Welcome to the Top Dog Shorts!

These are intended to form a series of short (or very short) snapshots of events and details from character backgrounds within the Top Dog continuity.

This first one is a glimpse of the days when Genma and Soun were travelling around the galaxy together. It's also a homage of sorts…

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This ain't no self-insert fic.

This ain't no slash fic neither.

This is Top Dog – in brief.

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We were about half an hour out of New Tasmania and just getting onto the final fringes of the desert when the drugs started to kick in.

Our destination was the Grand Conclave of Clans, this year being held in New Tasmania. Why we'd decided to raid the Jurai City narc squad's evidence locker before departure, I have no idea, but I think it's because of the peyote we did up at the Stones gig the day before. After we'd stuffed Genma's dropship nose down in a sand dune, we'd been lucky enough to locate a convoy of sandside raiders, and even luckier to manage to steal a superconvoy from said raiders without turning up dead. The vehicle – seven hundred tons of New Australian chrome and steel mounted on a seemingly-infinite number of knobbly wheels – was the sort of monstrosity you only normally read about, partly because most people have the sense to not engage in long distance trucking in the New Australian outback.

We had five bags of the finest Norkdondoo mlerp. A gram of cocaine. Seventy-eight pellets of afterburner gum. A litre of undiluted wolfsbane potion. Two grams of ketracel-white. Half a kilo of wormwood paste. Two ounces of Deladarian magic mushrooms. Six grams of speed. Three bags of peyote. A whole galaxy of uppers, downers, laughers, screamers – also a case of Fosters, half a litre of Ukrainian moonshine, a quart of kill-O-max, a gallon of industrial-strength absinthe, a salt shaker half full of burn-cycle, ten tabs of blowback, a litre of brandy, half a case of pan-galactic gargle blasters and five sheets of high-power water acid.

The only part of it that really worried me was the wolfsbane potion.

Essential for the sanity and safety of those unfortunate few Amerai born with tidal phasic rage disorder, in it's undiluted form it is one of the most powerful drugs known to wolf; there are few things as helplessly depraved, incoherent, hyperactive and idiotic as a werewolf on undiluted wolfsbane potion; the only way to stay even halfway functional is to do up a whole load of afterburner gum and spend the next few hours in a mindless sort of slobbering frenzy; it was only a matter of time before we got into that filthy stuff.

And, yup, there it was, time for a long luxurious pull at the 'bane.

In the passenger seat of our Holden superconvoy, my training partner – Genma Saotome, a werebear bike mechanic of great girth, great humour and equally great capacity for intoxicants – was spreading wormwood puree on his chest for no apparent reason; an unpleasant sight at the best of times, and when you're on a cocktail of acid, absinthe, gargle-blaster, 'bane and afterburner, a beergut that size is really not something you want to see.

One moment I was just starting to get into the rhythm of driving that bloody monster, the next the sky was chock full of mopeds ridden by cackling green imps, swooping and diving and gibbering, and a voice was screaming, "Dana's Love, what's with all those fucking hair-dryers?"

Genma lolled his head over to look at me.

"I think I'd better drive, Tendo." He said.

I went to point out the mopeds; Genma pulled me into the centre seat and climbed over into the driver's seat, his leather-clad butt getting dangerously close to my nose.

"Overweight men shouldn't wear skin-tight leather." I said.

Genma chuckled, dropped into the driver's seat and stood on the gas. I got another pellet of afterburner and started chewing. There was some sort of fucked-up be-bop dross on the radio; Genma did of course start singing along to it.

"One shot over the line, Sweet Dana, one shot over the line…"

One shot over the line? Just wait till the poor bastard sees those goddamn mopeds…

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Author's Note:

Anyone who didn't get the Hunter S Thompson references gets a free kick up the bum. I may continue this at a later date; I don't know.

Events during Genma and Soun's 'trip' in New Tasmania include the giant curry explosion, a turd the size of a barn, time travelling mopeds, Thai hookers and a very confused leprechaun. I haven't fully thought them out, but I know they were weird and disjointed.

General revision 18/April/07, improvements to formatting.

Further general revision 25/April/07, more improvements to formatting.