A/N: I completely re-wrote it. The song lyrics are in there as well, and I'm probably going to rewrite it again because I'm not happy with this version either, heh. x.o
What a performance tonight
Should I react or turn off the light?
Looks like you're picking a fight
in a blurring of wrong and right
His hands swirled as he spoke; the smell of alcohol overwhelming me as he leaned in. He flashed his teeth with a raised eyebrow; something that normally would have made my stomach churn in fear. However, his bloodshot black eyes and slightly swaying form did nothing except to fuel my anger. He criticized all he could about me, and then moved on to past fights. He ranted and ranted until I wasn't even sure it was at me anymore. His speech slurred and his normally rigid behavior was gone. My temper flared at him; frustration reaching its highest peak.
But how your mood changes
You're a devil, now an angel
Almost quicker than I could blink, his hands were on me. He grabbed fistfuls of my jacket, and brought his lips upon mine in a searing kiss. I tried not to gag on the taste of alcohol that lingered in his mouth. Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I prepared for what only came when he was this drunk.
Suddenly subtle and solemn and silent as a monk
You only tell me you love me when you're drunk
His lips left mine, and I stared unblinkingly into his glazed eyes. He smiled again, this time less predatory, and cupped my face with his slender fingers.
"I love you," he whispered.
I shut my eyes tight and shook my head as hot tears pricked at my eyes again. 'No,' I thought angrily to myself, 'If you loved me you'd be able to say it without being pissed out of your skull.'
It's better than nothing, I suppose
some doors have opened, others closed
but I couldn't see you exposed
to the horrors behind some of those
His touch was soft and gentle; something I never experienced out of his drunken stupors. I couldn't help leaning into his caress with a soft sigh. I opened my eyes slowly and gazed at him again. His lips pressed against the scar on my forehead before dipping back to my lips. It was sweet and sensual; everything I craved from him. 'I should leave you,' I thought bitterly, 'but it's better to have you like this than not at all.'
Somebody said: listen
don't you know what you're missing?
You should be kissing him
instead of dissing him like a punk
Ron and Hermione had been over briefly; it had led to your drinking again. 'You watched me as I stared jealously at the overly-affectionate pair. I saw how you bristled at my look of longing.' His hands ghosted over me; teasing me and exciting me as my mind screamed at me in protest.
All of my friends keep asking me
Why, oh, why
do you not say goodbye?
If you don't even try
you'll be sunk
'cause you only tell me you love me when you're drunk
'I know you listened as Hermione told me once again how underappreciated I am. I can imagine how you seethed as she mentioned your drinking problem.' I laughed internally at this thought. Suddenly he was gone and I moaned at the loss. He glared at me and started to yell once more.
What's the meaning
when you speak with so much feeling?
The flush in his face rose and he stalked away from me, stumbling as he went. This was the fifth night in a row of drunken behavior. He picked up his scotch glass with a shaky hand, and attempted to pour himself more. My temper flared again, bubbling over before I could manage to push it down. My wand was in my hand before I knew it and I slashed violently at the bottle in his hand. He gasped as it broke into pieces; his precious scotch falling to the carpet.
Is it over when you're sober?
Am I junk?
You only tell me you love me when you're drunk
"For once," I roared, "I would like to be kissed or held or told you loved me before you were so drunk you couldn't see straight!"
His eyes widened as he stared at me, mouth slightly agape. I stalked towards him then and poked a finger at his chest.
"I love you, and I can say that completely sober. You, on the other hand, cannot say the same. Are you so ashamed of me that you have to be drunk to accept us? If so, please, tell me now so I can pack my things," I swallowed hard, knowing it was an empty threat.
He stared at me for a moment; his face unreadable. Then he fell to the floor and dissolved into sobs. The sight broke my heart, and I knelt next to him and held him to me.
"Please," I whispered, "talk to me Severus. We've come so far only to regress back ever further."
His slender fingers cupped my face roughly and his black eyes bore into my green ones. Images flashed before my eyes instantly; his memories pouring into my head. I blinked and the contact was gone. He stared at me; looking, in every sense of the word, broken. I touched his cheek gently and he turned his face from me.
"I'm afraid, Potter." He spoke in a tone I'd never heard from those lips. "I'm so afraid of losing you that all I've been doing is pushing you away. It's easier if you just leave me now; it'll save the heartache from ripping me later."
"I'm not going anywhere, Severus. I'm in this for the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and your rapid mood swings. Stop doing this to yourself. I love you, and deep down I know you love me. Promise me no more scotch binges."
His head buried into my chest and he mumbled lowly, "I promise, Potter. I love you, and I'll say it every day to you for the rest of my life."