Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so stop asking all ready.

Title: To Bewitch a Perv..., err, Sannin

Summary: Hinata attempts to seduce Naruto and fails spectacularly, because she charmed the wrong person: his old perverted sensei. The one who calls himself the Toad Sage.

Pairing: Hinata/Jiraiya, also some Kakashi/Sakura (had to put in the pairing I love), and maybe others


A/N: Yes everyone, THIS IS A HINATA/JIRAIYA PAIRING. I guess you can say this is a crackfic with a crack pairing, but I'm going to try to make this story interesting, if I do continue it. This idea came to me while I working on my other fics, and I just had to write it down since I've never seen it before and wanted to give it a try. I have checked to see if there was a fic like this on this site, but I didn't find anything, so if someone has written this pairing please know I did not steal your idea.

So, if you want to read something different and maybe enjoy it, please continue reading this crazy idea. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT send a flame telling me this pairing is whack, because they would never get together, the age difference, they're opposites, blah, blah, blah. I don't care, since this is purely for entertainment, not realism. And I gave fair enough warning who the pairing will be, so don't send a review saying you read this and didn't know they were the couple, and yell at me for doing something so absurd and bizarre. Also, don't expect Hinata to yo-yo back and forth between Jiraiya and Naruto, because that isn't going to happen. It will be a relationship only involving Hinata and Jiraiya. Understand? Good.


Warning: This story is rated M for a reason. With Jiraiya in the story, there is bound to be sexual situations. Also, the characters could and possibly be Ooc. And you just might get a laugh out of this story. Beware!


Chapter 1


Late evening snuck up on the traveling trio of ninjas from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Though sundown had been only a few short hours ago, the three young individuals were in no rush to go home and decided to rest their bodies in an outpost town for the night. On their way back from a simple mission they had finished rather quickly, Naruto, Hinata, and Chouji felt they deserved this little reprieve because of the ridiculousness that ensued on the assignment. No details needed to be given, only that it involved a goat, a vat of soy sauce, a misplaced piece of expensive jewelry, a murky pond, a box of bird feathers, a sacrificing of ramen, and a whole hell-of-a-lot of awkward explanations. Enough said.

Finding the nearest and cheapest inn, they each got a single room on different floors. After the little incident, they preferred not to be in such close proximity to each other while they slept. Dropping of the packs in their respected quarters, Hinata offered to treat the boys to food and drinks to which it was readily agreed upon. Of course where to eat was argued about, but unfortunately for the loud mouth blond, the expansion jutsu user was allowed to choose since it had been the knuckle-headed ninja's fault in the mission fiasco. So a sheepish Naruto followed the other two to the first choice of dining (and silently still wept for his ramen he had given up to the goat).

As they walked to a third restaurant, Hinata let her mind wander away from the fight of which ramen flavor was the best to something she had been internally struggling with: how to seduce Naruto into her bed. It was not about love, but more about fulfilling a dream of hers to sleep with him. She had given up on the notion of being in a relationship with him, since she knew her father would not approve of it and that the blond jounin seemed emotionally immature for one. The young woman had been prepared to wait for him anyway, but at eighteen, soon-to-be nineteen, she was tired of standing by and let life pass her. She now only wanted one thing from him so she could peacefully move on, and that was at least one night of intense hot sex. And she was determined to have it.

Now sitting across from him and Chouji at the eatery that she unconsciously followed them into, the Byakugan user became resolute in her choice to have meaningless, passionate intercourse with the oblivious young man tonight. She felt it was the perfect opportunity to do so, since they were not in the Hidden Leaf Village and no one would have knowledge of their brief interlude. It was not as if she was ashamed, she just believed it was no one's business but her own. And she was going to keep it that way.

Finishing their meals, they headed to the local pub for a nightcap. Hinata wanted to jump up in glee, because part of her plan was to slightly intoxicate Naruto so he would be less resistant to her advances, and for her as well to help her carry out the plan. Though she desired to have him, she was still nervous as hell and needed something to loosen her up also. On top of that, she had to make sure their team mate had enough food to prevent him from interfering in any way. She did like the plump-cheeked ninja, but she definitely did not want him knowing her personal business. This was the only part of her little scheme that she knew was foolproof.

She was certain everything was going to fall into place when Chouji accepted her money and left to gorge himself on more food, and Naruto began to more than share the bottle of sake she had ordered while she took only small sips from her cup. What she didn't count on was the x-factor that rudely joined in on them.

Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin. The perverted ninja who used to teach her unaware victim... err, target... uhm, object of intention.

The kunoichi wanted to scream out in frustration as the older jounin sat at their table to catch up on 'old times' with his former student. Calmly breathing in and out, she didn't let his appearance ruin her outlook on the night. She was going to have Naruto, and she was going to have him tonight.

But now as they started their fourth bottle, she was beginning to lose hope. She needed something to draw the Sannin away from them, so she could accomplish her goal. Hearing of his perverted tendencies, she searched for a nice woman to keep him occupied while she hauled off the blond to her room. Spotting a pleasant female who seemed to have her eye on the elder of their group, Hinata easily vacated the table and approached her. Talking for a few minutes and making sure she wanted the old man, the dark-haired girl brought the red-head to the table and introduced the two. Once the two were properly engaged in innuendo, she pulled Naruto out of his seat and excused them to head back to the inn. He protested for a moment until she pointed out that they had to sleep in order to wake up properly and head home early. Nodding sullenly and a little tipsy, they strolled somewhat drunkenly to the inn.

Though she had more sake than she wanted to, the kunoichi was steadfast in her decision to lead him to her room and have her way with him. As they approached the hallway to her quarters, her ploy was rudely thwarted again by the Sannin.

"Hey Naruto! Going to bed all ready?" The older man asked as he reached them.

"Wha?" The drunk young man responded before he shook his head to clear it out. "Yeah, I'm going to bed. I gotta get up in the morning and report back to the village. Why you asking?"

"Hmm, no reason at all." Evading the inquiry not so smoothly.

Nodding dubiously, "Uh-huh." Noticing his lack of company, he questioned him cockily. "Where's your lady? Didn't want an old guy like you, huh?"

Jiraiya gave him withering look. "She just couldn't handle me, that's all."


"Of course, she couldn't." Rubbing his chin with a wince, he added. "It had nothing do with her big, burly boyfriend with a mean right hook." Ignoring the blond's laughter, he turned to the female quietly standing there. "Well, if it isn't Little Hinata all grown up."

Blushing uncontrollably at his lecherous grin, she returned his greeting with a small bow. "Master Jiraiya."

Not liking the look his old sensei was giving the dark-haired girl, he cut in. "Hey Pervy Sage, don't smile at her like that."

"What do you mean, Naruto? I was only smiling." He said innocently.

Growling under his breath, "Sure, only smiling." He continued, "She's not one of those girls you usually pick up, so don't look at her like one."

"Oh, I get it. She's your girl." Approval in his tone.

"What!?! No, she isn't! She's just a friend!" The younger jounin exclaimed.

The girl in the middle of their debate simply tuned them out. Years ago, she would have been hurt from being called 'just a friend' by Naruto, but not anymore. She realized months back she wanted to fulfill her responsibilities to her clan and finally grow up. If she was with him, she doubted she would. He acted like a overgrown child most of the time, and she feared he would hold her back in that perspective. While he gave her the confidence she needed in her ninja skills, there was more to her than just being a kunoichi and she did want that separate life. And just because she didn't feel the same way she once did about him, it didn't mean she would miss out on the chance to sleep with him. If there was one thing she wanted most, it was to have sex with Naruto.

Breaking up their pointless argument of what exactly was her hair color, she interjected, "It is getting late, m-m-maybe we should all go to bed." And she blushed again at her unintentional slip.

Luckily, Naruto spoke first before the other could with what would have most likely been a sexual reference. "Our own beds, Jiraiya. So, get going."

Lifting his hands to placate the boy, "All right. All right." Flinging his arm around the blond's shoulders, "Let's go, Naruto. You are on the same floor as me, so say good night to your friend."

Grumbling a 'good night' and a wave from both, they left Hinata alone and stumbled towards the stairs.

Shocked for a moment at their abrupt exit, she hastily ran to her room and quickly modified her strategy. If she couldn't get Naruto to come to her, she would go to him. And she had to get there before he passed out. She struggled a little changing into a yukata (with nothing under it), because she was still slightly affected by the sake she drank earlier. It didn't matter to her for nothing was going to stop her.

Stepping into the hallway and climbing the stairs, she stopped at the entrance to the next hallway. It occurred to her that she knew he was on the third floor, yet she didn't know his room number. Fortunately for her, the two drunks were speaking in the hall about something. Keeping her body behind the wall, she peeked at them to watch as they parted ways. Ducking her head when the younger of the two glanced in her direction, she didn't get to see which room was his. She tried to activate her Byakugan, but failed since the alcohol was messing with her chakra to control it. She was only able to get a glimpse of an individual about to lie down in bed.

Figuring it was him since that was the door he was previously leaning against, she slowly tiptoed towards it. Stopping in front of what was blocking her from her goal, she gathered her courage. This was it. The one fantasy she did not let go of: she was going to sleep with Naruto. And she couldn't be more happier.

Too bad she didn't notice the slightly opened door across the hall where her real target was passed out inside of it against the wall as she entered the wrong room.

Closing the door behind her silently, Hinata stood absolutely still in the dark room. Well, it wasn't completely dark, just hard to clearly see in, but she could make the outline of his body in the bed. She saw his muscular chest rising evenly indicating he was asleep, and she almost didn't want to wake him up. Good thing she didn't care that he was sleeping. She was pretty certain he would just think he was dreaming while she took advantage of him. No, she meant, while they did something they both wanted. Yes, that was it. What they both wanted.

After disrobing, she quietly guided her naked body around the objects on the floor and was soon by the bed. She could barely make out his face, but she knew he was still slumbering peacefully. 'Not for long.' Picking up the edge of the blanket, the kunoichi crawled onto his frame. She became nervous when he shifted but breathed an inward sigh a relief as he settled.

Turning her gaze upon where her hands were, she didn't hesitate in leaning down to rain light kisses on his shoulders then onto his neck. She had no idea where this boldness came from, and she wasn't about to complain when it was allowing her to follow through with her plans. Not bothering to figure out why his body felt bigger and more muscular than she thought it was, she guessed it had to do with never having touched him like this before and went on with her little exploration.

Loving the taste of a spring shower on his skin, she made her way to his mouth to sample his flavor there and awake him as well. First placing pecks on the corner of his mouth, she then licked his lips to have him open them for her questing tongue. When he did, she dipped in and was surprised to have his greet hers. She could taste the sake he drank earlier, and he most likely could taste it on her as well, but it didn't bother her one bit. Too distracted to look at his eyes, she engrossed herself in the smoldering kiss and didn't notice him flipping her underneath him. She had no clue on how he learned to do this considering she never saw him with anyone, and she knew how by practicing with an understanding Shino. But this... this was beyond anything she had ever participated in.

Letting the thought of his experience float from her mind and closing her eyes to the sensations, she savored the feel of him tearing his mouth away to trail kisses down her throat and further. She basically lost her ability of coherent thinking as he swiftly engulfed a puckered nipple in his hot mouth. Gasping out loud as he returned to suck at the base of her neck, she writhed on the bed as his large hands roughly massaged her breasts.

She didn't know what to do with her own hands, so she let them tightly grip the sheets beneath her as he began to travel down her body again. He stopped to nip and suckle her stiff nipples once more before continuing on. Panting as he worshipped her stomach, her legs down to her toes and back up, she tensed when he paid special attention to her inner thighs. He was very close to her burning core and it was unmistakable what he going to do, and she was unsure if she wanted him to. She had read of oral sex and heard others speak of it, but she didn't think she was comfortable with that. It was something that kind of grossed her out, and she raised her arm to prevent him.

Instead, she cried out as he vigorously assaulted her warm wet folds and bundle of nerves. One of her hands grabbed his hair, and she absently noted it was a little thicker than she thought but didn't care. The pleasure coursing though her was immeasurable. His lips, his tongue, and his fingers were working magic on her aroused body. Soon the pleasure became too much and with a flick of his tongue on her nub, the air left her lungs and she released into his awaiting mouth. She tried to get her breathing under control yet it was difficult, because he kept feasting on her feminine flesh. He wouldn't leave her over sensitized area, and she couldn't begin to count the number of orgasms she had.

Finally listening to her whimpers, he left her with one last lick and prowled up her shivering figure. He languidly teased the tips of her breasts into hard peaks before settling his panting face at the side of her neck. She heard him murmur some words and vaguely thought his voice seemed a little deeper. However, Hinata forgot what she was thinking when she felt how aroused he was between her legs and moaned at how near she was to living her fantasy. He heard her moan and moved his hips to position himself at her entrance. The kunoichi tightened her arms that she had lifted to wrap around his now sweating waist to encourage him to go on.

He pushed into her with one sharp thrust and halted once he was in up to the hilt. The dark-haired girl groaned lowly as she felt her walls stretching to accommadate him. It didn't hurt as she thought it would have thanks to her ninja training, but it did sting a little since he did enter her fiercely and was definitely bigger than she expected. But this was all beside the point; it was heavenly to be connected with Naruto like this. And she knew it was only the just the start of the festivities.

The Byakugan wielder moaned when he began to grind his pelvis against hers in a circle. He did this for a few minutes to stimulate her before he withdrew his length and gently thrusted back in. Once she got used to the motions, he quickened his pace with harder strokes. And she clawed at his back when he pierced her faster after hearing her pleas for more.

Hinata was lost in a world of pleasure and paid no attention to him lifting her leg. She did take heed, however, as the new angle had him hitting a spot that soon sent her to a shattering climax. The young woman let out a silent scream with her release, and felt him thrust once more before emptying inside of her and collapsing on her.

Both labored for air as they recovered from the activities and soon began to relax. She leisurely rubbed his back to further calm him, and he planted soft kisses on her jaw line to soothe her. He eventually pulled out of her and laid next to her on his back, then he dragged her on top of him to rest. He did rouse her from her light slumber for two more rounds of gratifying sex before they dropped from exhaustion.

Even though there was some unusual things concerning Naruto, she had never felt so satisfied in her life.

In the morning, the kunoichi fought through her grogginess to greet the day and let a smile cross her face as she thought of the reason for feeling so. She couldn't believe she finally did it. She had amazing sex, and numerous times too, with Naruto. Hinata hoped he wouldn't be mad at her for what she did, nevertheless she was sure he would be okay after she explained herself to him. Yes, he could be childish, but he was a very considerate and compassionate person. Not wanting to delay the inevitable conversation, she blinked her eyes open and was horrified at what she saw.

Rather than seeing blond hair and a young man, she was met with white hair and a much, much older man.

Instantly sitting up to figure out why she was with the Sannin, she ignored the fact she was straddling his lap and concentrated on how she could have possibly confused not only their rooms, but their bodies as well.

Biting her bottom lip anxiously, she ventured to ask him. "Uhm, M-m-master J-J-Jiraiya.?"

"Yeah." He replied absentmindedly.

She was about to voice her question when she noticed his wide-eyed stare and bloody nose. Following his line of sight, she realized he was ogling her breasts and his hands were heading towards her chest. Slapping his arms out of her way, she hopped off of him and futilely tried to cover herself up with her own hands.

"What's the point in hiding yourself when I've seen it all, Doll Face?" He told her without one ounce of shame in his voice, after he had turned his body sideways and propped his head on his fist.

"I-I-I... y-y-you... w-w-we..." She stuttered pathetically.

"Yes, we..." He didn't finish, because at that moment the one she was supposed to have sex with came in.

"Hey, Pervy Sage! Did... H-H-Hinata?" The young jounin stammered at her nude form.

The girl in question wanted to die in embarrassment. She messed up mightily last night and couldn't figure out how. The kunoichi needed to do something and did the only thing she could do.

She ran out of the room in her birthday suit passed the fainted and bloodied-nosed Naruto.


So, what do you think? Does anyone like this crazy idea? Should I continue this? If I do, just know that I'm going to throw in some drama with the humor and romance to make it more well-rounded, but nothing too serious and I will add more humor as the story goes on. I'm not entirely happy with the chapter, but I wanted to get it up. Maybe I will go back and edit it someday. And don't ask what their mission was, because I ain't saying. Use your imaginations. ;0)

I hope no one minded at how I portrayed Hinata. I do believe she would think the way she did if nothing materialized between her and Naruto. I know it may seem harsh, but I wanted this fic with her not still infatuated with him. And I hope no one complains on how she could have confused them. She was drunk and didn't care about the differences when all she wanted sex. I will explain more eventually. Also, the 'lemon' was not described fully (and better) on purpose. I wanted it to be just sex and nothing too intimate, because that will happen later on as the relationship progresses.

Next chapter will backtrack a little to explain how Jiraiya was at the same town and what he was thinking with Hinata. That is, if I write it. If you want me to continue, kindly leave a review. And please refer to my first a/n regarding flames, because I will not be kind to anyone who does send one (and make sure you leave your email so I can ridicule you).

Please Review!!!


Shameless Plug: If you happen to like the Kakashi/Sakura, please feel free to read (and review) my other Naruto stories. Thanks!