Summary: Just another day for the Hyoutei tennis club…another normal day turned upside down.
Characters: Hyoutei tennis club
Pairings: Read and you shall see…
Disclaimer: I do not own POT; I do, however, own this plot.
Stupid attempt at Humour
The Hyoutei regulars were sitting in the clubhouse waiting for their captain, Atobe, to return from an emergency Student Council meeting. It was just a normal day, so far, but like all normal days, someone had to try to ruin it.
"Hey Yuushi!" Mukahi jumped up and down.
"Hmm?" Oshitari looked up from his homework.
"Have you heard the rumour?" Mukahi bounced up, knocking Oshitari's pen out of his hand and across the room, hitting Hiyoshi on the forehead, earning him a scowl.
"Rumour?" Oshitari wondered if this was another one of Mukahi's call for attentions or if he should take his doubles partner seriously.
"Yeah, about Atobe."
"Are you going to tell me?"
"If you weren't going to tell us then why bring it up?" Shishido demanded, casually throwing a tennis ball in the air.
"Who said I wasn't going to tell?"
"Well then tell already."
"I heard that Atobe's tokophobic…"
"Is that even a word?" Shishido asked.
"He can't be tokophobic, Gakuto." Oshitari decided that doing his homework right at this moment was just calling for trouble and he couldn't use the 'My Doubles Partner Ate My Homework' excuse everyday now could he?
"And why not?" Mukahi demanded.
"Because tokophobia is the fear of childbirth." Oshitari said with a straight face. All the regulars, save Hiyoshi whose mouth twitched and Jirou who was busy snoring, burst out laughing.
"I thought tokophobia was fear of nudity." Ohtori asked nervously.
"That's gymnophobia." Oshitari smiled.
"Isn't that fear of gyms or something?" Mukahi asked.
"Mukahi-senpai, did you just make that rumour up?" Hiyoshi asked his senpai.
"No, there was one…what was it…?" Mukahi pretended to be in deep thought.
"…the one about Atobe being coulrophobic?" Oshitari raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't Atobe disprove that rumour by going to the circus?" Ohtori asked.
"Funny, I recall he chose a circus without clowns." Shishido mumbled.
"What's a circus without clowns?" Hiyoshi asked.
"A circus only rich coulrophobic people like Atobe go to." Oshitari shrugged.
"Hey! We're rich too!"
"…we all know that."
"So what's the rumour, Gakuto?" Oshitari asked.
"Something that ends with phobia…"
"Well that narrows it down." Shishido rolled his eyes.
"Um, I don't think that's…very…appropriate for your kouhai…" Shishido mumbled, glancing at Ohtori.
"What does it mean?" Ohtori couldn't help but ask.
"Fear of sexual love." Oshitari explained calmly.
"Oh, okay…" Ohtori blushed a deep crimson shade.
"By the way, Gakuto, when did you learn such big words?"
"Well, I'm taking a psychology course…"
"Mukahi-senpai…you…are taking psychology?" Ohtori looked shocked.
"Yeah." Mukahi looked defensive. "AND I'm passing…kind of…well a 56 is a pass right?"
"Wow, I never thought someone with a one-digit IQ can take such a complicated course." Shishido rolled his eyes.
"Shut up!" Mukahi shoved Shishido, unfortunately for Shishido, he was standing in front of a bench, that means, stepping back, tripping over the bench and hitting his head. Of course, Mukahi didn't do it on purpose, I mean, Shishido just happened to be in front of the bench, its not like Mukahi asked him to stand there…right? Haha, if you believe that then either you really don't know anything about Hyoutei or you're really braindead.
"Gakuto, if you're going to arouse our curiosity and then forget what you're going to say, then please refrain from arousing our curiosity." Oshitari pretended that nothing happened.
"It's not like I planned on forgetting!" Seriously, his doubles partner should have more faith in him.
"Well, what's the rumour?"
"…Try…try…" Mukahi racked his single brain cell.
"Trypanophobia?" Oshitari asked.
"Fear of pointy objects."
"Yeah, that's it!" Mukahi jumped up in joy.
"Atobe is afraid of pointy objects?" Shishido snorted.
"Ore-sama is afraid of what, exactly?" Atobe's imposing figure stood at the doorway, Kabaji behind him.
"It's just another rumour."
"Another one? Ore-sama just got rid of the coulrophobia one."
"Hey! Atobe! Are you trypanophobic?"
"No." Atobe said simply, glaring at Oshitari as if Oshitari can stop Mukahi.
"No?" Mukahi looked disappointed.
"Who dares ruin Ore-sama's image, ahhh?" Atobe's glare transferred to Mukahi.
"I heard some girls say it at lunch…"
"Gakuto, are we going through the duct tape conversation again?" Atobe dropped his authoritative 'ore-sama' and raised an eyebrow.
"NO!" Mukahi ran over to his doubles partner, accidentally stepping all over Oshitari's homework.
"Then don't go around spreading rumours." Atobe said, but Mukahi wasn't listening anymore, nope, he was busy trying to get away from the murderous tensai who was shaking uncontrollably.
"Yuushi, don't murder your doubles partner and Gakuto, don't step all over Yuushi's homework…again…" Atobe assumed the voice of authority.
"Hey, speaking of phobias." Oshitari's expression was one that only three people in the world could have, one was of course, himself, the other two were Yukimura and Fuji. It was an expression of pure evil… "Gakutoooo…"
"Yuushi! You promised remember? You wouldn't tell, come on, be a good friend." Mukahi was begging uncharacteristically.
"Well you promised to never ruin my homework again, Gakuto, what goes around comes around riiiiight?" Oshitari's voice was sweet, his expression deadly.
"Don't you just hate it when Oshitari goes sadistic tensai?" Ohtori muttered to Shishido.
"If it's on me, then hell yeah, but when its on someone else, no." Shishido replied.
"Well, Yuushi, what is it?" Atobe demanded.
"Gakuto seems to be a little…acrophobic."
"Gakuto…acrophobic?" Shishido snorted.
"But, doesn't Mukahi-senpai jump around a lot?" Ohtori looked confused.
"Pity that he's acrophobic then." Oshitari smirked.
"I am NOT acrophobic!" Mukahi said, a little too defensively.
"Oh really," Oshitari crossed his arms and stood in front of Mukahi. "Well then, explain the fact that you nearly fainted at the bridge and on Tokyo Tower the other day."
"That was…uhh…motion sickness?" Mukahi had the look of a trapped mouse.
"Right, because Tokyo Tower really moves."
"It COULD!" Mukahi jumped up and down, lost his balance due to the fact that he was blushing like crazy and fell on top of Shishido.
"Ow…" Mukahi rubbed his bruised backside.
"What do you mean ow? You're the one that jumped on me!" Shishido shoved Mukahi away, scowling.
"But you're like anorexic!"
"Look who's talking!"
"Both of you shut up!" Atobe snapped and the team turned towards him, silent. "Practise is about to begin!"
"…Tennis practise…" Atobe looked like he wanted to strangle someone, but instead, signalled Kabaji to pick up Jirou.
"Yo Chotarou…" Mukahi was saying to Ohtori as they walked out the door.
"Does Hiyoshi have any phobias?"
"Yes, you must know, you guys are both second years."
"Them and 1/3 of the school." Shishido snorted.
"Um…" Ohtori glanced a Hiyoshi, "I think he was claustrophobic."
"That's an old one," Mukahi frowned, "Remember the train ride? We had to carry him to the hospital, he was hyperventilating." Mukahi smirked and received a murderous glare from Hiyoshi.
"Hmm, well, I remember him telling me once that he was clino- something"
"Clino…clino…" Mukahi mumbled to himself.
"Clinophobic." Oshitari suggested.
"Fear of falling asleep." Atobe explained
"How does he sleep at night?" Mukahi sneered.
"SHUT UP!" Hiyoshi spun around, showing more emotion than the others had ever seen him show.
"So…Hiyoshi is claustrophobic and clinophobic, Gakuto is acrophobic, Chotarou is ranidaphobic…stupid frogs…, Kabaji is obviously lalophobic, Atobe is coulrophobic and trypanophobic…" Shishido counted off.
"DON'T MAKE ORE-SAMA REPEAT HIMSELF, ORE-SAMA IS NOT COULROPHOBIC OR TRYPANOPHOBIC!"
"Sure…" The whole team seemed to have a whole coughing fit…
"Anyways Yuushi, do you have something you'd like to share with us?" Shishido asked.
"No." Oshitari said while Mukahi sniggered.
"Do you have something to share Mukahi?" Oshitari glared, using Mukahi's last name.
"I thought so."
"Doesn't this just prove that Yuushi has a strange phobia?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"What was that?"
"I thought so."
"What about Shishido?" Gakuto asked, smirking at the boy in question.
"Oh, he's easy." Atobe's eyes tinkled with mischief. "Ne, Ohtori?"
"Erm…" Ohtori glanced nervously at Shishido.
"Let's see now if ore-sama remembers…" Atobe thought for a moment. "Arachnophobia, ophidiophobia, dental phobia…"
"That's enough Atobe…" Shishido's glare was murderous.
"Not to mention…necrophobia…and…"
"I SAID THAT WAS ENOUGH!"
"Are you commanding Ore-sama, ahhh?"
"Argh! How did you find out about the dental phobia?"
"Servants…they know everything…remember when you used to order those spider killing rampages for your servants…?"
"I was SIX!" Shishido shrieked, yes I know Shishido Ryo doesn't shriek, but…this sound is nothing short of a shriek.
"Eight." Atobe corrected.
"Seven." Shishido countered.
"Fair enough." Atobe ran a hand through his hair.
There was a moment of blissful silence until…
"I'm sorry Yuushi! I can't take it anymore!" Mukahi screeched, "Yuushi is hemophobic."
"Fear of blood," Atobe said through laughter.
"Oshitari Yuushi…afraid of … blood?" The Hyoutei regulars looked shocked.
"Mukahi…today you will have breathed your last…" Oshitari's glasses were shinning with …scariness…his face was a shadow of its former self…his racket held high, pointing at Mukahi -insert stupid poetry-…
"EEK! BU- BUCHOU HELP ME! MY D- DOUBLES PARTNER IS T-TRYING TO K-KILL ME!!!" Mukahi flung himself into Atobe.
"Since when have you ever called ore-sama buchou?"
"Since Yuushi is trying to kill me!"
"Yuushi, don't kill Gakuto, and Gakuto, this is the last time I'm saving your butt from Yuushi, I think you should get used to getting chased by now, it might improve your stamina, ne Kabaji?"
"You call being tortured to death improving stamina?"
"If you had better stamina, you wouldn't get tortured, ahhh?"
"Who can escape Yuushi when he goes insane tensai mode?"
"You should, you know Yuushi better than anyone…you even know that little phobia that Yuushi did so well to hide."
"Speaking of which, what do you think Jirou-senpai is afraid of…?" Ohtori asked.
"The little narcoleptic spazz?" Atobe grinned, finally detaching himself from Mukahi.
"Who knows…who knows anything about Jirou anyways, except maybe his fangirls." Shishido said.
Despite the fact that he's so cute and fuzzy, Jirou is an enigma. Was the unspoken thought shared between the Hyoutei regulars.
"Anyways, let's practise."
Lying on a bench, a sleeping beauty woke up to a wonderful insane world unbeknownst to his team mates.
"So…what did I miss?"
And nobody…nobody had the courage to ask Oshitari and Mukahi what they were doing on Tokyo Tower, or why Hiyoshi told Ohtori that he was clinophobic or what happened to those poor spiders… but all of those are another story for another cold winter night's tale…
Glossary of Phobias:
Most of them are self explanatory but I'm adding them here anyways cuz…ya…
Tokophobia: fear of childbirth
Gymnophobia: fear of nudity
Coulrophobia: fear of clowns, not restricted to evil clowns
Erotophobia: fear of sexual relationships or the topic sex
Trypanophobia: fear of pointy/sharp objects
Acrophobia: fear of heights
Claustrophobia: fear of enclosed spaces
Clinophobia: fear of going to sleep
Ranidaphobia: fear of frogs
Lalophobia: fear of speaking
Arachnophobia: fear of spiders
Ophidiophobia: fear of snakes
Dental phobia: fear of dentists
Necrophobia: fear of corpses or death
Hemophobia: fear of blood
A/N: my poor and failed attempt at humour. I suck. I'm sorry of some people, like Gakuto were slightly OOC but…I tried my best. I actually wrote most of it in my head in business class. Stupid business class…-mumbles something about failing-
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