Tasty House
By Kate aka MrsPunk/Snapemaniac

House was feeling very miserable today, as he always did on Valentine's Day. He hated this day because of what it did to people. They became sweet and loving, sending disgustingly cute love letters filled with poems, or more likely, horrible attempts to such. He had hurried into his office before anybody had gotten the chance to say "Happy Valentine's" to him. He sat down in his chair, sighed, and looked at his desk. There was a folded piece of paper, House dreaded what is could be. He slowly reached for the paper, and unfolded it.

The wind is blowing fiercely, I'm freezing.
I stand naked on the beach,
I bare my body, my heart and my soul to you.
There is no words, only silence.
You take me in your arms and kiss me passionately.
Afterwards you turn your back on me, and leave.
I kneel in sand as cold as ice, and I cry
My heart is broken and my soul has departed from me.
But then I awake from this cold dream, to see
that you are still here, lying next to me.

Happy Valentine's Day
Love Your Secret Admirer

House pondered about who had sent the letter. It must've been Cameron, she always did these "cute" sorts of things. But, Cameron had moved on to Chase, so it couldn't have been her. It could be from Foreman, meant as a joke, but it wasn't very likely. Foreman could never write something like that. Cuddy, perhaps? No, she can't stand me. That leaves me with either a patient or one of the nurses in this hospital.
House had inquired all the nurses by lunchtime, and was pretty convinced it wasn't one of them. He returned to his office, to look at some patient casebooks when he saw another letter on his desk. He picked it up, and looked around to make sure that nobody was watching.

The last breath has captured me, there's no more to say.
I lie awake in my bed, my cheeks are wet from tears.
I've just dreamed about the person I long for,
the man I so deeply love but can never have.

To know that I can never hold him in my arms,
never press my lips against his and make love with him,
it wounds my soul, my whole being is shattered into pieces.

So here I lie, waiting for death to free me from all this pain,
all these feelings and all the love that I wish I could share with him.

As I take my last breath, and disappear into a dreamless sleep of death,
I think of him-his smile, his body and his mind.

House hadn't expected another letter. He had seen everybody who worked with him in the clinic earlier, so it must be a patient. Or...No, it couldn't be him. It's not something he would do, he knows how much House hates love letters and cute things. But House needed to be sure. So he went to his office, where he knew he would have lunch right now.

House knocked on the door. There was no answer. He opened the door slightly, there wasn't anybody in the room. He walked in and closed the door behind him. He walked over to the desk and sat down, he looked at the desk. There were a lot of papers lying around, nothing of interest. He looked in the wastebasket, and found a paper, all wrinkled up. He unwrinkled it and read.

I used to look at the body so white,
wondered if it had ever been touched with passion
I used to think of the mouth with lips so pink,
wondered if they had ever been kissed with love
I used to dream the eyes so blue,
wondered if tears had ever fallen from them
I used to love a heart so red,
wondered if it had ever been broken

It had been him, he was the one who wrote those letters. Suddenly the door opened, and James Wilson entered. He looked at House, who was still sitting at his desk with the note in his hand. He walked over to the desk, slowly, and sat down opposite House. They looked at each other, and then House started to laugh.

- What's so funny, House?
-This...
He held the note up for Jimmy to see it clearly. Jimmy smiled, nervously.
- It's very cute, Jimmy.
- Really?
- Yeah, too cute. It's not you, it's too...discusting.
- Thank you for calling my poetry discusting, makes me feel very warm inside. What would you rather have me write?
- Hmmm...
House thought for a while. And then he said:
- I want to lick your candy cane.
Jimmy laughed, House got up out his chair and walked over to him. He kissed him passionately.
- Thank you for these very cute, discusting love letters.
- I do love you, Greg.
- I know. I love you too, my not-so-secret admirer.

The End.

Ok, first of all – Tasty House is a huge candystore-chain in Sweden, possibly somewhere else too. I dunno...
Second of all – the "I do love you, Greg"-line is for my friends, Kai and The Goat, who are rabid Little Britain fans. So am I, go David Walliams&Matt Lucas!