Sonic's Insane Life-By InuSonishaUnlimited
Disclaimer: I don't own SEGA or their characters. Also, there are some characters that are not mine in this story, some of which came from DeviantART or otherwise. I will point out these characters and their creators, so that they receive their credit. Either way...that's done.
Summary: Basically put, this story is all about insane, crazy adventures that Sonic and his friends go through in his life. Lots of craziness ensues here, so here's the lowdown: This is M-rated, so kiddies should stay away. There is Strong Language, Strong Violence, Nudity, Lots of Sex and Absolute Insanity. Flames will be punished with a harsh message from me, so think twice about doing it. I take suggestions for characters to show up or scenarios, but otherwise, have fun and hope you enjoy!
News Update- Ah it has been a long time, and for the most part, that time has been filled with a lot of various things that have been incredibly distracting. Among those things include school and some family stuff, among other things but rest assured, all of that is no more a problem for now. And now for a menagerie of announcements:
First announcement is the thank you for the fans that have continued to wait. That makes me very happy that you enjoy the story that much and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
There will be more chapters to come over a steady period of time so for those that need a nice amount of the comedy to keep you entertained, then you shall have it.
There will also be a coming event for the fans: another opportunity for fans to submit their own written insane scenarios for the purpose of posting them publicly here in Sonic's Insane Life. More information will be given as time goes on.
Welcome to Season 4!
In addition, I ask that when you leave reviews, keep them to being reviews of the content you read please. Anything else is better sent as a private message. Thank you.
InuSonishaUnlimited: The time has come to resume the insanity! Whoo!
Insane Day 56: Unreasonable Dystopia
Following the madness that occurred the previous day, Sonic and M. Tails return to the Mystic Ruins with the children of a distant dimension in time; Asienta the Hedgehog and Lavender the Light Hero. The reveal remains floating in the blue hedgehog's mind as they step off the train and he can't help but ask the question. "So… Asienta." Sonic asks, causing the young purple hedgehog to turn to face him on the platform. "Yes, Father?" Asienta asks with a smile. "Both you and Lavender come from a different point in space and time and all that stuff right? So I was kinda curious… Who's the mother? Or is this some time frame where I became pregnant? I only ask because not too long ago I was a woman so…" Sonic says, rambling a bit as M. Tails shakes his head.
"Even in an alternate space in time, it is highly unlikely that you became pregnant, Sonic. Let alone pregnant enough to bare children twice over." M. Tails says with a bit of a giggle. "Perhaps, but to be honest I do not have an answer for that. Though to make things simple, I believe you adopted us and then treated us just as if we were your own." Lavender says, Asienta nodding in agreement. "Sounds about right, Sonic." M. Tails says, with Sonic stroking his chin in thought. "Suppose it makes sense. In any case, it's a beautiful day and we can definitely find a way to enjoy it." He says as they approach the Awesome-Plex; the windows glistening with the shine of a fresh washing with F. Tails spray the windows from an elevated platform, wearing only a wet, white tank top and black spandex shorts.
"Da-da-da… Ah nice and clean… Hey guys!" She shouts, waving to the group as they approach the front of the tower; lowering it to ground level to meet them. "Wow, you really gave this place a shine." M. Tails says with a smile, secretly glad he doesn't have to do it himself. "Asienta and Lavender, how about you both head inside and play some video games before I get to baking?" Sonic says, the two girls gleefully dashing in as if already on a sugar high. "They definitely take after you, that's for sure." F. Tails says, smiling as she kisses the blue hedgehog; the latter returning the sweet kiss. "Almost still surreal, and that's saying something considering the shit we've seen lately." Sonic says with a smile, turning to see M. Tails pointing up to the sky. "Speaking of weird…" He says as he points to a descending Knuckles approaching them.
"Wow, this is a hell of a new place! Guess that explains that loud rumbling I heard a few days ago. The hell happen to your old house?" Knuckles asks, lifting his shades. "Eggman happened, among other things. This new place should be pretty impregnable in comparison. Anyway, what's going on Knuckles?" Sonic asks. "Oh right, I was in town earlier and saw a long line outside the video game store along Station Street. That new game console just got released." He explains, bringing an instant grin to Sonic and M. Tails. "You don't mean…." The fox asks. "They finally brought it out…." Sonic also adds. "Yup, the OmegaStation has just hit the market and they might not have a whole lot so we gotta book it over!" Knuckles says.
"I'll grab the girls, we'll meet you there." Sonic says, running inside the Awesome-Plex. "The girls? We making this a group thing?" Knuckles asks, with M. Tails shaking his head. "Nah, I'm pretty sure he meant his daughters." He replies. "Oh in that case, yeah I think they'll enjoy…wait, what!? Who did Sonic the Hedgehog knock up?!" Knuckles replies in shock, causing F. Tails to giggle a bit. "Apparently no one, as far as they've explained they were adopted by an alternative time-space Sonic the Hedgehog and came here because their dimension is kinda dull." She explains. "Well I'll be damned. Sonic the Hedgehog, a father. I never would've expected that." Knuckles comments. "Neither did he, apparently." M. Tails says before Sonic returns with Asienta and Lavender.
"Asienta, Lavender, this is your uncle Knuckles. Knuckles, this is Asienta and Lavender, my children from an alternative life." Sonic says. "Pleasure to meet you both, I'm sure he's told you all about my life-changing achievements." Knuckles says, beaming with pride. "Oh yes, Father says that you are quite the guardian of the Master Emerald, as well as a…oh what was the term?" Asienta says, touching her chin. "Something to do with a hound… I forget…" Lavender says, Sonic barely containing his laughter. "Well, we'll worry about that later, let's get to the train station." Sonic manages to say without exploding in laughter. "Wait, what? What else you tell them?" Knuckles asks as they board the train. "Oh now I remember! Pussy Hound!" Asienta says, Sonic no longer able to hold it in before laughter fills the train. "You son of a bitch!" Knuckles shouts as the train takes off for Station Square.
Meanwhile, on the Second Floor of the Awesome-Plex, Natasha and Zeta stand in the middle of a ring on the floor surrounded by varying sports equipment. "Loser pays for shakes." Natasha says with a grin, Zeta returning the grin with a fist bump. "I'll thank you ahead of time for paying for mine." She says before they step back, raising their fists. Both girls are outfitted in black spandex tank tops and tights, their fists covered with boxing gloves and their feet only covered in socks. Outside the ring, Rouge raises a small bell with a striker. "Here we go, three… two… one…. Fight!" she shouts before hitting the bell.
In an instant, Zeta leaps forward and swings her fist in a wide arc; prompting a swift ducking action from Natasha as she presses closer. At the same time, she leaps over Zeta's sweeping leg sweep; grabbing around her waists with both arms for a potential pin. Zeta takes advantage of the momentum and arches her arms backward to catch her body hitting the floor, swiftly making a flip backward and taking Natasha with her. "Oh wow, that was smart…!" Natasha says, releasing her grip just in time to flip up in the air; turning to the ring and lunging down before Zeta catches her fist with her hand. "You've gotten better as well… You must've been looking at those new videos." Zeta says before bringing Natasha down with a swift slam; surprised by the latter landing on her feet. "Yes, I'll definitely show you once we've settled this." She says before both girls engage in a swift contest of traded blows.
Shadow and Silver enter the room and observe from the bleachers against the wall, popping peanuts as they watch. "You know, some people have to pay to see this." Shadow says. "Yeah, we get a free show almost every other day." Silver says, downing some popcorn. "How about we make it better for the viewers?" Natasha asks, winking to Zeta who returns the wink; stepping back and pressing a small switch on a console. Above the ring, a shower of water comes down and wets their bodies, adding to the spectacle as they continue their grappling on the floor. "Hot damn…." Shadow says as the battle rages on until in a swift swing of her arm, Zeta brings her full force on Natasha; pinning her to the floor. "Ugh!... Damn, so close…" Natasha says as she attempts to press back to her feet. "Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Out! Victory Achieved!" Rouge says, ringing the bell. "That was fun, I think it's only fair we split the drinks." Zeta says, helping her up. "I would love that." Natasha replies, both girls sharing a wet embrace before getting their towels.
Meanwhile, Eggman sits in his lab; researching the myriad of dimensions that the two new girls could have come from. As he does so, Metal enters with a newspaper. "You know that new game system is available right?" He says. "I've got no time to play video games, as surprising as that sounds. I've discovered just what I need for my latest plan." Eggman says, swatting the newspaper away. "What fantastic way do you plan to fail at world conquest this time?" Metal asks, earning the finger from his creator. "I've been checking all of these possible dimensions using my latest invention: the Egg Dimentiator. It is capable of connecting to foreign and unknown links in time and space. Using this machine, I will discover where those two brats came from. If what I believe is correct, they come from a dimension that has pioneered travel between time and space without Chaos Emeralds. The advances in that civilization will give me an edge." Eggman says. "So you're going to travel to a new dimension just to steal their tech. Sounds like a complete waste of time." Metal says. "You say that because you lack my genius." Eggman says, pulling up one dimensional listing. "No, I say that because there are far better ways to take over the world." Metal says, rolling his eyes.
"Very well then, Metal. You tell me: how would you conquer the planet?" Eggman asks, crossing his arms and legs in his chair. "Threaten to poison a central source of water unless my demands are met." Metal says, crossing his arms and nodding approvingly. "And that is your problem, you think too small. Why poison a single source, when doing so to all sources has the greater effect? That is why I am the evil genius and you are the useless scrap metal piece of shit that does what he's told!" Eggman shouts. "The evil fat ass is more like it." Metal says, ducking from tossed books towards his head before he leaves the lab. "Now let me see… This might be what I'm looking for…" Eggman says as he checks on one dimension.
The visual on the screen of the Dimentiator shows a world controlled by several machines, many of which look strikingly familiar to Eggman. "Why… Why that's my tech! So one of these time-space realities holds me as the ruler! Domina, my love!" Eggman shouts, beckoning his beloved to his side. "Yes, my sweet and sexy Eggman." Domina says as she brushes his bald head with her gloved hand. "Pack your bags, we're going to rule easy this time." He says before pressing several buttons, opening a portal on the far side of the room. "What about Metal and Metallias?" Domina asks. "They'll be fine on their own, we've got our own future to build now!" Eggman shouts as they step into the portal.
Back in Station Square, Sonic and his compatriots stand; waiting in the line to the video game store. "Man, who would've thought there'd be so many people lined up for this thing." Sonic says with Asienta and Lavender standing beside him. "It must be quite popular." Asienta says, watching children leaving the store excited. "Back where we come from, the development of such devices was deemed unnecessary." Lavender says, tilting her head a bit. "Sounds like hell." M. Tails says as the line moves up. "Yeah and we're in purgatory right now." Sonic says, shaking his head as they move closer and closer. "Won't be much longer now… Hey, where'd Knuckles go?" M. Tails asks. "He's gone?" Sonic asks, turning to see that the red echidna did disappear. "Was wondering why it was so quiet." M. Tails says, stifling a giggle. "Probably got bored and went to the exotic club." Sonic says. "Is that what pussy-hounding is?" Asienta asks, prompting several people in the line to turn in their direction. "Something like that… But try not to use that term outside, Asienta. Believe it or not, it's not exactly a nice word." Sonic says. "Oh, of course." Asienta says with a giggle as they approach the doorway.
Once inside, the group picks up what they came for and quickly leave the store. "Excellent, we got it! Now we can go home." M. Tails says. "Unfortunately, and it might be against my better judgment, I'd better find Knuckles first." Sonic says. "Why is that?" Lavender asks. "We might not be able to move this story forward without him, rather not take the chance." Sonic says before they head down the street. Inside a nearby bookstore, they spot Knuckles chatting up with a young woman at the register. "And that's how I became one with the machine, in a manner of speaking. Got a book with as crazy a story as that?" Knuckles says, grinning as the clerk blushes. "Wow, to have had such an experience with a computer system… It must've been quite the affair." The girl says as she sees Sonic and M. Tails enter with Asienta and Lavender. "It was, but if it's one thing that I am, it is open to new experiences." Knuckles says, turning to see his friends. "Ah, my good friends from the game store line." He snickers a bit. "Just for that, you get lasties when we pass the controllers around. What are you doing here? I don't see a book in your hands, so reading isn't the case." Sonic says.
"I was just introducing myself to Nereina here. Nereina, these are my friends." Knuckles says. "Oh I am quite familiar with your faces, Mr. Hedgehog. It is quite an honor to have you all visiting my shop." She says with a smile. "Much appreciated. So we're heading back, Knuckles. How about you?" M. Tails asks. "I'll be back with you guys later. I'm still reliving my life stories here." He replies. "I hope you told her about having your ass saved during that little episode." Sonic says, seeing Knuckles giving the silence gesture. "Wait, what?" Nereina asks, laughing a bit. "We'll catch you around then, ladykiller." Sonic says, grinning as they leave the store. "Can't lie, the hedgehog knows how to make up stories. So about yourself…" Knuckles says, grinning as they continue to talk over cups of coffee.
Meanwhile, Eggman and Domina arrive in the alternative reality; a mechanically constructed version of Station Square with banners of Eggman flying in the wind, several massive mechs patrolling the streets and people bowing their heads before the visual screens featuring their dictator. "Why, it's…it's…. Just what I would hope for." Eggman says, grinning as they approach the large mechanical castle of the dimension's Eggman. "Halt! Who goes…Wait… Lord Eggman, sir?! Right this way please…" The security mechs outside the castle lead Eggman and Domina inside and to the throne room where the Eggman of this dimension sits in shock. "Well I'll be damned! I never thought I would be seeing myself outside of the mirror!" Lord Eggman says. "Likewise, but then again, the technology brought this moment to reality. So tell me… How did you do it? How did you accomplish my… Our dream?" Eggman asks as they take a seat on some nearby couches. "I once thought that I needed to overpower the world in order to take it over. Instead… I found a better way. I showed the people of the world that I would be the kind of leader they need as well as the kind they want. After years and years of building myself up, self-sacrifice and working for the community, I achieved the goal: the people saw me as the leader for their future and thus, I became their ruler. You can do it too, my brother from another dimension." Lord Eggman explains. "Hmm… Perhaps… Perhaps you're right… Wait, what am I saying? Fuck that!" Eggman says, producing a laser pistol before shooting the Lord Eggman dead in the head.
"Um… Dear, do you think that might be dangerous? Will it not affect your existence in other dimensions?" Domina asks as the body falls to the floor. "Not at all, my love. The dimensions outlined in the Dimentiator do not intersect with one another. Therefore, as the theory stands; any dramatic changes that occur in the respective dimensions will only be relative to that dimension. Now, I can begin my rule without having done anything more than committing murder on myself." Eggman says with a grin as he embraces her. "I'm so happy for you, dear… But what about the robots?" Domina asks as the robots approach them, producing their weapons. "Not a problem, they are followers of Eggman. Which mean they won't… Wait a minute… Oh shit, that's right, they're only loyal to this dimension's Eggman!" Eggman says, coming to the realization just as they started shooting, prompting both he and Domina to run like hell.
"Shit, shit shit! So fucking close! We've got to get out of here…!" Eggman says, picking up his communicator before patching into his base in the home dimension. Inside, both Metal and Metallias are in the middle of their own action as Metal is slowly guiding his tongue against Metallias' bare chest. "Oohhhh that tickles! Hehehe so wet…!" She moans out, her hands held up against the metal wall behind her as Metal continues. "And you know you love it, baby…" Metal says with a smirk, circling his tongue around her erect nipples. "Oh god yes! Oh that feels so good…! Huh…?" Metallias says, noticing the sound of the communicator beeping. "Someone's calling…" She says, prompting an exasperated sigh from Metal. "Figures the bastard would have that kind of timing." He says as he leaves the lab. "Hello, Doctor Eggman's Nefarious Base of Nefariousness, Metallias speaking." She says. "Metallias! Thank goodness, I need you to do something. Go to the Dimentiator." Eggman says while running with Domina in tow. "The Dimenti-wha?" Metallias asks, tilting her head. "The Dimentiator! The machine I built!" He shouts in response, ducking a laser shot. "I dunno what a Dimentiator is, Sir." She replies, stepping into the lab once again.
"Okay… Okay, Metallias. This is not the time for going full retard on me! There is a large machine in my lab with a big screen with lots of lines on it and wiggly ponds for pictures, do you fucking see it!?" Eggman shouts, slapping his forehead. "Ooooooh yes, I see it right here. So this is the Dimentiator." She answers, giggling as she approaches it. "Yes, yes, that is it. Now press the big red button that says "Return" on it!" Eggman replies, seeing the portal appear just as she presses it. "We're home free!" He shouts, leading Domina in first before stepping it; the portal closing soon after. They arrive back in the main lab before long and Metallias tilts her head in wonderment as they do so. "Wow, Doctor! You came out of nowhere!" She says, gesturing an excited leap. "Yes, yes, that's fascinating... Domina, please prepare something strong to drink. I think I'll need it." Eggman says as she does so, turning to the Dimentiator and bashing it with a wrench before it crumbled to pieces. "Ooooh it went boom now. Did it not work?" Metallias asks. "It worked alright… Just not the way I intended it." Eggman says, tossing the wrench as Metal returns, raising his eyebrow. "Where the fuck were you?" Eggman asks. "Where do you think?" Metal says, tossing a vial of oil to the ground along with a sheet of sticky cloth. "Back to it?" Metallias asks, giggles as she follows Metal. "We'll see in a few hours, Doctor Fails killed the moment." Metal says as they leave. "I'll make sure to destroy you when I have a clearer head, you piece of garbage…!" Eggman says before turning to his workstation.
"Well… back to the drawing board…"
-And that wraps up Day 56 of the Insane Life! It's been a long time coming but an update finally here. Next time, the gang dives into the foggy noir of Station Square in a three-part special full of mysteries, speakeasies and crime. Hope you'll tune in!
Sonic: Their patience is finally rewarded!
M. Tails: Absolutely! So now things get crazy!
InuSonishaUnlimited: There is only more insanity to come…
Knuckles: Now that's the ticket!
F. Tails: I can't wait to see what comes next!