Unsurprisingly, surprising, I do not own Harry Potter or any of it's affiliates.

Turd.


Our scene begins in a closet. A broom closet to be more specific. A broom closet currently occupied by two young males, (and brooms, unsurprisingly). One of these boys, (goes by the name of Remus Lupin, perhaps you've heard of him?), seemed severely disgruntled, but then again, wouldn't you be disgruntled if one of your best friends shoved you into a broom closet without prior warning? The other boy, (Sirius Black), was just plain nervous. And jumpy. And just a little bit terrified. But still, determined. That has to count for something, right?

"Sirius, why am I in a closet?"

"Funnily enough, about three months ago I started asking myself the same question."

"Sirius," said Remus, trying to appear calm, "what are you talking about?"

"Look, I'm going to be straight with you Remus," replied Sirius and murmuring he continued, "which actually rather ironic when you think about it."

"Think about what?"

"What I'm trying to tell you."

"Which is?"

"Please, no more interruptions, I'm getting there, slowly and messily, it's just..." Sirius hesitated, "...it's just difficult to express. You know, out of all the marauders you're the one I think about the most. I mean James, James is like my brother and Peter, well, Peter's just Peter, but you, you're different. You're completely different in the most incredible way. And when I'm around you nothing makes sense but at the same time everything makes sense even though I'm not making sense right now. You stop me from breathing, but keep me alive nevertheless. I want to see you constantly, I want to care for you and I want to protect you anyone who would dare to hurt you," Sirius paused his babbling and smiled wryly before delving back into his rambles, "but, if anyone even tried that, I'd shrink you and put you in my pocket. That's where things begin to get hazy, I could either keep you there forever or eat you...both, very appealing options."

"So...you're trying to tell me what exactly?" whispered a very confused Remus.

"Why are you whispering?"

"Seemed appropriate."

"Oh. Fair enough. I love you."

"You what?! Me? Who? What?!"

"I love you. I love you obsessively, compulsively and maniacally and if I has used those three short words from the start I guess we could've skipped that embarrassing rant about putting you in my pocket."

"Oh. I see," said Remus, although, he didn't really see. In fact, I doubt he ever felt more stunned in his life. And whilst 34 percent of his brain was arguing that this was some bizarre prank and 46 percent remained hopeful that it might just be true, the last 26 percent of his active mind was wondering if he had charms homework to finish and if it was too early to begin studying for his NEWTS, (thankfully, he solved that dilemma rather quickly, easing some of the burden of his overwhelmed head. Remus decided that it was never too early to begin studying for the NEWTS). And that's just the sort of person Remus Lupin is. He's never one to accept things at face value, constantly questioning just about everything and extraordinarily, (and somewhat overcompensatingly), studious, from the outstretched fingers of his lithe hands to the very tips of his toes. Sirius Black was different. He was always 100 percent focused on one topic at a time. The topic of his own choice, naturally. Relentless and exhaustingly resourceful. Except, of course, when he was nervous, which wasn't often. When he was nervous he rambled. A lot.

"So," began Remus, "you're-"

"Gay?" interrupted Sirius, "yes. Gayer then Christmas, if in fact Christmas is really all that gay. Although, when James first asked me if I was gay I was like, hey! Just 'coz I'm attracted to guys – by which I mean you, by the way – and I want to kiss guys – again, you – doesn't mean I'm gay. I could secretly be a woman. But I'm not. A woman, that is.

"That wasn't what I was going to ask."

"It wasn't?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

"Well, that's...embarrassing. This entire situation is getting almost too embarrassing to handle."

"I'm gay." Stated Remus, matter of factly.

"What?"

"I'm gay."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

"Frank," volunteered Remus.

"Frank?!" said Sirius, surprised.

"Frank Longbottom."

"You like him?" said Sirius, with an edge of disappointment.

"Merlin, no!" exclaimed Remus, "he just came on to me once."

"Really?" enquired Sirius, with a hint of jealousy, "what did he say?"

"I'm not too sure. Something about laying siege to my fortress," said Remus wrinkling his nose, "I wasn't paying the most attention to what he was saying, more to his presence. He was standing close to me and breathing on me and he's got the most beautiful wrists. Ridiculous or what?" Remus mused.

"His wrists? That's how you knew you were gay?" replied Sirius, incredulously.

"Basically, I guess...yours are nicer though."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it."

"Remus?"

"Yes?"

"I like your ankles."

"Thanks," smiled Remus, wryly.

"Don't mention it," grinned Sirius in return, "wait! Isn't Frank going out with Alice?"

"Yeah," nodded Remus, "he is now. Thankfully! He could be a bit liberal with his hands. Oh, and Sirius, I think I might love you too, if that's okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"In all of my day-dreams and fantasies when I imagined us declaring our love for each other it wasn't in a broom closet."

"Well that's a relief," grinned Remus, "I was beginning to suspect this was your way of being romantic."

"Well all we need to do is light some candles and get some love songs playing," Sirius suggested convincingly.

"Or enchant the ceiling so we can see nothing but blue skies, yes...I can see it now, our own torrid little love nest," Remus half snorted, half smirked, in a decidedly unRemus fashion.

"So...what next?" ventured Sirius, tentatively.

"What do you want to happen next?"

"Well," smirked Sirius, "I could always lay siege to your fortress."