Bad Boys And Painkillers

By JauntyChick


A/N: HI! Well, here's another one-shot based on James Dean Bradfield's album, The Great Western. This song was written by a chap called Nicky Wire. I strongly advise you to YouTube him. Anyways, this is just pointless, House/Cam fluff that I thought of this morning. It's a take on the episode with Vegetative-State-Guy where Trigger (I hate him!!!) interviewed The Ducklings. I'll stop rambling now…Please R&R because I've had a terrible day. Probably OOC. AU. Awful attempt at a parody I think. OH! Just pretend, though, that Vegetative-State-Guy didn't happen. Cause I kinda needed House to be in PPTH. Sorry. No flames and enjoy 

"Bad boys and painkillers…together like peas in a pod…"

"How many pills does he take a day?" Trigger asked, chewing on a stick of gum sullenly. Cameron couldn't help but feel intimidated. It was none of Trigger's business. House needs those Vicodin. Anyway, who knew exactly how many pills he pops?

"Six." She said, monotonously. Trigger raised an eyebrow.


"Six." Cameron mentally reassured herself that this was the right thing to do. She noted a few things about Trigger. Like how he never changed expression. He chewed constantly on gum. He sports a band on his ring finger. God knows what woman would want him, She thought to herself. Trigger, by nature, had to get to the bottom of this somehow. Cameron seemed too loyal. Too willing to help House.

"Mm." He grumbled. "Really?"


"Have you ever prescribed Dr. House these…" He picked up a sheet of paper. "Vicodin?"



"That's what I said." Cameron's voice turned frosty. She was getting sick of this 'parrot' technique of his. "No." Trigger stood up.

"Dr. Cameron," Spitting out the previous chewing gum, he opened another stick and started munching on it. Cameron gritted her teeth. He had been interrogating her for an hour and a half. An hour and a half of boredom ad gum. "You seem very loyal to Dr. House. Why?"

Good question, She admitted silently. She remained quiet.

"Why does he deserve it? What did he do for you that makes you lie," Trigger looked her in the eye. She shifted uncomfortably. "to the police?"

"Dr. House…" She started. Trigger was right. What had House done for her? Nothing, that's what. "Dr. House…"

Trigger sat back down. "Take your time, Doctor."

Cameron sat, quietly, for a couple of minutes thinking of reasons to not send House to jail. He's a good doctor. Pro. He's an ass. Con. She loves him. Pro. No, con. "Mr. Trigger, do I have the option to not pass comment?" Trigger pondered over this for a while.

"No." He smiled a devious, evil grimace. Cameron could've slapped him there and then.

"Why not?" She adopted a look of anger, while Trigger didn't budge an inch.

"Because." She scoffed.

"Fine. House is a good doctor. He's saved-"

"That was not my question."

"Look, I can't answer it."

"Because you love him."

"What?" Cameron shouted. Trigger mentally awarded himself another stick of gum. He had obviously hit a raw nerve.

"You love him. That's why you lie for him. That's why-"

"No. No, it…it's not that. You're wrong, Trigger." She sat back, folded her arms and stared at him intently. "I don't love him."

"Alright. How many pills does he take a day?" Trigger attempted another smile. "If you don't love him, like you say, then you'll be able to answer me," She opened her mouth to protest. "Correctly."

Cameron took a sip of water from the glass on the table. "I…I-I don't know." She raised her voice. Trigger nodded but didn't budge.

"And do you love him?"

"NO! No, no I don't. Not that it's any of your business." Great, She thought, I'll just dig a deeper hole for myself.

"Fine. Thank you, Dr. Cameron. You can leave now." Now he'd said it. The last nail in the coffin. The straw that broke the donkey's back. She couldn't take it anymore. She stood up.

"No. You brought me here and I'll say when I'm leaving, okay?" Cameron didn't wait for a reply. "I was telling the truth about the Vicodin- I do not know how many he pops in a day. It varies. House is an ass, he has no respect for people's privacy or niceties. He doesn't care. As for you-" She spat. "You have no right to ask me if I love him. It has nothing to do with his pills or his bike or Wilson." Trigger looked as though someone had just hit him over the head. Cameron trundled on. "Did you know he was shot? I'll bet you didn't-"


"Shut up." She sat back down. "I'm not finished. I haven't prescribed House anything. When he was shot, Dr. Cuddy gave him something for his leg. Ketamine." Trigger's face contorted into bewilderment. "Google it. He gave the pills up for three months. Three. Then his leg pain came back. He needs those Vicodin."

"Doctor Cameron-"

"Trigger. I'll leave now, if that's alright." Without an answer, Allison Cameron flounced out of the room as if nothing had happened. As if her small outrage had been accidental. Trigger sat in the chair, flabbergasted. He threw away the gum he hadn't been chewing and replaced it with a brand new stick. This is gonna be a long day, He thought.

"House, I need to talk to you." Cameron placed her hands on her hips and stood in front of House. He looked up from his TV and sighed.

"What now?" He grumbled.

"Trigger questioned me." She didn't beat about the bush.

"Oh. Trying to steal you, huh. Bribe you?" House put his TV off. Vicodin was more important than General Hospital, anyway.

"I-I'm not sure." Cameron sighed and sat in the chair beside House's desk.

"How can you not be sure?" He scoffed. Cameron frowned.

"He told me-" No, She decided, I can't tell him…can I? "He told me I love you."

House, who had previously been eating a packet of chips, stopped and furrowed his brow. "And?" Cameron noticed that he hadn't been fazed by her statement.

"And that's it. I told him that I didn't know how many pills you take in a day-" She held her hand up. "And I don't." House glanced at his hands. Cameron felt a tinge of pity for him. "I also told him that you were off Vicodin for three months. That you were shot and that I don't love you."

"Right." House said, simply. Cameron smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Telling him everything."

"It's fine."


"Yes!" House raised his voice slightly. Cameron swallowed and stood up, walking to the door. "Do you?"


"Love me. Do you?" A simple question, usually. It was either yes or no. Cameron felt her mouth dry up.


"Tell me the truth." House's eyes darkened. Cameron felt as though she were about to cry. He sighed, taking a chip out of the packet and breaking it in half. "I'm sick of lies." This wasn't the House she knew.

"I…do you love me?" She saw a flicker of something in his eyes and decided to change the subject. "Nevermind. I, uh, I have to go."

House nodded. "Yeah. Right." He turned the TV back on. Cameron smiled.

"House?" He looked up. "What would you want me to say? That I love you…or that I don't?"

"I don't know." An admission, Cameron thought.

"I…I do." Her voice was quiet. House didn't move. This news wasn't a shock to him. "I do love you." He nodded.


With that, House limped out of the room in a hurry, leaving Cameron to process the last scene. She closed her eyes, thinking of what life would be like without House.

A/M: Ha! A cliffy or what! LOL. Sorry, to leave you hanging. Does he love her too??? We'll never know. But I might do a follow up to this…MAYBE! Anyway, please click that button down there. No flames and I really hope you enjoyed it. By Jove, I have to stop rambling on. R&R! Byeee!