Chapter 1: Sleep
Summary: When beings stray from those closest to them, it is only natural that they seek another to fill the growing emptiness. It is just that, it almost never works out.
Warning: This contains semi-graphic homosexual content. Do not read this story if such content will offend you. Oh and really sorry about it, but this is not KuroFai so tread carefully… ;) You also need to know the most recent chapters of Tsubasa to understand this story fully!!
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle characters. They belong to CLAMP.
"… You say that every time."
He had not known why this began. He had not questioned it, stopped it or even thought about it. Therefore, did he even have a right to know why it had begun? However, no matter what the circumstances were, it swallowed him without mercy and gave no chance for what was identified as sensibility. It was just that; the amassing heat, loss of breath, cloudy mind, reaches for contact but more so it was the pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.
A wry cry ripped from his lips, his eyes clenching tight, ashamed yet basking in the darkness that engulfed him. Who would have honestly thought that a mere tingling sensation, brush of skin, a warm caress would drive him so close and so far from insanity? It was frightening, foreign and all he could do was tremble in anticipation. He had told himself that he would not let himself fall, not let himself drown in the ecstasy. Ha, what a joke. He had told himself that and nevertheless here he was, at the mercy of something so wrong but so endearing.
Another cry left the lips of the young man and he threw his hands over his face. He was so ashamed, so embarrassed… so bare. He had shown his dark side, a dirty and ugly part of him and it was all out in the open. He could not bear the thought of it, but why was it that his companion did not care, not the tiniest bit? A large hand reached out to his, and pulled them from the young man's face. A pair of amber eyes blinked, crystal droplets at their corners. They were face to face with the fieriest crimson eyes to ever exist.
The young man moaned into the mouth of the crimson-eyed man as rough lips descended upon his. It was a sloppy and rushed kiss but served its purpose. It had left the boy breathless, eyes begging for more. He may have been ashamed but he could not wait any longer. He wanted it; he wanted to be swallowed by the heat so badly. The crimson eyes inquired him and he nodded lightly. In just a few moments, the tears rushed out of the amber coloured eyes and the young man clenched his teeth together breathing heavily. The large hand reached up and wiped away his tears, only making him wish to cry more. He did not deserve this consideration, this attention that hardly ever revealed itself.
One swift motion and the boy threw his head back, moaning into empty air. It was certain; he had gone too far to come back out.
Syaoran had forgotten just when it had begun, and he wasn't sure it mattered. Either way, it was now a part of his life that he could not erase or deny, and did he even want it to stop? The chestnut-haired man looked down and was faced with wet raven locks. He pulled the figure beneath him closer, burying his head into the dark black hair. An intake of breath and he could smell the earthy scent that had become a part of him. He could only smile with uncertainty at this but nonetheless, it made his heart feel warm.
He was surprised to find the figure beneath him pulling their bodies closer together as well. Syaoran felt his face flush scarlet as a crimson eye peeped at him,
"Are you okay?"
The chestnut-haired man smiled graciously for the concern and nodded. He almost laughed as he heard the man beneath him mutter some embarrassing words before turning back to their original position. Syaoran had to admit that he never thought that this behaviour was possible of his sword-wielding companion, but it was a fuzzy feeling softness that he enjoyed. Syaoran sighed, a weight lowering over his mind. He was exhausted but did not want to sleep yet with growing concerns in his conscious.
"Should we be doing this?" Syaoran paused to feel the muscular figure beneath him move in agitation. "I know… I don't like to talk about this either," mumbled the amber-eyed boy, taking time to caress the rough black hair, "But you have him, and I have her, so why?" It scared Syaoran as he felt his arms move around the crimson-eyed man's head and to hold him in a possessive manner. He could hide it through his words but his body would not hide the truth. He trembled in fright and let his chestnut locks fall over his eyes. He didn't want to let go of what was in his arms yet he knew he must for this crime should have never happened in the first place.
"You know why," came the gruff response. Syaoran cringed under the white sheets and almost chuckled. That's right, he knew why, he knew why he sought out this dark solace, but he did not want to face the reasons. Shocked emerald eyes, staring at him in fright, soon to lose their luster to shadows. All that was left were cold jade eyes that peered right through him, as if he did not exist, as if it was wrong for him to even have stepped within her boundaries. She would never accept him for he had stolen the one that was important to her; the kind, erudite man that hardly spoke, but was bold enough to have a clear goal in mind.
Tears left his eyes and aided in allowing a whimper to leave his throat. He could never be like that man, no matter how hard he tried. He may have looked the same but he could never replace the man that the princess loved. Still, even without her recognition, he had to protect her for the sake of her lost loved one. Syaoran felt his limbs grow cold and mind become heavy. Just because he had to live a life of misery, it did not mean the one before him had to. Head tilting to the side and senses failing him, Syaoran spoke out before he could fall victim to exhaustion.
"You still have Fai."
They were dangerous words, and made the atmosphere all the more frigid. He would not back down however. Syaoran had to convince the man before him to stop doing what was wrong; coming together like this. Amber eyes widened in shock as crimson eyes turned to glare at him and take control of the little awareness he had. Syaoran let his mind weaken and gave in to the lips that captured his own. The intruding tongue stroked his own and traced lightly against the top of his mouth. Syaoran shuddered and moaned, breathing beginning to grow feverish. It was like this every time, and Syaoran could not resist nor stop the repeating cycle.
"I have no one."
Kurogane lifted himself away from the chestnut-haired boy and sat on the edge of the bed. He grasped the smaller hand that reached out to his and stared back into the distinct amber eyes. He could see Syaoran weakening, finally feeling the fatigue from their previous actions. It was clear that he still wished to inquire Kurogane, curious and hurt by the man's words, but at the same time unable to fight his body's wish for sleep. Syaoran stared into the raging scarlet eyes with a confused glance. He couldn't let this discussion pass without a conclusion, but it just felt so heavy for some reason.
A large hand covered his eyes and Syaoran recalled this gesture from a night in his memories. It completed the darkness around him and was somehow soothing. It wouldn't be so bad to delay the conversation by just one day right?
Kurogane felt eyelids flutter shut under his hand. He waited a few moments before standing up and turning to the smaller figure behind him. His hands reached out to pull the white sheets over the young man's slender shoulders. Kurogane gave one last look to the boy before he slung his clothes from a chair over his shoulder and left the room. He chuckled with irritation in his eyes, as the door closed with a soft click. That idiot really needed to stop justifying every little thing.
"I am fine on my own." Syaoran looked towards the floor, holding back tears that threatened to pour out. He had heard it so many times from her, he knew if was futile but still, every time it felt like her cold harsh words were a dagger in his heart. She could not ask him for help because it was impossible for her to trust him. He had done such a terrible thing to her but why, why couldn't she ask him for support even once? He knew he had taken her Syaoran away but what else could he have done?! He can't change his past for her, he can't bring him back!
The click of the door closing in front of his face, and Syaoran was faced by the heavy wall that protected the princess's heart again. A hand touched his shoulder and he looked up to the blonde man with a patch over his eye. The magician smiled gently with a melancholy look from his blue eye. "I will speak to her, do not worry." With that, the man left in his white robe and entered the room the princess resided in. Syaoran clenched his chest as it stung even more. The magician could step past those protective walls but he could not even get close.
Sakura didn't need him or want him and to only make the wound deeper was the fact that he had been replaced. Syaoran turned around, falling onto a couch nearby and looked up to the white ceiling. He soon raised an arm to cover his eyes, yet again forcing the tears back. At the very least, the princess was confiding in someone trustworthy, someone who could understand her sorrow unlike him. Fai would surely know how to make anyone smile.
"Syaoran…" Syaoran turned to the white ball that had bounded up beside him. "Its okay Syaoran," murmured Mokona. The young chestnut-haired man smiled at the white looking rabbit. He could feel the heaviness within their group now and he knew that it was greatly affecting the once happy Mokona. More so however, he knew he was the cause of all this sadness. Syaoran sat up, taking the white rabbit into his lap and stroking it softly. He smiled, watching Mokona drift off to slumber. It was late, and the only way to possibly ease the tension was to sleep it away.
Moment passed as Syaoran stared up at the ceiling again, exhaustion causing him to nod off every few seconds. Fai was still in the room with Sakura, and he wished he could join them.
"I'm so useless." Syaoran covered his eyes again and this time a single tear had made its way down his cheek. He didn't know Sakura the way that Syaoran did, so why did his heart hurt so much? It was so stupid for him to feel like this, to feel this jealousy…
"Yo, kid." The chestnut-haired man looked up to the man with the husky voice. Crimson eyes gave him a wayward glance and the man with raven hair shook his head. "You should go to bed, it is damn late already." Syaoran motioned his head to the room where the princess slept. Kurogane motioned instead to the door opposite of her room. "You know that the both of them are not going to come out," reasoned Kurogane, "Go to bed."
The truth hurt, and Syaoran had known it but it took a blunt swordsman to let the reality settle. Syaoran finally nodded, moving Mokona off his lap and onto the couch. He gave the tired being a soft gaze, and took off his cloak placing it around the white animal. Mokona sighed in distress and curled into the black cloth. He was having nightmares again most likely. Syaoran's gaze saddened, but he was led by a hand on his shoulder towards the bedroom.
It was dark and silent… He knew what was coming.
Tears rolled down Syaoran's cheeks and a rough hand wiped them away. The chestnut-haired man did not sob or even move from his stationary position beside the bed. He simply let the tears keep rolling down his flushed cheeks in frustration. Like his tears, the large hand would not cease wiping them away and Syaoran stood until the salty liquid gradually diminished. Syaoran rubbed his stinging eyes, ashamed for his display of weakness in front of the swordsman.
"I'm sorry," apologized Syaoran, with a choked tone. Syaoran could not look up at the man beside him for all the humiliation he had suffered and instead took a seat on the pristine white sheets of the bed. He had hoped that the swordsman would leave him in his misery but that was not the case. Syaoran stiffened as he felt warm lips touch his forehead. It was a loving action that he still could not get used to, but nevertheless gave him great comfort along with some hesitance.
"Don't cry in front of her," lectured a rough voice, "If you wish for her to place more confidence in you, don't cry like this in front of her." Syaoran nodded, touching his tear stained cheeks. He looked at his fingers, ends covered with the salty liquid. Déja vu inflicted his mind as he recalled the many nights that he had cried… cried towards the taller man beside him. He was the man that would allow Syaoran to cry, allow him to show his most shameful state.
Syaoran turned his head to find Kurogane sitting beside him, looking at the ceiling with a serious stare. Was he thinking about his past again? That Syaoran had entered Kurogane's past, and he had watched it unfold. The chestnut-haired man curled his fingers in and out, deep in thought. He remembered how when submerged in liquid, he had connected with that other half of him, and how he watched through Syaoran's eyes the tragic past of the crimson-eyed man.
He was surprised to feel his own body move, crouching over the lap of the taller warrior. He wanted to comfort him; wanted to ease Kurogane's heart as that young princess with amethyst eyes had. The chestnut-haired man shut his eyes and buried his head into the shoulder of the taller raven-haired man. Kurogane stared down at Syaoran in shock, for the boy like him, had hardly ever given physical contact out of free will. He could feel Syaoran's shallow breathing and the thin arms tightening around his neck. This was wrong.
The little wolf felt his head go dizzy from the contact and warmth emitted by the man with a larger build. It was so warm, so welcomed and comforting. Tension released itself from the young man's shoulders as he drew their bodies closer together. Syaoran could feel the pounding in his chest, the nervousness inside of him and yet he did not want to leave. The young man with coloured jewels for eyes sighed a breath of relief and leaned into the warmth that could seize him at any second. Why was it that simple contact like this could take all his stress away in one shot?
Syaoran however, was not allowed to contemplate that thought as he was thrown onto the bed, head falling into numerous pillows. His eyes widened as he felt a single hand pin his wrists above him, and finally understood what was happening. His heart beat in his chest rapidly, so loudly that it must have been heard by the man above him. Syaoran felt his breathing increase when he came face to face with lusting crimson eyes. This was so wrong.
Dry lips captured his own, and Syaoran drew back a moan into his throat. The skilled tongue ravished the inexperienced mouth, leaving the young teenager nearly unable to respond. Simple kisses, and somehow Kurogane used them to simply drive the chestnut-haired man insane. Syaoran could never keep up with his pace, as the lustful warrior would switch from a heated passion to a glazed softness. In the back of his mind, Syaoran wondered whether all kisses were like this; sending one's entire consciousness blissfully blank.
The man with amber and blue eyes parted from the taller warrior, his breath attempting to steady itself. "We… mmm…" Syaoran paused as he received another kiss. "We should… we should sto-" Clumsily, a hand placed itself over Syaoran's swollen lips. The jewel coloured eyes blinked in near surprise. His heart pounded as he felt the raven-haired man crouch over him, face hidden in his shoulder. "I know, I know!" came the frustrated growl, "But just one more night." The voice hushed to a whisper. "I need this more than you do… I'm sorry…"
Kurogane continued soon after, talking time to lap at the exposed neck of the young man. Syaoran trembled, slightly shocked and slowly losing all senses to the warmth enveloping him; however, he had still caught it. He had heard the confession; the confession that appeared to make the crimson-eyed man disgusted with himself. Syaoran bent his head back, a wordless moan escaping his lips as the man above him began to place gentle bites along the hollow of his neck. In that time the raven-haired man had somehow managed to remove the younger man's shirt. Syaoran looked back down, smiling weakly and taking the older man's face in his hands.
"No… I am sorry… I dragged you down with me." The chestnut-haired man hid his eyes under his long bangs and took the chance to capture the warrior's lips against his own. Syaoran gripped Kurogane's shoulders, lifting his hips and ground them against the taller man. Unexpectedly, a smile crossed the younger man's lips as he heard the warrior groan. It was nearly shocking but it was obvious. Syaoran hid his eyes, arms clinging to the raven-haired man. He was the disgusting, the manipulative one in this relationship, not Kurogane.
A slam of the door.
Syaoran's eyes widened, his body falling back to the bed, arms collapsing to his sides. His breathing slowed, almost non-existent. Surely, if the young man with amber coloured eyes was not so dumbstruck, he would have noticed the man above him mutter curses, but no. Syaoran felt a tear roll down his cheek, staring at the door, only fear in his eyes. He had seen her; the frightened princess, emerald eyes filled with tears, and the hand rising to her lips as she ran away.
The young man choked on a sob. He was so disgusting, so sick, so immoral- A large hand swept over his wet eyes.
"Sleep, just sleep."
Kurogane stood up, watching the boy fall into a deep slumber, tears drying on the flushed cheeks. The raven-haired warrior quietly left the room, looking to the other room in front of him and shook his head. His legs dragged him past the white sleeping animal and outside of the room, into the hallway of the hotel. Scarlet eyes narrowed, and soon a fist colliding with the wall followed. He could feel the presence of the magician behind him, using his previous actions as a signal to stay away.
Leaning against the wall, Kurogane slid slowly to the ground; raising one of his hands to cover his eyes.
Shit… he had messed up.
I personally love this pairing, although I also love Syaoran with Sakura so yeah… If you liked this story please review and thank you for taking the time to read. Please, please don't flame me because this is not a Kurogane and Fai fic! I was sort of scared to post this online because of that… Ehheh… Is there a 2nd chapter? Maybe, I'm not sure yet and then again, I am not sure if people would want one. Thanks!!