"A slightly perverted love story guarunteed to make you say both 'eww' and 'aww' (or at least think them...)"

Hiya! Just a little overveiw of this story real quick... I have a lot, and I mean a lot, of auothor's notes in this story. I don't know why.. The main pairing in thise story is RoyxRiza, in case you didn't figure that out already... I also kinda pair up Ed and Winry, even though I don't think they're supposed to be together (Read the mangas), but I'll get back to that in a later chapter. Those are the only couplings in this story no matter what it seems like. Adding a third on would confuse me too much. There are no "main characters" in this though. That may sound confusing, but I think I wrote the character transitions fairly smoothly. (And I write for me, so feel free to bash the story as much as you like.) There's a little bit of playful Ed-bashing in this, just 'cause I couldn't resist., and, of course, Ed bashes Mustang, but that's nothing you wouldn't see in the anime or manga, so really, nothing new. Havoc gets a couple death-threats and food dumped on him, but other than that, no one gets hurt! Isn't that nice? And the names and military positions were talken from the manga, not the anime, so if they don't match up, I'm sorry. There's a lot different between the two and it would confuse me too much to try and mix them. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy my very first Fullmetal Alchemist FanFiction!

Amber (The author, duh.)


Chapther One: Money, Lies, Bets, and Mini-Skirts
(Sub-titled: "It's a Man's World")

Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, and Second Lieutenants Haymans Breda and Jean Havoc were lounging around, avoiding work as usual when everyone's favorite Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye, walked by. As soon as she was out of earshot, it began.

"Was it just me, or was she wearing more makeup than usual?" Fuery pondered.

"Lietenant Hawkeye wears makeup?" Breda asked, "I didn't think she'd have the time or reason for it."

"Whether or not she usually does, she's definitely wearing makeup today," Havoc commented, "But nevermind that, did you see that mini-skirt!?"

"MINI-SKIRT!? WHERE!?" Fuery and Breda ran to the door to look down the hall after Riza. Much to their dissapointment, by the time they had gotten there, Hawkeye was just entering Colonel Roy Mustang's office. Fuery and Breda's jaws dropped nearly to the floor. Luietenant Havoc pulled them back into the room by their collars and sat them down again as everyone tried to make sense of it all.

"Do you think Mustang got promoted?" Fuery asked, "He did want to establish mini-skirts as the dress code for all female officers."

"No way he could have gotten promoted to Fuhrer President so fast, especially without us noticing," Breda pointed out, "Plus, that doesn't explain the makeup."

As if on some sort of cue to prove Fuery wrong, Second Lieutenant Maria Ross walked past the room, not wearing a mini-skirt.

"HMM..." Havoc, Breda, and Fuery chorused, and they plunged deep into thought.

At that moment, Edwardd and Alphonse Elric were walking past the room on their way to file a report with Mustang. Al stopped at the door and Ed turned around to look in.

"I've never seen you guys thinking so hard in my life," Ed commented, "Someone getting fired?"

"Edward! Alphonse!" Fuery greeted them, "On your way to see Mustang?"

Ed nodded, "What's goin' on here? It's not like you guys to actually work."

"Have you seen Lieutenant Hawkeye today?" Breda asked.

"No, we haven't," Al answered, "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Not quite..." Havoc told them.

"Valentine's Day," Falman suddenly said. He has been silent up until now and he had almost been forgotten. Falman stood up and took the callendar behind Fuery's head down. As he threw it on the table, everyone noticed it was set to February.

Fuery began, "But this callendar hasn't been changed in--"

"-- A year, "Falman finished for him, "Exactly on year." He pinned up a new callendar to replace the old one and set it to the proper month. Still February.

"Even so, I don't think the Lieutenant would go through so much trouble for a date," Breda said.

"Heck, if she's that desperate, I'll take her out!" Havoc smurked.

"Yeah right! I bet your idea of a 'date' is going to some bar and drinking your brains out!" Ed said. he may not have known exactly what was going on, but the boy still had a sharp tounge.

"Hey, man! Don't crush my hopes and dreams!" Havoc grinned.

"Besides, I don't think Lieutenant hawkeye would want just any date." Al inturrupted.

"Kid's got a point," Falman agreed.

"Everyone knows she's got a thing for Mustang," Ed pointed out, "Although why she likes his pomoous mug, I'll never know.."

"So why doesn't he ask her out already?" Fuery wondered aloud, "He's got a thing for her too, right?"

"Yeah, but after seeing her today, it can't be long now," Breda answered.

"How about you guys tell us what's going non?" Ed suggested, pulling up a chair. Al pulled up a chair beside his brother and the two sat down.

Havoc recalled that morning's events to the brothers and told them of the explianations they had ruled out and why.

"Interesting," Ed commented, "So how long do you think it'll take Mustang to ask her out?"

"She's been in his office about half an hour now," Falman noted.

"I'd give him another 30 minutes," Havoc said, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table, opening the topic for bets.

"I give him until tomorrow evening," Falman threw in his ten dollars, eager to try and earn any extra cash.

"I say he already asked her out at least two days ago, and the mini-skirt and makeup is Hawkeye's way of thanking him," Breda added ten more dollars to the pile.

"What do you think, Al?" Ed asked.

"I'm not betting on someone else's love life!" Fuery inturrupted, "Especially not my superiors'!"

"We could bet on your love life instead," Havoc challenged.

"I bet he doesn't get a girlfriend for three years!" Breda chimed in.

"Hey, guys! That's not funny!" Fuery protested.

"Yeah, you've gotta give him more time than that!" Falman said.

While Breda, Falman, and Havoc tried to convince/blackmain Fuery into betting, Ed and Al discussed their own bets.

"Neither of them is prone to rushing into things," Al was saying.

"Yeah," Ed agreed, "And Mustang always puts things off until the last minute."

"So, what do you say?" Al asked.

"Either the day before Valentine's Day or that morning..." Ed pondered.

"You bet Valentine's Day, I bet the day before?" Al offered.

"We split the money either way," Ed agreed.

They each placed their bet and convinced Fuery to dish out some cash too. Fuery gave Roy a solid week.

"What's this all about?" Sergeant Denny Brosh entered the room and spotted the small pile of money, which now contained sixty dollars, "You guys savin' up for something?"

"We're placing bets on when Mustang's gonna ask Lieutenant Hawkeye out," Ed explained, "Either you're in oor you keep your mouth shut."

"I'm in," Brosh sat down, "Any deadline?"

"Valentien's Day," Breda answered.

"That's not too far off!" Breda exclaimed, "Hardly enough time to bet!"

"Better pick a day fast then," Havoc told him.

"Three days before," Brosh added ten more dollars to the pile.

"Where are we going to keep all this money?" Al asked. Immediately, all eyes were on him. "Oh, no..."

"Oh, yes," Ed smirked.

"This is the first time anyone's treated me like a piggy bank..." Al complained as Ed piled the money into him.

"All set," Ed said, closing Al's armor-- Er.. Body, "And your betting time's up Havoc. I'm gonna go file my report now. I'll see if I can find anything out about Mustang and the Lieutenant while I'm at it."

Ed entered Mustang's office just as Riza was leaving. Ed saw what the others meant by going all out, but he could see no signs of her actually going out with anyone. He entered Mustang's office.

Deciding to get right to the point, Ed asked "Colonel, what are your plans for next weekend?"

"Fullmetal," Mustang said flatly, "Are you hitting on me!?"

Ed sighed and sat down, "No, it's just that Lieutenant Hawkeye was in here a long time and--"

"My relationship with Lieutenant Hawkeye is strictly bussiness," Mustang cut him off, "And it's our bussiness, so I suggest you stay out of it." He took Ed's writetn report from him and began to read over it.

"Fine, fine," Ed agreed, "It's just that the Lieutenant's all dressed up nice today and with Valentine's Day coming up..."

"That's enough Fullmetal!" Mustang warned.

"Ooh, touchy subject is it?" If Ed couldn't get him out of him by asking, he's have to aggrivated it out.

But with that, Mustang promptly kicked Ed out of his offic. Well, more like Ed ran for his life as Mustang prepared to snap his fingers.

Ed walked back to the room where everyone was waiting and shook his head. "Nothing," He said, sitting down again, "Nearly got myself fried too."

"Maybe someone should talk to the Lieutenant," Al reasoned, "As leat she can't incinerate us."

"No, but she could shoot us," Havoc countered, "And you know she'd do it too."

"We should at least wait until tomorrow," Falman pointed out, "That's when my bet's up anyway."

"Aww, man, I just remembered! We're leaving tomorrow. Right, Al?" Ed ribbed his brother, obviously wanting to walk away with the money.

"Wait a second! You can't walk away with our money!" Breda the psychic.

"Technically it's not your money anymore, Breda," Fuery noted, "You've already lost the bet. So has Luietenant Havoc."

"Either way, they can't leave," Havoc said, "It's still out money 'till V-Day, just in case Mustang doesn't ask the Lieutenant out."

"What's the matter? Don't you trust us?" Ed pouted. He tried to put on his best "innocent face", but it was difficult with dollar signs in his eyes. Besides that, no one was ready to trust two teenage boys with $70 cash.

"You'll just have to stay in town until the bet's closed," Falman told the brothers. Ed groaned.

"But that's 13 whole days!" Al argued.

"Forget it, Al," Ed gave in, "We're not getting out of this one." He stood up, "Come on, let's go find a place to stay." Al stood up and followed his brother out the door.

"Now what?" Breda asked.

"I don't know, but I'm bored," Havoc complained.

"I still don't think this is right you guysm" Fuery said, "I mean, what do we do if they find out?"

"How bad could it get?" Brosh asked. Everyone had almost forgotten he was in the room, but a moment later, he really wasn't. "Let me know if you find out anything!" Brosh called as he walked down the hall.

"Find out anything about what?" Riza asked. She was filing papers in the criminal records room as Brosh walked by.

"Err..." Brosh stammered.

"sergeant Brosh has left the building," Havoc said as soon as he thought Brosh was gone.

"In multiple ways," Breda joked.

"Ha ha," Fuery laughed, "But, seriously, what will we do if the Colonel and the Lieutenant find out?"

"Easy, we play dumb," Falman told him, "It's' worked before."

"But I don't think everyone was entirely playing that time," Breda said.

What "time" he wsa talking about, no one knew, but they knew one thing: They were bored. Again. Meanwhile, Sergeant Brosh was in a very akward position. (Mind out of the gutter. Is it out? You sure? Good. Continuing...)

"Err... That is... Um... Sir-- I mean Ma'am! Uhh..." Brosh stumbled over his words.

"Yes, Sergeant?" Riza asked.

"There's a... Bet going around," Brosh muttered.

"A bet about what?" Riza pressed.

"Err... Valentine's Day?" Brosh struggled to be a vauge as possible.

"What about it?" Riza decided this was worth a break in filing and set down her papers.

"Well, you see, we're betting on, err..." Brosh calmed down as he suddenly thought of a cover-up. "We're betting on how many dates Edward Elric is going to get!" He said clearly.

"And does Edward know about this?" Riza changed her mind, deciding this was a waste of time and continued filing.

"Yes, he's betting too!" Brosh lied.

"Quite confident, isn't he?" Mustang suddenly appeared in the doorway with more papers to file.

Brosh, for lack of better words, freaked out. He had to steady himself with one hand on the table and one hand on... What was his hand on..? Uh-oh. Sergeant Brosh ducked to avoid the gunfire he thought was coming. He has accidentally groped Riza. Riza had pulled out her gun on Brosh, but when he ducked, it was pointed at Roy. Roy had also decided Brosh needed to to die and prepared to snap his fingers. The papers he had brought for Riza to file scattered everywhere. Riza suddenly looked embarassed as the unfiled paperwork cascaded to the floor and lowered her gun, and Roy relaxed his hand. Brosh stood up.

"I'd say 'sorry', but that seems a bit redundant right now," Brosh said.

"Say it anyway," Roy threatened, preparing to snap again.

"Eep! Sorry Ma'am!" Brosh appologized and promptly ran away.

"Are you okay?" Mustang asked the Lieutenant as he began to collect up the papers.

"I'm fine, Sir, but you didn't have to do that," Riza put her gun away and continued filing.

Roy smiled and shrugged. Riza didn't see it, but he was blushing.

Sergeant Brosh decided to return to Falman, Fuery, Breda, and Havoc with the information of the recent events. He arrived at the room out of breath and sat down panting. There was silence in the room except for Brosh's heavy breathing. Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye could be heard talking down the hall.

"Lieutenant, could I talk to you for a minute?..."

"Of course, Sir..."

The sound of a door closing could be heard and everyone's jaws dropped except Brosh's, since he could still hardly breathe.

"What did you do!?" Fuery asked.

"I win!" Falman triumphantly punched the air.

"Not yet you don't! We need proof!" Breda said.

"Someone should go listen to what they're talking about," Havoc proposed. Everyone looked at Brosh, who shook his head.

"Eavesdropping?" Fuery was appaller, "That's crossing the line!"

Havoc shrugged, "I'll go." He stood up, "I've already lost the bet anyway." He walked down the hallway and put his ear to the door of the criminal records room.

"You did say you wanted all felamle personell to wear tiny mini-skirts..." (See The Abitious Alchemist, books 3-4, or Episode 13, Fullmetal vs. Flame, disk 4.)

"I was half-joking... Okay, maybe only a quarter-joking..."

"So you were at least half-serious?... Just thought I'd give you an idea of what it'd be like..."

"Well, so far I'm liking it..."

Havoc heard footsteps within the room and decided it was time to leave. As he turned to go, he nearly ran into Second Lieutenant Maria Ross, who was looking very stern. She demanded an explaination. Havoc had no choice but to lie of course. He claimed that he was dating Lieutenant Hawkeye and suspected he was cheating on him with Mustang. Maria Ross pretended to buy it and claimed she'd stay out of it, but she knew in the back of her mind she'd bring the subject up to Riza later.

Havoc went back to the room where everyone was waiting and Sergeant Brosh finally caught his breath.

"It seems Sergeant brosh here has started an interesting rumor," Falman explained.

Havoc sat down, "Well, so have I."

Brosh re-explained everything to Havoc who then told them all of both the conversation between Roy and Riza and the conversation between himself and Lieutenant Ross.

"I want out of this," Fuery stated, "It's getting too complicated."

"You've already put your bet in, it's too late now," Breda said.

"Not to mention our money's litterally walked off," Havoc noted.

"Keep the money the, but count me out," And with that, Master Sergeant Fuery recalled his bet.


So let's recap, shall we?

1. Lieutenant Hawkeye came to work in a mini-skirt.

2. There's a bet going around abour how long it'll take Mustand to ask her out.

3. Al has turned into a piggy bank.

4. There's a rumor about a bet about how many dates Ed will have for Valentine's Day. And

5. There's a rumor about Second Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Hawkey dating.

What could possibly go wrong!? (And by that, I mean, "What could possible go wrong that hasn't already gone wrong?".)