by Trisar Alvein
THIS STORY IS HEREBY DISCONTINUED
Kind of a simple title, isn't it? Especially for me.
Oh well. I can't think of a proper pre-fic rant to throw at you readers, so you'll have to settle for a Trisar-style content advisory warning.
Warning! Contents may explode under pressure, if read, if loaded, or exposed to the outside world in any way! Trisar Alvein does not take responsibility for what may happen to your brain if you read this!
It was a little known fact that Ranma Saotome positively despised the feeling of regaining consciousness after having forcibly lost it. Whenever it happened, it inevitably meant that he'd lost this consciousness because he lost a fight, as he kept healthy enough to never get sick and could take quite a knocking to the head without passing out, rendering accidental cranial impacts inconsequential.
He did note, however, that the usually painful state of semi-consciousness that came after losing a fight and waking up from it was remarkably pain-free.
Hm... Maybe I didn't lose a fight after all. Maybe it was something that stupid tomboy tried to cook for me, he mused. But then, a lack of debilitating pains in his abdominal area made that an iffy possibility as well.
"He's waking up!" cried a little girl's voice. "Mama, come quick!"
"I'm coming, dear," was the response.
Weird... That woman didn't sound old enough to be a mom, he thought, beginning to open his eyes. As expected, everything was blurry and much too bright for him to see. Still, he decided that opening his eyes was a step in the right direction, since his eyes were beginning to focus. Still, there was a large patch of bright green in his vision on top of some flesh tones.
When the image sharpened into a pretty girl with green hair and pale skin, he reflected that he really was not surprised at all. Her face was turned away, with his only look of her being in profile, while she was apparently checking him for injuries. When she turned to his face, her eyes locked with his, and he realized two things immediately.
The first was that he had been right: she was a very pretty girl, especially with her sparkling green eyes. The second thing he realized was that he was in someone's bed. Clothed, but in a bed. He immediately sat up, startling the girl and causing his vision to swim with dizziness. He recovered more quickly this time than he had at first, and looked around.
The room was fairly normal, almost spartan in fact. Giving it a bit of thought, he realized it was built western style, which really did nothing to help him figure out where he was, but at least gave him a detail to focus on. Rubbing lightly at his temple to ward off a headache, he turned to the girl, who had stepped back from his bed. "Where am I?" he asked. Keep it simple, stupid. That's the ticket, he thought.
"You're in the town of Mobliz," she replied. "Some of the kids found you passed out at the outskirts, so Katarin and Duane, the only other adults who live here right now, brought you in here to me."
She's the one I heard earlier... "I heard one of the kids call you 'Mama.' No way you're old enough to be one," he said with his usual bluntness.
The girl blushed slightly as she responded. "I'm not their real mother," she explained. "Their parents passed away about two years ago when this town was nearly destroyed. I've become their surrogate mother and, more or less, the mayor of the town until we can either move everyone to another city or get more people to come here."
So... Mobliz... That doesn't sound familiar at all. "Where exactly is Mobliz? You got a map?"
A quick nod found Ranma looking at what the girl claimed was a map of the world, with a small isthmus circled on what appeared to be a very long snake.
Okay, yeah, this is bad. Could be worse, though. At least they speak Japanese... somehow... What's up with that, anyway?
"By the way, we haven't introduced ourselves," said the girl. "My name is Terra Branford. Pleased to meet you."
"Uh... Ranma Saotome. Pleased ta meetcha right back." Having given his name, Ranma stood up, happy to note that his clothes were intact, though his shoes had apparently gone missing. Okay, definitely not on my world anymore, so how did I get here?
"Where are you from, Ranma? And how did you end up in Mobliz?" asked Terra conversationally, fixing the mussed sheets on the bed.
"I don't suppose you've ever heard of a place called 'Tokyo'?" he deadpanned. When she shook her head, he continued, "Yeah, I didn't think so... In that case, who I am is gonna be a very long story, and I have no idea how I got here."
Terra considered this, then sat down on the bed, looking Ranma in the eye. "I've got time, and you don't have anywhere to go. I'm willing to listen," she said.
Ranma smirked. "Alright then. I'll tell you my story if you tell me yours."
"You have a deal."
"Well, the story of my life starts when I was six years old. My dad was training me in martial arts, and..."
There was enough tension in the air to cut it with a butter knife, upon past reflection.
There's no doubting it. I mean, the fact that none of us are warriors reduces the credibility of it, but... this is definitely a council of war, thought a girl, sitting at her dining room table with her family and guests. The stern faces of two members of her family, as well as the two members present from another family, were behind her mental declaration.
"So, let me get this straight," she said, hoping to clarify. "All of you were present at this fight, yet none of you know exactly what happened to Ranma-kun?"
"That's correct, Nabiki-kun," answered the portly, older man in a somewhat dirty white gi, known to others as Genma Saotome. "My boy was fighting Mousse in the back yard here, seemingly business as usual, when they hit the koi pond. There was a bright flash, and then the next thing we know, Mousse is in duck form, stunned from the light and nearly drowning in the pond."
"And he didn't have any ancient artifacts?" pressed Nabiki.
"None. The amazon mummy and the master gave him a thorough search."
"They tapped him on the chest, somehow causing all the contents of his hidden weapons pockets to empty out underneath him," explained Genma with a perfectly straight face. She would have doubted his testimony, but her family was nodding in agreement.
Rubbing at the bridge of her nose to stave off a headache, Nabiki continued, "Okay, so what happened immediately before the fight?"
The sheepish look on the face of Akane, her younger sister, did nothing to help her confidence. "W-well, he said he was hungry, so I thought I'd make him some lunch... He didn't know it was mine, and neither did anyone else, but..."
"But?" pressed Nabiki.
"Well, everyone except Uncle Genma liked it, then he and Ranma ate some and went crazy with coughing," explained Akane.
Nabiki blinked. Then she blinked again. "Kasumi, do we still have any of what Akane fixed?" she asked. Kasumi nodded and went off to retrieve it, while Nabiki's eyes narrowed in predatory manner as she stalked over to the phone. One quick phone call later, and Cologne, Mousse, and Shampoo joined the group around the Tendo dining table as Kasumi brought in what appeared to be reheated curry.
Cologne raised an eyebrow. "Nabiki, if you invited us over here for dinner to discuss terms of surrender..."
"Nothing like that, Elder. Just call it a pet theory. I'd like everyone to try some of this curry, Jusenkyo-cursed folks last."
Much to the surprise of everyone who knew what the substance was, it was not only edible, but good. Cologne, herself, was rather suspicious of the entire situation but also testified to that effect. When Mousse, Shampoo, and Genma each tried a bite, however, the reactions were quite the contrast.
"What did you just feed us that has those three on the ground?" asked Cologne, glancing at the three curse victims as they appeared to be caught between violent coughing and attempting to induce vomiting.
"Like I said, pet theory... Looks like little sister has managed to create a curry that anyone cursed by Jusenkyo is allergic to," deadpanned Nabiki. Of course, I've got another theory on this as well, but sharing it would be a very bad idea...
Terra gaped in open shock at Ranma as he concluded his story. She blinked rapidly, as if hoping to dispel the illusion before her. No luck. She searched the face for any hint of dishonesty or deceit, but finally had to admit that her meager skills at reading people all concluded that the pigtailed boy was telling the truth.
"I can really only think of one thing to say," she said, finally recovering a little. "Ranma, your father is insane."
"I wouldn't say insane... He's just so stupid he never thinks things through. Ever. Even in hindsight." I'm not that much better, but at least after everything I can look back and see where I went wrong, he groused mentally. Pops didn't even think about what would happen after Jusenkyo when Ma came around. Not until after she showed up, anyway.
Terra nodded in agreement with the assessment, finding several parallels between Ranma's life and her own. Those same parallels can be drawn with Celes's, Gau's, and Sabin's lives too, she mused.
"Well, that's the story of my life. It sounds pretty unbelievable, yeah, but..."
"Wait until my story, Ranma. After living it, yours doesn't seem so far-fetched. The real story of my life begins about one thousand years ago, long before I was born, during a time called 'the War of the Magi.' Espers, a powerful magical race, fought with humanity..."
Well, not much to say. Yes, I know Terra's original design (and her FMV presence in Final Fantasy Anthology) depict her as blonde, but her in-game sprite and portrait show green hair, not gold. Also, don't expect too much in-fic exposition as to backstories. If you're not familiar with Ranma, I'm sorry, but going over thirty-eight volumes of sheer chaos for the sake of one fanfic is a bit much. If you're not familiar with Final Fantasy VI, again, sorry, but cataloging the history of an entire world for one fanfic is too much. It's not feasible. At all.
Of course, the better question is, if you're serious anime and VG fans (especially enough to comprehensively read a crossover fanfic like this), why wouldn't you be familiar with Ranma or FFVI?
Well, see you next mission.