It was a remarkably easy decision to make once I thought about it. If I had managed to embarrass myself then at least I may never have had to see him again. Though it might have been the end of a beautiful friendship, a friendship that got us through the tough times when we were in the Delta Quadrant.
Then I got the news I'd been waiting for regarding the Maquis. I had known about the war between the Federation and the Dominion, and had discussed it at great length with Chakotay. We had decided not to mention it to the rest of the crew, did not want it to be an issue when we were so far away. Privately we were both relieved, I think, that the Federation realised the truth about the Cardassians. But thanks to that war, and the Federation's new stance, all the former members of the Maquis, including their leader, would be free.
And that helped to decide, knowing that if I lost him it would not be to forces beyond my control.
So I called him, we sat and we talked, discussing the future for the crew and Voyager in general. And then I jumped in, feet first. I think perhaps that my sister would have been proud of me. Phoebe is renowned for being blunt and saying just exactly what is on her mind. So I told Chakotay what was on my mind. I told him of what I had learned from the Admiral.
Looking back, I guess I was a little harsh. I did manage to make it sound like an ultimatum. Seven or myself. But I had to tell him the complete truth.
He told me there was no choice to make. He told me once again how he could not sacrifice the present for a future that might never happen.
Do I love him? Am I in love with him? These were questions I had asked myself before the Admiral interrupted our lives. I know now that the answer to both of those questions is yes. Was I lying to myself before? I'm not sure of that one. I think perhaps that I have loved him for a very long time, it is just that that love has changed over the years. I still believe there are many different kinds of love and I believe I have experienced a few of those. I know the Admiral did. Ultimately she was willing to exhibit the greatest kind of love, the kind where you are willing to sacrifice yourself for others. And that is what she did. Without her I would not have had this opportunity.
This grand opportunity to go through each day of our lives. Together.
The majority of track 2 was written the day before Endgame aired. The following morning I had a choice. I could go back and use the actual events of the finale if I wanted to. But, as with Chakotay, there was no choice to make. I decided to stay true to my vision. If there's something that has to be learned, it is this – why sacrifice the present for a future that may not happen. Endgame really was left open-ended. It is ours to make what we will of it. The future is ours to develop. But meanwhile, let's live in today. It really is a good day, you know!