It had all gone so terribly wrong. Somewhere down the line they had been corrupted. Tainted. Surrounded by dark things and evil ways. Surely that was the reason he was holding a razor blade to his own wrist, trying to will himself to make that lethal slice. Matt raised his head, looking at himself in the fogged over mirror, barely able to see his face. A few feet away Jeff was showering. His little brother had no idea what was going on. He had no idea.
It had been a little over two months ago. Jeff had been driving the Jeep they had rented just for this weekend. They were finally back in Cameron together. It was rare for them to have time off together anymore. It was a joy. Matt had been staring out the window, a smile plastered permanently onto his face. He listened to Jeff sing along with the radio. His voice was so beautiful and soothing.
"But don't you walk to me… Baby run, cut a path across the blue skies. Straight in a straight line, you can't get here fast enough. Find a truck and fire it up. Lean on the gas and off the clutch, leave Dallas in the dust. I need ya in a rush. So baby, run."
Matt sighed quietly and turned to look at his brother. His hair was currently a bright purple that stood out like a sore thumb against the blurred back drop of snow glazed Cameron as they drove through at well above the speed limit. His green eyes were staring forward with a vaguely happy, yet concentrative stare. He smiled even as he sang along with the country that came through the radio.
"I've never been happier than I am right at this moment," Matt interrupted Jeff's personal concert. "Except for when we signed with the WWF."
Jeff glanced at him, his smile widening at his words. "Really? What makes you so happy?"
"Being home. Being with you. Just driving around our town, looking at everything, listening to you sing with George Strait."
"I'm glad you're happy, Matty."
"If you weren't driving I'd hug you right now."
Matt saw Jeff blink at that and the next thing he knew they were slowing down and pulling off to the side. He laughed as Jeff put the Jeep in park and even unbuckled his seatbelt just to lean over and hug him.
"I wouldn't miss a hug from you just because of traffic!"
"I know." Jeff squeezed him a little tighter and muttered, "I love you, Matty."
"Aw, I love you too, Jeffy," he grinned.
As he pulled away Jeff pecked Matt's cheek with a chaste kiss. He gave his little brother a funny look, but went with it. It wasn't often that they were so affectionate with each other. Of course, they were brothers and most of the time they would rather tease, torture, and argue with each other. It was the brotherly way after all. He found himself staring into Jeff's jade eyes, noticing a worry within their depths. He had always been able to read people and Jeff was the one he knew best in the world.
"No. Nothing. I don't want to ruin your happiness."
"You can't ruin my mood, Jeff. You're the main reason I'm so happy right now."
"I love you."
Matt frowned. "I love you, too. What's wrong? I've never heard you say that to me twice in one day unless there was something really wrong."
"That is what's wrong," he whispered, his eyes turning to stare idly at the clock on the radio.
"I don't get it."
"What's wrong is that I love you, Matty."
His brow furrowed with confusion as he stared at Jeff's profile, trailing over every detail of the most familiar face save his own. He could see Jeff's fierce appearing brows were tight knitted with concern, his eyes contained a certain amount of fear. Matt noticed that he was shaking a little.
"Explain it to me. I'm confused."
"I love you in a way that I shouldn't," he whispered without ever looking at him.
Chocolate eyes widened as the words sank in. Full comprehension seized him and sent a cold shiver tracing through his body even in the warmth of the car. Jeff had closed his eyes, covering his face with both hands in a way that obviously was an attempt at hiding his shame and his sorrow. Matt could hear panting breaths, but then realized they were coming from his own lips. He was frightened by what he had just heard. He was also enraged.
"How could you say that to me? How dare you say something like that!" he yelled, his fists clenching with his fury, but withheld because Jeff was his brother.
Jeff moved quickly away from him, cowering against the driver's side door. "I'm sorry. I should've never said it."
"You're damn right you shouldn't have! What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious? You love me? How could you possibly feel like that towards your own brother?"
By now Jeff was sobbing, his face still covered completely. Matt watched as his shoulders shook with each wrenching sound that came from him. It hurt more than anything he'd ever seen. Seeing or hearing his brother cry had always made him feel a little psychotic. He wanted to kill anyone who hurt his Jeff. Now he could only sit and watch, listening to the horrible wails, and wonder what the hell to say or do next.
"Just tell me why. Or how. When? What the hell happened to cause this?" he demanded.
"It's been going on for years. I mean, years. Since I first hit puberty most likely," he whimpered in between his broken cries.
"Oh Jesus Christ," Matt muttered and turned away, staring out the window again.
"Don't drag Him into this! I'm already going to burn in Hell, but don't draw this to His attention!"
"He already knows! He knows everything you think and say and do. If He even exists. Sometimes I wonder. It's moments like this that make me wonder if any of it is real."
"Why? Why this moment?"
"Because this ruins everything! Can't you see that? How the fuck am I supposed to go on like you didn't just tell me that you love me? You're in love with me, Jeff! I can't ignore that! You think I can go into a match with you, or ever share a hotel room with you, knowing what you feel?"
"I take it back! Dear god, Matty, don't let this change everything. Please, please, I'm begging you. I can't lose you." Matt felt Jeff tugging at his shoulder, trying to get him to look at him. "Matty, please! You're still my brother no matter what! You can't change that!"
"You just fucking tried to!" he nearly screamed straight into Jeff's face. He watched near terror fill those wildly colored eyes, but he didn't withdraw. "I'm your brother alright, but that didn't matter to you five seconds ago! You just told me you loved me in the foulest and most impure way possible! You're sick, Jeff! You're fucking sick!"
Utter dismay, maybe even heartbreak, took over Jeff's expression as he took in all that was being said. Matt stared sternly back at him. He didn't let a single other emotion aside from disgust and anger show in his face. Then the tears filled Jeff's eyes again and rained down over his fair cheeks. He bit his bottom lip so hard Matt could almost see the skin tearing under his teeth. In an instant he was throwing open the driver's side door, not even bothering to close it, and ran into the woods on the side of the road. Matt was out of the Jeep only a second later, his longer and more powerful legs pushing him after Jeff with a speed that was unmatched by any other Matt's size. It wasn't hard to find the youngest Hardy brother. His emotions controlled him, always had, and he was collapsed on the cold ground not far from the highway. His wailing cries echoed through the trees and tore the calm of the early snow with his misery. Matt came to a stop a few feet away, staring at the picture of perfect sorrow. Now he began to feel something besides all that he had shown in the tight confines of the vehicle. As he watched Jeff in all his despair he began to feel guilty for being so harsh. As well his own love for the younger boy began to make itself known, forcing him to his knees beside him and pulling him into his arms.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Matty!"
"Shhh. It's okay now. Listen to me. We're going to just forget this okay? It's wrong for us to feel like this. We can't act on it ever. I'm actually kinda glad you told me, but you know it can't be." Jeff slowly raised his head, looking at him with a confused stare. "Something happened to us, Jeff. Maybe it was because Mom died. Maybe it's because we never really learned anything about love or sex like we should've. Maybe it's because of the shit we dealt with in the Brood. I dunno what caused it, but it's not right and we can't be like that. Incest is wrong and we both know it."
"I know, Matty," he whispered. "I just felt so in love with you at that moment. I just wanted to share it with you. It doesn't feel wrong. I know it is, but it doesn't feel like it."
"It'll be okay, Jeffy."
"I know, Matty. I trust you."
"We need to get home. Dad's expecting us. We just have to put all this behind us now and just move on. Just like we did with Mom. Get over it and keep going."
Jeff nodded weakly. Matt pulled him to his feet, brushing the faint patches of snow from his and Jeff's pants. He took Jeff's arm and led him back to the car, which surprisingly hadn't been stolen even though both doors were open and the engine was running. He put Jeff into the passenger seat and went around to the other side. He would drive home.
Tears blurred his vision, making the fogged mirror that much harder to see. He wiped them away with the back of his hand and looked back down at his wrist where the razor blade pressed had against it and already drawn a line of blood. Behind him the shower poured down upon Jeff's body as he sang at the top of his lungs in the echoing tiled room.
"If you ain't got a suit case, get a box. Or an old brown paper sack. And pack it light or pack it heavy. Take a truck, take a Chevy! Baby just come back. There's a shortcut to the highway out of town. Why don't you take it? Don't let that speed limit slow you down. Go on and break it."
It was that song again. That song Jeff had been singing on the day that it had all gone to total waste. It must've gotten trapped up in his jumbled thoughts because he had been humming it and muttering it's lyrics for the rest of the day. Matt threw the razor blade into the sink and covered his face with both hands, muffling his sobs as he listened to the heavenly voice behind him.
"Baby run! Cut a path across the blue skies! Straight in a straight line, you can't get here fast enough! Find a truck and fire it up! Lean on the gas and off the clutch, leave Dallas in the dust! I need you in a rush!"
"So baby run," Matt finished along with him.
"Matty? Is that you out there?"
Matt didn't answer him. He couldn't as his throat was choked with his own sorrow. Everyday that had passed since that pivotal moment in a rented Jeep with his brother had only driven him more and more insane. He couldn't function anymore. Every waking thought was of his brother. It didn't matter if he was merely wondering what he was doing across the country, or if he was lying alone in a bed somewhere dreaming up sensual fantasies that involved Jeff's lips all over his skin. Everything revolved around Jeff. As he fell to his knees in front of the sink with a small trail of blood trickling down his arm he knew it was going to come to an end this day. It was either going to be death or damnation. Either way he needed to be released from his sorrow.
Jeff pulled back the shower curtain, grabbing a towel and wrapping up before leaning down next to his trembling older brother. His ears locked in on the cries that came from Matt's lips while his eyes locked on the blood that dripped steadily to the floor. A quick glance at the sink and the bloody razor confirmed his thoughts. He pulled Matt up and sat him on the closed toilet lid before pulling open the mirrored cabinet and taking down the gauze necessary to keep him from bleeding to death. He spoke not a word as he bandaged the self-inflicted wound. Matt's crying slowed until he was staring at Jeff intently. When the medical work was done their eyes met, sorrow and anger mixing together. Matt didn't even realize what had happened until after Jeff was talking. His cheek burned from the slap, stinging worse as he raised his fingers to his cheek. He looked back at Jeff in shock.
"Don't you ever try to pull something like this again."
"I can't take it anymore. Jeff, I can't stand this any longer."
"What? What is making you so miserable? I've never seen you so depressed in my life. Suicidal, Matty? It's not you."
"I love you."
Jeff blinked, taking a step back from him. "You said that was never gonna happen. It's been two months now and I'm just starting to be able to ignore it."
"I'm sorry! Jeff, I'm so sorry, but I can't live without you! Every single second of every damn day my mind is stuck on you." Matt got to his feet, his hands cupping Jeff's face as he stared at him. "I would rather die than be without you for even one more moment."
"I'm right here. What more could you possibly want?"
"I want to love you… like you tried to love me two months ago when I so violently rejected you. That day that I crushed out your hopes of ever being with the man you loved, I also ripped my own heart into shreds. I told you without telling you that I loved you. I was so wound up in the many levels of impurity that surrounded it that I didn't even acknowledge my own feelings."
"Matty, stop. Please, stop saying those things," Jeff gave a whimpered plea.
"No. I can't do this anymore. This act, this fantastical charade that we've been keeping up. This is the final decision, Jeff. You hold my life in your hands right at this very moment and you have to choose life or death."
Jeff's wide eyes stared with fear into the depths of sorrow that reflected in Matt's chocolate gaze. "Don't ask this of me."
"I have to. Love me or leave me, Jeff? Save me or kill me?"
"I can't make that decision!"
"You're the only reason I'm alive! You are the only thing that gives me a ray of hope. Ever since I heard those three words cross your beautiful lips I've been completely ruined. When I said you ruined everything I meant more than our brotherhood or friendship or careers. I meant my life! Now make your decision!"
"Matty, stop!" He tried to pull away, but Matt held tight to his arms. "Let go!"
"Tell me what you feel for me!"
"I love you!" he nearly screamed before collapsing into Matt's arms, sobbing against his chest. "God damn you, you monster! Why did you make me say that! It's wrong! I can't feel like this!"
"But we do. And I'm not going to fight it anymore. It's killing me and I want you so badly, Jeff."
Matt shoved Jeff back again, trapping him between himself and the counter. Jeff tried to twist himself away, turning his head back and forth as Matt leaned in to kiss him. He settled for his neck or cheek. Anything he could reach on his little brother he kissed or suckled at. His hands ran over the chilled flesh, tearing the towel away so that he could continue his exploring. Jeff whimpered in his grasp, fighting as hard as he could, but Matt's strength prevailed and he remained captive as forbidden pleasures coated his skin in a thin film of sweat. He felt himself being lifted and set on the edge of the counter. His legs wrapped around his brother's waist without hesitation. He surrendered to the joy that Matt's hands and mouth rained down upon his body, moaning softly as he arched into him.
"Matty… Dear god Matty. I love you. I love you so much," he whispered feverishly.
"My little brother," Matt interrupted himself with a kiss upon Jeff's lips, "we're all alone here. This big house and not a soul to see or hear. You don't have to whisper your desires."
"I want you. Oh god, Matt, I want to feel you inside of me."
Matt smirked a bit. "You're so tacky sometimes ya know that? But somehow that was the most inviting thing I've heard in my life."
He pulled away from Jeff just long enough to undo the button and zipper on his jeans, shoving them down his hips along with his boxer shorts. He pulled Jeff forward and whirled him around, bending him over the counter as he stuck two fingers into his own mouth. Once he had them moistened he reached down to run them over the tight entrance that he was about to be allowed into. He pushed past the taut muscles, getting an instant cry from Jeff, thankfully not one of pain. It was the first hint of what he would be hearing in just moments.
"You don't have to worry about hurting me, Matty."
"Really? You have other lovers besides me?" Jeff only gave a smug smile over his shoulder. "That's okay. From now on you're only mine."
He finished that sentence by moving over behind Jeff, positioning himself and shoving into him with full force. Purple hair slung water everywhere as Jeff threw back his head with a yelp of pleasure. Matt gave a small moan of his own as he stayed perfectly still, letting him adjust to his size. He could hear him mutter a couple curses and something about being well endowed running in the family. He leaned down over him, kissing his shoulder tenderly.
"It doesn't hurt?"
"No, just a little snug I guess you could say," he chuckled.
"Then I have permission to continue?"
"I've been waiting a lifetime for this," he whispered in the most seductive voice.
Matt purred at the invitation, nuzzling his cheek into Jeff's shoulder as he pulled back from him and pushed into him again. The brothers each gave soft moans, sounding so much alike in their pleasure. Matt noticed it clearly. He smirked with a bit of twisted glee at the dirty feeling this gave him. He stood up straight again, taking hold of Jeff's hips to pull him back even as he thrust forward. Jeff was tight and burning hot, his body almost molded perfectly to Matt's shape. It was as if he'd been made just for him. He groaned in ecstasy as he continued to make love to his own little brother, staring down at the purple haired beauty as he cried out his own rapture. Jeff's back arched, his hands clinging to either said of the counter until his knuckles turned white, and water from his hair dripped over his perfect fair skin. Matt half wondered where his halo and wings were. He was so perfect he seemed angelic.
Matt gave a loud moan as he heard Jeff say his name. He thrust into him harder, getting cry after cry of passionate fervor from him. Already he could feel the build up come near to its breaking point. It moment was so intense, so desired, that he couldn't handle it. He grabbed onto Jeff's shoulders and pulled him up, clinging to him as he reached down to grasp his brother's hardness, stroking him in time to his movements. Jeff's held fell back against Matt's shoulder, his howls becoming only louder with every moment.
"Oh dear god! Matt!"
Jeff tensed, shaking as his entire body spasmed with the waves of bliss that coursed through him. Matt bit down on his shoulder to muffle his own harsh yell of release, filling his new lover with his seed just as his brother's coated his fingers. Jeff fell forward, catching himself by putting a hand on the wall, panting for breath. Matt pulled back from him, nearly stumbling and sitting down hard on the toilet seat behind him. He looked down at the fluid that was webbed between each digit for a moment, glancing up to see Jeff still not looking at him, then gave a small lick at his palm. It tasted sweet and warm. Just like the rest of Jeff. Finally said brother turned around, holding himself up by the counter edge and stared down at Matt. Their eyes met, each filled with love, but shadowed by shame.
"What have we done?" Matt whispered.
"Exactly what we tried not to do."
Jeff slowly lowered himself to his knees in front of him, staring up at him with that worried and frightened stare. Matt gazed back at him, thinking of how beautiful he was even when he looked like this. His mind flashed to the vision he had caught in the mirror of Jeff's screaming face as he had come. Thoughts of what had taken place warmed him in the chill of the bathroom. He shook his head.
"You're right, Jeff. It doesn't feel wrong. No matter how I try to tell myself that it is," he reached out to caress Jeff's cheek, "I just can't feel it. I love you so much."
"I love you too. That's what I tried to explain to you before, but you were so—"
"I know. I'm so sorry. You have to understand why I did it."
"I know, I know. Matty, we can pull this off. We can hide it from everyone."
"No. I don't want to hide it."
Jeff's eyes widened. "We can't tell anyone. We'll be in so much trouble."
"I didn't mean make is a roadside billboard or anything. I just mean let's not say it aloud, but at the same time let's not try to pretend there's nothing between us. Let people figure it out on their own and we'll deal with anything that may come up."
"But what will they all think? What if Dad finds out? Our friends? The guys in the business?"
"I don't care anymore, Jeff. I love you. I want to be with you," he leaned down and kissed him lightly, "forever."
"Then I'm all yours," he whispered back.
Legalities: Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, and any other mentioned characters are property of World Wrestling Entertainment. I claim no knowledge of each of the characters sexual preferences or lives. This is a story of fiction, none of these events are real. I received absolutely no profit from this story.