Title - Inexplicable
Type - One shot fluff
Rating – PG/PG13, one mildish swearword and references to sex
Pairing - River/Jayne
Disclaimer - Not mine, didn't get paid (not likely), please don't sue
Warning - Un-beta'd (In the days before I had one)


Jayne looked down at his daughter, the girl was as full of cold as she could hold, her nose was bright red and crusty with snot and every time she breathed her tubes whistled and bubbled. In Jayne Cobb's estimation, love was the most inexplicable thing in the verse. If this wasn't his precious daughter, hell; he'd of run for the hills.

"Hey Angel Face, how ya feelin'?"

Tears leaked from his little girls eyes.

"I feel horr-ibubble boppa, unkie Dimon crossed his 'eart n' swored I weren't gonna die, bud…" her face crumpled and she burst into a wail, "I – dink – he – dun – lied."

Jayne sat down and pulled her into a big, squashy, one-armed hug. He let his little girl have a big cry, all over his shirt. When she finally drew away, there was a big damp snotty patch on his chest.

He dug around on the shelf next to the bed and found her a tissue.

"Big blow baby," he offered the tissue up to her nose. His daughter blew with everything she had, straight through the tissue and onto his hand. He looked down at it bemused, it was covered, how did that all come out of such a tiny girl?

The owner of the miracle nose gave a watery giggle, "soddy boppa."

Jayne wiped off his hand, it took lots of tissues and he had to shift his wedding ring up to his knuckle to clean underneath it. "Ain't a problem Angel Face."

"Can you dell me a dory boppa?"

"I reckon, whaddya want to hear sweet girl? I ain't much for fairy stories."

"Dell me about the day you n' momma got married."

"Ain't you tired of that?"

"Naw, ain't dever getting' dired of that boppa," replied his daughter, grinning mischievously up at him.

Jayne snuggled his arm back round her and got comfortable, "Well alright then, your momma n' me been courtin' a while…"

(And din't Mal just hate that, Simon din't like it neither, but Mal was the one with a bug up his arse.)

"And I'd asked her to marry me and she said yes,"

(And the terror I felt asking the question wern't nuthin' like the terror I felt when she kissed me 'n nodded.)

"And your momma is the smartest, funniest, most beautiful person in verse, 'cept you, an' I couldn't figure out why she'd wanna marry me."

(Still can't.)

"So as soon as Serenity landed on a rock with a Justice of the Peace we set to get married,"

(Not a Shepard, couldn't face the idea of looking up while I was getting' spliced n' seeing any Shepard other than Book.)

"So she din't get time to change her mind."

(Was a selfish huan dan then, still am when it comes to holdin' onto ya ma.)

"All the women on the ship set about making the cargo bay real pretty with white streamers..."

(And din't Mal just squawk when he realised they'd only left one roll of toilet paper in the heads.)

"And Inara spent some of her whor- wholly hard earned platinum on big bunches of flowers."

(The panty waisted doc just sneezed n' sneezed n' sneezed.)

"I'd spent some cashy money on a good shirt…"

(Cos there is no way that you wouldda ever existed if I'd stood at the alter in my whorin' shirt, on account of me havin' no balls.)

"But we din't have much so I'd just dun the best with what I'd got."

(Clean pants, a shower n' a shave.)

"And I stood there on my own in front of the Justice,"

(Woman was seventy if she was a day, little black eyes in a nest of wrinkles n' a nose like a witch.)

"…an' I'm waitin' on your ma,"

(Never thought much about ma bladder, just did it's job while I did mine, deal broke down on my wedding day, thought I was gonna bust a kidney every five minutes.)

"'N I got to worryin' that she wouldn't come."

(Or that she'd get Mal to shoot me cos I knew he wouldda ifen she asked.)

"So when she appeared I just kept lookin' in her eyes, thought there was no way she could run if I kept lookin' in her eyes."

(An' she knew cos her eyes were laughin' even though her face was straight.)

"Din't look away 'till the Justice did the prounouncin'."

('Cept when I couldn't get the ring on her finger cos my hands were shakin' so bad.)

"Then when the Justice said Man and Wife I gave your ma the biggest hug an' told her I loved her."

(Actually darn near crushed the life outta her n' swung her in circles 'till I was dizzy yellin', "You gone dun it now, ain't no way your escapin' me!" But she knew that was my way of sayin' I loved her.)

"The Justice said I could kiss the bride."

(Actually reminded me when I'd done with all the spinnin' n' stuff.)

"An' I was fixin' to do it when I noticed everyone watchin' us."

(For true, I got distracted by the weddin' dress Inara had gotten her, it was so tight at the top I figured she was gonna bust right outta it. That idea got me all sorts of preoccupied.)

" 'N I got all embarrassed and me n' your ma went somewhere private and did a lot of kissin'"

(Mal - "Where are y'all going?" Me - "To kiss ma wife!" Mal - "Can't y'all do that here?" Me - "not the way I'm plannin'!")

"An then we had our party with a cake n' presents n' your momma threw a posy of flowers n' the Captain dun caught it which was hi-larious."

A gurgly snore attracted Jayne's attention.

His daughter was asleep and dribbling on his shirt, her breath huffing, creating a warm spot on his skin through the fabric. If he moved she was going to wake up and the poor scrap hadn't had much sleep, so he did his best to get comfortable and hoped that someone, preferably River (because his wife was the only one who wouldn't give him hell about being wrapped round his little girls finger) would find him soon and bring him some dinner.

Other than his Ma, the last thing Jayne Cobb had expected to find in the 'verse was one, never mind two people who were more important to him then he was.

Love, downright inexplicable.

There is a companion piece to this which is the one and only time I wrote Rayne Smut. Because of the smut I don't think I can post it here and there is part of me that is quite glad of that because it was an uncomfortable, never as yet repeated experience.