AN: It's either you get it, or you don't. Don't worry, this chapter is short since I cut the original one on half. Because I'm a jerk.
Chapter Eight: That BANG for your BUCK
Ten minutes later...
"So… no hard feelings, right?"
The unicorn let out a happy sounding whinny that even managed to convey an affable and apologetic tone at the same time. Fang took this as a good thing since the unicorn had stabbed him in the chest only moments before. However, they were passed all that now that the Mary Sue was gone. Actually, the two were on such good terms that Fang had been allowed to ride on the unicorn's back instead of having to fly with the rest of the flock. The act of kindness by the unicorn was not lost upon Fang, especially when he was still bleeding.
The unicorn gave a grunt.
"No, no… I'm fine," Fang said easily, "Just a trip to the bathroom and a new shirt would do it for me. It's not your fault."
The unicorn neighed a nay.
"Really! I'm fine. It's nice that you're concerned. I should be asking you the same thing."
His only reply was a loud raspberry.
"Oh," said Fang, trying not to sound disappointed, "I couldn't lay a punch of you, huh?" He paused briefly and changed the subject. "Hey… I never knew unicorns could have wings. Doesn't that make you a Pegasus?"
The unicorn stopped flapping. Fang got the feeling that he'd just insulted the mythical creature very badly. It was a good thing he didn't mention that he hadn't thought unicorns existed before. Within a few seconds, they lost a large amount of altitude. Fang instinctively started flapping his own wings. Pretty soon he lifted off the unicorn and was flying all on his own.
"Hey! Wait!" he called out to the descending unicorn, "Listen, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or-"
The pink unicorn gave a disgruntled grumble and winked out of sight, only fifteen feet away from Fang. He couldn't help but feel as if he'd lost a close friend.
"Hey," Max said, flying over to him, "Where did the unicorn go?"
"Unicorn?" asked Fang, looking as if Max had started spewing questions on the whereabouts of mythical creatures that obviously did not exist in their own world.
"Did you say something?" Max blinked, since she thought Fang had just said 'unicorn'. Considering that it was Fang, and not Angel, she found that quite random.
Fang appeared confused. He shrugged and tactfully changed the subject. "I need to use the restroom."
Max rolled her eyes, "Can't you hold it?"
Fang's brows lifted and he gestured to his bloody shirt and hole through his chest. By some freak of good luck, he was still able to fly without so much of a problem. He was still in pain, but pain was good. It was the only thing that made sure he felt alive. The comforting thought was so emo, his windswept hair edged over his forehead against all laws of wind resistance.
"Oh, stop being a baby."
"Max, I'm bleeding. Excessively."
"Don't be a girl," Mini taunted with a blatant remark of flippant sexism. Max noticed and got that angry expression of 'you-just-did-not-say-that-out-loud-because-I'm-the-biggest-most-egotistical-face-of-dominate-avian-hybrid-feminism-your-sorry-ass-is-ever-gonna-see' on her face. That, of course, did not translate over well to Mini. However, Nudge had no problem conveying what Max was thinking.
"That was very sexist," said the dark skinned girl and opened her mouth to add more, but Mini seemed to be a very capable rival with his own excessive communication skills.
"And they say the only people who can be racist is a white person," he drawled.
"What?" exclaimed four miffed voices.
"Caucasian," Mini corrected, obviously making an effort to sound polite and exasperated at the same time.
"I can't believe it. You're sexist and racist," Iggy said.
"One can argue that I'm a little bit of both so that I can at least tell the difference between people," Mini answered.
And then the conversation was dropped since it was getting kind of stale.
"And… I have to go to the bathroom. Max, baby, wanna stop somewhere fast?" asked Mini with his signature winning smirk.
Fang snorted. Max made it clear that she wasn't going to stop anywhere soon.
Max beamed at Mini.
"Okay!" she gushed.
Fang, ever suspicious, narrowed his eyes. Max had suddenly turned into a ditzy star-stuck lover. He blinked. Now that he noticed it, she seemed… unnaturally attached to Mini. This wasn't his jealousy talking, this was simply an observation.
An observation spurred on by jealousy, but whatever.
The flock landed in a thicket of trees on the outskirts of San Francisco. It was the closet metropolis they could find and Mini had insisted they stop there. Max, all up for whatever Mini said, agreed. They walked to the nearest BART station and found the public restrooms. Needless to say, Fang ran in and started cleaning himself up.
It actually didn't take that long. His shirt was still stained, but there was little he could do about it. Heading over to the urinal to do his business, he heard the door open and in came Mini.
Taking the urinal next to him, Mini regarded Fang, "Hey… I think it's time we have a little man-to-man talk."
Fang didn't like the sound of that. It was actually ten times worse when he was in the middle of pissing. The thought might've shown on his face since Mini started rolling his eyes. It was like Fang was that wimpy little freshman inside the boy's locker room for the first time. However, since neither had much experience in high school, Fang and Mini couldn't really relate anyway.
"S'bout Max," Mini began.
Fang's attention was successfully caught.
"Do you honestly think you'd have a chance with her?" Mini asked.
Fang, not wanting to lose his temper, stared at Mini and said, "Uh, yeah?"
"I mean, against me," Mini added with a little bit a sugar to his voice.
So much for not losing his temper. Lost it, Fang did. Taking a fistful of Mini's shirt, he slammed the flamingo boy against a bathroom stall. Mini let out a girlish squeak of pain.
"You make me sick," Fang stated with every word dripping with contempt, "Max is… a very important person to me. I'm not just going to let you manipulate her-"
"I don't think that's going to matter," Mini said, lolling his head to the side. He was in the middle of grimacing, but somehow a smirk made its way to his features. "Max and I were made for each other."
Fang didn't even blink. He jerked Mini against the stall once more so that the whole bathroom seemed to rattle.
"Bullshit," he said, "You have a talent for pissing me off. Congratulations. You've made it down to Ari's level."
Mini, despite being the coward that he was, did not appear fazed. In fact, he looked quite exasperated.
"You don't get it, do you? Max and I were made for each other," he hissed since Fang was pressing hard against his windpipe, "Literally. I just don't go spewing romantic crap like that. Goddamn, we live in this stupid sci-fi genre… eventually you'd learn to take a hint-"
"Shut up. The School can't just decide things like that. Science can't determine… l-love or whatever!"
Mini gave him an eerie smile. He slowly pulled Fang's arms off of him, though he was still perilously cornered.
"Yeah. They can," Mini laughed, "You know why I'm so irresistible to Max? It's all science. I give off scented hormones that only she can unconsciously smell. Whenever I'm near, she's crazy for me." He leaned closer to Fang and whispered with a smirk, "I don't have to do anything."
There was a dangerous pause.
"Except stay alive," Fang finished.
Mini paled, "Touché."
Fang swung his fist towards Mini's face. Whether out not Fang's aim was off or Mini just got incredibly lucky, his fist collided with the bathroom stall. Mini, who had pressed himself against the stall's door, had his hands over his face. Snarling, Fang decided to hell with his fist and tackled Mini. Already at a close range, the stall's door cracked under their combined weight and ripped off its hinges. Shocked, they both fell through at an angel when the door was stopped against the toilet. For Mini, falling was the least of his worries when he could clearly see that he was going to be fell upon by Fang. Having the wind knocked out from his body by another, Mini was rendered dazed.
Fang groaned and pushed himself up, only to unbalance the angled door they were laying on. The door slid off the toilet and landed flat on the bathroom floor, stunning both Mini and Fang again. However, perhaps the most stunning part of their ordeal was the end position, which involved having their faces smashed against each other and teeth clashing.
It was possibly the worst kiss ever, but since neither had much experience in that particular area, there shouldn't have been any real complaints about it. Mini's eyes widened and Fang appeared to be dazed with extreme traumatic horror.
Innocent little Gazzy chose this moment to walk in and look around.
"Oh, my god, she's parodying slash and lemons already?!" he screamed in fright.
"Oh… good. It wasn't me," Iggy said, popping in alongside the younger boy. He turned his head to face the awkward scene. "Who's the seme?"
"Fang," Gazzy supplied.
Iggy looked shocked, "I'd totally thought he'd be uke."
"So did I. Especially paired with Mini," said Gazzy.
Mini and Fang were in the process of quickly sorting themselves out. They stood up, taking defiant stances at the furthest distance away from each other possible. Fang was extremely red and Mini unsuccessfully tried to play it off.
"Guys, that's not what happened!" exclaimed Fang, wiping his lips in disgust, "That was-"
Iggy and Gazzy looked unconvinced.
"Both of your pants are off," Gazzy pointed out, "What am I supposed to be thinking?"
Mini and Fang looked down. Before the fight, both of them had forgotten to zip up. They started stuttering.
"Wait! But- that was-"
"-Wasn't like that-"
Fang hastily pulled up his pants and Mini casually put on his as if being seen without any pants on was perfectly natural for him.
"You guys don't have to be shy about it," Iggy said kindly.
Fang glowered, "Don't even say it. You couldn't be any more wrong about it." He pushed past Iggy and Gazzy, furious. Stepping out of the restrooms, he muttered curses under his breath…
…and smartly ran into the female part of the flock.
Max and Nudge had that hesitant look on their faces. They were expecting Erasers, but they did not want to tread into the men's restroom without proof. Angel, the ever oblivious one, was simply worried. Total had been abandoned the last couple of chapters. He wasn't really missed.
"Is everything alright?" asked Max, "We heard a lot of banging and noises, so we sent in Iggy and Gaz-"
"Oh, there was a lot of banging, alright," Iggy said from behind Fang.
Max's jaw dropped. Fang elbowed Iggy and Mini stepped on his toe. Aside from the yelps, Iggy fell sullenly silent.
"There was not," Fang said.
Max raised her brow, instantly flustering Fang more than ever.
"Even if I swung that way, it wouldn't be with him," Mini said, taking her by the shoulders, "You're the only one for me. You know that."
Max's doubt cleared and she sighed in relief.
Fang glanced from Mini and Max, a sense of realization dawning on his face. He had heard a similar quote before. Paling, he grabbed Max and yanked her away from Mini.
"Fang! What are you-"
"He's… a Sue!"
End Chapter. :O