Those Weird Feelings No One Ever Gets
Wow, so not having writing block, now.
Back in the old swing of things: everything gives me inspiration for this story. Even Town House crackers.
I made a booboo in this chapter right in the first few lines, and it goes on through a lot of the rest of the beginning, so I'm just going to change it in the last chapter, rather than changing this one. (If you don't know what it is, then it's not worth explaining.)
"Hey?" Sasuke called as he pushed open his front door.
"The cars are gone," said Neji, pulling off his shoes as we stepped inside.
As I closed the door and bent down to untie my shoes, I watched as Sasuke kicked off his own shoes.
I watched as Neji watched him, too.
I scrunched up my face.
Sharing is caring, I thought to myself. Sharing is caring, sharing is caring, sharing is caring.
I was just waiting for Sasuke to fall and for Neji to catch him.
I flashed an angry glance towards Neji.
He raised an eyebrow.
Oh, shit, I had no idea he was watching, that douche . . .
"What, you need help getting your shoes off?" he sneered.
"No," I bit, chucking my shoe at his head.
"Play nice, kiddies," Sasuke called as he turned the lights on in the kitchen.
Neji wandered slowly over to the kitchen.
He paused, lingering between the front door and the kitchen like a buoy bobbing in the waves.
I set my shoe down carefully, watching.
He did not move.
"You guys hungry?" said Sasuke, and I heard the refrigerator open.
We were silent.
"Either I'm so wrong that you're speechless, or I'm so right that you're speechless."
"I'm not hungry," I said, eyes pasted to Neji's back.
Neji's left foot scooted forward.
Mmhmm, you just wait and see what happens . . .
"Yeah, me neither."
I narrowed my eyes.
"Meh," said Sasuke as he came out with an apple. "Don't complain when you get hungry."
Neji rolled his eyes.
I stepped slowly into the living room.
"Anyway, Itachi left a note," Sasuke continued, handing the paper to me.
I forced a smirk off my face.
What now? I got the note and you didn't . . .
As I quickly skimmed over the note ( . . . went to Hidan's . . . come pick you up in the morning . . . ), the realization of my growing bitterness towards Neji struck me.
My eyes stared down at the paper, but I wasn't seeing anything.
What the hell was I doing?
Was I trying to turn into a total ass?
I dunno, it felt so real, as if I suddenly hated him.
It burnt my throat when I swallowed and stung my nose when I inhaled.
As I stared at the paper, completely indifferent to the abrupt silence in the room, I figured it out.
This wasn't hatred.
This wasn't jealousy.
It was love.
I jumped at the thought of loving Neji.
No, no, I couldn't . . .
But, of course, I was wrong.
It was Sasuke, again.
I was being protective, greedy, stingy, and uncaring.
Summed up, I was on the verge of being a total bitch.
Completely uncalled for, if you ask me, and I was the one doing it.
How could I blame Neji?
I mean, I know what it's like to love Sasuke.
An eruption of butterflies swept through my entire body.
I knew what it was like to be the one in a meaningless love; to be the one who couldn't have him.
Being a brat and an ass toward Neji wouldn't make it any easier.
"Sudden genius showing?"
I blinked several times before focusing on Sasuke's face.
"That's a genius for you," said Neji.
I bit back a 'fuck you'.
Sasuke glanced at the clock above the TV.
I glanced at Neji.
He was looking at Sasuke again.
Damnit, damnit, damnit.
I didn't know what it was.
It was like when people get, or at least got, unknown diseases.
What the hell is it?
Take some blood.
Or, back in the day, take lots and lots of blood.
I'd never been afraid of needles, thank god.
Because I would sacrifice some blood for the sake of researching this new illness.
"It looks like a severe case of love," they'll say. "Give him some pain killers and a tissue, and he'll be fine in the morning."
But, seriously, what the hell was it?
I mean, why would I be jealous when I was the one in the position that he wanted?
Just plain bitter? That had never happened before, even towards kids who had made fun of me.
Maybe it was more complicated? Angry that he was jealous of me?
That just didn't feel like it.
"Anyway," Sasuke said, unbuttoning his jacket, "Itachi's note said that he'd be here earlier than you guys have to wake up, so I gotta go to bed."
"Then I got your guest room," said Neji, heading for the room in which Deidara and Sasori had been sleeping.
The same feeling struck me again and again, as if I were a drum.
I paid rapt attention.
The corners of my lips dug down into my face and the muscles in my jaw tightened.
I hooked a passing thought and reeled it in.
It jabbered and fumed and flared its nostrils.
Get the fuck out, you whore! You think he wants you to pull anything else that's going to make him fuckin' cry? No one wants an inconsiderate, heartless, self-centered bitch like you in their house! Stay for the night and expect a fuckin' beating! I will not let you stay here, not with Sasuke in the house! You-
I quickly let it go, hoping it hadn't taken over my face.
But Neji was already heading for the guest room, and Sasuke was pulling off his shirt as he stepped into his room.
"What, you gonna sleep out there?" Sasuke called.
I rolled my eyes and hurried to his room.
I went to sit on his bed, when Neji called to us.
"Um, nice . . . redecorating?"
Sasuke and I looked into each others' eyes, as if substituting Neji's, as we couldn't see him.
"White?" Sasuke called sarcastically.
"If you seriously think it's white, then you need to come take a look."
We frowned at each other.
Sasuke tugged his pajama shirt on and started for the door, with me right on his heels.
He looked into the room.
Then he turned right back around to his room.
I furrowed my eyebrows and looked into the room.
On the walls was every color that my small, unintelligent mind could come up with.
The paint was splattered in some places, as if it was an accident, but it was all mostly painted on, and in no particular pattern or shape.
It was just a mess.
On the floor were puddles of dried paint in all the same colors as the walls, though some spots looked to be wet.
Slowly, so slowly, I looked up.
On the ceiling was written, in blue paint, a message.
"Thanks for the advice, un!"
And, beside that was a winking face with its tongue sticking out, making a peace sign.
"Shit . . . " I said, pulling out the word as far as it would stretch.
I stared at Neji in an absent disbelief, hardly seeing him, though, in the back of my mind, I was watching him as he pulled off his paint-smeared socks.
He went about his business until he finally looked up, noticing I was still there.
I could see the sarcastic remark coil over his body as he made to speak.
"I can't . . . " I started, glancing at the walls again and finally stepping back to Sasuke's room.
As I shut the door softly, I heard Neji scoff.
Shut the hell up, I thought I hissed aloud, but it never made it to my lips.
"Oh man," was all I said as I sat down beside the lump of blankets that was Sasuke on the bed.
"It's better than white," Sasuke mumbled, rolling over and looking up at me. "You goanna be OK alone with Neji tomorrow morning?"
I slid down and under the covers, Sasuke's eyes level with mine, close enough to feel the fanning of his eyelashes.
"Yeah, so long as he cooks breakfast."
"Lucky. He cooks better than me."
"That's not saying too much."
There was a silence like that of a stirring of feathers.
We sure as hell weren't tired.
Sasuke tugged at my bangs and ran his forefinger back and forth across my forehead.
I watched as his careful hand moved masterfully in front of my eyes.
"Joo are getting shleepy," Sasuke said with someone else's accent.
I bit his knuckles.
"Zat vasn't a kesstion," he said, flicking my nose. "Joo are getting shleepy."
"Not am not – am not getting sleepy."
"How would you even know? You don't even know WHO you are!"
"You're clearly the one getting sleepy!"
"You're so sleepy that you're becoming delusional!"
"You're so delusional that you think I'm sleepy and delusional!"
"Now you're just insane."
I flopped on to my back in mock heart-ache.
"Are you saying you don't love me?"
"I will love you even when you're sixty-four."
"And you'll still be sending me a Valentine?"
Sasuke nodded solemnly. "Birthday greeting, bottle of wine."
I wiggled my toes to make the blanket wave around my feet.
"You need to go to sleep."
Sasuke cuddled up to me and reminded me exactly of Minato.
"Sing to me."
A swift blush distracted me from his purr-like humming.
"I can't sing."
"Hmmm, if you can talk, mmmm, you can sing, mmmhmmm," he said between purring and humming and moaning all over me.
"I don't know what to sing."
"Nnnnn, sing mmmmmeeee . . . mmmmm . . . the song stuck in your cute little head . . . hmmm . . . "
"I've not one."
"Sing me . . . " here, the queerest of sounds came from deep within his belly, like an actual purr, "the first song that commmmmmes to mind."
I was silent for a moment as his strange purring and humming and moaning and murmuring became something of a comfort, like the soft voices of the cellos after an up-roar of drums and trumpets, or the bubble of the lazy creek slipping sleepily down its path.
Course, I've never actually listened for these, but I assume that's what it's like.
As I thought, his nuzzling and purring slowed.
I coughed slightly.
"Picture yourself," I said quietly, "in a boat on a river . . . with tangerine trees . . . and marmalade skies."
Now Sasuke had stopped moving altogether, with one arm around me, and his purring reduced to the soft hum of his breathing.
"Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly . . . 'a girl with kaleidoscope eyes' . . . Cellophane flowers of yellow and green . . . towering over your head . . . Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes and she's gone . . . "
Sasuke looked at me expectantly.
"Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds." I hummed the 'oh's softly.
Sasuke looked up, and there was a child looking out at me from behind his eyes.
"Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain . . . where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies . . . Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers . . . that grow so incredibly high . . . Newspaper taxis appear on the shore . . . waiting to take you away. Climb in the back with your head in the clouds . . . and you're gone."
As I sang, I imagined the lyrics coming to life.
I imagined Sasuke in the taxi.
"Lucy in the sky . . . with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Mmmm . . . "
Sasuke finally laid his head on my chest.
"Picture yourself," I cooed, "on a train in a station . . . with plastacine porters . . . with looking-glass ties . . . Suddenly someone is there at the turn-style . . . the girl with kaleidoscope eyes . . . "
Sasuke stared on ahead into nothing, his eyes as wide as they were all day long.
"Lucy . . . in the sky . . . with diamonds . . . Lucy in the sky . . . with diamonds . . . Lucy in . . . the sky . . . with diamonds . . . " I slowed peacefully, humming the chorus gently into nothingness.
Sasuke closed his eyes.
I rolled onto my side, cradling his chin on my shoulder and burying my face in his.
"Picture yourself," I muttered, playing with his bangs, "on a beach in a country . . . where magical mattresses give taxi cab rides . . . You look to the moon and I call to you slowly, 'Sasuke, go to bed before the sunrise.'"
"That was pretty good," Sasuke mumbled, the touch of his lips like a warm light on my skin.
"You're tiring quickly, your eyes start to close, let my song carry you away. With the moon's embrace and my heart here for you, go to bed . . . Sasuke in a be-ed with shoes off. Sasuke in a be-ed with shoooes off. Sasuke in a be-ed with shoooes off. Ooooooh."
"That was kind of lame."
"What do I have to do, tell you a bedtime story?"
"Yes," he said bluntly.
"Once upon a time I told you a bedtime story, and you fell asleep. The End."
"A bedtime story, not a bedtime sentence."
I said nothing.
I squeezed my eyes shut and pretended I was asleep.
"Do I have to whine?"
We were silent.
At last, Sasuke heaved a great groan of a sigh, and his body melted underneath my arms and fingers.
"Good night, babe," he muttered.
"Babe," I laughed.
I could feel his retort.
He settled against me without a sound.
I was driving though the Forest of Sight on a pleasant spring day.
Alec strode through the air beside my little red car.
When I turned my head to him, he shot off like a firework in a cascade of diamonds.
In the glare of the sun and the hands of the afternoon, Lucy laughed bells and smiled blooming flowers, her eyes twinkling morning dew drops.
I waved to her.
She waved back, and a flurry of brilliant, sparkling butterflies appeared in her hand's path.
I brought the car to a stop.
And was woken with such a start that there was no transition from dream to reality.
A slamming on the door made me jump out of my dream and open my eyes.
Sasuke stared back at me with a groggy surprise.
"Sasuke, get up!"
We were both too dazed to tell who it was, and, following Sasuke's lead, I sunk back into bed and formed into Sasuke's embrace.
"Screw that," Sasuke grumbled hoarsely.
The door opened and who I could now tell was Kisame stepped into the room.
"Sasuke, as comfortable and blissful as you are, you have to get up."
The only movement we made was to move closer together.
"Sasuke, you have to the count of ten before I take drastic measures."
We actually started to fall back to sleep.
"One . . ."
I relished the sweet song of a near-by sparrow and Sasuke's slow, rhythmic breathing.
"Two . . . "
Sasuke pulled himself closer to me, the hair on the nape of his neck tickling my nose.
Somewhere between hearing 'three' and letting my hand fall to the mattress, I fell back to sleep.
However, immediately after I heard the door shut, I started once more, and, breathing in his sweet aroma one last time, kissed Sasuke's ear and spoke at last.
"Saucey-cakes," I meowed, similarly to his strange little purring and humming the night before. "Time to get up, Saucey."
"No," he said snootily (though in a sleepy mumble).
I ran my hand up his back, and his shiver only made me want the same reaction a million times again.
"Sauce-y," I crooned, tugging the very top of his ear lightly with my teeth. "Gotta get up."
I settled closer to him, sleepy butterflies stirring in my stomach as the bare skin of our chests and shoulders touched.
I ran my fingers over his back.
He shuddered just enough for me to notice.
In no time, I found myself scratching his back gently and tenderly, like a mother does her little toddler, snotty brat, or rebellious teenager.
"Nn," Sasuke mumbled, rubbing his cheek against mine, stealing a taste of my skin and lips as he turned. "I'd pay you to do this to get me up every morning."
"I'm becoming your at-home maid," I muttered, scratching the spot between his shoulder blades.
His shoulders rolled in approval under my touch, and a solid, full-on moan leaked at last.
"Though, I gotta, say, I'd pay to hear you make sounds like that without having to do any— "
At last, Kisame's threat took effect.
The door swung open and crashed into the wall behind it.
"Good morning, un!"
Sasuke yanked the covers over our heads.
"Time for the getting up, un!"
I could feel the bed toss us gently as Deidara hopped about on the mattress.
"Don't make me sit on you, un!" he howled, slamming down on our legs once, then hopping back to his feet.
"If we ignore him, he'll go away," Sasuke muttered.
"I bought doughnuts, un!"
"Hey, man, you're the one who has to get up."
"I'll fart on your heads, un!"
He did rip one, but, thankfully, not yet on our heads.
"This guy who was so affectionate and scratching my back 37 seconds ago is now turning on me."
"Hey, hey, blondie, un!"
"Is he talking about himself?" I asked.
"Whiskers, un! Lookit, lookit; I took you advise, un!"
We peaked carefully out of the covers.
"You can't see it unless you take the blankets off, un!"
Sasuke tossed the blanket to his waist.
In his (well-manicured) hands were two of his clay sculptures, one very impressively of a crane, the other of a spider.
Even more striking was that, rather than the dusty-sand color that we'd been shown the last forty times, both were painted in unfitting but striking, suiting colors.
"I'm good, un! Tell me I'm good."
"They're amazing," I said slowly, running my fingers through my hair and sinking back into bed.
Sasuke grunted and pulled the covers over his head.
In utter horror, I watched Deidara's dumbest move yet.
"Get up, teenage slime, un!" Deidara roared, chucking the spider-sculpture at Sasuke's with surprising force.
It slammed against Sasuke-lump and smashed into several large pieces and a gazillion little chips.
Indeed, he sat up as if he'd been set on fire.
"Fuckin' a'!" he hissed, rubbing the back of his neck and head. "You tryin' to kill me, fuckin' bastard?"
"Get up, un!"
"What the fuckin' hell? Get the fuck out!"
"Up!" Deidara shouted, chucking the second statue at Sasuke, which he dodged, and it smashed against the wall.
"I'm up!" Sasuke howled, jumping to his feet, shoving Deidara towards the door. "Get OUT!"
"Poor blondie has to put up with this every morning, un," Deidara said scornfully.
A wicked grin slid across his face as his eyes met mine, and he skipped out of the room.
Eventually, Sasuke calmed down enough to get dressed, while I pushed the mess of sculptures off the bed and laid back down.
"I gotta go," Sasuke said angrily, leaning over me as I slowly drifted back to sleep.
"Don't get killed," I mumbled sweetly, touching his cheek as he kissed me.
I think we had both been expecting a soft, tender kiss good-bye that would last but a moment.
However, it was clear that we both would rather spend a few extra minutes with a long, breathless, hair-gripping kiss instead.
As the last word lifted from my lips, it was caught to his and pressed neatly between us as his lips came to mine like the lid comes to its box.
After a moment of the simple touch of our lips, I felt him begin to lift away.
In the panic of remembering that I wouldn't see him all day, I tilted my head up and kissed him back as smoothly as I could, trying not to seem, you know, desperate or anything.
Of course, he accepted this willingly and leaned back down, and for an instant, there was a world in which our joined lips was enough, and the touch of hands and skin, or the parting of lips, or the melody of words was not needed to make love and life and happiness any sweeter, for there was nothing so sweet as the soft cushion of his loving lips against mine.
But the spell broke as foot steps passed by the door way, and we simultaneously opened up and dove in.
Sasuke was so feverish, you would have thought that this was the night before the day of his deployment to Vietnam or something.
Yeah, yeah, I know, Vietnam is over, but it fits better than Iraq, so shut up.
I tried to stand my ground at first, but I soon found myself merely trying to keep up, and then trying not to get devoured.
Sasuke was tops on that one.
If ever he played the dominant role, it was then.
I felt extremely like the dainty, breakable (and extremely hot) rape victim in all the common hentai I'd ever watched.
'Cept this time, I never did end up acting like I didn't want it, I just ended up hopelessly submissive and taken-advantage of (not to the disrespectful or insulting level, though, really).
In good time, I found myself hot in the face, gripping the back of Sasuke's shirt, one leg around his waist, several inches off the mattress.
"Ah, you . . . " I tried as Sasuke finally broke away, his heavy breathing spreading goose bumps over my skin as he gnawed not-so-delicately on my lower lip. "You . . . uhn . . . you have to . . . g-go . . . "
"I'll stay," he breathed, gliding his teeth over my jaw-line and neck.
"Ha . . . get out of here," I said, weakly attempting to push him away.
I could have done it if I wanted him out.
Like a puppy would, he nipped and bit playfully and left his spit all over my face and neck.
Sounds pretty nasty, but it's pretty nice in the heat of the moment.
Until you have to wipe it all off, and you've got dried saliva all over yourself.
But, if I haven't completely turned you off, let's get back to the bedroom, shall we?
Sasuke, who was, by this time, practically molesting me out of my pants (seriously, they were off by now), was straddled over me.
He had tried to get my shirt off, but I'd managed to stop him at that, so he contented himself with pushing it up over my stomach and all but sucking my stomach off my body.
"G-get . . . out!" I squeaked, pushing his stomach with my feet.
"Tickles?" he said as he ran his fingers over my sides.
My back arced on its own, and I gripped Sasuke's hair, not knowing if I should press him closer, or pull him away.
"Ha, you taste like marshmallow today," Sasuke laughed, pushing my shirt up farther and grazing his teeth over the skin of my chest.
My hands moved instinctively, slamming his face into my chest.
"Get . . . out . . . " I said, forcing my words to come (though they cracked) as Sasuke feasted on me like some kind of carnivorous beast.
He looked up at me, his foggy eyes and messy hair making him look hypnotized.
Our bodies moved against each other without harmony as we heaved in great amounts of air.
So, his eyes, with their confused look of want, his skin, so pale with its splotchy pink spreading over it like a spill, his mouth, wet and dripping, almost stupidly, not just parted, but gaping like a dying fish: all together, in some mental harmony, made him so sexy . . . just so . . .
I snatched up his bangs and nearly tore them out as I yanked him to me, our teeth smashing together painfully, even breaking the skin.
He yelped into my kiss, which only egged me on.
I tasted our blood in his mouth.
He fell onto me as if he couldn't keep himself up, or didn't want to, in the least.
I pressed my hands to his face, pressing my fingers on his skin to the point that I was nearly digging in.
I heard the door open, but I didn't stop.
Slowly, the lead was lost, it was all chaos.
A voice shouted at us from the doorway.
We didn't stop.
The voice shouted again.
Sasuke, his mouth open wide, gasped for air, still trying to keep the kiss going at the same time.
It was all out of control.
One last time, the voice shouted at us.
Immediately following was the sound of smashing clay, and a shower of chunks and splinters of broken sculpture.
Sasuke stopped the moment before I did, his eyes closed in pain.
"Get the fuck up, punk, un! I have plenty more where that came from! Un!"
"Don't kill him, you imbecile."
"What the fuck? How the fuck old are these fuckin' kids? Shit!"
"Hidan, how the hell did you get my camera?"
"Sasuke! Naruto'll still be here when you get back! We have to go!"
"Come along, Sasuke. You have matters to attend to."
"Should I hit him with another sculpture, un?"
"No. Give me those, you're not allowed to hold on to them anymore."
Gripping the back of his head and gritting his teeth, Sasuke stood at last, staggering away from the bed.
I watched, frowning, as Itachi, an air of humor about him, grabbed Sasuke carefully by the shoulder and led him out of the room, shutting the door behind him.
I shakily wiped a glob of spit from the corner of my mouth.
"Ew . . . "
As I rubbed the rest of the Sasuke-spit from my face, neck, shoulders, and stomach, I heard a laugh from the room beside mine.
In between being wide awake and getting too tired to keep my eyes open, I cursed Neji, and heard a car drive away.
And I dreamt of only Sasuke.
It was one of those dreams that you never, never want to wake from, that you feel is completely real.
Then, when you open your eyes, still thinking it's real, to find it was all in your head, you promptly go back to sleeping and dreaming, until you do it all over again.
And, when I woke the first time from a dream about Sasuke and me taking a newspaper taxi cab ride, I was quite pleased to open my eyes to Sasuke's sleeping face facing mine.
I smiled sleepily and touched his cheek softly.
His eye lashes fluttered at the same moment that I dropped back into sleep, picking up from where he opened his eyes, smiling at me, touching my cheeks and shoulders, petting my forehead.
Once again, I woke up to Sasuke's sleeping face, so peaceful and serene.
I would have kissed it if I knew he wouldn't wake up.
But again, I only looked for what was probably a second and a half, and I fell back to sleep.
I dreamt of Sasuke forever sleeping, like Sleeping Beauty, never moving, never smiling.
It was pretty angsty and dramatic.
There were sword fights and little gnomes that I had to hit with my sword hilt, and I had to climb up the side of a tower covered in giant thorns.
I was at the window when I was woken up.
I opened my eyes slowly, finding myself on my back instead of my side.
Sasuke stroked my cheek gently.
"Hmm . . . Good morning," I mumbled, closing my hand around his and turning on my side.
Imagine waking up the same way, or, if you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend, waking up to your dog or cat or whatever, or, even, your sibling or parent waking you up gently.
Now, imagine looking to them, whomever, and finding something you didn't expect: someone you never talk to and hardly even know the name of, a dog you don't know instead of your cat, a complete stranger, a three headed snake dripping green slime . . .
That was how I felt when I realized that Sasuke had left.
And, not only was he not there, but he'd left me in the hands of the jerkiest, most perverted, most disrespectful slime ball to ever ooze.
"What the hell?" I screeched, slapping Neji's hand away and falling off the bed in a heap. "What the fuckin' hell? What do you think you're doing? Where the fuck is Sasuke? Sasuke? Sasuke! What the fuck? Get out of here! Sasuke!" (Author's Interjection: Hahaha, this reminds me of the part from "Oliver and Company"! "Winston! Winston! Bark! Bark bark bark! Winston? Win-STON!" Naruto, you kill me.)
Through my flaming malice, I was able to watch Neji lay back down.
I think something sprang a leak, because I was suddenly speechless and motionless.
"We still have over an hour to sleep. Go back to bed."
What the hell?
I mean, man, what the fucking hell?
I looked around to double check that I was in the right room.
"Wh . . . what the . . . ?"
I stood up slowly.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" I garbled, reaching dazedly for my pants and jumping into them quickly.
"Sleeping, of course. Well, that's what I'm here to do, if you'll shut up."
"What the hell is wrong with your bed?" I snapped, touching my neck, where I felt at least a dozen tiny bruises and hickies blossoming under my skin.
"There's no one in it."
His casual tone pissed me off even more.
"What the hell?" I snarled, not knowing if I should go home or kick him out. "What, do you sleep with someone every fuckin' night?"
"Only when I'm at someone else's place."
Still, I inwardly debated as to whether I should drive my heel down on his neck, or if I should get dressed and leave.
"Anyway," he said as I became stunned in place, a war starting up inside me as to what to do, "get back in bed."
He took me by the wrist and pulled me into bed, whisking the blanket over me.
Now, trust me, inwardly, I was ready to throw him out of the bed like I was some kind of sumo wrestler; I had at least twenty names other than 'Neji' to call him.
But I was stunned.
I don't really know by what, exactly.
By the fact that I thought it was Sasuke.
By the fact that it wasn't Sasuke.
By the fact that it was Neji.
Nothing made sense.
Not the feel of his touch on my face and chest.
Not the smell of his hair, cascading over my face and shoulders.
Not the look in his eyes as he looked me in the eye as steadily as Sasuke ever had.
Not the tearing that the pounding of my heart caused as he leaned down over me.
I watched from a distance as Neji laid his lips over the lips of this stranger.
His eye-lids lowered, his eye lashes creating a lustful canopy over his white eyes.
My heart split and ripped down the middle, fluttering into dozens of pieces of paper; a confetti spilling into me and settling at the bottom of my stomach.
For a paper heart, it was incredibly heavy in my stomach.
His lips touched mine.
A tear slid down my cheek.
He pressed his lips against mine just so slightly.
My eyes blurred as I looked at him as he loved me so sincerely.
It must be a lie. Something here is a lie . . .
His eyes, who seemed to adore me so, closed slowly, the same way Sasuke's would when he kissed me: it was like he was falling asleep, so at ease, so comfortable with me.
It was that ease that kept me from making a complete jerk of myself.
And that was why I was with Sasuke.
And that was why we loved so wholly.
And that is why I lost myself in Neji's kiss.
He was brilliant.
I think kissing Itachi might be similar: there was experience in every aspect of his kiss.
He knew how to move his lips and tongue and hands to get just the reaction and to set just the mood that he wanted.
He knew how to call forth any emotion he wanted from the center of me.
And I couldn't stop them.
He was some sort of sorcerer.
Some sore of beast.
Sadness was the only emotion that was wholly mine that still showed.
My tears fell as quickly and as steadily as a never ending rain.
But still, I smiled into his lips and wrapped my arms around him.
I cried because it felt more right than breathing fresh forest air.
I opened my mouth to his prodding tongue and kissed him back.
I cried because it turned me on and made me want more.
I paid rapt attention to his movement, his feel, his taste, his smell.
I cried because he moved like the lioness, stalking her prey, padding soundlessly through the high grass.
I cried because his skin was a quilt-- having sat in the sun for an hour—under my hands.
I cried because it was cute how he tasted like a butter-cracker, and it tasted good.
I cried because the smell of a summer afternoon hung about him like the steam after a shower.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed my face.
I cried because I loved Sasuke.
"Now go to sleep," he whispered, kissing the corner of my mouth.
I clung to him as he settled under the covers.
He stroked the back of my neck and lapped up my tears as I cried and never stopped.
In the end, I slept.
It was an uneasy, dreamless, empty sleep.
I woke up on a damp pillow, my hair and face damp from my tears.
When I sat up and looked down at Neji, my tears came again.
But this time, they were not rocked and held and sung to by a false happiness.
And no sleep came to stop them, no lips to keep them at bay.
They fell and fell, without pause, as I dressed and left the house.
They fell as I reached first period.
They fell as I walked to the counselor's office.
They fell as I was driven home.
They fell as I stumbled up the steps to Sasuke's door.
For two hours they had been falling at a steady rate, not fast, not slow.
Sasuke opened the door in bewilderment.
I couldn't stand hearing his voice.
I fell forward into his arms.
My tears fell faster than ever.
I couldn't stand the feel of his body.
He held me fast, pressing my face to his chest.
"What happened, Naruto? Are you hurt?"
I couldn't stand his love.
I hated myself for being worthy of his hate.
I hated myself for wanting his love.
I gripped his shirt, sobbing loudly into his shoulder.
"Shh, shh," Sasuke cooed, rocking me back and forth, lowering me slowly until he sat on the door step with me in his lap.
"Sasuke," I bawled, choking and spluttering. "Sasuke."
"Hey, hey, I'm here. Shh," he whispered, almost laughing. He stroked my hair and held me close, rocking from side to side. "Hussshh . . . Shshshh."
He kissed my tears, following them up to the corners of my eyes, kissing the lids of my eyes and the bridge of my nose.
My chest heaved, and the catch in my throat fell away.
My tears fell harder.
"Shhhhh . . . " he whispered melodically. "What is it? What' wrong? Hmm?"
I tried to stop myself from sobbing.
"I do love you," I hiccupped. "I do. I do. I do. I do. I do. I do."
"Sh-sh-shh," Sasuke breathed, hugging me tighter. "I know, I know. I do love you, too. I do."
"O-only you," I said slowly. "Only you."
"Only you," he said in a smiling voice.
"Only you!" I shouted, crying more than ever. "No one but you. No one."
I wrapped my arms around him.
"No one but you," he mumbled into my hair.
We stayed in the same spot until the sun started setting.
I (nestled against Sasuke like a bird under its mama's wing) looked up at Sasuke.
He stared blankly at the setting sun.
I saw white eyes, locks of hair falling over them.
A tear rolled down my cheek.
I loved only Sasuke.
I saw him everywhere.
Even in eyes that lied so obviously.
Sasuke resided there, caught and trapped.
Sasuke would see me in there next time he looked.
He would know.
A piece of me had gotten hooked inside that lying soul.
It tore, and would forever remain a part of Neji.
I loved only Sasuke.
Oh, yes, I was asked to give a hint towards the sequel, since you all seem pretty happy about that. I gotta say, you guys won't like the sound of it, but, trust me, I know what I'm doing. (I sound so lame.)
Alright, hint no. one:
One of the major characters is moving away.
IT'S SO FUCKING EXCITING. And, as a non-hint, I thought you'd all be glad to hear that I'll be doing each chapter from a different person's perspective (mainly Sasuke and Naruto). Yay.
And, sorry for the wait on the chapter: I really do want to get this story finished, but since we've moved, everything as been a little whack. Blargh. But, on a higher note, I'm getting a kitty. :heart:
(And, still clearly hyped on The Beatles.)