Straw Hat Guy!
By Winter Knight
Chapter 1: "HOLY CRAP I'M IN ONE PIECE!"
Note: I do not own Family Guy nor One Piece.
I got the idea from a piece of fanart I saw in a magazine where the griffins are dressed like the strawhat pirates...except I added Quagmire as Franky and Jillian as Nico Robin. Most of the jokes and situations in this fanfic come from my twisted sense of humor and visions... that and I'm wigging out!
Also I worked on this two weeks ago and I was afraid of posting this due to it's content, but I was once told to do it anyway. You'll wish this was kept in my "forbidden archives" once you get offended by this!
WARNING: SOME JOKES CAN BE OFFENSIVE AND OBSCURE! SO I AM NOT TO BLAME IF YOU GET PISSED!
One day, Peter Lowenbrau Griffin wakes up and finds himself on a massive pirate ship and then he says "hey, this dream was weirder than the time I had that one dream..."
Peter is turned into a grotesque bug and says "...So what am I? a man dreaming he's a bug or a bug who's dreaming he's a man?" And then he sees a giant can of bug spray and then Peter shouts "RAID!!!" and then he explodes.
Peter then notices that he's wearing a straw hat, a red vest, and shorts. Peter then says "Holy Crap! I'm Monkey D. Luffy! Wait till the others see this!" and then Stewie is seen tied to a cross, dressed like a bounty hunter, Peter then says "Stewie? you're Zor..zor...ZOLO! and why are you tied up?" And then Lois shows up dressed like a teen girl while saying "Stewie was playing with swords so I tied him up, I'll let him go...if he pays the price for being a bad boy" Stewie then says "Vile strumpet! how dare you tie me up! I demand you let me go". Peter then says "Lois I know you arecosplaying as Nami but must you be in character...unless you're into "role-play"... Lois then says "Peter please... not in a rated T fanfic, also I can't help acting as my character from that anime you like watching." Peter then says "wow, this is weirder than the time I discovered the greatest fanfic making couple broke up..."
Britany Spears and Kevin Federline are together with their son and then Britany looks at Peter and says "YOU IDIOT! we're "pop musicians" not fanfic writers, get your facts straight!" and then Kevin Federline says "Actually Britany I finally got a job... in the Hair Hunt troops!" and then Kevin shaves Britany's hair off and this caused Britany to drop her baby and run off into the kitchen, screaming at mice while shirtless...don't worry folks she's blurred!
Peter and Lois then see Meg as Usopp and they start laughing at the shape of her nose and then Peter says "Meg! you're Usopp? the worst character in One Piece? oh and if I were you, I'd wear a mask to cover that nose of yours...also wear a cape... and carry a giant slingshot..."
Peter is in the kitchen and says "Man Lois, discovering that I'm a pirate in a pirate world sure makes me thirsty, I'm gonna get a beer!" and then Lois then says "Peter? we're in a strange world where our family is separated and all you care about is your own needs and a beer... let me remind you of what happens if you're irresponcible, remember what happened to Spider-Man involving his new costume?"
Peter Parker is just watching CSI and then the symbiote constantly wants it to go out and fight crime with it. Peter Parker then says "Responcibility, sh-esponcibility, I don't care what Uncle Ben says, I'm gonna spend this night watching CSI!" And so the angry symbiote slips through the cracks of the apartment floor, possess some guy named Eddie Brock and then Eddie Brock goes up to Peter Parker while wearing the black costume and as he suddenly snaps Peter Parker's neck and eats his brains, "Venom" then says "Mmm...Spider-Man brains!" and then he changes the channel to "The Simpsons".
Peter then says "Oh yeah that's right, Venom is immune to Spider-Man's Spider-sense and Ghost Rider's "Penis Stare" And Lois says "Peter, you mean "Penance Stare". When in close combat, Ghost Rider locks eyes with his victim and makes them feel every pain that person has ever inflicted on anyone in their lifetime." Peter then says in a confused state, "And they show Ghost Rider on PBS?"
Peter and Lois then sees Chris dressed like a chef and Chris then says "Hello mom! (has hearts in his eyes) you look hot today my dreamsicle...Oh man I feel dirty now... I made Churros!" and then Lois says "Chris get your sticky buns away from me!" and Peter says "Look Chris I don't care if you're acting in character as Sanji but you are not allowed to make nasty comments about your hot mom! For punishment I want you to think about what it was like working for that "Crap Geezer"." Chris then started to have flashbacks working for Chef Herbert Zeff...
Chris is cooking and then Chef Herbert Zeff then says "Ok Eggplant buns, I want you to take off your shirt, rub this oil on your glistening, tender chest, and make some flan while you're at it...mmm mmm!" Chris then shivers and continues to cook.
Lois then says "I'm relieved the family is ok...but where's Brian? And then Brian is seen in brown fur and a pink top hat. Brian then sees Peter and Lois and says "Wow Lois, you look great! (uses his new power to become human) I bet you want all this" Chris then goes to Brian and says "Brian! X-nay on itting h-ay on om-may!" Peter then looks at them angerly and before he can do anything, Brian then says "you know Lois, I'm not the only one here, before I came here, Jillian was dying her hair black because she thinks she will be smarter..."
And then from out of nowhere, Jillian shows up dressed as a sexy cowgirl and she goes up to Brian and says "Hi honey, like my new outfit...I'm cosplaying as Yosemite Sam's girlfriend! (pulls out a Elvis Presley CD) I'm gonna play this "Captain Battleship" record on a record player!" and then Jillian puts the CD on the old record player, scratching it all up while everyone laughs at Jillian's stupidity and embarassing Brian, Brian then says "I haven't been this embarassed since that time I took her to a comic convention.
Jillian and Brian go to a comic convention and she sees a action figure of "The Flash" which is in clear red and a action figure of "spirit of Obi Wan Kenobi" which is in clear blue, Jillian picks them up and says "mmm...rock candy!" and she eats them despite the fact they are actually toys, Brian ends up paying $44 for the toys and then Stewie goes up to him, flips him off and says "YOU BASTARD! YOU LEFT ME WITH MARGOT KIDDER! I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S GIVING OUT FREE AUTOGRAPHS, YOU LEFT ME WITH THAT NUTCASE!" And then Margot Kidder runs towards Stewie screaming like a mad woman and then she says normally "oh and here's your autograph little boy!" And then she continues running and screaming like a mad woman.
Quagmire appears out of nowhere, dressed in a hawaiian shirt and a speedo and says "Hey Lois! check me out! giggity giggity giggity SUPER!" Brian and Chris drag him off and Brian says "Glen, Peter is Luffy, don't mess with him!" and then Quagmire then says "Well I'm Franky and I'm SUPER!" Peter then goes up to him and says Say Quagmire, How do you know what One Piece is?" and then Quagmire blushes and stutters "umm...uhhh..."
Quagmire is at his house and checks his mail and while he says "giggity giggity giggity! it's here! my issue of "XXX-MEN!" But then as he opens the package, he is disappointed and sees a issue of One Piece and he says "OH NO! A MANGA!...hmmm maybe (sees images of Vivi, Robin, and Nami) giggity...giggity...GIGGITY... GOO! SUPER!" and then a rather happy quagmire grabs a box of tissue and runs under the bed in ectasy.
Quagmire then says "it's best if I don't tell you...by the way I also seem to have Franky's powers... do you have any rubber..." Peter then says "actually Quagmire I never did test out my Gum Gum powers yet." and Quagmire then says "actually I want to some rubbers for when we reach shoreleave...(sees Meg) OH GEEZ MEG! WEAR A MASK! (puts a mask on her, then a cape, and for no reason at all a giant slingshot) there's much better! So Peter show me your powers!"
Peter then says "Hey Quagmire, I know what to do with my power but first I need a censorbar the size of a telephone pole..."GUM GUM ERECT!" and then Peter's "peter" goes into the other side of the ship and Lois giggles, Peter then smiles and as he looks at his "endowment" he says "HEY! I can see you! heheheheheheh..." Quagmire is then devistated at this and he goes up to Jillian and says "ok here's 20 buck, use your "Hana Hana" powers to make your hands appear near my lower region". And then Jillian says "OK!" and she uses her powers to make her hands appear on Quagmire's crotch and then he moans in ecstacy but then he hears the dreaded words ever to come out of her... "Hey Glen, I found a hotdog in your speedo, it's awfully small (everyone giggles) but I'm hungry!" and then Quagmire runs off screaming and yelling "If I ever get out of this, I'm gonna perv on women very carefully...LET GO! LET GO! LET GO!"
Brian unties Stewie and says "At least "Perv Master Q" is getting what's coming to him, by the way did you invent something that sent us here?" Stewie then says "Look dog, just because I'm a genius baby, doesn't mean I'm responcible for everything weird happening here! You know it kinda reminds me of that Jetsons movie where Elroy sends the family to another time.
Elroy Jetson sends the family to another time in order to have a vacation and they end up "movin' on up" and then George encounters a black man named George and he calls him a stupid honky, George then frowns at Elroy and says "what the hell is wrong with you boy, you could've sent us to the stone age and have a gay old time with a caveman family but you just had to sent us here, even things in the future don't work, come to think of it, I don't even think we have negros in the future" and it follows with George Jefferson punching George Jetson in the face and calling him a "racist honkey".
Stewie then says "I think it's called "The Jetsons meet the Jeffersons"
Peter then says "wow, now this is what I call a fun experience, we get to sail around the Grand Line, eat meat (Quagmire: and beat it too! giggity giggity goo!) and have adventures! Meg is still upset that everyone forced her to wear a mask and cape, Peter then says "Geez Meg, what are ya? a drama queen, a shaman king, or a Soge king?
Quagmire then says "Hey Peter! I remember your character liked music and so since you like music and we need to make this fanfic more controversial, I borrowed one of Chris's CDs" Quagmire then reveals himself to have a CD player in his abs and he puts the CD into it, the CD plays the song "Smack My Bitch Up" by "The Prodigy". Lois thinks that song is awful and Peter says "What's so bad about a song about Kimberly Soto?" Lois then says "who?" and Peter says "hey look! a monkey!" and then Evil Monkey, dressed like Don Kreig appears, stares at Chris evilly and points at him and Chris freaks out.
THE GRIFFINS ARE ON A HIGH SEA ADVENTURE! IF YOU DON'T WANT THEIR ADVENTURE TO END SOON! TELL ME NOT TO AND WRITE THEM REVIEWS!