Rated: K+

Summary: Just another day for the Hyoutei tennis regulars, wait…never mind, Oshitari is up to something

Pairings: Implied…

Category: humour/ general

Characters: Hyotei Tennis Regulars

Disclaimer: I wish I owned PoT

This is another one of my sequalish-thingies for a whole chain of Hyoutei …random…crack…stuff:

Hyotei Phobia

Hyotei Library Session

It wasn't even time for school yet and Ohtori was frustrated, and he was frustrated by the fact that he was frustrated. Now Ohtori's emotions were usually on the happy side, glad, cheerful, joyful… but nooo, today he was frustrated. It wasn't his fault that he was frustrated, lord no. It was all his Mukahi-senpai's fault… lord, forgive me and give me patience. Ohtori silently prayed but then, it was all lord's fault that he was in this mess. He really wished that murder wasn't illegal and frowned upon.

Atobe surveyed the tall junior, his mouth fighting not to smirk. He knew that Oshitari and Mukahi were up to something, because they seemed to be whispering together more than usual, which was saying a lot, he just wished that they would stop targeting the sane people. Hyoutei was running out of those.

Shishido was sitting on the grass, sneaking fleeting glances at Ohtori, he thought about beating Mukahi and Oshitari up for targeting his Ohtori…wait…his Ohtori? He shook his head free of the thought, Ohtori was a valuable doubles partner and was pretty sane, the sanest of Hyoutei. But he couldn't intervene, the dirty pair was obviously waiting for him to intervene, he wasn't going to fall into their traps…again. Nope, he wasn't going to fall into another trap, of course not.

"Ne Chotarou! This doesn't make sense, so Mary got pregnant without sleeping with god?"

"It was god's will Mukahi-senpai." Ohtori explained for what seemed like the hundredth time.

"Woah, God can impregnate a girl just by willing it?" Mukahi asked, excited.

"Probably, it's God!" Ohtori said, with a hint of impatience.

"Why is god called Christ?"

"It's his name, Mukahi-senpai."

"Why is his son called Jeeeee-suuus Christ?"

"Because he is!" Ohtori snapped then blushed at snapping, "Gomen…Senpai."

"Why do they call it a bible?"

"Because they felt like it?"

"But WHY?"

"Because they did."

"Who's they?"

"They people who wrote the bible?"

"…I don't get it."

Meanwhile, Atobe walked over to Oshitari, who leaning against a wall, watching the conversation with Mukahi and Ohtori with obvious enjoyment.

"Did you put him up to this?" Atobe asked.

"Me? Of course not, it was Gakuto's fault for taking the bait."

"And I suppose you put the bait?"

"Anyone could've taken it." Oshitari shrugged.

"And yet you were aiming to make Gakuto take it, is ore-sama correct?"

"It's always more interesting that way." Oshitari walked away, a hint of a smile on his face.

Going back to the evil acrobat and the junior who is losing his sanity pretty fast.

"So we all descended from Adam and Eve?"

"Uhh, I think?"

"But then, wouldn't that be incest?"

"Mukahi-senpai!" Ohtori blushed wildly.

"Yeah, isn't incest a sin?"

"Mukahi-senpai! Please!"

"So we're all going to hell…"

"I don't think…that's not…relevant…??"

"Who knew Gakuto had a brain?" Shishido remarked.

"He's smarter than he lets us believe," Oshitari smirked.

"Oh really…what's his mark in Psychology now?"

"He managed to raise it into a 23." Oshitari said.

"He knows that if he fails, he's not going to high school right?" Atobe stated.

"I'm sure Gakuto can manage it." Oshitari grinned.

"What IS Gakuto trying to do to Chotarou?" Shishido asked, feeling sorry for his doubles partner.

"Well, let's just say, he's trying to…take away Chotarou's…hm, façade."


"Oshitari, can you word that correctly?"

Ohtori made some excuse to go to his locker and Mukahi joined the other Regulars.

"I can't believe he is THAT nice!" Mukahi fumed, "At this rate I'll lose, I better save up some money…"

"I won't say I told you so." Oshitari said.

"ATOBEEEEEEE!!! Can I borrow 80, 000 yen?" Mukahi begged his buchou.


"Please Atobee, you're rich…aren't you? 80, 000 yen is like…a week's allowance for you." Mukahi persisted.

"Ore-sama's weekly allowance is twice that and no, ore-sama is not letting you borrow money. You need to learn to stop falling into Yuushi's traps."

"But…but…but…Chotarou is IMPOSSIBLE! He has no evil side!"

"Well you shouldn't have made the bet."

"Seriously Gakuto, you are so stupid." Shishido snorted.

"Shut up, this is none of your business!"

"Yuushi, didn't you say that you had to buy new headphones for your ipod and your parents confiscated your debit?" Atobe asked.

"Correct." Oshitari nodded.

"Yuushi! So you thought I was going to lose all along and tried to get 80, 000 from me?!?!?" Mukahi demanded.

"I suppose, if that's how you want to put it." Oshitari pushed up his glasses.

"Yuushi, that is sooo mean! We are so over!"

"We…begun??" Oshitari looked confused.

"Over as doubles partners!" Mukahi stomped away, but not before noticing a notebook fall from Oshitari's tennis bag.

"What's that?" Mukahi suddenly stopped.

"Nothing." Oshitari reached out to pick up the book but Mukahi already jumped down and got it.

"Give it back Gakuto."




"Mukahi!" Oshitari glare was bloodcurdling.

Mukahi managed to avoid the glare and opened the book, he read the words out loud.

"To get money for Headphones: Plan A: Make a bet against Mukahi about pissing Ohtori off, Shishido will stop Mukahi. Plan B: Make a bet against Shishido about beating Mukahi up, Ohtori will stop Shishido, get money. Plan C: Blackmail."

"You've got this all thought out haven't you Yuushi?" Atobe smirked.

"It's all part of the process." Oshitari shrugged.

"Were you planning on blackmailing ore-sama, ahhh?"

"You and the rest of the team." Oshitari smirked, then paused for a moment and said, "Chotarou will come by in a moment."

And sure enough, the tall junior pushed the heavy doors and timidly stepped out towards the regulars, warily watching Mukahi.

"CHOUTAROU!!!!!" Mukahi grinned and bounced towards his kouhai, apparently, he hasn't forgotten about the bet.

"Mu- Mukahi-senpai!"

"I was just wondering, if food is like God's flesh and wine is God's blood then wouldn't that be cannibalism?"

"It's only symbolic, Mukahi-senpai."

"But then why do they call it God's blood, why not just say SYMBOL of God's blood?"

"Because it is too long?"

"Why are there so many Saints?"

"Because God has a lot of supporters?"

"Mukahi, you're starting to sound like that idiot from Rokkaku." Atobe said and muttered something about disgrace, social class and acting more like his station.

"Shut up!" Mukahi, in fury, crashed into Atobe, sending them both to the ground.

The loud noise stirred a teenaged boy sleeping in the shade of a tree, the teenaged boy sat up, stretched and looked around. Upon seeing his team mates, he got up and dragged himself towards them, yawning widely as he did.

"…What are you doing?" Jirou asked.

"Aku- I mean Jirou-senpai." Ohtori knew how much Jirou disliked being called Akutagawa and therefore, referred to him as Jirou when the other schools weren't watching.

"Gakuto is being an idiot…again." Shishido muttered.

"Um, why is Gakuto on top of Atobe?" Jirou asked innocently.

"Oh…" Oshitari looked at his doubles partner, who was indeed in a very compromising position on top of the buchou of the prestigious Hyotei Gakuen Tennis Club.

"GET-OFF-OF-ORE-SAMA-THIS-INSTANT!" Atobe hissed at Mukahi. "KABAJI!"

"Usu." The giant lifted Mukahi up with one arm and dumped him into Oshitari's arms.

"ARGH!" Oshitari dropped Mukahi on the ground.

"Owwwww…." Mukahi rubbed his backside and dragged himself off the floor.

"Atobe, I understand trying to molest Jirou, but Gakuto too?" Shishido sniggered.


"I am not a disgrace! And if you molest me, Yuushi will kill you, ne Yuushi?"

"Most likely." Oshitari smirked.

"Anyways, back on topic…so Chotarou, if Jesus died, how did he come back to life?" Mukahi asked.

"It was god's will, Mukahi-senpai."

"God has a strong will." Mukahi declared.

"No kidding."

"I read the bible once…or tried, I got bored halfway and fell asleep." Jirou mumbled.

"You fall asleep through every book." Atobe pointed out.

"Except for one."

"Which one was that?"

"That one that buchou wrote." Jirou gave a sloppy grin.

"Ore-sama doesn't recall writing a book."

"Oh…never mind, that was supposed to be a secret." Jirou said.

"A SECRET?" Mukahi was interested now and took a moment of bothering Ohtori to stare at Jirou.

"Yeah…I think it was a journal or something."


"Yeah, it said a lot of weird things about…school and stuff…" Jirou said.

"What did it say?"

"If you ask one more question, I'll personally strangle you." Atobe glared at Mukahi.

"But I wanna know!"

"Gakuto…" Atobe was getting murderous. "Go back to bothering Ohtori."

"Okay fine! You just want to steal Jirou for yourself." Mukahi mumbled before turning back to Ohtori.

"Gakuto, stop bothering Chotarou." Shishido glared.

"If I stop now, I'll lose the bet! Where am I supposed to get 80, 000 yen?"

"Figure something out." Shishido shrugged.

"Why don't you?" Mukahi glared Ne Chotarou, so like, do you go to church everyday?"

"Only Sundays…"

"Do you hafta go to those weird confessing… thinger… booths?"



"But they're creepy!"

"Not really…?"

"Yes they are! And the priests give you this look, as if they expect you to do something bad!"


"And isn't homosexuality banned in Christianity? Then how are you and Shishido still…"

"We're not…" Ohtori blushed.

"Hey, don't pretend."

"I'm not…"

"So if god is all that, why are kids starving in Africa…?"

"I don't think-"

"And why is there child labour…"

"I'm not-"

"And if God knows what's going to happen to us, why bother letting us live?"

"This isn't-"

"Like, I don't get it."

"Shishido-san…" Ohtori glanced at Shishido for support.

"Stuff it, Mukahi."

"Make me!"

"I will!"

"Gakuto, don't cause more trouble for yourself, and Shishido, don't kill Gakuto." Atobe said.

"Yes Ryo, or I would have to hurt you too." Oshitari said.

"Well tell Gakuto to stop annoying the crap out of Ohtori!"

"I'm afraid that means cancelling our bet."

"Here we go again…" Atobe rolled his eyes and walked to where Jirou was lying under the tree, fast asleep…again…and laid down beside him. Sleep through it all and pretend it's another nightmare.


"Let's go Chotarou."


"You still owe me 80, 000 yen." Oshitari said calmly.



A/N: yeah, my stories are getting lamer, I'm thinking of doing a Atoji fluff, not sure if I should do it or not. And yeah, I'm going to write one about Mukahi and Oshitari's little junior…thing…that they did…when they were…juniors…yeah... and... the next one will be more interesting, don't worry, i already have the general plot down. I'm always writing these at like 1 after I've finished my homework so don't mind if it doesn't make much sense… sry

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