near because you had solidified yourself as my other half. I would have not known such happiness had you not rescued me from the life of loneliness in which I had resigned myself. I just regret that I was blind to the burden that was being placed on your shoulders.
So when, when was this day?
Was it on the church step?
Suddenly you're out of love.
Does it go creeping slowly?
When was your Dividing Day?
"What are you doing out here?" You asked me as I desperately clung to the front of your Jedi tunics. I still stand by my words that I was "Worried about you." How could I not be worried about the man I loved? Even after all that has happened, I can't stop loving you. It hurts to see how far you've fallen.
As the Sithly color crept into your eyes and the insistent pressure against my throat tightened when you raised your hand, I remember my eyes growing wide with shock. I could not believe that you, Anakin Skywalker, would attack me. However, in a mere instant I realized it was not my Anakin who was attacking me. Anakin would be rescuing me, as he always did. I had failed to see that the darkness that was attempting to take my life had already taken the life of the man I loved.
When was dividing day?
Was it on the church step?
Did it happen right away?
I believe I blacked out during the attack, because instead of dying I entered the realm of dreams. I dreamt of happier times with you: a chance encounter with a brave slave boy, that same boy grown to manhood and staring lovingly into my eyes, meadow picnics together, our secret marriage ceremony, and all those moments since then that we stole for ourselves. I loved you and I know you loved me. We were happy together, but our secrets ensnared your soul in a web of evil.
Were you lying next to me,
Hiding what you couldn't say?
You never told me the extent of your fears. I could tell in your eyes that you were troubled. Over the years, I had seen the vibrant blue of a young, idealistic boy fade with fatigue and weariness. I did press you to confide in me, but I always thought with time and patience you would open up to me. Now that I know what has happened, I should have done more. You were always there to save me, but I failed to rescue you, my love.
How could I have guessed?
Was my cheek upon your chest?
An ocean away…
Anakin, you always looked out for me, but I had failed you. I should have done more to save you. I wanted to tell you that, but when I awoke from my dreams it was Obi-Wan's face and not yours that I saw.
"Obi-Wan. Is Anakin all right?"
When was, when was, when was Dividing Day?
When your former mentor did not answer, I knew the worst had happened and my heart shattered. I was too late to help you; the darkness had fully consumed your soul. There was no point going on without my other half. Your loss had weakened me and by the time I had given birth to your children, I could not go on.
As one last favor to you, my love, I could not let Obi-Wan's or your childrens' opinion of you to be colored by my failure. So with the three of them present, I gathered my strength to declare, "There's good in him. I know. I know, there's… still…." My breath left me before I could finish speaking, but I echoed it in the Force as my soul joined it. Through the Force I'll complete the task I failed in life and bring Anakin Skywalker, my husband, love, and hero, back to the light.