This is a funny oneshot written for acavoo, so if you like it, review and go on over to read and review her a-ma-zing fic Destiny. If you don't like it, go read and review her story anyway.

Disclaimer: I do not own Maximum Ride.

Max groaned as she awoke, the bright light searing at her eyelids. She really, really wanted to just close her eyes and go back to sleep, but she knew she couldn't.

Because she knew where she was, and as much as she would have liked to return to Dreamland where she wouldn't have to face reality.

So instead, she straightened, propping herself up on her elbows and staring straight at Ari. He leered at her in response, and she sighed a loud, dramatic, theatrical sigh.

"Hello, Ari."
"Hi, Max."

Arranging herself up against the headboard, she asked casually, "I'm quite surprised that you didn't rape me in my sleep. Care to tell me why?"

Ari shrugged. "Doesn't seem right for someone to miss their first time 'cause they were unconscious."

Max threw her head back and laughed, long and loud. After a minute, her laughter died down, and she glanced back at Ari, opening her mouth to say something, and burst into peals of hysterical laughter once again.

Several minutes later, she stopped laughing, breathing heavily, wiping a tear of amusement from her eye. "Ari, if it's my v-card that you were going for, you're in for some major disappointment. I lost that a long time ago."

Stunned shock swept over his face. "What do you mean, you aren't a virgin? You're only eighteen!"

"Sorry, you're about four years late. Hate to disappoint, but I wasn't going to wait until I was legal. Doing it as jailbait is more fun, anyway."

Ari sat for a moment in stunned silence, looking like he wanted to throw up. "Who with?"
"Er, Fang 'bout eight times, Sam once, Iggy…five or six, I haven't kept track, a couple of guys we met while traveling. Three times, Fang and Iggy together, once Fang and Sam. And this guy named Shadow. Shadow the Bird Kid, I think it was. Oh, and Max 2. Four times. Does she count, being my clone and all?"

Ari had been counting on his fingers, and bore an expression showing a combination of nausea and fascination. "So…about twenty-eight times?"

"Give or take a few, yeah."


They were both quiet for a minute, with Ari turning paler as comprehension dawned, and Max looking bored.

Ari broke the silence by saying, "I know how we can turn this into a good thing."

"Pray, tell, how?"

"Well, you've gone all the way quite a few times, right?"


"So…you're experienced. And good at it, I'm assuming. You see where this is going?"

Max was quiet for a minute as she pondered his words. "Yeah, I understand, but what do I get in return?"

"I'll let you go."

Max shut her eyes, clearly trying to decide what to choose. She sighed. "Fine, I'll sleep with you. Just…what do you want?"

Ari grinned.

The Flock glanced up as Max pushed aside a branch and plopped down between Nudge and Angel, warming her hands on the fire. The others noticed that she seemed to be walking oddly, as if her legs were sore and she didn't want them brushing together.

"So." She said in an attempt at a cheerful voice. "What's going on?"
"Where have you been for the past twenty-four hours?" Fang's question was delivered in a monotone, but his curiosity was obvious.

"Oh, you know, the usual. Got kidnapped by Ari, managed to get him to set me free."

"And how did you do that?"

There was a long silence as she tried to come up with a good lie. Instead of giving them a half-hearted excuse, she replied, "I learned several new, very creative uses for a Gameboy."