Summary: Padmé reflects on her reunion with Anakin on her wedding day. Song is "Unusual Way," from the Broadway Musical, Nine.
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars. I'm just borrowing George Lucas's characters for a bit. I also don't own "Unusual Way," from the Broadway Musical, Nine.
In a very unusual way, one time I needed you.
In a very unusual way, you were my friend.
I had vaguely glimpsed you as you entered my apartment with Master Kenobi. I did not recognize you at first; it had been ten years since last we had met. Over the years I had caught myself wondering if the small boy who had been the savior of my people was fairing well in his new life as a Jedi. However, my image of you was always the small boy I had met on a desert planet.
I had known Master Kenobi had taken you as his apprentice all those years ago, but in my mind you never aged. There was no recognition in my eyes as you stood one step behind him, your eyes pleading with mine for acknowledgement.
Maybe it lasted a day, maybe it lasted an hour.
But, somehow it will never end.
The intensity of your scrutinizing eyes drew my gaze towards you. For a moment I stared blankly, you had changed so drastically since last I had seen you. However, the deep blue eyes that stared back to me were the same as the young boy from my memories and they triggered my mind to recall who you were.
"Ani? My goodness, you've grown."
It was a mistake to lock eyes with you as you took a confident step towards me. I could tell your eyes no longer shown with the innocence of a young boy who had once jokingly informed me that we would one day marry. Now your eyes lit up with the hunger of a man, who longed and lusted for me alone. Many eyes had looked at me like that before yours and I had been able to brush them all aside, but something about your eyes held me captive.
All I could think about was how tall you were. Perhaps the attack on my life had affected me more than I thought because I caught my eyes trailing down your lean form as my mind wondered what was hidden by those cumbersome robes.
"Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine." I know my statement hurt you. I could tell by the way your shoulders slumped and you took a step backwards as if I had slapped you. I wanted to wrap my arms around you and apologize, but under the watchful eyes of Obi-Wan and my security team that was not possible. They were all under the illusion that I had made my remark in response to your declarations of my beauty. How wrong they were.
I was flattered by your comments. As a matter of fact, my heart beat wildly with the knowledge that you found me desirable. My comments had not been meant to derail you, but to stop myself. My eyes kept trying to undress you, and my comments were meant to remind myself that you were just an old acquaintance. I did not have a romantic attachment to the little boy I knew long ago and I was conjuring that image to rein in the torrent of lustful emotions I was experiencing at the sight of you.
There would be no future for a Jedi Knight and a Senator of the Republic, regardless of our feelings for one another. I had to remain distant and fight the instant attraction that was attempting to draw me closer to you.
In a very unusual way, I think I'm in love with you.
In a very unusual way, I want to cry.
I did not retire out of exhaustion; I left your side out of fear. Not fear of you, but fear of myself. Your promises to protect me had made everyone else uncomfortable, but they made my heart melt. I could visualize your strong arms wrapped around me, shielding me from the rest of the galaxy. These thoughts although pleasant in one sense, were terrifying in another. In a few short minutes, I had become fixated on you. No man had ever been able to garner my attention like that, and I did not know how to deal with it.
I could feel your gaze lingering on my retreating form. I had to fight the urge to cast a glimpse back at you. I feared my resolve would not hold if I looked at you. For years I had been content to live a solitary existence, but now I was finding I wanted companionship, specifically yours. I needed time away from you to clear my mind. I hoped a restful night's sleep would allow me to wake up refreshed and without these new emotions that were warring inside me.
Something inside me goes weak,
Something inside me surrenders.
Dormé helped me take down my complicated hair style, allowing my curls to tumble down my back. She would have stayed longer if I had asked and normally I would have accepted her company. However, with my muddle thoughts fixed on you, I just wanted to be alone, so I could sort through my feelings on my own.
I pulled out a simple white silken nightgown to wear that night. I set it upon my bed as I reached for the clasps that held my gown together. I had lived in a world of security cameras since my days as queen. I had grown so used to their presence in all the rooms I entered that I never gave them a second thought. However, now the Jedi padawan who had become the recent object of my lust was on the other side of those cameras. His eyes were likely watching and waiting for me to allow my gown to fall to the ground.
The thought of you watching me made a delicious shiver run down my spine even as I berated myself for having such thoughts. Fighting back temptation, I ran to the fresher and brought a few fluffy towels out and proceeded to cover the cameras. I knew my security detail would not approve, but I had a plan I was sure they would agree to once they showed up.
The knock on my door I had been expecting sounded a few moments later, and I opened it to greet Captain Typho. However, I was not greeted by the head of my security, instead it was you.
"Milady, your cameras appear to be malfunctioning." You stated innocently, though I could see a fire smoldering in your eyes.
"N…. no." I stuttered, completely flustered by your presence. Senator Amidala was known for stoicism in any dire situation and somehow you had reduced me to a trembling mess. I could feel my skin flush in a combination of embarrassment at my behavior and the scorching I was receiving from your ever roaming eyes.
I was relieved when R2D2 appeared out of nowhere to save me from making a fool of myself. "R2 will stay with me and warn of any attack."
I failed to see the knowing smirk on your lips, but it probably wouldn't have mattered. I was in such a heated state that I probably would have only wanted to kiss them rather than smack away the teasing look.
And you're the reason why,
You're the reason why
I had been sound asleep when the kouhuns attempted to take my life. I gasped in surprise. I could not see my attackers, but I could faintly smell their burning carcasses from your lightsaber. Obi-Wan flung himself out the window of my bedroom at the droid that had delivered my would-be assassins. This daring feat would have usually gained my notice, but instead my gaze was locked on you, my hero and protector.
You were standing so close to me, all I wanted to do was drag you down on the bed next to me, and lose myself in the protection of your arms. For a minute I watched you hesitate and it appeared you might make my wish come true. However, my fantasies were dashed by the sound of the footsteps of my security team and your hurried response of, "Stay here," before you ran from my sight.
You don't know what you do to me,
You don't have a clue.
You can't tell what its like to be me looking at you.
It scares me so, that I can hardly speak.
Numbly I left my bedroom, barely noticing the robe that Dormé had thrown over my shoulders. I stood before one of the windows of my apartment, trying to catch a glimpse of you. I knew somewhere out there, you and Obi-Wan, were out there looking for the person behind this latest attack on my life. I was worried for both of you, but my heart ached as my mind conjured up images of you being killed. I needed to see you again.
"Milady, your attacker has been killed. You are safe for now." I closed my eyes and gave a happy sigh of relief at the sound of your voice.
"Thank you, Anakin." I turned to face you, trying to remind myself to breath as I gazed at you.
"Are you all right?" You asked as your hand came up to tenderly brush my cheek.
I wanted your touch, I had wanted it since I first recognized who you were, but I flinched away from you as if scalded. Something about your touch made the situation all the more real. I was a Senator and you were a Jedi. We were destined to never be together. That was the way of things in the galaxy.
I could tell that you wanted me as much as my body hungered for you, but we could never sate that hunger. I told myself it was not possible and that I had to be the strong one for both of us. I had to be the stubborn one to fight off your advances. However, I failed to realize that as stubborn as I was, you were equally as stubborn at getting what you wanted.
In a very unusual way, I owe what I am to you.
Though at times it appears I won't stay, I never go.
I tried my best to keep my emotions in check, even though you could make my legs shake and my heart flutter with a mere glance. You seemed to see all the cracks in my resolve and knew exactly how to exploit them. It was agony being around you, but at the same time I did not know how I could go on living without you.
My contentment with being independent was gone. You slowly made me realize that I was missing something in my life, and that something was your love. You taught me to let myself go and find a piece of life I had always been missing.
Special to me in my life,
Since the first day that I met you.
How could I ever forget you,
Once you had touched my soul?
Looking back, I was doomed to this day, our wedding day, since you walked into my apartment. I could not fight my feelings no more than you could fight your own. We were meant to be together. Now, as my lips seek yours to seal our vows, I feel a great sense of completion. No longer do I have to fight my feelings, for you, Anakin Skywalker, my love, my protector….
Are forever bound to me, as I am to you.
In a very unusual way,
You've made me whole.