John watched the funeral in a dark, fuzzy haze. Someone was saying something and he couldn't understand what because the words were coming into his ears and then leaving so fast he couldn't get a chance to figure them out.
He felt a sudden wave of nausea overtake him and he tried to concentrate on keeping it in check and for some reason that was taking almost everything in him. He wrapped his arms around his body because he suddenly felt cold.
Was it cold in here or was it just him he wondered and he couldn't tell. Shaking his head to clear the webs he tried once again to concentrate on what the speaker at the front was saying about his dead wife and none of it made any sense not the death, not his being here none of it. His breaths were beginning to be harder to take.
His lungs felt as if they were going to explode he could feel the tears coming and he couldn't stop them. His eyes drifted closed and then snapped back open. He felt like he was missing something/ forgetting about something and it wasn't Mary she was dead and he knew that. It was something else and he couldn't figure out what. His eyes were becoming too heavy and they closed again and he let them as he just sat dazed while the memory overtook him.
He could hear her laughter and it was like music to his ears. And he could see her face as she walked towards him with the sun shinning brightly around her and the light of the sun making her hair seem lighter. It was as if she was glowing.
Her eyes they were the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen and they shinned bright in that familiar hazel, green with flecks of gold in them. His son had those eyes and he saw her in him every time he looked at him. Dean had those eyes. Dean he thought again and Sammy he remembered. Dean and Sammy.
That was it that was what was missing he couldn't feel or see or hear his kids nearby. Where were they? And at that very moment he realized that he did not know. He felt his eyes pop open in a panicked glaze. He did not know where his kids were and he needed them. To keep them safe was the only thing left that he had to do.
"Dean" he whispered and he felt a hand rub his back in comforting circles but he could not hear what the person was saying and he still did not know where his son was. He stood with a wobbled unsteady and headed toward the center of the isle as his voice a voice he did not even recognize yelled for his sons.
Gasps erupted from the people in the church. And Susan squeezed Dean and Sammy her grandchildren closer to her body. And John all but collapsed as he felt himself being ushered from the church.