A/N Hello, everyone! I have returned with the final installment of How Do YOU Eat Your Oreo Cookies? Now that it is over I am sad to see it go. Lol.
Thanks to all Reviewers!
Dedication: To everyone who has stuck with this story through the extremely long writing process. :D
Disclaimer: I own nothing. ;)
"Shh," James Sirius Potter hissed making frantic shushing noises at his various gathered siblings and cousins. "We're on a mission and we can't afford to get caught."
"I really don't understand why we're doing this." His younger brother Albus S. Potter remarked flatly crossing his arms and staring at his brother with a disgruntled expression.
"Where is your sense of adventure?" James demanded of the second Potter child. "And, Teddy could you at least try to act interested and stop making goo goo eyes at Victorie?"
Teddy flushed bright red to the top of his currently bright blue head. "Shut up, James." He muttered.
"Whatever," James remarked not sounding at all contrite.
"My mum says that we're supposed to obey the rules," Rose Weasley said frowning sternly at James.
"You're mum is a hyp-oh-oh…" James trailed off uncertainly and looked over at Teddy for help.
"Hypocrite?" Teddy suggested.
"Yeah, that." James agreed. "She says that all the time, but do you know what kind of stuff her and dad and Uncle Ron did at Hogwarts? They snuck out after hours, hexed at least one professor, broke into the restricted section, stole from a professor's private potion stores, the list goes on and on."
"Stop being such a worry-wart Rosie," Fred Weasley admonished his cousin. "After all with all the stuff our parents did, it's not like we can't just say their horrible examples led us to it."
"That's hardly appropriate, Fred." Molly, eldest daughter of Percy Weasley, exclaimed sounding scandalized.
"Ah, but you said hardly appropriate," Fred emphasized.
"Implying that it is at least partly appropriate." His younger sister, Roxanne, chorused with a grin.
"This is illegal," Molly tried a different tack.
"Yeah, but it was made illegal under Fudge, and from what I've heard he was downright ridiculous." Dominique pointed out.
"Where are my cookies," Lily Potter demanded of her eldest brother. "You said I would get cookies if I agreed to do this."
"You'll get your cookies, Lil." James replied waving off her complain.
"I better, or else you'll be sorry." She said baring her teeth threateningly at her brother. James flinched.
"Afraid of the six year old?" Teddy snickered.
"She can be downright scary if crossed, right Al?" James said turning to his younger brother for support.
As much as it pained Albus to agree with his brother and it really did, (James had a big enough head as it was) he had to concede the point.
"I want my cookies, too." Hugo Weasley said with a scowl. "You swore."
"Me too." Lucy, Percy's youngest daughter, piped up.
"You're going to get your cookies," James said impatiently. "Let's just hurry this along before we have a riot on our hands." He added to the others. "Did you bring it?" He asked turning to Teddy.
"Oh, I brought it." Teddy confirmed. "No easy task either, okay maybe it was pretty easy." He admitted pulling out several rolls of parchment and slapping it down in the center of the large circle of Wizarding children.
"How did you get it?" Fred asked sounding vaguely awed, and it took quite a lot to awe him.
"Snuck into the Hall of Records disguised like the Minister, asked for everything they had on the Oreo Cookie Psych Test." Teddy said with a shrug, it was all in a day's work for a metamorphamagus.
"So what did you find out?" James asked.
"Why was it banned?" Albus asked interested despite his best efforts not to be.
"Well, apparently there were a lot of problems with it," Teddy replied. "The ministry apparently found that it caused people to become unstable, but personally I think that's a crock, I think it had more to do with the people who they gave it to than anything else. They were all already pretty nutters."
"They gave it to our parents, and your grandma, well actually most of your maternal family," Molly pointed out.
"My point exactly." Teddy said with a smirk.
"You got the other supplies right, Victorie?" James interrupted.
"Of course," Victorie replied procuring a package of Oreos and a gallon of milk, which she began pouring into the glasses that they had smuggled into the attic where they were holding their little meeting.
"Who wants to go first?" James inquired.
"Since you're so excited about it, why don't you go first?" Rose suggested.
"All right, I will." James said. "Toss me a cookie."
James twisted apart the cookie, eating the inside and then the cookie.
"You have a highly curious nature. You take pleasure in breaking things apart to find out how they work, though not always able to put them back together, so you destroy all the evidence of your activities. You deny your involvement when things go wrong. You are a compulsive liar and exhibit deviant, if not criminal, behavior." Teddy recited.
"There's a shocker," Molly murmured sarcastically.
"According to this, that's the same thing Grandpa James got when he took it." Albus informed his brother reading through the painstakingly recorded records. "Apparently Dad got that, too."
"Well, if you really think about all the stuff dad got up to in school it's not really that surprising." James pointed out. "Who's next, how about you, Lils, since you're so eager to get your cookies?"
"Don't mind if I do," Lily replied seizing a cookie and scraping off the cream before eating only the cookie. "The fillings gross." She explained when several of her cousins stared at her.
"You enjoy pain." Teddy stated.
"Well we already knew that." James replied with an eye roll. "What does the quiz say?"
"That's what it says," Teddy said pointing to the description on the parchment.
"…Apparently that's the same thing mum got." Albus informed the group. "Uncle Charlie said she was quite evil as a child, but really who listens to Uncle Charlie? He jumped off a roof with no broom."
"I think Uncle Charlie's awesome," Roxanne protested. "He's an awesome Quidditch player and he works with dragons."
"As long as you're busy regaling us with your awe for him, why don't go next?" Teddy suggested.
Roxanne shoved an entire Oreo cookie in her mouth in a fashion that was decidedly less than ladylike. "Well, she certainly matches Uncle Charlie, apparently that's what he did too." Albus informed the group after consulting the roll of parchment he held.
"What's it mean?" Roxanne asked Teddy once she had swallowed her cookie.
"This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You are totally irresponsible. No one should trust you with their children." He answered.
"Lucky she's the youngest then." Molly noted.
"Like mum would ever leave Fred in charge either." Roxanne replied with an eye roll. "She says that the day she leaves the two of us alone is the day she checks herself into St. Mungo's Ward for Long-Term Mental Maladies or something like that. She said she would've done it already but she didn't want to subjected to some old professor of hers that lives there."
"Lockhart," Teddy supplied. "Supposedly he didn't know how to do much besides memory charms, and one backfired spectacularly when he tried to use it on Uncle Harry and Uncle Ron (1)."
"I heard that," James agreed. "Who's next? How about you Fred?"
"I'm proud to say I eat them the same as you." Fred answered grabbing an Oreo and demonstrating for good measure.
"Uncle Fred ate them like that, too." Albus said softly. Fred Weasley I was still a rather sore issue among their parents especially Fred's dad, not that anyone blamed them for being upset.
"Why don't you go next, Al?" James suggested cutting through the momentarily somber mood.
Albus dunked his Oreo in milk before eating it garnering the result: "Everyone likes you because you are always upbeat. You like to sugar coat unpleasant experiences and rationalize bad situations into good ones. You are in total denial about the shambles you call a life. You have a propensity towards narcotic addiction."
"You know my dad has some products you would probably like in his shop," Fred began.
"That's why this quiz got banned in the first place." Dominique Weasley pointed out.
"And, on that note why don't you go next, Dominique?" Teddy suggested.
"I dunk 'em same as Al." Dominique answered.
"We could really make a killing off selling stuff to them," Fred tried again.
"No." Teddy said firmly. "We only sell potentially addictive substances to Slytherins." He admonished sternly. "Louis why don't you go next?"
The youngest of Bill and Fleur's children took one look at the Oreo's and made a face of extreme distaste. "No, thank you." He answered politely.
"There's a result for that, too, isn't there?" James asked. "There's a result for everything."
"Actually, there isn't. Apparently it caused severe emotional disturbance among many Ravenclaws resulting in plans to revamp the quiz as well as a strongly worded letter or two." Rose informed her cousin.
"Nerds." James muttered.
"Well, you can hardly blame them considering the quiz advertises itself as being able to tell your personality from how you eat them; it doesn't say anything about only applying to most people or some people." Rose countered.
"I worry about you, sometimes." James said frankly.
"Regardless, there is in fact a result for Louis." Teddy interrupted reading off the result which was: "You probably come from a rich family, and like to wear nice things, and go to up-scale restaurants. You are particular and fussy about the things you buy, own, and wear. Things have to be just right. You like to be pampered. You are a prima donna. There's just no pleasing you. Why are you here with us little people?"
"He gets it from mum I think." Dominique said nodding sagely. "Why don't you go next Victorie?"
Her older sister ate the cookie in quick bites prompting Teddy to read the following result: "Your boss likes you because you get your work done quickly. You always have a million things to do and never enough time to do them. Mental break downs run in your family. Valium and Ritalin would do you good."
"Nothing wrong with that." Teddy was quick to ad.
"You are so obvious." James murmured with an eye-roll.
Teddy ignored him. "Molly how about you go next?"
To no one's great surprise Molly consumed her Oreos in meticulous bites getting the same description her father had gotten years before: "You follow the rules. You're very tidy and orderly. You're very meticulous in every detail with everything you do to the point of being anal and irritating to others. Stay out of the fast lane if you're only going to go the speed limit."
"Who still has to go?" James wondered. "Lucy, you're up." He added spying the younger girl.
Lucy was a constant source of consternation to her older sister given her slovenly ways and generally reckless behavior. The younger girl took the cookie and shoved it in her mouth much the same way as her cousin Roxanne had earlier.
"That's disgusting." Molly said wrinkling her nose up in dismay.
"To each her own." Lucy replied sounding unfazed.
"So, that just leaves Rose and Hugo." Teddy remarked.
"And you," James was quick to ad. "Don't think you're getting out of this, Teddy."
"Whatever," Teddy replied trying to act as though he had not been trying to avoid participation (when he so totally was). "Rosie why don't you go first?"
Rosie, like her mother before her, ate the cookie in meticulous bites garnering the same result as her cousin Molly.
Hugo went next dunking his Oreos just like his father was known to do. Fortunately, Fred was prevented from offering to sell him any addictive products.
"Your turn, Teddy." James exclaimed gleefully in a sing-song voice.
"Yeah, yeah." Teddy muttered with the air of someone facing an executioner instead of a cookie. The metamorphamagus grabbed an Oreo and ate it in a few quick bites.
"Aww, just like Victorie." James exclaimed. "Teddy and Victorie sitting in a tree,"
"Finish that sentence and I end you." Victorie hissed at her cousin. "Painfully."
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Fred was nothing if not quick to help out a relative in need.
"I hate you all." Victorie exclaimed in a frustrated tone getting to her feet and storming out of the attic.
"First comes love, then comes marriage," Fred called after her.
"Then comes the baby in the baby carriage." James finished.
"I hate you." Teddy said darkly getting up and preparing to follow Victorie out of the attic.
"Another thing you have in common!" James yelled after him.
"In a moment we're going to have our non-grief over your death in common." Teddy called back threateningly.
"Gosh, there's no need to be so hostile." James said reprovingly.
"Oh, there's a need."
A/N Thanks to all of you who have read and reviewed this story through the close to three and a half years that it has been in progress. :)
Reviewers in Order:
Raptor Lord Number 3
do i need a pen name
James Black and Sirius Potter
Streets of Fire
Sogno Di Felicita
Emmett's New Rosalie
The voice of singing clouds
Princess in the Pea
President Laura Roslin
Queen O' Randomness
Ms laughs a lot
Riddles of the Werewolf
Livin and breathin
Where the wind blows
Purple Painted Toenails
The Glowing Mischief
Very Small Prophet
Mooncloud of Riverclan
I love Neville
Mistress of Magic22
La La La Lily Luna
Anyway, thanks to all of you who have taken the time to read and review this story. :)
Now that I am done with this I will start working on the Black Family Bonding Sessions which will probably wind up as a short story. Be on the lookout for it. ;)
Review and let me know what you thought of the Epilogue, I've never written anything Next Gen before, and I haven't read many fics pertaining to them either. :P