Author: Brokeback Mountain

Pairing: Jack and Ennis

Rating: NC-17 FRAO

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Annie Proulx; not me. I simply grovel at her feet.

Summary: Someone wakes up with Amnesia and all he can remember is the name Ennis. Is it his name? A family member or a friend; or even a town? He sets out to find the answers.

AMENSIA (Part 2 of 2 parts)

They drove around back of the Ramada Inn and climbed the steps to their room. It was quiet, like he said it would be. He turned on the lights and they sat down at the small table. Ennis uncapped the bottle of Old Rose they'd stopped to pick up on the way, took a swig and passed the bottle to Jack. He took it, glanced at the glasses sitting near by, and with a puzzled expression took a swig from the bottle.

"We used to do it that way?" he asked.

"Mostly." Ennis sat staring at him.

Jack handed the bottle back. "So, you know all about me then?"

"Don't know as I'd say that. Don't nobody never know all about nobody else." He took the bottle; thumb rubbing up and down the label.

"So tell me about me. Do you know my family?" Jack asked smiling that smile that Ennis remembered so well.

"Ain't got much of a family; your Momma's real nice though."

"You know my Momma? Does she live 'round here? Can we go see her?" Eagerness and hope lit his smile.

"No. They live up in Lightning Flat, Wyoming, long ways from here." Ennis answered.

"Then how'd I come to end up down here in Texas?" He was disappointed but happy and relieved to find out that he did have a family and they were alive out there somewhere. The nagging thought occurred to him, 'why didn't they come find me?'

"Well, you was rodeoing and met Lureen, the gal you married. She's from here in Childress. You got married and settled here."

They were both silent a while, thinking about the wife part of it.

"I got kids?" Jack asked and reached for the bottle for another swig.

"One, a boy; 'bout18 or 19 by now." Ennis answered and took a swig from the bottle Jack offered him.

"So how long we known each other?" he wanted to get back on a subject he was more comfortable with.

"'bout 22 years now."

"Long time."


"So, you come down here often? Is this where we met?"

"Nah, this my first time out of Wyoming. Needed to come pay my last respects to your grave." A great sigh of relief seeped through him as he realized that sad duty would no longer be necessary.

"What made you think I was dead? Why didn't you come lookin for me sooner? Why didn't my wife? or my folks?" he still needed to know why no one came for him. Bitter memories, alone in his room at the clinic; waiting and wondering; did he matter to no one at all?

"I sent you a post card bout our fishing trip coming up. It came back marked 'Deceased'. Thought it was all over." His voice choked at the last part; remembering that awful moment when those red letters sank into his brain.

"How? Why?" Jack sputtered.

"Don't know. Don't know how you come to be in that clinic either. You weren't hurt or nothin?"

"No. I was just...confused...disoriented. I remember music playing and voices telling me everything was beautiful as long as I did what was expected. It played over and over in my head. I know I was kept strapped down on the bed and no one spoke to me at all except those voices I'd hear." He stopped for a breath and lit a cigarette.

Ennis took one as well, drew deeply on it and sat back in his chair.

"What kind of clinic was it? What's the name? You remember?"

"No. Never heard it mentioned. But they closed it down. Bunch of people came in and took me to another place. A nice room and they fed me and talked to me. Couldn't make them understand what I was sayin for a time; but I got better. They kept askin me all these questions I didn't know the answers to. Still don't. Not to most of them anyway. You say my name Jack Twist? That's the salesman fella that Sam Doty, my boss, wanted to meet. Said he was a

heck of a salesman."

"Yeah, that's what you always told me you were doing." A slow smile curled at the corners of his mouth.

"Everybody thinks I'm dead?" he asked in a small voice.

"Far as I know."

Silence for a time.

"So where did you and I meet?" back to a subject that interested him most.

"We met back in 1963. We was both sheep-herdin up on Brokeback mountain."

"Sheep..." Jack's thoughts drifted back to a calendar he saw in Sam's office. It had a picture of sheep for the month of April and he would often stand and stare at it; didn't know why. Just knew it gave him a sense of belonging. He told Ennis about the calendar.

"That'd make sense. There were a thousand sheep that summer that we were lookin after." His memories drifted back to the mountains; the sheep, but most of all, the tent.

"What?" Jack demanded with a grin. "What were you thinking about just then? You had this great expression on your face."

"It was where we together." Another deep drag on his cigarette; a shy smile crossed his face.

"Oh...OH. Hmmm Yeah...Up there with the sheep?"

"Well not exactly with the sheep standin 'round watchin. We was at base camp, in a tent." Dark eyes locked on to blue; looking for any sign.

"Makes more sense. Wouldn't wanna scare the sheep, now would we?" He joked nervously

"Only ones got scared up there was us." He took another swig from the bottle and passed it to Jack.

He thought on that a bit then said, "22 years ago? We couldn't a been much more than kids."

"We was both 19 then. I was the oldest by two months."

"So you knew more about everythin than I did?"

"Noooo. Not by a long shot. I was greener than a new-born lamb. We never did discuss it but I come to feel you'd been around a bit more than me if you take my meanin."

Jack got up, walked over to the window, pulled back the curtains a bit and looked out into the night. A little nervous now, wondering what he was doing here in this room and wondering where Sam was. He wanted to be here though, wanted to come to know this man who was a stranger to him, yet knew him so well. His curiosity was aroused. He definitely didn't want to leave. He wanted to find out more; had to. But this Ennis Del Mar; he couldn't quite put a finger on what

made him both: drawn to him, to his shy smile and funny way he talked, like he was trying to hold back the words; while at the same time fearful that they shouldn't be here in this room alone. That it might be wrong, being here with him like this.

"So, I seduced you?" Jack asked, his gaze remaining outside the window.

"It wasn't like that. We just sorta...well we was sleepin ...and next thing we knew it was happenin."

"That the only time?"

"Nah, first of many." Ennis answered and came over to stand beside him at the window, keeping a distance between them.

Something about this man; something that burned between them, controlled though, very tightly controlled.

" wrote me a postcard from Wyoming. We was planning a ...meetin? A fishing trip?"

"Yeah. We'd meet up a coupla times a year and go fishin. Sometimes we'd actually fish." He tried to ease the tension a little.

"This was two years ago? You probably took up with someone else by now." Jack walked back to the table and took another swig from the bottle.

Ennis walked over behind him, took the bottle for a swig then sat it back on the table. His hand resting on Jack's shoulder gave a little squeeze. "Nope. There ain't never been any other fella in my life before you, or after you. Never will be."

Jack swallowed the lump in his throat and turned around. He was close now, so close; frightening but familiar, terrified but wanting more.

"You still...want me then, even though I don't remember?" The words, barely above a whisper.

"I'll want you till my last dyin breath. If you remember anything at all, you gotta remember that. And if you don't remember that, then I'll just have to remind you by sayin it over and over again, every day, if you let me. I can promise you this; things will be different this time 'round. We been given a second chance here and I ain't gonna waste it." He pulled Jack into his arms and held him close.

Jack melted against him, into him. THIS is where he belonged. He knew that with every beat of his heart. This man, this Ennis Del Mar, this was his life. He'd finally found his home.

"You sure you wanna do this? You don't even know these people. You sure you wanna go off with them? Sam Doty was concerned not only about losing a talented salesman but a new friend as well.

"Oh yeah!" Jack answered. "I gotta do this, Sam. He's gonna take me to meet my wife and kid; then we're gonna go up to Wyoming and meet my folks. I'm really excited about this. This is what I've been wantin. I got a family! I wanna go see them. Talk to them. Things are coming back; a little here and there. Kinda like dreams I had, long time ago. This might just bring it all back."

"You don't know that." Sam was still worried.

"Don't worry. They're real nice people." he nodded towards Ennis and Junior standing across the parking lot by their car. Jack stood there, thumbs hooked in his jeans loops; anxious to be on his way.

"Well, here's my card. Keep it with you and if you decide to come back, just give me a call. I can always come up with a plane ticket for you." They shook hands and parted; Sam Doty in his rental car, back to the airport and Jack practically galloping across the parking lot and into the back seat next to Ennis.

"Junior and me been talking about this. I think it'd be best if I went and told her first; then brought you along to meet her later. Think it might be too much of a shock, you just walkin up on her. What do you think?" Ennis lit a cigarette and passed it to Jack.

"Whatever you think. I ain't real comfortable thinking I got a wife and kid." He took a deep drag on the cigarette and leaned back; looking out the window. "Can we just make it a quick thing and get on the road? I'd really like to get on up to Wyoming and meet my folks." He was anxious; nervous.

"Sure. You and me both. Don't care none for big cities. Never did. She's supposed to see us in about an hour. Why don't we take you back to the motel before I head over there?"

"No, Daddy. I think we should go along. We can wait out in the car and after you tell her, we'll come on in. I'm sure she'll want to see Jack right away; then we can head on back home. It'll be faster that way." She was talking over her shoulder to them in the back seat.

They looked at each other. "Quickest is best." Jack said.

"OK. What ever you two want. I'm as anxious as you to get back on the road." he smiled to Jack.

They pulled up in front of the gates of the big house. "You sure this the right place Junior?" Ennis asked, shocked by the fancy neighborhood. "Any of this look familiar to you?" he asked Jack.

He shook his head no and seemed just as shocked as the others by the fancy house.

"Well how I'm supposed to get in there with the gate and all?" Ennis asked.

"See that small black box by the gate? You gotta press something in there and announce yourself. Then they open the gates from inside." Junior said.

"OK." he said then looked back before opening the door. "Wish me

luck." He reached for the outstretched hand and squeezed it.

"Quickest is best." Jack repeated; apprehension clear on his face.

Sure enough, there was a black button to push and he announced himself. The gates swung open and he walked through, marveling at the magnificent landscaping surrounding the place. Couldn't believe Jack had been living in a place like this and all these years wanting to leave it and go in on a place with him.

An old woman in a uniform answered the door and showed him into a side room off the main hall. "She'll be right with you."

He stood with hat in hand but it wasn't much of a wait. In minutes she walked into the room and it occurred to him that she was used to making grand entrances like this.

"How do you do, Mr. Del Mar; I'm so pleased to finally meet you." she walked to him with outstretched hand; noticing with disdain his scruffy clothes and dirty boots on her new Persian rug.

"Ma'am." he took her hand and sat on the sofa she gestured towards. "I got some news yesterday and I had to come over to see you. Tell you." He paused, looking her. She was clearly thinking what possible news he might have that would be of interest to her.

He went on. "It's Jack, Ma'am. He ain't dead." He waited for a reaction. There was none. She sat there staring blankly at him.

"It's true. Don't know what happened but he was found in some clinic down near Brownsville. He's got amnesia; can't remember a thing." He stopped for a breath. Quick is best. he kept hearing Jack's words in his mind.

"He's out in the car; waiting."

"How did you find him?" her voice weak but never loosing its composure.

"In a bar...That don't matter now. He's outside, can I bring him in?"

"Of course." she said in that same tone.

He gave her another long look then headed for the front door. He asked the lady in the uniform to open the gates and she did. Junior brought the car to a stop out front; and the two of them got out; both nervous as kittens.

"Everythin OK?" Jack asked meeting Ennis in the foyer.

"Guess so. She's one strange woman, Jack."

The three of them entered the room together. Junior spoke first.

"Hello, Mrs. Twist. My name is Junior, I'm Ennis's daughter." She walked to the woman and shook her hand.

Jack and Lureen stood silently staring at each other; curiosity on his face; total composure on hers.

"Jack." she greeted him. He said nothing, just stared. She was a beautiful woman; he thought. Just like a picture out of a magazine.

She lit a cigarette and offered them one as well. The three of them declined.

"So what now?" she asked looking from one to the other. "You got some plans you're wanting to tell me about?"

"Yeah." Jack was glad to answer. "We're heading up to Wyoming so's I can meet my folks up there. Wanted to meet you and the boy first since we was already here."

"You plan on staying up there or are you coming back here?" Was that hope in her voice? Ennis thought not. There was no love there; memories, maybe, but no love. She didn't want him back. It was a sad fact but he couldn't help but be happy by it.

"Don't know yet. Gotta see Wyoming first. Hopin that might jog my memory a bit." Jack answered, wanting to get on with it so they could leave. "Can I see the boy?"

"He's off with Daddy right now. Won't be back for a coupla weeks. They do love to travel. He musta got that from you."

"Do you know why he was in that clinic?" Ennis asked, not liking this woman at all and wondering what Jack ever saw in her.

"Can't say as I do. Never been to Brownsville." she answered, still staring at Jack.

He began to fidget under her stare. "Well we best be gettin on our way then. I thank you kindly for seein us." he stretched out his hand. She took it briefly.

"Let me know what you decide. There'll be papers to sign and stuff." she walked with them to the door.

"We have your address, Mrs. Twist." Junior said. "You'll be notified if Jack decides to stay in Wyoming." They walked out the door with a nod and a good bye.

"Sure wanted to see my boy." Jack said sadly when they were back on the highway heading north.

"Sorry, 'bout that." Ennis reassured him. "There'll be plenty of time for that. Once you get your memory back. Seeing her didn't bring back nothin?"

"Not a thing. She seemed real nice but boy, was I glad to get out of there!" He heaved a sigh of relief.

"Me too!" Ennis and Junior said in unison.

The drive back to Riverton was uneventful. They stopped half way and took rooms for the night; a single for Junior and a double double for the two of them. They were very polite with each other; giving each other the space and privacy they needed; nothing more than the squeeze of a shoulder or a hand. It was a comfort zone between them that they both respected. A few short conversations between them after lights out but before sleep.

"Did we do this a lot? Stay at motels, I mean." Jack asked.

"Nah; we spent one night in one but mostly we went up in the mountains, camped out."

"Oh; the tent thing," Jack asked from his bed.

"Yeah; the tent thing," Ennis answered, praying for sleep before he did something he knew he shouldn't.

"You know...I can see you and me...together. But I can't for the life of me see me with Lureen."

Ennis smiled into the darkness. "Is that remembering or just ...feeling?"

"Just...a feeling. I'm comfortable with you."

"Comfortabe? Kinda like an old chair?"

"Nah. want to be with you. Doin things together. Eat in a restaurant, go drivin, passin the bottle back and forth. Stuff like that. I don't remember campin with you, but I'll

bet I liked it. Could we do that? Go campin? After we see my folks, I mean. I'd really like that."

"Sure we can. I only been off work four days and I got two weeks. After we see your folks, we can head on up to the mountains."

"Did you always do this? Do everything I wanted?"

"No," regret would always be with him for all the years wasted. "but looks like I'm bein given a second chance to make that right. Things are gonna be different this time."

"Can't imagine it bein all that bad before. Did we fight a lot?"

"We did some. Did the last time we saw each other." his heart was in his throat as he remembered that last fight; threatening and cursing at one another; Jack wishing he could quit him. The pain of that fight still cut him deeply.

"What'd we fight about? Seems like we get along pretty good."

"You wanted to make this...thing between us permanent. Go in on a little place together. I refused".

"Oh." was all he said; all he could get out.

"I was scared, Jack, scared for all of us. You had your family in Childress and you loved that boy of yours so; and I had my family in Riverton and couldn't just up and leave my girls. There were a lot more than just me and you involved in this thing."

"We'll talk more on it later, Ennis; and make decisions when the time comes...Night."

"Night, Jack."

They got an early start in the morning and made it back to Riverton by lunch time. They stopped at Denny's and had lunch then Junior dropped them off at Ennis's trailer.

"Now when you get ready to drive up to Lightning Flat, let me know and you can take my car. That's too far to be driving in that hunk of junk you call a truck!" Junior hugged them both and drove on off.

Ennis was immediately self-conscious about his place. "Not much compared to Lureen's, is it?" He unlocked the door and they went in. He began picking up things and straightening up.

Jack looked around and smiled. "I like it. It's cozy."

"It ain't cozy. It's a piece of shit. But it's my shit, bought and paid for!" He laughed, the tension easing in him.

"It's not shit. Maybe a little dusty, but it ain't shit. Bet you got a bottle of Old Rose around here somewhere, don't'cha?"

"Sure enough do." Ennis answered and got two glasses down and poured them each some.

"Goin back to glasses now, are we?" They sat at the small table.

"Just for special occasions; this is a real special occasion." He clinked their glasses together.

"Thought we'd rest up here tonight then head on up to Lightning Flat in the mornin. Sound OK to you?"

"Yeah, sounds good." His eyes roamed around the place.

"This here dinette folds down into a bed, least ways, it's supposed to. I never had no need to fold it down before. You can take the bed there and I'll sleep here."

"I can sleep here." Jack insisted.

"No. You get the bed. I just put clean sheets on the day before we left. It's all ready. I'll take the dinette."

"Whatever you say," Jack agreed wavering between liking being taken care of, and not liking being told what to do. He'd get that straightened out later.

They ate lunch in Lightning Flat and drove out to the Twist place shortly after. He parked back a ways and at an angle so Jack couldn't be seen from the house. Ennis walked up and was met at the door by Mrs. Twist.

"You came back! I'm so glad. Come on in. I baked blueberry muffins this mornin. I'll put some coffee on." She welcomed him with a small polite hug.

"Good to see you too Mrs. Twist." he followed her into the kitchen but stopped her before she started the coffee.

"I got somethin to tell you. I need you to come over here and sit down." He took her

hand and led her to a chair.

"Land sakes! What you goin on about?" She sat, but was nervous about it.

"It's Jack. He ain't dead." He held on to both of her hands, afraid she might fall out of the chair. She just stared at him.

"Now Ennis...I know the two of you had somethin special between you but we have to face the fact, darling, that he's gone."

He pulled her up and held her by the shoulders. "Somehow, somebody got things mixed up. He's alive and he's right outside."

"He can't be! We got his ashes. We put 'em in our family plot."

"He's got amnesia. He's been in a clinic all this time. Don't remember nothin. Can I bring him in?" He smiled down at her.

"Your serious! He's right outside?" She ran for the door, "Jackie, JACKIE!" she screamed.

He caught her with a warning. "Remember now. He don't remember nothin. Had to tell him his name and everythin."

"Where is he? Where is he? Jackie! Jackie!" she ran to the tall figure jogging up her drive. She shielded her eyes from the sun but stopped dead in her tracks. He stopped arms length from

her. "Jackie!" she cried and threw herself into his arms. They hugged and cried, each trying to soothe the other.

"It's alright Momma. It's alright," he crooned to her.

Ennis watched the two of them and his heart ached as he thought of his own momma and how she used to hold him just like that. It was a happy time though, for all three of them.

"So it's true, son? You don't remember anythin at all" she asked as they settled themselves in the living room. She and Jack on the couch, still holding on to each other; and Ennis on a nearby chair.

"It's true, Momma. I don't remember any of this; he gestured around the room. I don't even know your face. But...I know the feelings...I know I belong somewhere and Ennis tells me you're my

Momma and I feel it. I'm sure it's true. I just don't remember it."

She started to weep again. Jack looked over to Ennis for help. He came over to them and knelt in front of Mrs. Twist.

"Now, there's no need for that. We got him back, didn't we? Ain't that the important thing? We can help him with his rememberin and we can help him make new memories, now can't we?"

"Yes! Yes! Of course! He's alive and he's safe as can be. I just still can't believe it!" She hugged him again.

"It's alright, Momma. Ennis and me are gonna work on it. We're going camping in the mountains. He said we used to do that a lot. Maybe it'll help bring back some memories."

She smiled up at Ennis through her tears. "Oh yes! That's a wonderful idea. You used to talk all the time about how much you enjoyed campin with Ennis. But it don't matter really," she turned

back to her son. "We have you back and that's all that matters; the past is gone anyway. It's the future that counts. We can make new memories Jackie. We can!"

" father around?" Jack asked, a little anxious about meeting him. Wasn't sure why; but he wasn't looking forward to that

"He's in town. I expect him back shortly. Just went in to check the mail. He's expectin somethin he ordered in a mail-order catalogue."

She stood and wrung her hands. "I'd best go put some coffee on." She hurried to the kitchen.

Ennis put a hand on Jack's shoulder. "You OK?"

"Wow!" he ran his hand through his hair. "She's really great but why am I so nervous about meeting my father?"

"I met him once. He's a tough old bugger." Ennis warned.

"Gee, thanks" Jack grinned back.

"You'll do fine. Just remember; we can walk out that door whenever we want. You don't have to take any shit from him."

The blue eyes darkened at the warning. A shiver ran through him when he heard the truck pull up outside.

"Don't worry. I'll be right here." Ennis squeezed Jack's hand.


Jack turned from Ennis side and walked into the kitchen.

The old man dropped his hands from his wife's shoulders and stared at his son. "So where the HELL you been? You been hiding out somewhere shacked up with your boyfriend there? You hidin from someone? Why'd you let everyone think you was dead? The law after you?" he railed

at his son.

"Let's go." Ennis spoke softly so only Jack heard.

"I've been in a clinic in Brownsville, Texas. I don't have any memory before six months ago." Jack stammered.

"Yeah. You expect me to believe that? You have any idea what you done to your Momma here sendin her into mournin?"

"I...I had no way of knowin...I would have come sooner but I just found out myself yesterday." He tried to make this man understand. He had a flashback memory to when he first awoke and couldn't communicate with the doctors. He shook his head and tried again.

"I have amnesia. I have no memories of you or her or this place."

"But you have memories of him?" He pointed a finger at Ennis. "I'll just bet you do!"

"John, please..." Mrs. Twist tried to calm her husband. "Ennis is the one who found him and brought him back to us."

"Get tired of him, did you?" he asked with a sneer.

Jack was rigid and began to shake. Ennis put his hand on his arm, "C'mom. Let's go." He turned to Mrs. Twist and said, "We'll see you another time real soon, that's a promise," then

walked Jack out the door.

They were in the car out on the highway before Jack spoke. "He hates me! What could I ever have done to make him hate like that?"

"He's just a hateful old man, Jack. Forget about him. Your Momma's the only one that matters and she loves you to pieces."

"She is wonderful, isn't she." he wiped the tears he hadn't realized were falling down his cheeks.

"That she is...Jackie." he teased.

"She musta called me that when I was a kid. I like it. I like it when she says it." He smiled as they headed back to Riverton.

They warmed themselves by the campfire and passed the bottle of Old


"It's so quiet up here. Is it always like this?" Jack took a drink and passed the bottle back.

"Yeah, mostly," then after a bit added, "I'm sorry 'bout what happened with your Pa. You told me before you never did get on with him and he was why you left home so early. Said you never heard a kind word out of his mouth. I believe that's a fact for sure!"

"I just wonder what makes a body that mean?" Jack lit a cigarette and handed it to Ennis. He took it with a grin.

"What?" Jack asked.

"We always used to do that. Light cigarettes and give them to each other. Anything familiar 'bout all this?"

"Not really. It just seemed like the thing to do. I guess you got your own smokes and don't need me givin you mine."

"It's nice. Something we used to do." Ennis tossed another chunk of wood into the fire.

"What else we used to do up here?"

"Aaahh that woudl be tellin now wouldn't it?" Ennis sidestepped that particular question.

Jack cleared his throat and asked it another way. "So what exactly happened in the tent that first night?"

"I told you. Me and you was sleepin and all the sudden it was happenin."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"Gotta be more to it than that. I think I should know."

"Jack there some things you best just remember for yourself." Ennis stood, brushed himself off and started readying for bed.

"It's late." he said. "Let's turn in."

Jack helped secure things for the night and followed Ennis into the tent. They unrolled their bedrolls, pulled their boots off, and lay down.

"The moon always that bright up here?" Jack asked.

"Not always."

"It was that night wasn't it?"

"Don't remember."

"Yes you do. Just don't want to talk about it."

"Night, Jack."

"Night Ennis. Thanks for bringing me up here. It's really beautiful."

"You're welcome."

They laid side by side in silence for a while, neither any where near sleep. Jack rolled over on his side, nearest Ennis. He reached over and took Ennis's hand, just rubbed the back of it for a time.

"It was me wasn't it? Got us started, I mean?"

"You remembin or wonderin?"

"I don't know; wonderin, I guess. It seems like it's somethin I'd do. If I felt then, the way I feel now, it would definitely be somethin I'd do."

"Jack...We probably shouldn't..." that was all the words he got out before warm lips were pressed against his. He gasped for breath. "We should wait..." Another sentence cut off; this time the kiss was deeper.

"You always this hard to get?" Jack murmured between little kisses down the side of Ennis's neck.

"Not no more."

The decision was made. There'd be no more waiting. They had wasted enough time. This was their second chance and they were not going to let it slip away. Ennis had fought this battle for 20 years; and it was time to end it. He gave up; and in doing so; he won. It wouldn't be easy, he knew that, but whatever came to them, they would face it together. Whatever harsh reality they would have to face, couldn't be as bad as the lie he'd been living. And Jack? Jack was

home. He knew it. Whether he got his memories back or not, didn't matter anymore. He was where he was supposed to be and all was right in his world again.