Numb

Disclaimer: I unfortunately own nothing .It all belongs to Christopher Paolini and the song 'Numb' to Linkin Park.

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A cool wind whistled through the trees of Ellesméra. Arya's long dark hair tumbled down across her shoulders. She leant back further onto the old, tall tree situated behind her. She had a thousand things milling across her mind, her home and her mother, Faolin and her responsibilities. Arya wasn't sure how to make sense of it all, too many emotions, so very confusing.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

She was a princess, one of noble birth, so many responsibilities, rules and expectations. She felt she had so much to live up to, and yet was still unsure of what was right and wrong for her to do. She had defied her mother and become the guardian of Saphira's egg, dedicated herself to the Varden. She had left Ellesmera with her companions, Glenwing and Faolin.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Faolin. The name ran through her head as a single pearly tear slid down her cheek. Arya drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head. It was painful to think about him. She had loved him, and he had fallen. She had had a long time to reflect on it, while suffering at the hands of the Shade, Durza. During that time, she had become proficient at masking her feelings, her secrets.

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

Every step that I take is another mistake to you
And every second I waste is more than I can take

Every day of her imprisonment was the same. Same questions, same methods of demanding ways of getting her to talk. To talk of the sapphire egg, the Varden, the elves and Ellesmera. She had wistfully wished to be back among those ever so familiar trees, back where she called home. She would not give in; she would keep it safe from ruin.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

She had come back to Ellesmera, back to her mother. Islanzadi Dröttningu, Queen of Ellesmera, her astranged mother. They had quarrelled, pushed each other away. This had lead to her decision to get the yawe, to go to the Varden. She had indeed lived, loved, fought and killed for 70 years without her mother, only then to be reconciled upon her return from the Varden. It had hurt her so much when she chose to leave, but Arya knew it had been for the best.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Arya rested her head against the soft bark of the tree. She knew she had been through a lot, so many different disturbing events. She had been filled with so many feelings; it perplexed her.


I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

So she blocked it all out. Everything, she put on an emotionless mask, becoming cold and slightly distant from reality. She was numb.

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