Okay, considering my Lord of the Rings Mary-Sue parody was such a hit, I've decided to make one for the Harry Potter fandom! Goodness knows it's as bad as our fandom, if not worse. If you have any overused MS cliques you would like to send me, please don't hesitate in doing so! Okay, on with the show...
Harry Potter, aka The Boy Who Lived, aka The Chosen One, is destined to save the wizarding world from Lord Voldemort, aka He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, aka You-Know-Who. But... what's this? He has a long lost twin sister who also has a lighting-bolt scar and the prophecy was actually meant for her? I know what you're all thinking... what the heck? Don't worry. We'll straighten things out for you.
Mary Sues of Hogwarts
Rose Lily Potter (A/N Why do they always show their middle name? Is it really that important?), a vivacious fifteen year old girl with flowing red hair and green eyes, let a single diamond tear trickle down her cheek. She had such a horrible life with her muggle foster parents, but today they had crossed the line. They had asked her to (gasp!) make her bed! The horror! They had tortured her ever since her parents had died in that car crash and left her with an ugly scar (which she covered in makeup). The kids at school laughed at her constantly, and her sister Prudence hated her. Sometimes she wished that she could just escape.
One day, when she thought she could make it no longer, her parents told her to go get the mail ("You all hate me! I just know it!"). While shifting through the large number of bills her parents had to pay to keep her comfortable in the home they didn't have to keep her in, she came across a strange envelope with a wax seal on the back that was addressed to her. With trembling hands, she opened the letter.
Dear Miss Potter,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The term begins on September the first. Here is a list of items you will need to bring:
And it went on to list magical books and materials that Rose had never heard of before. But she was too excited to wonder whether this was a hoax or some kind of joke. Somehow, she knew this was her destiny. Nevermind the fact that she was fifteen and well past the age of a first year student.
"Oh mom, can I go? Pleeeeeeease? This is where I belong!" she cried. "If I don't go, I don't know if I'll make it!"
"I don't know," said her very sensible foster mother. "For all we know, it could be a hoax. And if it isn't we don't have enough money to send you to a private school. And let's not forget that there's no such thing as magic..."
"I ALWAYS KNEW YOU GUYS HATED ME! YOU'VE MADE MY LIFE MISERABLE FROM THE MOMENT I WAS DROPPED ON YOUR DOORSTEP!"
And she proceeded to throw a tantrum all the way up the stairs to her room.
Rose cried for hours into the night. She even missed supper because her pain was sooo horrible. She was about to go to sleep when she heard a loud knocking at her door. Her parents heard it too, because they looked through the peephole and gasped.
A giant burst through the door with a pink umbrella in his hand. Rose's parents and sister all screamed when he sat on their couch and sank to the floor, but Rose merely rolled her eyes.
"Sorry 'bout that," he said while lighting a fire in the fireplace. Rose instantly knew that he had come to save her. The giant turned to face her and smiled.
"Last time I saw yer you were jus' a little babe! I mean, after yer parents died I was the one to bring ya here, right after leavin' yer brother at yer aunt and uncle's..."
"I have a brother?" Rose cried.
"A twin brother, ter be exact. An' he's just as famous as you!"
"Famous?" This time all of the family was wondering what the heck this giant was talking about.
"Yeah! You an' yer brother both, except yer the more famous of the two in my opinion."
"But why?" Rose asked.
"Well, yer real parents weren't killed in a car crash. They were killed by Lord Voldemort, the most powerful wizard of our time, tryin' to protect you and yer brother. But when he tryed to kill ya, somethin' stopped 'im. The Kedavra curse just rebounded on 'im, leavin' you and yer brother Harry with just a scar."
Even though Rose had no idea what the Kedavra curse was or who Lord Voldemort was, she understood and believed the giant all the same.
"Well what are you waiting for? Take me away from this horrid place!" she cried. She became so excited that her powers got away from her and the door flew off its hinges. The giant shrugged and stepped out of the door with her close behind. The second they were gone, the parents sighed and collapsed onto the couch.
"Glad she's gone. You'd think she was a spoiled brat," the father said.
"You'd think?" Prudence sighed.
It just so happens that the giant, Hagrid his name was, was taking Rose to Diagon Alley. She was very excited to get her first look at wizards in their natural habitat (A/N sounds like she's observing them through a microscope, doesn't it?). All throughout their train ride to London, Rose asked Hagrid questions about the wizarding world. Constantly. He was getting quite annoyed, actually. In fact, he was about to whack her on the head with his umbrella when the train stopped. They stepped off and went into the Leaky Cauldron.
"Well how are ya, Hagrid?" said the bartender as they walked in the door. "The usual?"
"No thanks, Tom. On Hogwarts buisness."
"If you're talkin' about little Harry and his friends, they've already gone to Diagon Alley. Came through with the Weasleys a little while ago."
"Well, I did need to find 'im, but I got somethin' else."
It was then that Rose peeked from behind Hagrid's giant form. The bar went silent for a moment, then became louder than ever before.
"My goodness," gasped the bartender. "It's Rose everyone! Rose is back!"
And the entire bar lined up to shake her hand.
"No time, no time," muttered Hagrid. "Gotta get 'er Hogwarts stuff and meet Harry."
Hagrid shoved their way through the crowd and out the back door. With them out of the way, he took his umbrella and tapped a brick on the wall three times. The wall jumped out of the way to reveal hundreds of people in robes and shops as far as the eye could see.
"Welcome," said Hagrid, "To Diagon Alley!"
Rose squealed in excitement, and, without waiting for Hagrid, ran off without a clue where to go. She was almost to Flourish and Blotts when...
Rose ran straight into someone.
"Will you watch where you're go..."
The red-haired boy whipped around and froze the second he saw the girl lying on the ground. With a smile he gave her a hand and hoisted her to her feet.
"What's the matter Ron?" said a female voice from behind them. "We're on our way to Madam Maxim's to get new robes!"
The source of the voice appeared by Ron's side. She had bushy brown hair, and Rose noticed that she looked quite plain (I mean, I am so much prettier than her, she thought). After noticing Ron's longing gaze for Rose, the girl scowled.
"RON!" she cried. "Come on!"
"I... I think I'll stay here for a bit," he sighed. Rose blushed.
"What's the holdup, Hermione?" Another boy appeared. This one had messy black hair and green eyes, just like hers. And he had a lighting-bolt scar.
"Harry," Rose gasped.
"Do I know you?" he asked.
"Know me? I'm you're sister!" she cried.
"Sister? I don't have..." but Harry never finished his sentence. Rose had pulled back her red hair and rubbed a bit of her concealer off to reveal a lighting-shaped scar identical to his.
"That's impossible!" all three cried.
"Why didn't anyone tell me I had a sister?" Harry cried.
"But... The Rise and Fall of the Dark Arts said that you were taken to a muggle home far away from England!" a shocked Hermione gasped.
"That was because she was in much more danger than Harry." A worn-down wizard appeared behind Rose.
"What do you mean Remus?" Harry asked.
"The night Voldemort tried to kill you both, Lily gave Rose all of her powers because she knew that she was going to die. Since Rose is obviously the more powerful of the two, we had to give her more protection. But now that Voldemort's back, we had to bring her back to defeat him. It is her destiny."
Ron laughed. "And all this time we thought you were the one Voldemort was after! I mean, she... what's your name again?"
"Rose is obviously more powerful than you Harry..."
Ron stopped talking, because Harry and Hermione were giving him death glares.
"Is this compartment free?"
Rose was standing in front of Harry's compartment on the Hogwarts Express. Hagrid had brought her there, after buying her an owl and a Firebolt II because, well, she was just that special.
"Of course!" cried Ron, shoving Hermione out of her seat. Her glare was deadly enough to scare Draco away.
Rose smiled and sat down next to Ron.
"So... where do you live?" Harry asked.
"Just south of London." Hermione muttered something that sounded strangely like 'little wench'.
"But Hermione said that you lived far away from here."
"That was probably put in the book to protect me. And with good reason, I can already perform NEWT level spells!"
Hermione's glare switched from stun to kill.
"Firs' years over here!" cried Hagrid's now familiar voice. "Rose, you'll need ter come with me too."
Rose said goodbye to Ron (hmph! grunted Hermione) and followed Hagrid onto the boats. They sailed across the lake and into the castle, where Professer McGonagall was waiting for them. She smiled when she saw Rose.
"Hello, students. In a few moments you will step into the Great Hall where you will be sorted into your house-Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin. Your house will be like your home here. Now follow me."
Rose stepped into the Great Hall where all of the students were silent. They were all watching her. McGonagall called the first student up (RAVENCLAW!). This process continued until the was the last student remaining. Dumbledore stood up.
"Attention! I'm sure all of you know about Harry Potter and his miraculous defeat of Lord Voldemort. And I'm also sure that you've all heard of his twin sister, a more powerful witch than Harry is a wizard! Well, she has returned to us at last, to rid us of this threat!"
Cheers erupted from every corner of the hall. The only ones not cheering were Harry, Hermione, and Draco. As you may know, Harry wasn't too happy about his sister stealing his best friend, much less his spotlight. Draco just hated anyone with the last name of Potter.
"So, without any further ado, let the sorting begin!"
Rose sat down on the stool and placed the sorting hat on her head. It immedietely began to chatter away.
"I was looking forward to the day I'd see you here ever since your brother was sorted. Now let's see... oh my."
"Oh my what?" Rose thought.
"I don't know where to put you. You are very loyal which makes you eligble for Hufflepuff, but you are also the smartest girl that's ever put me on her head. That makes Ravenclaw a possibility... But you are also cunning, so Slytherin could be your home. And let's not forget that you're brave... I'll just put you with your brother in... GRYFFINDOR!"
Rose smiled as she took off the hat. Ron was in Gryffindor; she would have him wrapped around her finger in no time. She went and sat beside him. Strangely, Hermione happened to be in the floor again.
The next day was the first day of classes. Rose had been moved up to fifth year because she had proven herself capable to Dumbledore. Professer Flitwick suggested that she move on up to seventh year, but the other teachers thought it would be best if she stayed with her own age group.
After breakfast, Rose went with Harry, Ron, and Hermione to their first class of the day-potions. When they got to the dungeon, Snape had not yet arrived.
"I'm warning you Rose," said Harry as they sat down. "Snape hates our dad's guts, and he's determined to make my life miserable because of it. I wouldn't put it past him to carry that grudge onto you."
"Oh don't worry. How could he possibly hate me?" she said. Hermione tried desperately to turn her laugh into a hacking cough.
Harry didn't have time to list the many possible ways that he could, because said professer had arrived. He answered Rose's question well enough by shooting her a glare similar to Hermione's.
"Well, it seems that we have another Potter in our presence," he hissed. "How wonderful." Snape looked as if he was about to vomit as he said that word. "I wonder if she can tell me what a beozor is..."
"It's a stone found in the stomach of the goat that will cure most poisons," she said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"I knew that," Hermione muttered.
Snape looked furious. "Alright then. Let's get to our lesson. I need for you to concoct Veratiserum. Can anyone tell me what that is?"
Hermione's and Rose's hands shot up at the same time. Snape looked as if he couldn't decide which girl he hated more. Eventually he let Hermione answer.
"Veratiserum is a clear potion that will force the drinker to tell the truth." She smirked at Rose in the satisfaction of beating her to an answer.
"That is correct, Miss Granger. The ingredients are on the board, you have until the end of class."
Hermione went at the potion like it was a matter of life and death. After an hour of chopping, squeezing, and smashing (Hermione nearly broke the table) when Hermione's potion was finally losing its color, Rose said "done, professer!"
A disheveled Hermione watched Snape examine Rose's vial and write an O in his notebook. With all the fury she could muster she bottled her potion and slapped it into the professer's hand. He looked it over and wrote an E besider her name. Steam poured out of her ears as she shoved her things into her bag and stormed out of the dungeon. Harry followed close behind.
"Are you alright?" he asked while trying to catch up.
"OF COURSE I'M ALRIGHT! WHY WOULDN'T I BE ALRIGHT? JUST BECAUSE THAT WENCH BEAT ME IN EVERYTHING POSSIBLE INCLUDING POTIONS AND GETTING TO RON DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING! I'LL BE JUST FINE!"
"Maybe you need to get some rest Hermione..."
But she wasn't listening. As she stormed up the hall to Ancient Runes suits of armor jumped out of her way to avoid her anger.
This pattern remained the same the entire time she was at Hogwarts. Hermione had destroyed her potions tools in anger, and yet Rose continued to beat her in everything. Harry wasn't pleased, but he ignored her... until Quidditch started.
"I think I'm going to try out," she said suddenly at breakfast the day before tryouts. Harry spit his pumpkin juice halfway across the Great Hall where it hit Draco full in the face.
"But... you've never played Quidditch before! You don't even know the rules!"
"Sure I do! I read Quidditch Through the Ages last night. Should be easy enough."
"Ha!" cried Hermione. She had been bursting to say something, Harry could tell. "Quidditch is one thing you can't be good at by reading a book. It comes from pure talent."
"Oh please. We all know I'm not short on that," Rose exclaimed while rolling her eyes. "See you at the Quidditch field, Harry."
After she had left, Hermione ripped out a few handfuls of her bushy hair and banged her head on the table.
"You alright, Mione?" said Ron who was still gazing lustfully at a retreating Rose. Hermione scowled and hit him on the back of the head with her hand.
"What? Was it something I said?"
Later that day Harry and Ron arrived at Quidditch tryouts. "Do you think Rose came?" Ron said eagerly. Harry rolled his eyes. He looked up into the stands where Hermione sat watching. Her eyes were red and puffy, she had obviously been crying. He heard Ron squeal in a rather unmanly manner and immedietly knew that his twin sister had arrived. When he turned around, he saw that she had a Firebolt II grasped in her hands.
"Those aren't even on the market yet!" he thought maliciously.
Ron didn't seem to care, because he was now entangled in a mess of red hair. Harry looked back up to the stands just in time to see Hermione retreating to the castle.
"Alright, seekers first!" Harry heard the captain cry. To his dismay, he saw his sister mount her broom. Before he had time to say anything, the snitch was released into the air. Immedietely he kicked off into the air, following the gold streak. Rose quickly sped past him and caught the snitch before he knew what was happening.
"Well I think we've got ourselves a new seeker! Sorry Harry," the captain told him off to the side. "You can be reserve seeker."
Harry didn't stay to watch Ron try out for Keeper. Instead he followed Hermione's example and sped off in the opposite direction.
"She's the spawn of Voldemort," Harry told Hermione as they sat in the common room alone.
"I've been telling you that for the past two months, but would you listen? Noooo," said Hermione.
"She's got to go. But how?"
"I don't know yet. But I'll figure out a way. Don't worry, Harry. I'll make sure your demon of a sister will be properly disposed of."
The school year continued, but Hermione couldn't figure out how to kill Rose without getting caught. She considered letting the dementors have her, but she couldn't figure out a way to bring them into the school. But near the end of the term, she got the opportunity she had been waiting for.
Harry, Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Luna got the news that Sirius had been captured by Lord Voldemort. After a nasty ordeal involving centaurs and Umbridge they immedietely went to the Ministry of Magic where Voldemort was hiding. But just as they were about to leave the castle, Hermione's eyes lit up and she dashed back to the common room. When she came back, she was dragging Rose with her.
"I'm here to save Uncle Sirius!" she cried.
Harry gritted his teeth. "For the last time, he's not our uncle, he's our godfather. You'd think it had gotten into your thick skull after he constantly reminded you last Christmas." He did not say this last sentance aloud.
"Whatever. Let's go."
And she led the way like she was the leader of the DA, not Harry. He cursed underneath his breath the entire way. When he turned to Hermione for comfort, she just smirked. It was not a good smirk. Harry made a note to make sure he never saw that smirk again on her face.
The DA progressed until they finally came to the Department of Mysteries (Rose had blasted all of the brains into oblivion). To everyone's surprise, including Rose's, the death eaters were waiting for them, and they were all eyeing her. She had insisted on taking the prophecy herself. Smart move on her part.
"Get the prophecy!" the death eather known as Lucius Malfoy cried. Immedietely they began to shoot curses at the teenagers, which Rose easily deflected. She ended up in the middle of the fight between Bellatrix and Sirius.
"Get out of the way, you silly little girl!" cried Bellatrix.
"No. You'll have to defeat me to get to Uncle Sirius!" There was a groan behind her back that she did not hear along the lines of 'I am not your uncle!'
Bellatrix rolled her eyes and pointed her wand at Rose's chest.
A number of things happened in the same instant. Rose Lily Potter fell to the floor, dead as a doornail. Ron Weasley snapped out of a trance and began to beg Hermione for forgivness. Harry and Hermione felt large burdens lift off their chests. All was right with the world once more.
"I just have to ask you one thing," Harry said as he and Hermione sat in the Gryffindor common room much later. "How did you know?"
"Easy. I knew there was something suspicious about Sirius being captured, even if I didn't know what it was. Somehow I thought that the death eaters would have the same idea as us, and I knew they were after her just as much as you."
"But wouldn't You-Know-Who want to kill Rose himself, like he tried to kill Harry?" asked Ron.
"Bellatrix didn't know that she had killed the famous Rose Lily Potter. You know how she was always so particular about hiding her scar? She covered it with makeup and everything."
"Yes, and it drove me insane. It's really not as horrible as she made it out to be," hissed Harry.
"Exactly. Rose had covered her scar, so Bellatrix didn't recognize her. She killed her like she would any other annyoing pest."
There was a long pause while Ron and Harry contemplated what Hermione had accomplished. Then they both got down on one knee in front of her and said:
"Will you marry me?"
Right. Well, I hope that was a good first chapter. I figured I'd start with one of the more well-known Mary Sues, the Harry's twin sue. A few things to consider when you come across a sue like this:
1. A girl this perfect would have been killed by Hermione long before Bellatrix got her hands on her.
2. There is no such thing as a Firebolt II. Period.
3. The prophecy was meant for Harry and Harry only, which brings me to my last and most important point...
4. HARRY'S AN ONLY CHILD!
Usually I would tell you what kind of Sue I'd kill in the next chapter, but I'm still deciding. You may be able to persuade me by sending your ideas...