Disclaimer: I don't own House.
A/N: Odd little piece I wrote for a writing group which deals with the Chase/Cameron deal in Insensitive from Cameron's point of view.
This is real (or lies that sound very similar)
The choices are endless.
One, this is convenient. It's callow, and shallow, and because it rhymes, you don't have to think about it. And that's what you want, isn't it? You don't want to have to remember to be cognizant, don't want to remind yourself that there's so much left unsaid.
Fling: (noun) A short period of unrestrained pursuit of one's wishes or desires.
You're slipping. Again.
Two, (there's a two?) this is restrictive. You're in a play no one has written and no one will ever see, and you're this close to breaking that fourth invisible wall, but you can't, because you can't see where it is. You rattle the bars of your self-created, self-imposed hell, and you think there are far too many 'self's' in this sentence. It's so hard to believe it's not your fault when you know it is.
You wonder why the word narcissism drifts to your mind.
Three is lost somewhere along the way, when you're both at a restaurant, pretending that you're a normal couple with normal things to talk about. You see, rather than hear, the whispers from the older couple at the next table – the whispers that say they think you look so sweet together. Why does this bring up memories from high school? You see from his little sideways glance and the self-satisfied expression on his face that he's heard them too – a bit hard not to when the old man's deaf and thinks his wife is too. You watch as he straightens his napkin smugly and smoothes his hair down.
Why are you in this faux-couple arrangement with him again?
Reminder: see one and two.
Four comes to you when you're at home in front of the mirror after he's dropped you off. It reflects clinically white walls and a girl who stares blankly back at it. It reflects light (fake) kisses and surreptitious brushes against shoulders, pseudo-romantic evenings on the dark streets and loneliness.
Yes, it reflects loneliness.
Loneliness: the first recorded use of the word 'lonely' was in William Shakespeare's Coriolanus.
You think Shakespeare might understand.
Shakespeare: while in London, Shakespeare may have had affairs with different women.
Five, this is desperation. This is born after five years of you working through the day (and through the night too) and going home to an empty voice mail and email inbox. This happens after you've read countless articles about doctors giving up their personal lives for their jobs (your name wasn't mentioned but you live in fear) and what society's done to them.
You don't want your career to suffer. (it's all you have goes unsaid)
Everyone wants life and love, or at least an email of decent length.
What is this?
This is love. (or as close as you'll get)