Tell Me About Mom
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Supernatural
A/N: A short tag for the episode "Heart" that also touches briefly on a conversation I'd love to see between Dean and Sam.
Your heart is free,
have the courage to follow it
After Madison's death Dean grabbed Sam and booked,stopping only at their motel to quickly pack their belongings.
Once out of San Francisco Dean found them a refuge at a small motel in the nearby city of Oakland. Where Sam could have time to deal with the after math of what happened,some of which Dean wasn't entirely clear on.
He knew Madison had protected Sam by making her death appear to be a suicide. But Dean didn't have the details,just the horrible memory of half dragging, half carrying his devastated brother out the door, clenching the shirt Madison had been wearing.
In time, perhaps Sam would tell him exactly what happened.but for now all Dean planned on doing was being there for his little brother, in any way he needed.
A week to the day has past, since Madison's death and Dean awoke early that morning to find his brothers bed empty.
"Sammy? Dean called knocking gently on the bathroom door. You in there?"
Without a response, he entered to find the room vacant,and he began to panic.
Sam had spent most of this past week in bed. Lying down or sitting up he rarely moved,or spoke in his depressed state. He ate a few bites here and there at Deans insistence and changed and showered for the same reason.
Sam in his desolation made no effort to conceal his emotions. Often Dean would look over and see tears running down his brothers cheeks as he stared aimlessly at the television.
The only time Sam got up on his own, was to use the bathroom ,so his brother suddenly leaving without a word had Dean working his way into a heightened state of panic.
Stepping outside Dean found the impala still parked where he'd left it, but no sign of Sam anywhere.
The sun was coming up and Dean remembered a city park, a couple blocks over he had driven past a couple times while picking up coffee and breakfast.
It was a good place to start looking,so he stepped back inside, quickly got dressed and set out on foot.
Standing at the park entrance Dean took a guess in which direction he should start looking. He ruled out heading for the baseball and soccer fields and decided to follow the hiking trail. It seemed like a Sammy thing to do.
Following the trail led him through a lightly wooded area, and eventually this path encircled a small lake. Halfway around the lake Dean spotted Sam sitting comfortably nestled under a large tree.
."You Okay?" Dean asked sitting down beside him
Sam nodded, he was.
"What's going on Sammy?"
" I couldn't sleep."
"So you decide to take a walk in the dark and not tell me.?"
Sam could see by his brothers face he had scared him.
"I didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry Dean I didn't think."
Dean didn't want to be angry, not now, not with what Sam had been through. But his brother had scared the crap out of him.
"You sure as hell didn't think! Dam it Sam, next time wake me up or leave a note."
"Madison left a note."
The words stunned Dean.
"It was only a few words...she must have written them when I was in the other room with you...it fell out of her hand after..."
"Sam you don't..."
"I want to tell you Dean. It's part of why I'm out here. I need to come to terms with this in a way that I can live with it.
With his eyes lowered Sam began telling his brother, in a gentle and at times shaky voice what happened from the moment he stepped out of Deans sight.
Upon entering the room Madison had stepped up to meet Sam, placing the shirt she had been wearing into his left hand. Turning her back to him she instructed him without words to wrap his arms around her. Then she grabbed hold of the gun with her finger on the trigger and had him pull it with her.
Madison crumpled in Sam's arms, and he held her tightly... slowly lowering her lifeless body to the floor.
She died in his arms. Dean's heart ached for Sam so much his breathing became uneven. So much pain and suffering in this world why is so much placed upon his brother? Dean quickly stopped himself from going down that avenue of thought. His anger wouldn't help Sam in anyway,so he quickly refocused on what he could do and that was listening and being supportive.
Sam had told him everything without lifting his eyes once. Maybe it was the only way he could tell his story without falling apart.
Dean had heard everything his brother said while staring straight ahead.. Maybe it was the only way he could listen without falling apart.
Now they both sat in silence.
Sam trying to pull himself back to a better state emotionally after revisiting the painful memory.
Dean trying to absorb the heart wrenching details of what his brother endured. Madison had set it up to look like a suicide. Her last thoughts were of protecting his Sammy and that would forever endear her in his heart.
"I'm sorry Sammy." Dean broke the silence. That you had to go through this. I wish there had been another way."
"I know...me too" Sam said raising his eyes, feeling he was safe emotionally to look at Dean. Odd after crying so freely in front of him this past week,but it was a comfort reacting in a way familiar to him.
"What is it Sammy?"
"Tell me about Mom?"
"Mom...tell me something about her I don't know."
"There's not much to tell Sammy I was pretty young when she died."
"Yeah but there must be things you remember?"
"Yeah ...there is."
Sam's persistence helped Dean realize his brother was looking for some way to connect with tbeir Mother. That he was searching for some kind of comfort to ease his pain.
"She liked to sing."
"She did?" Sam's face immediately started to brighten.
"While she made dinner or when she was in her garden."
"She had a garden?"
"Yeah .she had those giant tomato's that are soooo good on wedges, and flowers, she loved flowers."
"What else Dean?"
Dean with a far away look in his eyes thought for a moment.
"Whenever Dad and I had a catch in the backyard Mom would play too".
"Oh yeah! Mom was good."
Dean let out a little laugh as he reminisced.
"Dad told me once Mom had a better arm then him."
Sam smiled fully and Dean knew talking about Mom had already helped his brother.
"Dean, what word would you use to describe Mom?"
Dean looked into his little brothers yearning eyes and the warmest of smiles appeared.
"Kind... Mom cared alot about people...she had this gentleness about her."
"You're a lot like her Sammy. "
"Thanks." Sam could hardly get the words out. He was smiling and tearing up at the same time.
Dean put an arm around his brother and pulled him close.
"I wish she were here." Sam said softly leaning his head on Dean's shoulder
"Me too Sammy! Me too."