Unrequited Love
By Hoogiman

Chapter Seven
Falco and Link

"Hey Link," said Falco suavely, walking into Link's room, "I was just around when I realised how hot it was outside, so I decided to take off my shirt to reveal my attractive body!"

"Whaddaya think?" said Falco, flexing his arms, oblivious to the fact that Link was in tears and had cried for so long that there was a puddle of tears there, as well as several passed-out Smashers who also did not notice the puddle of tears.

Falco stopped thinking about his posture and noticed Link, crying.

"Zelda ran away! She doesn't love me anymore!" said Link, sobbing.

"There, there, I'm sure she'll love you again," said Falco, trying to hide the gigantic grin that was pushing through.

"Thanks Falco," said Link, cheering up slightly.

"Maybe she's not the right one for you though," said Falco, trying to sound as subtle as he could, "Maybe there other people, say bird-like creatures that want your love!"

Falco did the ol' 'suggestive eye-twitching motion' move.

"Falco, are you suggesting that you-"

"Uh… nothing…" said Falco nervously, "How about a backrub to help you feel better?"

"Sure," said Link, "You're such a great friend, Falco!"

Falco poured some expensive, exotic oil on Link's back.

"Uh… you just dirtied my shirt…" said Link.

"Well, that's okay," said Falco, taking off Link's shirt. "I guess you'll just have to take it off then."

"Hey, thanks for the free, non-sexual back rub Falco!" said Link unsuspectingly.

"That's okay," said Falco, 'accidentally' pouring some sauce on Link's back.

"Did you spill something?" said Link, smiling naively.

"Oh don't worry, I'll lick it off," said Falco, grinning cunningly.

"Okay, I'll give you permission!" said Link innocently.

Falco slowly leant down, sticking his tongue out as he came closer to Link's soft, overly moisturised back. With glee, he licked the sauce off, then resting his head on Link's right shoulder. Massaging his arms, he whispered, "Did you like that, Link?"

"Um… I guess?" said Link, confused.

"Good then," said Falco, swallowing the sauce, but then realising that the sauce was not actually sauce but sauce-flavoured insecticide, passing out.

"Falco? Are you alright?" said Link, jumping off the bed, and sitting on top of Falco.

Zelda walked in. "Hey Link, I just realised what a fool I was, I really love you!"

Zelda noticed that Link was sitting on top of Falco, without a shirt.

"Aah! Link! What are you doing?" said Zelda, shocked.

"I love you Link," said Falco, waking up in a daze.

"Okay, fine then! Be with Falco! See how I care!" said Zelda, running out in tears.

"Zelda!" said Link, saddened.

"You know," said Falco suavely, "Seeing that you're sitting on top of me and all… does that mean-"

"What Falco?" said Link unsuspectingly.

Falco gave Link a long, tongue kiss.

"I love you so much," said Falco.

"Uh…" said Link, still unsuspecting, "What are you talking about, Falco?"

"GAAH! GET IT INTO YOUR THICK SKULL!" said Falco angrily, hitting Link over the head with a chair.

Link died.

Falco stormed out.

Zelda walked in.

"Link, maybe I was wrong," said Zelda, "Well, I think I really love you this time!"

Link was dead.

"Well I can't love you if you're dead!" said Zelda angrily, storming out.

The End

Disclaimer: The Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo.