Title: The Cake of Impending Doom

Author: iP

Summary: In desperation, Raito decides to do the inevitable: bake a cake. And Raito will surely make it his way.

FACT ALERT!: RAITO DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BAKE A CAKE. SO 'THE CATASTROPHE WAITING TO HAPPEN' IS ACTUALLY THE SECOND PART OF THIS TWO-SHOT. THANK YOU.

The rules:

Pairing: Light(Raito) x L
Time set: Make it AU or sometime when they were cuffed
Rating: T (too light?-then you decide:)
Topic: How to make a cake
Genre: humor-crack-romance
…And, there are others, but it would totally ruin the whole story. D: So could that be enough, thenightwanderer? XD

A.N. L's sugar-deprived body kicks in which leaves Raito in a frenzied state! Asdfghjkl;' And no one told me how to bake a proper cake. D: So well... enjoy!


Damn L, Raito mused.

He, Yagami Raito, god of the new world whose duty is to punish those who taint the globe and make life miserable for others—a criminal, to be exact—is now stuck in a finely-furnished five-star hotel room and locked with his bitter arch nemesis—the detective L himself. Grumbling, he let his eyes wander at the nefarious chain shackled to his wrists, a mockery itself, limply hanging to him, him—a god.

Here he was, chained, restricted of movements, and all alone with the deadpanned detective. Let emphasize the word alone. No other people: no clingy Misa-Misa, no protective father Soichiro, no irritable and idiotic Matsuda, and most of all, no L's ally—Watari. Said student was currently staying at the admittedly pleasant hotel room with no one to watch over him and his actions. He wouldn't have given much thought about it, not really; except, perhaps, when his companion was a wide-eyed endearing detective who looked totally hot and that he, perhaps, might want to take a go at jumping him.

No, Raito mused bitterly; 'Ryuuzaki', 'endearing', and 'hot' do not—NOT! fit into a sentence. Must be pre-tantrum stress kicking in.

No, he couldn't fall into the hands of some winning detective; even if that detective was so adorable and cute and appealing, let alone unique with his own set of quirks, such as biting his thumb all day, eating excessive amounts of sugar, playing with food, holding things in a delicate manner, and helping him take off his jacket—

"W-what are you doing?!?" Raito shouted, and struck a high note at that. He took a step back to gain his standard personal space which L surreptitiously invaded while he was thinking deeply. He fumbled at his jacket as his the raven-haired lad watched him, still with an unreadable look on his face.

"I was just helping you to take off your jacket," he replied simply as he nipped his thumb suggestively.

Surely there must be someone up there who hates me, he thought as blood pounded his… ears. Yes, his ears. His ears only; after all, he was an intelligent top-ranking student in which insolent affairs such as this one mattered to him slightly.

But what was the person in front of him playing at? He gulped as he remembered the jacket tangled, wrapped around him in quite a difficult position. L was staring at him, a habit formed as he tried to prove that the young Yagami was Kira himself. And the way the detective opens his mouth…

L was too seductive. He knew it.

Seductive—?!? Raito gave out a frustrated groan, not bothering himself to hide it this time. He'd have to block out his thoughts—or more specifically, his imagination. It apparently didn't help with his lonesome plight right now.

Coughing, he removed the jacket free and placed it on a couch as he felt L's eyes follow him throughout.

"What now?" he asked sheepishly, hoping that L couldn't read minds.

"Well," L started as he slipped a piece of paper into the student's hand, "that is the list of ingredients, as well as the list of procedures."

"This?" Raito asked uncertainly at him as held up the tea-soaked brown paper which was supposed to have the instructions and ingredients written on it. The paper was soggy, brownish, and emitted a faint yet distinct smell of coffee. Without actually touching his nose, he sniffed it. "I can barely make out the letters here."

L blushed to a shade of pink, shuffling his foot on the floor as he did so, sweeping away invisible dust.

"Actually," he pursed his lips, making him look like a kitten.

Raito thought he saw a kitten ear for a split second. He shrugged it off. Such were the effects of a lovable L. Not again! He cursed his brain silently and pouted to himself.

"Actually," L repeated, "it got soaked, Raito-kun. I was reading your profile when I unceremoniously dropped the coffee on the table, only to find that my only piece of cake-baking procedure was there."

"So you expect me—us, rather—to bake an edible cake with this piece of tattered, faded-out, and sodden piece of parchment?" Raito asked with disbelief in his voice. L's eyes sparkled which was generally seen when he was talking about cake. "…Right?"

L nodded.

"You're so positive with this one," he remarked dully as he watched L twirled the ladle with his hand.

"Cake," L murmured happily as he thought of the delicious cake waiting to be eaten whole.

Raito groaned.


'The first step is to take out your mixing bowl!' The chef instructed, beaming at the audience as he made exaggerated hand movements in the air and thereby impressing his female co-host which was, like in all t.v. shows, scripted.

"Raito-kun, hand me the bowl over there, to your left," L murmured next to him, sending a fleeting shiver across the student's spine and leaving his legs in a heap of jelly. "Thank you," he mumbled again as a stiff Raito handed him the white bowl, brushing their hands as he did so.

Raito's blood pressure shot to the moon and back and he laughed halfheartedly when the chef made some inane gestures to please the lady beside him, whom he obviously had taken to a fancy, no doubt about that.

"Are you feeling unwell?" L inquired, pressing the back of his palm on his Raito's forehead, checking for any symptoms of illness that could have taken over the latter's body with.

"Ngh," He managed to say eloquently as he felt L's hand on his forehead, since it really felt good, in that position, L and him alone, in this wide kitchen with nothing but a blabbing foolish chef for company. He closed his eyes and sighed, and jerked abruptly when L removed his hand.

"You don't seem to have any kind of sickness." L mulled over as he stared back into those brown—hazel—auburn eyes which were decisively ignoring his stare. "Is there anything wrong, Raito-kun?" he asked once more, but without the look of concern on his face.

Shaking his head, Raito replied after exerting much effort, "No, there's no problem at all… Ryuuzaki."

L nodded and Raito could see a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Very well and good... You know I can't do this without you, Raito-kun. I am glad you can help me."

He nodded numbly, stopping whatever train of thought might suddenly crash on his extremely wide imagination.

'…You can buy our featured product for this month: a ready-to-bake strawberry cake! Just like our pancakes, you can toss them into a bowl and mix, then bake them! Voila! Simple as that! And now, we must say goodbye, and see you next week for another episode of—'

"Screw that." Raito flipped the channels and turned off the t.v., ignoring L's stares. "What a nice instruction, that piece of useless cooking show! I'd say everyone—" he shot L a venomous glare, in a feeble attempt to remove all dirty thoughts that occupied him a while ago concerning the said companion, "—would know how to bake a mighty fine cake with that. Am I right," he pressed further as the detective continued staring shamelessly at his face. "—or am I right?" he repeated with heavy sarcasm on his voice that would've cut a cement block neatly into halves.

"You don't have to be angry." The dark-haired lad replied truthfully.

"No," repeated the young—and not to mention infuriated—Yagami. "I'm being kind enough to bake this cake, Ryuuzaki." He reminded him with dripping sarcasm.

L pouted.

Raito groaned. Again.

"Give me that, will you?!" Annoyed, he grabbed the bowl L was holding. "And since I'm baking, you'll have to give me the ingredients. As well," he pointed at the soggy parchment, "that indiscernible instructions you wrote there."

Nodding, L proceeded to take three eggs on the drawer and held them gingerly as Raito stared at him wryly. "Here." He finished off as he let the eggs fall into the bowl with a synchronized crack.

"Don't play with eggs, Ryuuzaki!" Raito scolded and then swore inwardly as he discovered too late the sexual implication of his sentence. "Erm, I mean," he gulped and avoided L's questioning glance at his affected composure, "Don't play with the ingredients. Now I'll have to remove the broken eggshells from the bowl."

"But they remind me of balls," L replied absentmindedly as he helped Raito remove floating bits of eggshells on the bowl.

Raito chose not to answer.

"Water… Cooking oil, baking pan," L delicately placed a shiny baking pan on the table where Raito was working on. "Measuring spoon, cups… oh, yes, candies for toppings," he said with a peaceful smile on his face. "Raito-kun?"

"Yes," Raito replied, too tired to ask enthusiastically.

"Could you bake a strawberry and a chocolate cake for me?" L asked.

"I—what?!"

"I, I was just wondering—if you don't want to, but two cakes are better than one, right?"

Raito knew what L was getting at. He'd done this so many times, so many times he'd lost count. All he'd do was ask something, and then add a few words of innocent hesitation, then a bit of persuasion, and he'd get what he wanted. Obviously, L was playing it at him too. He nodded dully.

Instead of thanking him, L merely placed another baking pan beside the one before.

"Um, Ryuuzaki," Raito coughed as he hastily grabbed the ingredients and mixed it mercilessly with the ladle on his hand. "…you forgot the cake mix." He stated, showing the water-y substance in the bowl. "Faster."

"Cake mix." L repeated, looking at the shelves above them both, when he coughed.

"What?" Raito asked, if not a bit worriedly.

"Something got stuck on my eyes," L said as he rubbed his eyes. "Here," he handed the box to Raito and went to the sink behind him to wash the foreign object off.

"Are you sure this is the cake mix?" Raito asked uncertainly as he narrowed his eyes at the label that read: P------ of -----. "It's barely visible."

"Yes, that's the cake mix, Raito-kun," L replied while washing his face. "It's of the same height and length, and the thickness too is the same as that cake mix I asked Watari to buy for me. There's one more, it's beside on the drawer next to you."

"You know even that?" asked Raito in a disbelieving voice as he hesitantly took a cup from the box he was holding. Then he pulled the drawer out and asked. "Erm, there's two here."

"Of course, Raito-kun. I am a detective, after all." L smiled and wiped his face with a towel hanging on the wall near the sink. "Oh, Watari must have left it… Go take any of the two, it doesn't matter. Use the other box for the chocolate batter."

"Right." The student said with a roll of his eyes.

With a few more battering from a tired and annoyed—and not to mention, a bit turned on—Raito, he finally raised the bowl so that his dark-haired companion could see his work. "Fine?"

"No," L murmured quietly and stepped beside him, gently taking the ladle off his hand. He then grabbed Raito's hands—which resulted to a gasp from the said student—and used their hands to mix whatever was there in the bowl.

Once more, Raito's brain played with different images of him and L, every picture becoming even more and more troubling.

"That'd be fine." L remarked at the handy work and nodded happily, ignoring the heavy breaths Raito was releasing. "I'll put these in the baking pans." Evenly he separated the mix and placed them each on the baking pans. After that, he took one of the pans and placed it inside the oven. "We'll bake the other one later."

Raito nodded numbly.

"Now we'll wait," L said, happily again, as he turned the oven switch to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. "Raito-kun has been kind… Baking me a cake… Raito-kun baked me two cakes, in fact… Thank you."

"No problem," Raito replied numbly, his brain still not stopping to produce bad mental images of him and a certain sugar-loving detective.


"Icing!"

Raito snapped out of his daze and felt himself heaved by an energetic and too-excited L toward the kitchen. They'd been sitting on that couch for twenty-six minutes now, with the older lad pacing the floor for twelve seconds every now and then. Every minute, to be exact. He mentally counted how many seconds L paced when he felt something squirt and something squishy land on his cheek.

"Raito-kun," L murmured.

Icing.

"What the hell?" Raito moaned as he felt the icky substance on his skin. Icing, in general, were placed in confectionaries such as cakes and cookies, but not on someone's skin. His skin, in particular. His skin was not a piece of baked cake mix and eggs and cooking oil and water; no, icing was incredibly itchy on his sensitive skin, and there was no way that he'd allow anyone to play with his skin, much less make it itch.

But of course, L was an exception.

"Raito-kun… Sorry," he said apologetically, lowering his head.

"Don't worry," the auburn-haired lad replied, smiling forcedly. "It's fine with me, really—ah, where's the tissue—?" he stopped abruptly when L licked his cheek.

"What—?!" he managed to shout out before taking a step back and reclaiming his personal space L had stepped into again. "Ryuuzaki!"

"It's a waste if I didn't eat the icing," L stated affirmatively and licked his cheek once more. "I've left some spots." He said as Raito stared incredulously at him in pure horror.

"I—um—right. I'll get this, thank you very much," he snapped, finally, after hours and hours of patience and pent-up frustration. "I'll be the one doing the cake, so hand me the icing bag—" he gritted his teeth when L's grip remained firm on the small white bag, and yanked it roughly.

The icing bag burst and all of it landed on Raito's face and shirt.

"AGH!" He roared in aggravation, looking at his formerly clean shirt—now a total disaster fully decorated with cake icing, and his face was drowned with the sickening white stuff. "Ryuuzaki!" he scolded for the umpteenth time, albeit knowing that he wouldn't hear his rants at all.

"I…cing," L murmured hungrily and stepped forward.

Raito instinctively took a step back. "Oh no you don't…" he warned before being tackled by a hungry-looking L with a decisive glint in his big, wide, black eyes.

"Raito-kun looks so delicious," L remarked as he audaciously bit Raito's nose which was full of icing. "Yes, you are delicious." He murmured happily, floating freely on the clouds. Or so he dreamed.

"I—am—NOT—a cake!" Raito shoved the detective away, but to no avail. A hungry and sugar-deprived L was definitely unbeatable.

Definitely.

L proceeded to lick his cheeks now, sighing in bliss as he came into contact with the sweet substance on Raito's body. Icing, he knew, was not sweet at all; but he, being the desperate one that he was, immediately ground seven sugar cubes and added it into the icing bag.

Raito was definitely sweet. No doubt about it.

"You should taste yourself, Raito-kun." L said as he sucked the icing on Raito's lips which sent a jolt to the latter's body.

Raito grabbed L's shoulders and rolled so that he was now the one on top.

"If you don't mind, I would so love to taste myself," he smirked before descending his mouth on the detective's. Not bad at all, Raito hummed to himself as his tongue practically ravished L's—he could faintly hear L moaning audibly and giving in to the pleasure Raito was giving him. L then made a move to wriggle underneath him which only added to the unbearable sensation forming in his groin when he smelled something funny.

He raised his head and widened his eyes.

"THE CAKE!" he managed to gasp out before L shoved him and ran for his life, dragging mercilessly a half-shocked and half-aroused Raito.


"The strawberry cake is ruined." L pouted.

"We still have the chocolate cake," Raito offered.

L still pouted.

"Chocolate cake is sweeter," Raito added.

L still pouted. More.

"Look," Raito explained, "even if you've stubbornly put strawberry icing all over that cake, it's still burnt. You can't eat it. I know you don't eat burnt food; no one in their right mind would eat burnt food, because it tastes bitter. Just… go eat the chocolate cake."

L just pouted.

"Ryuuzaki!"

The said strawberry cake had been in an awkward position after being shoved numerous times, to and fro, from Raito and L's hands before L gave up and opted to sulk.

The young student was, to simply put it, furious. He'd been left aroused and now he couldn't get any from his newly-acquired lover because of some stupid cake.

"It's done!" He let out a thankful sigh and followed L in front of the oven. L raised the cake and sniffed carefully. "It smells great, Raito-kun," he smiled before placing the pan on the table.

"I smell better," Raito grumbled.

"Yes?" L asked quietly before gingerly scooping up the chocolate icing bag.

"Nothing,"

Squeezing the tube lightly, L shrugged before saying, "I know you smell better, Raito-kun. You taste better too." And with that, he smiled.

He couldn't think of anything to reply.

"…Cake," L murmured happily as he licked the chocolate icing off his thin fingers. "Sweet, delicious, sweet, cake, sweet—"

"Sweet," Raito repeated. "Oh, and you've got chocolate icing on the corner of your mouth. Here." And with that, he gently sucked the brown substance on L's skin, and then proceeded to assault the detective's lips, ravishing it as if there was no tomorrow. He cupped L's chin and shoved it closer to his, hearing the melodious whimper that sent pleasure to his body, and he decided to do more than that by pushing the other to the table and playing with L's body just waiting and wanting to be touched, caressed, and devoured under that cotton material of his clothing—

"Ryuuzaki-kun!" Matsuda's voice rang loud and clear outside. "I'm going to come in now!"

Only two words registered in Raito's brain then: crap and MatsudaI'mgoingtokillyou! Hastily he removed his mouth from a dazed L and grumbled before yanking a key from the kitchen counter and unlocking the handcuff that bound him and the detective together. "I'm leaving," he stated plainly and left L staring at him again—that usual poker face set into view.

He ran to the door and yanked it open before remembering that L told him the door was locked from the outside.

"What the—?!" he managed to speak out before coming face-to-face with a frightened Matsuda.

"Yagami-kun?" he asked sheepishly, smiling with the best effort he could muster.

"RYUUZAKI, JUST YOU WAIT UNTL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" he bellowed madly before running off, pink in the cheeks.

Watari slowly walked beside a horrified Matsuda. "Ryuuzaki wants to thank you."

Matsuda nodded dumbly.

"My hunch of him being Kira has increased by two percent," L muttered before gesturing them to go inside the room. "Have you heard him curse me a while ago?"

Watari nodded.

"Are—are you sure Yagami-kun wouldn't kill me?" the young police asked, shifting uncomfortably under L's stare.

"No, I think he'd kill me first," L murmured again as he straightened the rumpled parts in his shirt. "Or at least, do something to me." He added as a grin crawled on the corners of his thin lips. "I told him that it was locked from the outside but I didn't know he'd be the one to discover that it really wasn't."

"Well, Yagami-kun is one exceptional fellow, Ryuuzaki." Watari replied heartily.

L nodded. "And he knew where the key was placed; but then again, he has the makings of either a detective or Kira himself, so it isn't really that important at all."

The two knew that L's main goal was to seduce Raito.

"Y-yeah," Matsuda agreed weakly.

"Well, Watari will be going out to buy cakes," L jumped off the couch and slouched before walking off. "I'll be in my room, and, Matsuda?"

"Yes?"

"Could you… clean the mess Raito-kun and I made?" he called before closing the door with a soft thump.

Matsuda groaned inwardly.


"Why did I have to agree with Ryuuzaki-kun's place to seduce… AGH!" Matsuda swore to himself for the fifty-seventh time as he neatly stacked the bowls and plates beside the sink. "I didn't think Yagami-kun would fall for it… Anyway, Ryuuzaki-kun is weird, and I'm sure that if his plan failed today, he'll make another one tomorrow." He sighed dejectedly and gathered the utensils on the table when he saw the strawberry cake lying on the table.

Mouth-watering… he sighed and stared hungrily at the cake before mentally slapping himself. Matsuda! It's Ryuuzaki-kun's cake… he'll get angry and throw tantrums if you eat it, and besides, you still haven't received the beating of your life from Yagami-kun… He shook his head vigorously. "Ah, if I'll get beaten by Yagami-kun, might as well as to eat this cake!" Joyfully he tossed the used utensils aside and carried the strawberry cake away in his hands.


"Where is Matsuda-kun?" Raito asked through gritted teeth and clenched fists.

"At the dentist." L replied, sipping his coffee contentedly.

"What? Why?" the student asked.

"Apparently, the strawberry cake we made—rather, the cake mix used in there was not a cake mix. It was Plaster of Paris." L said simply as he placed the cup back into its saucer.

"Serves him right." Raito snorted.

"Oh, and I sent him a thank-you and a get-well soon gift." L added.

"What?!"

"Don't worry," soothed L as he leaned on the student's shoulder. "I just wanted to thank him, that's all."

Raito smirked. "Of course," he replied and kissed the detective fully on the lips. He could never get tired of his taste, never.

Sweet.


"Matsuda-kun?"

"Eh, dentist-san?"

"What did you eat, again?"

"Strawberry cake…"

"Are you certain that it's strawberry cake?"

"Why, dentist-san?"

"It seemed that you were chewing on a pile of rocks."


The following day, Matsuda was surprised to see L's gift waiting for him on the doorway—a strawberry cake and a set of false teeth.

OWARI.


A.N. Not another AN:O Well anyway, correct me if I've got grammatical errors, okay? And... I know this is a two-shot, but I thought of making an epilogue... what do you think? XD;

Reviews are love!