Laying the Smacketh Down on Cupid
A/N: That title so amuses me. This story is for Kyrie because she asked me to write a Jeff/Shannon fic for her.
It's amazing how many things can happen in just a couple of months. Smackdown was bordering on the edge of cancellation when a few miraculous changes were made. Stephanie McMahon was out and Paul Heyman was in. Shannon Moore became a main character, but in the process nearly lost his mind from being a personal punching bag for nearly everyone. And then when it seemed things had died down, Jeff Hardy returned at Wrestlemania XX. The first thing that Jeff did was punch his dear brother Matt square in his cute turned up nose. Secondly, he announced that he would join up with his best friend in a new tag team. Jeff and Shannon were bound together, insanity and imagination melding into one vicious pair of high flying death defying boys willing to do anything to get gold.
That very willingness was what had gotten them roped into the Valentine's Games that Heyman had devised. Many of the Smackdown stars were being put into various playful competitions in order to gain something that they wanted, whether it be a title shot or merely permission to pound someone's head in. Some of the events were degrading, humiliating, and the one intended for the tag teams was no exception. Each of the tags were given a small task to perform. Which ever group got the most crowd response would get the tag titles.
"Plain and simple, boys! No fighting necessary! Just entertain the crowd and you're tag champs."
It made the titles seem a little cheaper that way, but it didn't matter. Gold is gold after all. So the first assignment was given to the new Latino Heat, composed of Rey Mysterio and Chavo Guerrero, after Los Guerreros had taken a bad turn earlier in the year. They were given two jars of bright red jalapeños and told to eat them as fast as possible. It was also a sort of competition between them to see who was the Americanized "gringo" and who still held his Hispanic heritage. Chavo ended up eating the jar the fastest, but Rey still held out and insisted on eating the whole jar. He wasn't about to be told he'd been too Americanized. Despite the tears and running noses from the heated peppers, they embraced and clapped each other on the back for a job well done. Too bad the crowd really couldn't have cared less.
Next was the World's Greatest Tag Team. Heyman's assignment for them was simple. Attack Kurt Angle, strip him of his clothes and dress him up in this Cupid costume. It'd be fun to see the gold medalist humiliated like that. Fortunately Haas and Benjamin didn't want anything to do with a naked Kurt Angle and backed out all together. They got crowd reaction, though. In the form of boos.
All that was left was Jeff and Shannon. They looked at Paul nervously as he smiled at the two of them, holding a little brown paper bag in his hand.
"You boys have got have the easiest assignment of the entire night. And I'm not trying to pull one over on you or anything. I'm serious. This is going to be so easy for you to accomplish." He reached into the bag, but then stopped. "On the other hand, it'll be really difficult to get you over with the crowd with this one. So maybe it won't be so easy after all. Do you wanna know what it is?" Of course Shannon and Jeff were impatient. "Okay. Here ya go."
He pulled candy out of the bag. Not just any candy, though. Specifically it was a red rope of licorice, a Twizzler if you wanted to throw brand names around. In the middle of said licorice was a big fluffy marshmallow that had been strung onto it. Jeff and Shannon looked at it quizzically. Shannon snatched it from Heyman's hand to examine it while Jeff questioned what the point was.
"Isn't it obvious?" Jeff shook his head. "Well, let me tell you then. It's a race. You see, Jeff, you start eating at one end and, Shannon, you start eating at the other." Already both boys had unbelieving looks on the faces. "And whoever gets to the marshmallow first is the winner. So I'm sure you can see how it's gonna be difficult to get the crowd interested."
Jeff and Shannon looked at each other, both thinking this had to be the most obvious gay insinuation that anyone had ever thrown at them. It didn't matter who either of them were teamed with or even if they were alone. They both got a lot of gay jokes. And the smirk on Heyman's face only confirmed it more.
Finally Jeff leaned over to Shannon and whispered something in his ear. Shannon gave him a weird look and yelled something not being picked up by the microphones. Jeff only yelled back and gestured at the crowd. Shannon still didn't seem very happy, but he finally sighed and took his end of the licorice in his mouth. Jeff grabbed the other side and held up his hand with three fingers raised. He counted down and as soon as his hand dropped the boys started eating their way towards the marshmallow. At first it seemed like Jeff would win, Shannon hanging back with an obvious purpose. Anyone really paying attention would've seen Jeff's stern look that made Shannon hurry up.
"I can't believe you guys are actually doing this," Heyman laughed as he watched, trying to see who would be the winner.
Jeff and Shannon paused for a moment, looking at each other. The marshmallow and two inches of licorice was the only thing between them. Finally they both lunged forward, each of them getting half of the marshmallow and their lips meeting in an obvious kiss. Instantly the crowd exploded with cheers and screams even though they were already pulling apart. Jeff and Shannon looked around as they finished their candy. They knew they were the champs now. No one could possibly beat that.
"Well, that certainly confirmed a lot of backstage rumors," Heyman said over the microphone, getting only casual shrugs from the boys. "Okay, I guess we have new Tag Team Champions. Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore!"
Again the cheers were overwhelming as the boys took their time to celebrate. Heyman handed them their titles and instantly they were on the turnbuckles, screaming back at the crowd and pumping their fists in triumph. Then they were in the ring again, looking at each other with big grins on their faces, titles in hand. Shannon looked around at the crowd again, that maniacal smile he'd developed showing itself. His eye twitched slightly as he looked back at Jeff. Jeff had no time to duck or move away before Shannon grabbed a hold of his face with both hands. Jeff was yanked forward and he was being kissed again without any candy in the way. In front of a full stadium. With millions watching across the world. Shannon Moore kissed Jeff Hardy with all the passion he could muster forth.
And somewhere else in the world, Matt Hardy put his foot through his TV screen.
Legalities: Jeff Hardy, Shannon Moore, and any other mentioned characters are property of World Wrestling Entertainment. I claim no knowledge of each of the characters sexual preferences or lives. This is a story of fiction, none of these events are real. I received absolutely no profit from this story.