E is for Esoteric


The smell—no, not smell, stench; this was a stench, because saying it was a "smell" would possibly denote that it could be pleasing, and there was just no way in hell—of marine life was overwhelming in Sakanamura. So overwhelming, in fact, that Deidara was almost bowled over as he placed a black sleeve over his mouth and nose. The mouths on his hands gritted their teeth.

Sakura, it seemed, was the only one not about to gag from the stench. She walked behind Mwldbi casually, arms swaying at her sides and face perfectly stoic.

And this was a little off, because really, wasn't Kisame a fish anyway? But he'd probably been hit the worse as he closed one eye and cringed.

Mwldbi led the three of them to a ramshackle inn, where he talked the keeper into letting them stay for free that night. The keeper insisted that two rooms would suffice; one for both the boys to share, and one for the "darling little lady" to have to herself.

Needless to say, Deidara saw a bit of rearranging in the near future.

"She's sleeping with me."

Or maybe they'd rearrange right at this instant.

Deidara glanced at Kisame as the innkeeper arranged their keys and brochures, too preoccupied to listen in on their situation. "Why you, yeah?"

"It's obvious," Kisame pointed out, as if his reasoning of the situation just absolutely made all the sense in the world, "that I'd be best to keep track of her."

Deidara sniffed, and immediately regretted it. That horrible odor…how could the girl stand it? He turned to her and scowled.

She scowled back, but otherwise didn't speak.

The innkeeper summoned a small boy of about ten or eleven to take them to their rooms. He left them in the hallway in front of their appointed quarters with a curt, "Please enjoy your stay."

Deidara stopped Sakura before she could enter her room, his fingers closing around the key in her hand. He pulled it from her gingerly, dangling it before his face and grinning slyly. He felt the presence of Kisame, probably smirking in the same way, and realized they must have looked like madmen.

Well…who was to say they weren't?

Kisame took the keys from the blond man's hands. "Like I said, I'll keep track of her. You go scout the town."

And so Deidara did.

And so Kisame did.


So far, the village of Sakanamura was exactly as it seemed: a slightly wealthy fishing village with way too many women, way too much optimism, and not nearly enough alcohol.

This was fairly normal, considering the fishing economy had been booming since the start of the war. But it was just odd that everyone was so friendly to him. He must have escaped from about fourteen groping hands in the brief half hour that he'd been out.

"Hello again, friend!"

Deidara tried to run. He honestly did.

Mwldbi caught him by the sleeve of his now-inside-out cloak, though, dragging him toward a gaggle of grown men. "We've just received a shipment from an island to the East," he said, ushering toward a stall where a man was busily stirring several dozen cups of what looked like chocolate milk.

His host picked up two finished glasses, handing one to Deidara and keeping one for himself.

Deidara eyed the concoction suspiciously. "What is it, yeah?"

"It's a drink native to this village," he replied merrily, eyeing a younger woman who pranced past them, sipping a drink of her own. "We call it Sakana-shita." He took a long drink, and then loudly laughed. "Try some!" he gasped, and then winked. "Be sure to find a woman when you're through!"

He didn't quite know what Mwldbi meant, but then again, he didn't want to know, even as a very large-breasted woman gently dragged her fingers across his hip. "Okay, but what's in it?"

He grabbed the woman, and she giggled. He teased her neck a bit as he spoke, and Deidara felt a tad sick.

Yeah. Just a tad.

"Sake, a bit of water to dilute it, orange juice for flavor, and Yohimbine."

Deidara peered into his glass, squinting and swirling the contents. "And Yohimbine is…?"

"An herb," he replied, busying himself with…did he just try to eat that woman's ear? "It's like…caffeine…coffee." He laughed gently. "A stimulant, if you will."

"Mm, definitely keeps you awake," the woman purred, swaying her hips dramatically.

Deidara cringed. "But there's sake, right?"

"Of course."

The woman proceeded to drag him off, and Mwldbi waved a hand. "If you want some for your wife, it's free. In celebration!" He fell over slightly, and the woman—probably a concubine—laughed shrilly.

Watching the couple stagger off, Deidara took a sip, licked his lips…and grinned. It wasn't bad. Wasn't bad at all.

And so, without further ado, he grabbed another glass.

"For Kisame," he told himself, making his way back to the inn.


While Sakura admitted that Kisame wasn't quite as frightening with his hair down, that did not, by any means, constitute her assent at him walking around half-naked.

It wasn't like she hadn't seen a broad chest or strong, toned arms before. And it wasn't that the blue hue of his skin sent her scrambling for sanctuary. It was that he was her kidnapper, and she was thinking that he was actually…not so bad. And she'd be damned if she developed some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.

"Shower?" he asked suddenly, scratching the back of his head.

Sakura shook her head quickly. "No."

"Why?" And off went the towel.

Sakura turned her head quickly. She'd seen hundreds of naked males before. But this was different. Way different. She wasn't giving him a physical or stitching up his kidney, she was sitting on a bed in a hotel room in a village she'd never even knew existed.

When she managed to look back again, he was dressed—thankfully—and re-fastening a single off-white earring to his left ear. It looked like it might have been a pearl.

About that Stockholm Syndrome…

"Suit yourself," he said, and he stopped when he realized that Sakura was staring at him.

Sakura swallowed the lump in her throat, wringing her bound hands nervously. She turned the other cheek.

Kisame laughed. "You're embarrassed." Like a kid in a candy shop. "Because I'm not wearing a shirt?"

"Of course not!" she sputtered, ignoring the blush crawling over her. Maybe if she could think of anything but naked blue men it would go away.

At the moment Kisame opened his mouth, a loud "Oomph!" followed by the sound of a thump alerted the two of them to a presence outside the door.

"Deidara," Sakura said, automatically registering his chakra signature.

Kisame furrowed his brow. "Did he fall or something?" He opened the door, revealing a shaken Deidara, brushing the dust off of his cloak.

Sakura tried her damndest not to laugh. She was failing miserably.

Deidara glared at her as he walked by, handing a dripping cup to Kisame. "I'll have you know," he growled, moving to set his own half-empty cup on the nightstand, "that I went through hell and back to get this for you, Kisame. It makes you dizzy." He continued to the bed and lay down on it.

"What is it?" Sakura asked, curious.

"The locals called it Sakana-shita, yeah," Deidara said, folding one leg over the other and draping an arm across his eyes. "They said it was a 'stimulant.'"

Kisame tried a taste of his. "It's good," he commented, taking another greedily.

Deidara nodded, alternating from covering his eyes with his arm to rubbing them insistently.

"Did they tell you what was in it?" Sakura asked cautiously, glancing at the cup Deidara had deposited on the nightstand.

"I don't remember."

"Let me see it."

"Come here so I can untie the ropes."

She inched her way to Deidara obediently, and he sat up to get them undone. Once this was completed, he groaned and rolled over. "Headache."

Sakura grabbed the cup, sniffed it, swirled it with her pinky, and then tasted it. There wasn't any trace of poison, which was good. All that she could detect was a faint orange flavor, sake, and some herb that probably grew around the village area. "It is kind of good."

Deidara promptly pulled the covers over his shoulders. "Mm."

Kisame, having finished almost his whole glass, grinned. "Gives you a nice feeling, doesn't it?"

"It's probably the herb," Sakura stated, taking another dainty sip. "There are many that give one a sense of happiness or even delirium, which can also be a pleasant state of mind."

"Sounds like I'll be awake all night long," he said slyly, and he darted his tongue out to lick his lips.


Fifteen minutes after his comment, Kisame was snoring on the ground, and Sakura was fidgeting at the foot of the bed, her shoulders hunched and her back rigid.

Fifteen minutes had been all it took for the situation to be promptly dumped onto its head, its brains spilling out onto the pretty light green carpet.

Fifteen minutes later, and Deidara now had a raging erection. Either he'd had a very vivid dream about a woman with a very talented tongue in that brief window of time, or he'd been seduced in his half-inebriated state. Neither of which, he may add, he could remember.

And it wasn't going away anytime soon.

Managing enough breath to speak, Deidara weakly called out, "Kisame."

"He's asleep," Sakura said, sounding just as breathless as he.

Ignoring the girl, he called his partner's name again.

"He's asleep," Sakura chided.

"Wake him up, then."

"You wake him up."

"Fine!" And so he got up from the bed, suddenly glad that he was wearing a baggy cloak, and knelt at Kisame's side.

"Kisame," he said, nudging the man's side with a finger.

He mumbled something unintelligible and batted the offending appendage away.

Deidara shook his partner by the shoulders, his attention snagged on the earring that the man oft chose to wear. He'd never seen it so up close before…

He gave up on his quest to rouse Kisame, instead focusing on his own reflection that he could barely make out in the ornament, entranced by the shapes. He was going insane. Absolutely insane, but oh, it was such a wonderful feeling, and he was sure that nobody would mind if…he just…

Before he knew exactly what he was doing, he was taking Kisame's earlobe into his mouth, feeling the clasp with his tongue and occasionally grazing skin with his teeth. Such soft skin. Was it this soft everywhere?

His lips traced the curve of his partner's ear, and the fleeting thought that he would systematically maim him for touching him like this and Sakura for allowing him crossed his mind. But that was just what it was: fleeting. And so he disregarded it in favor of placing a hand firmly on Kisame's jaw to steady him.

Kisame mumbled again, and wonderful vibrations made Deidara groan.

Sakura chose that moment to appear. She gasped in horror. "What are you doing to him?"

Deidara jumped back, mouth gaping and hands flying up as if he'd been burned. He stared at Sakura, his expression mimicking hers. "What…what…"

"Were you…were you just molesting him?"

"I…oh. Oh, no. Oh. Oh. Ew. Ew." Deidara put his hands on his head, rocking back and forth, his visible eye haunted. "I did. I think I just…I…oh, no."

Sakura squirmed and joined the two men on the floor. She grabbed Deidara by his ankle, making him twitch. "I think I know what was in those drinks."

"What? The Sakana-shita?"

"Yeah." She swallowed visibly, making Deidara a tad nervous, even as he panted and clutched at his hair with his hands. It wasn't enough that people questioned his sanity; oh, no, now they were going to question his sexuality, too!

"It was probably some sort of herb for helping impotence."

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean, yeah?" Deidara asked, quite certain that he was on the verge of tears. He'd just practically seduced his sleeping partner—practically seduced Kisame, of all people.

"Impotence is another word for erectile dysfunction."

This had Deidara sputtering. "I don't have erectile dysfunction!"

As if against her will, Sakura glanced at his lap, coughed into her hand, and turned away. "Apparently not…"

Deidara groaned in frustration—very different from the groan he'd emitted not too long ago. "It's not my fault and you know it's not, yeah."

"I know that!" she defended, her voice high-pitched. Much like that woman's on the street.

A proverbial light bulb blinked on in Deidara's head. "Wait…you're affected by it?"

Her blush deepened, and she crossed her legs tightly. "Of course not! I—I—"

"You are, yeah." He laughed in disbelief. "This is ridiculous. I can't believe it."

"We…we're just going to have to sleep it off, then."

She must have been joking. She had to have been joking, because there was no way in heaven or hell that he would be able to sleep something like this off, unless "sleep" was somehow a euphemism for "fuck something blind." Because that might help. Might.

He scrambled away from the shark man on the ground, retreating to the bed at the same time as Sakura.

Sakura squeaked and jumped up, pressing herself against the opposite window—as far away from him as possible. "So then what are you going to do?"

"Not 'what,'" Deidara mumbled, mostly to himself. "But 'who.'"

"If you touch me, I swear on everything, I will—"

"Not you!" he shouted in annoyance, but really, really wishing it could be true.


"And not Kisame, either! Never Kisame!"

"Hey!" Sakura shouted back, apparently just as snippy from the sexual frustration as Deidara. "I'm not the one who brought impotence-away drinks in here!"

And then he couldn't stand it anymore. Things were going fuzzy, his head was spinning, he was aching in places he shouldn't ache at in the presence of…of Kisame, and he needed to fix it.

Sakura was just going to have to lie down and take it.


So he stood, watched her try to retreat farther against the window, and pinned her in place. Two arms rested against the glass pane on either side of her, and she shook and shivered like a leaf in the wind.

Little leaf, hmm?

When his body touched hers, it was like fire meeting fire—a collective upward motion of pure energy, compounding and rolling, sizzling off at the ends, making him drag his nails down the window.

She didn't look like she was doing any better with her eyes shut tight and her mouth half open, breathing like she'd just run a dozen miles in five minutes. And she was warm—oh, so warm that he could just bury himself in her for an eternity.

"Stop it," she protested lamely, but he put a hand over her mouth to quiet her.

"I can't." And that was entirely his fault, but he wasn't about to let that slip past any time soon.

Perhaps unbidden or perhaps not, the tongue on his hand slipped out to touch her lips. She jolted, gasped, as if the simple action was actually painful. Her mouth opened against his palm, and her tongue…her tongue was touching the one belonging to his hand.

He pressed her tighter against the glass, nudging his thigh between her legs to pin her securely in place. There was no way he'd let her get anywhere. Not when she did such things to him that he'd only ever imagined before.

She gripped his wrist with two small, gloved hands, her medic-nin fingers kneading and rubbing over the lengths of each knuckle, the very outer edges of his hand, itself… And maybe his other hand felt a bit denied, because he started making good use of it by unzipping the front of her tunic.

She stilled.

He faltered.

And when his hand slipped under her bra to touch her bare breast, her hips rolled into his.

He gasped and copied her, and she cried out, pulling away from his hand to toss her head to the side and clutch at his shoulders.

"Deidara, stop it," she breathed, but even as she did, her hands roamed over his shoulders, smoothed over his neck, followed the curve of his jaw with her fingertips. He leaned into every touch, panting and drawing her index finger into his mouth.

She made a noise that was half pleasure and half pain, writhing underneath the grip his body had on hers and making all kinds of wonderful friction.

His pants needed to come off. Now.

He released her hesitantly, and she slumped, smoothing the fingers that had been in Deidara's mouth across her lips and tasting them.

Deidara watched her for a moment, feeling, for all rights and purposes, as if he was going to explode in more ways than one. So he took her by the waist, guiding her to the bed, and allowed her to fall onto it. He pulled his cloak over his head, took off his mesh shirt and tank top, and followed her.

"Not right," she said weakly, allowing him to pin both of her hands above her head with one steely grip. The other hand pushed her tunic completely aside, and he licked and kissed a path from her collarbone to her navel. "Not right. Not true."

"You're not complaining," he growled, tugging off her medic skirt and shorts in one deft pull.

"I…I was."

"But not anymore." Not anymore, because he was eliciting noises he could probably blackmail her with later if he so wished. Not anymore, because his thumb was parting her—

She bucked, and he got a face full of nothing but pure Sakura. Not that he was protesting, mind. "D…"

He rubbed over something experimentally. "Don't?" he teased carefully. "Is that what you were going to—?"


The exclamation shocked him into stillness, and the problem of his pants was suddenly more prevalent than ever. He pulled away from her only long enough to discard them. Then he was back, hovering and grinding against her.

"Say it again."

"S…say what?"

"My name."


If that stupid Saka-whatever drink could make him feel like he was on fire in about the span of ten minutes, he didn't want to know how he'd be faring in another five.

"Deidara…" she breathed, tangling her fingers in the sheets and bringing him all that much closer to her with her legs. Her face, her voice, the pressure she was building inside of him with just a simple puff of breath across his ear was all too much to bear.

He wasn't going to last long.

So he bit the bullet and somehow maneuvered the two of them so that he could easily rest his palm flat against her sex.

"What're you—?"

A tongue flicked out.

She prepared scream, but Deidara sealed his free hand over her mouth while the tongue on his other thrashed and jerked and tried to fill her completely.

She began to whine, probably something she didn't even realize she was doing, and convulsed ever so slightly, arching against him and making him groan. It was almost painful…

"Hey! Keep it down!" A bang sounded on the leftmost wall.

The voice—belonging to neither him nor Sakura—shocked him, and he jumped, which set off a very interesting chain of events.

First, Sakura came, and came hard. Her eyes, wide and green and startled, stared intently while she arched into him, alternating between gasping and whimpering.

Second, Deidara came, because he'd been stuffed full of aphrodisiac and a bit of alcohol, and because there was a very sexually attractive woman rubbing against him. It wasn't as embarrassing as it should have been, really, but he didn't exactly care at the moment.

Third, before he could even catch his breath and force his heart to stop beating so erratically against his ribcage, he was falling asleep. And the same could be said for the medic-nin, because she wasn't protesting against his weight or trying to move.

And fourth, Deidara dreamed of a place where there was only sunshine and happy days, and where regrets and sadness didn't exist.

The Yohimbine in his system, once pumping and burning in his veins, eventually ebbed until it disappeared entirely.

It was then that the nightmare began.

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