'Like Folding Papers'
Rayne no Akai Hinageshi
Volume 1: Chapter 1: Something's in the wind
Disclaimer: Characters used in this fanfiction are the properties of their respective owners. Ranma ½ belongs to Rumiko Takahashi as Maria-sama Ga Miteru belongs to Konno Oyuki. They're not my anymore than there are any rainbow-colored platypuses…
It happened again.
The gods has gotten together, thrown a fricken party, got seriously pissed and me, the punch-line of the universe, was once again the butt of their joke. Crappy, inebriated joke.
Yes, I did look that word up.
Why couldn't they've just killed me? That would've been more merciful.
What? You looking at me with that puzzled eyes again, like don't you know what heck I'm talking about… Oh wait… that's right, you don't.
Hm… how should I do this… okay here's gist of my life story. Now, I'm not too good with words so bear with me a bit.
My name, if you haven't guessed it already, is Ranma Saotome. I'm the heir to Saotome School of Indiscriminative Grappling Martial Art and I rock.
I know that look. You're probably thinking 'here we go again' and mentally rolling your eyes at me. My guess is you've met some half ass black belt who talk a lot of shit but couldn't do anything. Well, I'm the real deal.
Fine, you don't have to believe me. It's hard enough to convince you of my story as it is anyway; there's no need to tell you some of my adventures to make it even more unbelievable.
…don't look at me like that; I said I'm not going to tell you.
Anyway where was I before I got side-tracked? Oh yeah, me, Ranma Saotome, heir to a martial art school, sixteen... eighteen…sixteen…. We'll talk about that later. It's still too confusing even by my usual standard.
Let's see… what else… suck at book smart, had a score fiancées at one time or another and equally as many rivals (blah, like any of those idiots had a chance in hell of beating me)…
And I'm a guy.
Gesh, you don't have to look twice or be so blatantly obvious about it. Yes, those are breasts so you can quit ogling at them already.
Okay, first of all do you believe in magic? Yes? No? Either way it doesn't matter to me because I know magic is real. You should consider yourself lucky to never have any contact with it. My numerous encounters with the M words had given me more grief than you could imagine.
Yes, I'm telling you I'm a guy who got turned into a girl.
You see, there's this cursed training ground in mainland China called Springs of Sorrow. Legend says whoever fell into one of the spring is cursed with a body whatever drowned in it. Legend was right on the money.
Well, from that you can pretty much guess which spring I fell into. One moment I was kicking my old man's ass and the next thing I knew Wham! I'm a full head shorter and a gender off.
Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I know what you're thinking.
It can't be that bad right? Well you're right… it's wasn't as bad as I made it out to be,
At least I didn't turn into some kinda hopeless animal right? And the curse wasn't permanent; before, I could turn back into a guy with hot water and cold water turn me into a girl again. It was a temporary relieve but it was better than nothing.
Notice I said was and not is.
Yep, that's no longer the case… I can't turn back with hot water anymore. And it was all Pantyhose Taro's fault.
No, that's really is his real name.
Perhaps I should start at the beginning?
Let's see… Okay there's this guy, Happosai, he's a really perverted old man that likes to steal panty and gropes girls, a real sleaze-ball if you know what I mean. Anyway he happened to come across the mother of this Taro guy while she was giving birth to him. Now, according some wacky village tradition of theirs, the lech was supposed to give the new baby a name. Being a deprave-minded ass he is, the old man gave him what he thought was a suitable name for a boy.
He named him Pantyhose Taro.
So now the guy, Taro, is devoting his whole life on forcing Happosai to change his name for him. Totally hell bent on doing it too, he's usually really reckless and never seemed to care if some innocent bystander gets hurt while he was trying to accomplice his silly goal.
Normally he's really nothing more than a nuisance. I can beat him with my hands tied behind my back. (Then again, that's not saying much. After all, I can beat everyone with my hands tied behind my back) But…
…you see… Taro have the same kind of curse I have, he turns in a fifteen foot tall, flying, giant Minotaur with cold water.
Oh, he also has these tentacles as well. They're kinda like the ones you see on an octopus.
You're giving me that disbelieving look again… just nod along and pretend you believe everything I say, okay? Cause otherwise we're going to be here all day.
…Damn it, where was I again?
… Pantyhose Taro, right? Right. About his curse form; it's frickin huge. I mean, like, really really really big. And his punches pack one hell of a wallop too, getting hit by one of those felt like head butting a minibus. While I'd never admit it to him, when he's like that he could literally kick my ass all over the place.
This is why I normally bean him with a kettle of hot water to turn him back into a normal guy before beating him up. It's a lot less hassle that way.
By now you're probably wondering where the heck I'm going with this. Trust me, there is a point. And it happened yesterday.
What happened yesterday, you ask? Well a certain someone from China visited us with the Chisuiton.
Chisuiton is the name of a sacred relic which locks cursed people like me and Taro in their curse form.
What was he doing with it?
Well, it was ingenious really. I mean, dousing himself with the water from the curse locking ladle so he can't be turn back, was that smart or what?
Are you kidding? Taro did some pretty stupid things before but this just takes the cake.
What kind of idiot would willingly turn himself into a monster for the rest of his life just so he can get his name change?!?!
How in the nine hell did he get his hand on the accursed thing in the first place is beyond me. I mean, isn't the stupid ladle is supposed to be some kind of royal treasure or something?
Anyway, as per usual, he shows up, grunting something in that weird ass curse form of his and started destroying stuff. And, again, as per usual, I splashed him with some hot water and kicked his sorry butt.
Then he whipped out the big gun and things pretty much went down hill from there.
I got splashed, got really pissed off and beaten the stupid idiot within inches of his life. He kinda passed out after the first ten minutes so I splashed him with some water and kept going.
Oh revenge was sweet.
… Hey don't give me that! I know us martial artist are supposed to be all fair and forgiving like but seriously, wouldn't you be mad if some asshole screwed up your life because of his one stupid plan? Sure it didn't unlock my curse but it was damn did it felt good.
Besides that brings us back to what I'm doing.
What AM I doing?
I'm packing my bags, what else?
Why? So I can go find the Kisuifu and get my curse unlock, of course. What? Do you think I should be sulk around the house feeling sorry for myself because I'm locked as a girl?
This is Ranma Saotome you're talking about. I never give up. I never lose. Beside, it not like this is the first time my curse is locked or anything. All I have to do is go to China, sneak into a castle and kick a certain dragon prince off his high horse and voila! My curse will be unlocked again.
See? Easy… now I'll just go down stay, say my goodbyes and be off.
"Ranma-chan, you mother's here to see you." Kasumi's voice says from the door.
Kasumi is the older sister of my fiancée Akane. Now, before you get the wrong picture, it's all our parent's idea. We're not in love or anything.
Crap, why am I thinking about this now… I have to escape! I can't be here when she comes in.
Why am I trying to hide from my mother? No time to explain right now… save to say that if she'd caught wind of my current condition it won't be pleasant for me.
I start packing a little faster, throwing some random shirts and pants into my bag in haste. Fashion? Who cares about that stuff especially when your head is on the line?
Especially when you head is really on the line.
"Can we come in?"
Double crap, she's right outside the door? What am I going to do? This is bad, really bad.
"Ranma-chan?" A different voice calls out. It's Nodoka, my mum.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit…
I'm going to die…..
"Maybe she's not in there?"
Yes, that's it. I'm not in here, go look somewhere else. Anywhere just…
Hold on a second, did my mum just call me a she?
Nah, can't be. This is my mum we're talking about. The one and only Nodoka 'my son is a manly man amongst man or he'll commit ritual suicide' Saotome. There's no way she'd slip up and calls me with a feminine pronoun…
"I think she may've fallen asleep, Aunty." Kasumi suggests in her ever so loving voice. "I'm sure she won't mind if we go in."
Of course I would mind. How would you like it if someone says 'oh I'm sure it'd be dandy if we just parade into her room and cut her head off while she's disemboweling herself'?
Wait a minute, I'm swearing at Kasumi? Oh God, I really am losing it.
The door begins to open.
"Shit." I swear under my breath. I quickly reach over and grab one of the water canteens with my hand. I manage to empty the can over my head not a moment sooner than the door is opened.
"Oh hello Mum." I turn to look at the dripping canteen in my hand and back at her sheepishly. "Opss… I just accidentally splashed myself with the water from this canteen. I guess I'll go get some hot water now."
My mum gives me a look that that says 'who do you take me for young man? Your father?'
I gulp. Okay, so she's not as oblivious as she appeared to be. This is bad, really bad.
"Enough of that Ranma-chan. I've become aware of your situation since last evening." Nodoka tells me rather sternly.
"This fiasco has gone for far too long. It's time we have a talk son…"
I swallow another mouthful of saliva. Is it just me or has the room gotten much colder all of the sudden?
Author's note: Oho ho ho ho, if you've read my other work (Finding Alice) you'd have realize that this is another one of my adventure into the entirely too addictive world of Shoujo Mnaga/Anime… This is a crossover Maria-sama Ga Miteru or The Virgin Mary is Watching You.
I tried something a little different with this. Writing in first person POV, especially from Ranma POV is rather hard but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
What do you think? As always please review.
Rayne no Akai Hinageshi.
P.S. Yes, I'm taking a slight pause from Finding Alice.