A Saturday Night Of Sorts
But keep your chin up, there's beauty in the breakdown.
Anisha walked out of the library, her bag strapped across her shoulder, the several books placed in there weighing her down slightly as she headed towards the Gryffindor Tower. She climbed the steps to the portrait hole and said the password to the faintly unaware Fat Lady, who had obviously been drinking. Anisha made a quick scan of the common room, which was packed, as she had expected. It was seven in the evening of a very animated Saturday, and for some reason everyone seemed to be in good spirits. This bothered Anisha, and hearing little second years laugh hysterically every few minutes at their pathetic jokes wasn't exactly doing wonders to her already foul mood.
She found herself a seat in the crowded common room and took out a book to read. She had only recently realised what an escape it was to get lost into someone else's life, hence a bit of fiction. She looked around the room, everyone was emerged into their own little thing, she suddenly felt like she didn't belong here, as if she didn't fit in at the place where she had spent nearly seven years of her life. She shoved the book in her bag and rushed up the stairs to her dormitory, she didn't care that there would be people there that she didn't want to see, she just wanted a bit of peace, something that had been very hard to find lately.
To her relief, the seventh year dormitory was empty; she hurried towards her bed, and drew the hangings around it. She laid still on her bed, head on pillow, and shoes still on, panting slightly. Tears were brimming her eyes. She wondered how she had got here. On a Saturday night, all alone on her bed, no one she could talk to, anger and hatred and sadness all in one taking over. She used to be part of the crowd, best friends with Lily and Fiona, excelling in her schoolwork, secretly crushing on Remus but believing that feeling to be mutual. She kicked her shoes off and pulled her knees upwards so they hugged her chest. She began to cry softly.
She wanted it back. She wanted it all back. That sense of security, knowing there would always be someone she could talk to, someone she could turn to, someone she could stay up late and eat ice cream with, someone who would just always be there. She wanted to be able to walk into a classroom and feel a rush of belonging, as she'd hurry towards her best friends to share the latest gossip, or to discuss the new wizard on the Witch Weekly cover. She wanted to be able to look at Lily and Fiona and not feel the hatred that she did.
She knew if she went up to them and apologised, they could be friends again, or perhaps she merely hoped, as who in their right mind would actually take her back for doing what she had done and was planning on doing? She suddenly didn't like herself anymore. There was no point of it. No point of any of it. She had lost everything, and with revenge there was nothing more to gain, perhaps some personal satisfaction but nothing more. But… she was too far-gone to turn back, she couldn't just turn back or her threats would seem empty, she would lose face along with everything else she had lost.
She pressed her face against her pillow and cried into it. She was going in circles. There was no way out. No way out at all.
'I hate this so much,' sighed Lily. Her head was leaning on James' shoulder, her fingers entwined with his as she stared at them.
'Erm, you can move then Lils,' he said, his voice giving away his unneeded hurt.
Lily turned to look at him quizzically and then laughed lightly, and quickly kissed him on the lips, 'I didn't mean this you idiot,' she said pointedly, 'This – is great. I hate, everything else that's going on. I hate having to sit here with suspense, and not knowing what's going to happen.'
'It'll be okay,' said James, though he didn't know how much truth there was in what he was saying, he rubbed her arm gently, 'Trust me, it will.'
Lily sighed again and freed her fingers from his, she brushed her hair back and rested her head in her hands, 'You don't know that,' she said, 'And it's absolutely great that you're trying to be positive and reassuring James, but it's bullshit and you know it. Whatever happens, the end result is not going to be pleasant. There isn't going to be a happily ever after. I'll still have lost my best friend.'
James nodded, he put his arm around her and she placed her head on his chest gratefully, 'Of course there isn't going to be a happily ever after, this is life. Leave that stuff to the storybooks Lils. And right now, our story hasn't ended. You'll have lost your best friend, but try and think of it this way; you're better off without a person like that in your life. And the end result won't be pleasant, but we can move on from it. We'll make it work somehow. And just for the record Lils, at the end of the day, we're still Marauders, we may be lost on ideas now, but we aren't going to let that psychotic bitch ruin our friend's life. Or ours for that matter, I'm not so keen on going to Azkaban. Either way, we're going to make sure our secret doesn't get out, whatever it takes,' he finished.
Lily pulled away from him, she opened her mouth to argue but James put a finger on it, 'Whatever it takes Lily,' he said.
'That's unbelievably scary James,' said Lily, looking a little shocked.
'Look,' James sighed, 'I didn't mean it like that. Well, I kind of did. I don't mean we're going to like – go all Death Eater on her arse, but we're going to have to do something, you know? Plus, Sirius is going to talk to her, we'll sort this out.'
'I guess,' Lily nodded uncertainly, she groaned quietly and put her head on James' chest once more, 'when did it get so complicated? It's like all the fun has gone, and we've suddenly become adults.'
James played with her hair, hearing the reality in what she had said, before they had had time to say goodbye to childhood, they had become adults. Soon they would be leaving school, out into the real world, where it would get more complicated then they could imagine. The time had gone so fast, he suddenly didn't want to let any of it go, he held on to Lily, the only thing that was bringing him comfort.
Kate wrapped her scarf around her neck and pulled her woolly hat over her head, her hair covering one of her eyes as usual. There was an hour left before curfew, and she felt like having some alone time, although Merlin knew she'd got enough of that. Things had changed though. Sirius. Kate smiled to her reflection in the mirror. Her heart fluttered, just like it always did when she thought of him. She still had her doubts, she wondered constantly what his motives were, why he was paying any attention to her of all people, but she was trying this thing where she wouldn't worry too much, whatever that was meant to happen, would happen, so there was really no point.
She was clutching her sketchbook in her right hand as she walked towards the Great Lake, to the tree that she usually sat under as she drew. She felt relieved that the weather wasn't as frightfully cold as she had expected. She started to draw, and when she did, she just forgot about everything else. When she drew, it was like the whole world around her ceased to exist. It was just she, the parchment, and the quill in her hand, whatever went on the background she didn't hear, because she would get so absorbed in her drawing.
She finally stopped drawing and looked at her finished piece, something she'd been drawing a lot lately, sunshine, coming out from clouds. She smiled at it and leant her head against the tree. Everything would be all right. She could feel it.
Everything was screwed up. Sirius dropped his head in his hands. He growled with frustration and kicked his bed. Only resulting in pain to his foot.
'Who's going to talk to Anisha?'
'Well I thought that was obvious, you of course.'
It was all up to him. Being dangerous and calm at the same time. He'd give his friends what they wanted; he'd sort this out. It was the only thing that could be done. He had to talk to Anisha before it got anymore out of hand. And then he had to talk to Kate. It was all once again, getting too much to handle. He reminisced back to the start of year, care free; the only thing they worried about was whether or not James and Lily would get together. And now here they were, not even halfway through the school year. Already, Hogsmeade trips had been cancelled, Death Eater attacks, curfew earlier than normal, and of course, they could possibly be going to Azkaban.
He sighed and put a hand through his hair; he took his jacket off and fell on his bed. He wasn't going to do anything right now. It was too overwhelming. Putting a pillow on his face, he shut his eyes and tried to think about a better time, and pictured himself holding hands with Kate as she listened shyly to him talk about random stuff.
Fiona and Remus were catching up on homework. Their workload more than it usually was with it being so close to the NEWTs. Every few minutes Fiona would glance up to just have a look at Remus; she'd smile at the crease between his brows, as he'd frown at something he'd written. Fiona sighed at her almost finished Transfiguration essay, and leant her head back against the armchair. She looked around and grinned as she saw a blond girl laugh loudly at the boy she had just beaten at Wizard Chess. She stopped abruptly as she looked back down to the essay in her hands. She rolled her eyes; she couldn't believe she was doing homework on a Saturday night. Remus was rubbing off on her.
Remus looked up and smiled at her, and then carried on scribbling furiously. She shut her eyes as she remembered her usual Saturday nights, the three of them would go to the kitchens and grab some of their favourite caramel ice cream, then they'd sneak back to their dorm and stay up chatting about all sorts of things till well into the night. So that's what it had come to, just reminiscing.
'Knut for your thoughts?' Remus interrupted, looking at her with a slightly concerned look.
She grinned, 'You cheapskate, you better be offering more than that,' she laughed.
His face immediately broke into a wide smile, 'You just looked far away,' he said apologetically. 'What are you thinking about?'
She opened her mouth, almost beginning to tell Remus about the 'reminiscing', but shut it hastily as she realised Remus would probably have enough on his plate without listening to her drone on about how she missed the old days, she waved her hand casually, 'Nothing of great importance,' she said. She pointed to her essay with a sarcastic smile, 'Let's get cracking, shall we?'
He nodded uncertainly, and bent his head to recheck his work. Sian sighed and rubbed her eyes. As happy as she was being with Remus, she couldn't shake the feeling off that it wouldn't last. That the worst was yet to come. She turned around to look at the blond girl once more, who looked so untroubled as she laughed softly for a second time, the boy across from her talking energetically. She shook her head to herself.
So young, she thought sadly, with no idea of what's waiting for them outside, or what anyone else is going through.
She rolled her eyes at herself inwardly as she grasped the fact that she sounded astonishingly depressing. She shook these thoughts off her, turning to concentrate to her essay once more. Use the negative energy on the stupid essay, Fiona, she thought.
He pulled his robes tighter around him as a slight breeze came in through one of the open classroom windows. Peter sat there alone, having wandered in there after a detention with Filch for being caught throwing a Trip jinx towards Sirius in the corridors. He glimpsed out the window and saw Hagrid's hut looking quite small to him, the light was still on inside the hut and Peter could see Hagrid's giant shadow move around every now and then.
He turned away; he was sitting on one of the tables, his legs tracing the floor beneath. He kicked a chair and it toppled over making banging sound, he looked up, expecting someone to walk inside and tell him off but no one came. He shook his head to himself; no one would care where he was anyway.
He suddenly felt ashamed for thinking so; he knew he had three of the best friends he could ever have. He guessed he was just making it seem like they didn't care because it was easier. It was easier to imagine that they didn't give a rat's arse what he did because it lessened the guilt he had to live with.
He shuddered as he remembered the meetings he was having in the Forbidden Forest. He didn't want it to happen this way, he hadn't told Malfoy that his friends, himself included, were animagus. At least he hadn't done that. But Anisha probably would now. He gulped involuntarily. What had he gotten them into?
Life has a way of turning on you. Everything seems to be going all right, and then all of a sudden, you crash, and everything around you seems to fall.
It goes dark around you and you can't seem to find the light. You stumble and you trip and collide into the things around you. You wave your arms in front of you, trying to figure out what's going on. You shout and you plead, but no one seems to hear you. You feel like you're slipping off the edge. A mere thread connects you from your greatest fall.
You falter to a corner, silent tears fall down your face and you think desperately.
Somebody save me.
Author's Note: The first update in probably ten months. And it's my shortest chapter. I deeply apologise. I had no inspiration for this story whatsoever, and then out of the blue, BAM! I wanted to write another chapter to it. I know nothing major happened, and for this as well, I apologise. I just felt it would be good if I just had like a scene where everyone just ponders over what's been going on.
Anyway, I've been working on 'Just Friends' during the time I haven't been writing this, and it's been going really well. I've posted 6 chapters and already I have 100 reviews! I'm so pleased.
Also with this, I've had some great response in the past with this story.
Well, do leave me your thoughts, if there's any Twilight fans reading this, what did you think of Breaking Dawn? I personally loved it, although there were some bits that could have been done differently. I know it's had an overwhelming negative reactions, it's a pity really.
On the other hand, I start school in five days, my last year. I'm excited, nervous and kind of sad. And kind of not looking forward to it. GCSE's. ARGHH! dies, is resurrected within seconds
Please leave reviews! You know how much they mean. And if you're feeling extra nice, check out 'Just Friends'!
Love you all.